see, how can anyone not be uplifted by Ravengirl's infectious positivity!

I just started watching SOA this year. OMG, the last couple episodes were horribly violent weren't they! my chef boss asked me this summer, if I watched it, and if I thought it was realistic. I laughed, and said, 'well it might be , but I don't hang with the types of bikers who deal with drug and gun sales, and turf wars' We raise money for scholarships and give toys to Shriners' Hospitals!

Ravengirl, remind me please, what illness your DH has (had?) for the scan? I'm sorry I don't remember

I had 2 great days off. The bookcase that I've been going through is finally showing a bit of difference, in that I have taken out almost A HUNDRED books. Now there are a few spaces and the books look more relaxed not so tightly crammed. there is hope...

...but then I look at a different area and see more work to be done..it's been a challenge NOT to let myself get discouraged as I always used to. I'd get discouraged even before starting. At least now I have started!

Did yard work yesterday (we have had unbelievably mild weather for Vermont standards) and it looks so much better. So I rewarded myself with a ride Then when I got home it was still nice out so i cut the grass, hopefully for the last time!! usually we have a sprinkling of snow by now!

I still can't stick to a regulated amount of calories...darn!!! I've been working out every day but that is just something I have to do to beat aging.

Been using my Happy Light every day and taking my Wellbutrin every night.

thanks again Ravengirl and HELLO to everyone else!!

Well, actually it looks like rain...it is cold and I am bundled up in my favorite flannel shirt with a lovely cup of spice tea and that makes it a fabulous day for me!

Holly!! OMG!!! You CANNOT judge Sons from this season! Yikes! You have to go back and watch the past ones to get the picture! If I were to come into Sons this season I would be going WTF is this s**t! Clay and Gemma have always been a ruthless couple and have had various skirmishes...sometimes a tiny bit violent even...but NEVER has anything like what happened this week go down!!! They have always had the sweetest true love relationship on the whole show and I do not know what Kurt Sutter (the guy in control) is thinking! The only explanation I can think of is that Ron Perlman (Clay) has decided that he wants to leave the show, he is a busy guy after all and has a pretty nice size movie career too. I was thinking maybe they had to villainize Clay so that there wouldn't be a fan backlash when he was killed (because let's face it, that is the only way he can leave the show) I know that it has worked for me because after he killed Piney I was upset...but still going...okay...he is trying to protect club interests...but then when he lied to Gemma and continued the hit on Tara I was starting to feel less than thrilled with him...then after this week when he beat Gemma that was IT! I wanted his head!!! Done! Finished!!! I think that may be what they intended us to feel...great job if that is true. Now I think it will most likely be Gemma pulling the strings and Jax taking care of Clay. It would be poetic anyway since he killed Jax's Dad and ordered the hit on Opie which ended up killing Ope's wife and then tried to have Tara killed. It is really sad to me to see Clay's character turned so evil. Believe me...the love between Gemma and Clay used to be something of a romance novel...it is sad that that has been destroyed...

Sorry! Sons of Anarchy is a bit of a passion of mine. I almost got to meet Charlie Hunnam a few months ago...we stood in line for a long time but he had to go just before we got up there to get our turn...ARGH! DH did manage to get my copy of Men's Fitness signed for me!!! He reached past a bunch of crazed horny women for me!!! Awwww...lol Charlie is an incredibly sweet person...he was taking his time and really talking to people...wonderful for them...unfortunate for me!!!

DH had a brain tumor removed over 4 years ago...he is doing incredible but we still have to have him checked... Most of the time we do pretty good with things...the scans always make us a little tense until we get the good news!

Body Pump went well!! I even increased some weight and added the weight bar to my squats and lunges for the first time... DH is home today but DD & I are still hitting the gym this afternoon and I think I will see if my knee can take the stair climber for awhile... Eating and work outs have been awesome...no movement on the scale...frustrating but ultimately I am feeling fabulous so don't care as much as I used to!

I leave you with my bliss moment from yesterday... Sometimes you just have a moment so perfect it freezes in your mind. I was in yoga class (which is exceedingly peaceful for me...I have a great studio) One of my favorite songs was playing and we were winding down with leg stretches and a spinal twist...the last few seconds of the song was playing and I was looking out the window...luxuriating in the stretch...looking at the beautiful blue sky with the wispy lines of clouds...when a big beautiful raven began to circle lazily in my line of sight...just gliding...glistening black against the turquoise blue sky...when the song finished so was he and it was time to switch to the other direction...a perfect moment of kismet...if I would have been facing the other direction I never would have seen him...Beautiful...

