[Savannahjade93]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 16 after beig admitted into a hospital following a suicide attempt. I don't like to share this experience with anyone because if you knew me in real life you'd know I don't like to admit that I'm sick or weak. I stopped taking my medicine after I realized I couldn't cry anymore. I've realized as I've aged, I'm now 20, I think I like to be sad. I got married at the age of 18(young I know) and I'm still with my husband, he's a great guy. Shortly after we found out I was pregnant and I was ecstatic, although I knew things would be tough he had a great job and I was starting school and work and I just knew a baby would bring me the love and joy I longed for. A few months into the pregnancy I mysteriously started bleeding and soon after miscarried. This devastated me. I remember asking god what I had done wrong to deserve this pain and why my baby didn't deserve to live. I'll never understand why this happened but I've come to accept that things happen and we can't change them we can just learn to accept them, become stronger and move on. My mother has always been my rock and she became very sick and had her foot amputated my senior year of high school. She was in the hospital so she couldn't even attend my graduation. Throughout all this my weight has fluctuated. Being on the heavie side depressed me even further. Until recently I was doing great with my weightloss and thought my goal weight was in the near future...until my dad was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. It's Like one blow after another. Ive gained nearly 10 pounds this month from emotional eating and I just don't know what to do. I'm an emotional wreck. I leave work early at least a few days a week and I just feel like everything is falling apart. Someone please offer advice...

[IsabellaOlivia]

Never ever stop taking your medication on your own! Always discuss medication with a doctor. With bipolar especially, Litium, I don't know if that was your medication (?) but you can cause serious problems stopping it abruptly.

I don't know if you're receiving therapy or any type of medication, but bipolar is a life long condition, and you can have a good life while being bipolar, however you have to manage the symptoms. You need to talk to a therapist and you need to call your GP and discuss medication.

Also, no "you don't like being sad" that is the depression side of bipolar speaking. It's not the the real Savannah Jade that thinks those things. What you are thinking, feeling and expericing right now is the depression manifesting itself, it's not the genuine you.

[ADL]

First of all, I don't know if you are seeing a psychiatrist but I would recommend you see a licensed profession to address your issues. Second of all congratulations on getting into the 140's, that is an AMAZING accomplishment!. That being said the thing I would most recommend is so take things one at a time. You listed a whole bunch of issues, but let's break it down. I assume that your career and being there emotionally for your parents is at the top of your list. It seems to me (sorry but I have to make assumptions in order to try and help - let me know if i'm right) like these responsibilities are causing you fear and depression. This same energy that you are channeling into fear and depression you can channel into doing something productive. I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel sad over your experiences, but for example, when you feel a negative emotion, put that energy into doing something extra for your parents as opposed to eating. I know that my troubles don't come near to yours, but let me give you an example from my own life of "channeling negative emotion." I am also depressed because I got married in college and neither my husband or I can find a job. Both our parents and my grandparents are supporting us but we both still feel shame at having to accept this money. It started getting very hard for me to diet because I felt so upset about this all the time...until one day when I realized that doing things for my mom made me feel better. I love my mom and would have spent time with her no matter what but I started to do little things that I would not have even thought to do otherwise like helping her organize her house (it is VERY cluttered and she is terrible at organization), helping her drive carpool or cooking dinner for the family some nights (she also hates to cook and loves my cooking). Once I channeled my negative energy into something productive I felt MUCH better about my situation. Also, don't be afraid to do something for yourself once in a while. You are only 20, despite what your parents are going through you need to also take care of your own happiness because being happy is part of being a healthy person. Again I don't mean to sound insensitive and I do not know what it is like to have a parent diagnosed with cancer, but it just seems to me that when your depression is affecting your daily life it is something that really needs to be worked on. I hope this helps, please let me know how things turn out and I wish you all the best

[Tesalyn]

I can totally understand not wanting to be emotionally numb on medication, but it might be that stopping the medication wasn't the best option. Trying a different one might be better. I am not sure if this is universally true, but my impression from what I have read is that bipolar is very difficult to manage without a mood stabilizer ( I could be wrong though). Other than that, try to remember to take care of yourself and not be too hard on yourself. Emotional eating is totally understandable under the circumstances. You can turn it around when you are ready. I hope things get better soon. Take care.