Thanks for starting the new chat. We all knew we should have but no one else bothered. Sorry about your friend but it's good that you can let her go hopefully just until she comes around.

Thanks for the nice comments about my girl...

I'm hoping I will still be able to get the tattoo, I got a small bonus at work, we got a waterwise dual flush toilet on sale that my mom paid us back for. I only asked for half of it but she gave me the whole thing. They own the house but we haven't paid rent in months . I'm so ashamed. Even more so to use some of it (80) for something like a tattoo. But I'm trying to tell myself that I deserve it. I work, I got the bonus and dammit I deserve something.

Right?

And at the same time I just want to curl up and cry.

Aunty...you are working so hard... I am sure that your parents know that, and that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Most likely that feeling is because of your depression and not based in the reality of what you are doing. You are working hard. I think you should get your tattoo. I think you need the lift in your spirits and it will be a reminder to you whenever you look at it that you are worth it. You do deserve a treat...you can do this.

Raven-just a quickie cause I dont have time to do a big post but about the situation with your friend. It is hard dealt with that about a year ago and did the grieving. we are now talking again and somewhat better but now going thru this with my first foster girl....and its very hard to talk and be kind without letting them "in" I am trying to find balance cause if I left her back in my heart would be shred to pieces every other day by her words and actions. I had decided I had to take the knife out and hand it back then walk away. By walking away doesnt mean I dont love her anymore cause I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART. But my human heart can not take it anymore. I had to delete her off fb and I still am kind to her when I see her but no long chats or convos cause that is not gaurding myself. I dont know if that helps or not but I am still dealing with it now and its such a long messy story....ugh

Ok I will post more tonight!!!!
Personally I kinda forgot it was nov n just kept checking oct's...LOL

At the shop right now waiting for it to be drawn. Kinda nervous, this will be my first. Glad I got here early, there's 7 people behind me now.

Aunty!!! How goe's the tattoo Woman?! I hope it turned out awesome!!! Woo hoo!

Mom...thanks so much for the kindness... This situation is a little out of the ordinary because she was diagnosed with SchizoAffective Disorder with strong paranoia. They put her on meds but she refused to continue with them when she got out. Now, her delusions are getting worse...I think her anger with me is mainly because she sees me as not helping her get back her children and not helping her leave her situation. I can't really tell her that I believe her diagnosis and that it is good for her not to have her young children so I just try to talk about other things. The problem is...I see why she would be upset...I just can't do anything about it. And she lives clear across the country...

I am feeling better today though. DH and I went to dinner last night and saw Tower Heist! It was so great to step back, take a breath and talk to each other, we have been so busy this past week.

Ooh! My instructor didn't email me back...she just posted the question to the forum sometime yesterday! Argh!!! I finished the assignment but it was like 20 mins late for the time zone that the board is in... I am trying to get a hold of my counselor but haven't had any luck.

Now...I just finished my coffee...catching up on last night's episode of Dexter... I have laundry to do...need to change the sheets and sweep and mop the bathroom floor. I need to call the parental units...possibly my other friend if I have time and be ready to hit the gym about one! Woo hoo! I think I am going to try a few minutes on the stairclimber thingie...I couldn't stay on it more than a couple of minutes the last time. Wish me luck!!!

Good morning Chickies!!! Have a steaming cup of the beverage of your choice! Find the beauty in whatever is around you at the moment and take one really long deep breath...I recommend a good stretch if you have a minute too!

Love ya!

~Raven~

sorry to hear about your friend raven you have given it a try and as hard as it is to let someone carry on doing there own thing some times it is for the best if they aint going to sort things out with you or discuss it properly.

Ok.... I wanted to share this with you guys. It ended up being way bigger then I had originally planned. The original fundraiser stated it would be the size of a deck of cards.... well, she drew it up and I don't know if I was caught up in the moment or what but I said "Go big or go home!" and got it done. It's still covered by normal clothes and it still is a nice tatt... I've been going back and forth about the size thing all day. Oh well, it's too late now! LoL

I felt bad that I couldn't give her more then the $80 minimum, I saw a lot of people were giving $100 and up But even the $80 was a stretch for us. She gave it ALL to the humane society... ended up giving them $1200!

Btw... it's hard to tell but the crown is pink, she was such a princess, so demanding!!!

(Oh.. Raven - That's a pretty harsh diagnosis, must be tough to deal with... and I LOVE Dexter! Don't get to watch it much though )

Aunty!!! Wow!!! What a great tattoo!! You look awesome Girl!!! Don't feel bad about the money...I am sure the artist can understand your situation...they are donating their time...obviously they are a compassionate person.

Well, I did absolutely nothing I had planned yesterday! I curled up on the couch and vegged all day! Ugh! But that means I truly have to get moving today! And I have to run because it is Tuesday which means yoga and Body Pump so I will have to catch up with you lovelies later!!

Hope you are all smiling!! If you aren't...try it...even if it is a fake one! I read a study that says just the act of smiling can affect your mood even if it is fake at first!! It must be the fake it til you make it thing!!!

OMG! Dexter was mindblowing!!! I don't know what you have watched so I don't want to ruin it for you but wow!!!!

Love you all!!!

~Raven~

How pathetic is this. I'm skipping agility, sitting on the couch with a bored high energy dog on each side and thinking that they deserve a better owner then me. I haven't done water changes on my fish tanks in almost 2 weeks, **** I haven't even fed them today. Just pathetic on top of pathetic in more ways then one.

so much to address!! first..because I'm visual ...CONGRATS ON THE TAT!! that looks SOOO great!! you deserve it and what a nice way to honor your princess! Are you feeling better today??? i sure hope so

Ravengirl - what great posts from you! and yes thank you for taking the step for November, lol. So sorry about your friend!! that is so tough. You are doing what you can, chick!!

It is pretty rare in Vermont for us to have this mild weather but I have been on my motorcycle 4 times this month already, and today is s'posed to be 'record breaking warm' of like 60 to 65!! and sunny!! I have to do a few things in the car and then I'm on the bike no particular destination.

We might possibly take a mini vacay in January, to Arizona! Its' my DH's work related. A trade show, but we've never been west of the Mississippi and it should be WARM there in January! I'm using this as my motivation to STOP EATING CRAP or if not crap then JUST STOP EATING WHEN I'M NOT HUNGRY!

well I got 2 more boxes of books to take to the Re-Use Center, I'm keeping up with my 2 Boxes A Week Out of the House promise, woohoo.
to everyone!

Okay! Dammit! I had a bunch of stuff typed out and the computer ate it!!! Hate it when that happens!!

First! Aunty!!! Okay, those dogs love you...they are warm...well fed...and loved back... That is much more than a lot of dogs have...believe me...I have seen it! The depression is the bad guy here not you...remember that...Now if I was there I would take your pups out for you so you wouldn't feel that kind of guilt... Maybe you have a friend that you trust that would take them for a walk until you feel better... Or..you might try baby steps and just take them on a short walk...get yourself a little air and blood flow...what do you think?

To the lovely Ems! Thanks so much for the kind words...I have done as much as I could do...I know that now...

Mom...so sorry you have shared a somewhat similar experience...I hope your friend and you are doing better now and that you are feeling awesome...I know that you are so busy these days but I wanted you to know that you are in our thoughts all the time.

Holly! You awesome biker chick you! So glad you are getting some road time! That has got to make you feel good! And the clutter too! Awesome job!! I know what you mean about eating the junk... Monday was a totally off day for me as well as a slugfest. Not as bad as some days but definitely not good! The thing is...now I can't handle certain things like I used to and it gives me indigestion for days! Ugh!!!

I am feeling really good today!! Yesterday was insane like I told you it would be! Made it to yoga...very yummy...made it to Body Pump...pushed myself and am now stiff and sore...not so yummy...but satisfying!!! I had a good eating day and I managed to get the sheets changed, some laundry done, and called the parents! Just missed the bathroom floor...maybe today! I am taking my vitamins again...and fish oil...ewww fish burps! (Even when the bottle says it won't!) I got some shopping done and a Xmas present for DH.

Ugh...the car needs more work...ouch...more than we anticipated...pffft...
My Dad had his scan done on Monday and should find out the results soon..a little scared... DH has his scan next month...always nervewracking...

Well, I need to get some homework started but I want to do some stretching first...maybe use my foam roller to make myself scream awhile...

So...breathe...smile...drink yummy warmness...love your loved ones....

~Raven~

I just love reading Ravengirl's posts!!!

Awww...thanks Holly! And just the sight of your cool avatar pix makes me smile! Hey, cliche' question but do you watch Sons of Anarchy? It is my favorite show and I am just going to rant a little bit about the direction that the show is taking!!! AAAAHHH!!! We tivo it on Tuesday night and then watch it on Wed after DH gets home from work...(he makes me promise not to watch it without him!!) Last night was just so horrible!!! The turn the show is taking is brutal!! I am actually rooting for a previously loved character to die!!! (Totally out of character for me!!)

Anyways!!! Yesterday I got more stuff done...still no bathroom floor...oops!! But, I got my tired, sore, just wanna read my book butt off the couch yesterday and dragged it to the gym! Yay me!!! I give most of the credit to DD, she actually wanted to go... I ended up for an hour on the treadmill...I even did short bursts of slow jogging! I was totally drenched when we left...I felt awesome. Now, I am pretty sore and my bad knee is slightly sore so I will have to baby it a bit...this morning is yoga...snack...Body Pump...snack...(love my snacks!!! lol!) and then I actually have to do my homework!!! AAAHH!!! It is due today!!! Did I say AAAHHHH!!! Oh yeah...I did!

So! I am drinking my mint green tea...watching last nights Criminal Minds and I have to do some banking crap so I have to run... But...I wanted to breeze in here...spread the positivity and let you all know that I wish you a beautiful day!!!

Love all you lurkers too...I know you are out there...there is hope...you can feel better....

~Raven~