Find the beauty Ladies...

~Raven~

HAD the worst flipping day I have had in a long time....tom came and just made a mess...I wanna scream and punch walls and all my work went out the window when I ate a late lunch...Im not in the mood for my foster daughter crap tonight.. everytime i just chit chat with her shes like i dont care or i dont know what your talking about...so I just stopped talking I am tired of feeling stupid talking to her and listening to it...she wanted me to take her to the mall i was like sorry I cant. Then my other foster daughter that is 18 and screwed me over the day after i drover 3 hours to get her now wants me to take her back 3 hours cause she is going to be in trouble with court...I told her to ask the lady she went to live with. She didnt wanna stay with me because I wouldnt let her run the streets and party and pop pills so she is staying with a lady that talks about me and hates me....i am done with their games....I now have a sick kid and the insurance is still a month and half later playing games they dont have the right papers when they told me they had everything two weeks ago...I AM DONE...Drinking a pepsi which I havent had in months...used to be my go to thing......AHHHHHH

sorry for the vent i hope everyone else is having a great day!!!

Ohh Mom!!! So sorry about your day! I really hope you are feeling better! Everyone has those kinds of feelings and days now and then. And your life is so stressful and chaotic that you have more than your share. I am sending you a huge hug...

I am sorry this is a fly by but I have a ton of stuff to do!!! So busy!!! I will catch you all up when I have more time!!!

Sending good stuff your way!!! Always!!! OOOH!!! And I did a 70 second plank yesterday!!! Woo hoo!!!

~Raven~

Thanks Raven!!! I have TRIED to make today a good day....Its hard when its life but if I constantly allow things to make me grumpy then I will go thru life wishing I had made more of what I have! Did my coupons!!! Got some proGlide Razors for like $2 Normally $20 for both! Some other little stuff! Did the gym...If I can just eat right. Which my adhd meds help with appetite yesterday I took them first in a week and I didnt really care if I ate lunch or not so That is good. Adhd has side affects of compulsive eating (if that makes sense) Like there is no self control!

Ok on to doing school!!!!

hello! first, to momof4 - I wish the kids that you care so much about, would stop giving you such a hard time but they are so mixed up, that is why you care so much for them. Wishing you strength to deal!

Ravengirl - that moment of bliss that you described, that was stunning!

we've had more incredibly mild weather (for this area). So I got to ride to work again today so far I've ridden HALF the days of the month of November which is unheard-of.

Well I have been working out consistantly but still over eating big time. and I have this spare tire around my hips, ugh!! I'm so self-conscious at work, where my bosses are known to comment about weight gain, the jerks. Early this spring I was able to take hold of myself and eat right and I lost about 7 pounds. I .. just ...can't ... seem ... to ... do it! even with a set time goal - we are probably going to AZ in January, first for business for DH and then we are going to rent motorcycles to ride!! So I want to feel good...which I don't now.

But I guess the good news is I've not had any serious sad days in a long time just the ordinary 'ugh I hate how I look and am embarassed' every day feeling.

Vermont I am having the same problem I am working hard in the gym but cant seem to eat right. Do you have a facebook?? Yes I don't know somehow I am able to love these girls thru their issues but it doesnt mean it makes it easier! lol!!

Raven-A 70SECOND PLANK ARE YOU CRAZYYYYY!!! I could barely do a 30 sec last week. I did 30 second on 30 second off...like 3 or 4 of them. BUT the teen girls I was with couldnt keep up so they switched off...made me feel good!!!! LOL

hey girls hope your all doing ok im doing ok i got a pre op assessment next week and a scan hopefully il geta date for the laparoscopy when i got for pre op. I have been abit stressed and high rate lately and i found out imhaving to much thyroxine and that can cause it but gp is not reducing it until i have op. xxx

Hello Peeps!!! Sorry!!! Fly by again this morning!!! Soooo busy!!! Getting ready to fly out the door to Body Pump!!! AAAHH!!! At least I feel pretty stretched and loose from yoga this morning! Thanks Mom! My instructor wants me doing a 3 minute plank!!!! AAHH!!! DD beat me by about 10 secs or so. Busy weekend! Busy day! I have to get my homework assignment turned in after class and I am just getting started!!!

Thanks Holly! It was a great moment...one of those perfect ones!!
Ems! So sorry to hear about the stress and the surgery! Sending all my healing energy your way...hope your recovery is fast and easy!!!

Love ya Chickies!!

~Raven~

Hey lady's Sorry to hear about all yall stress and heart aches. I have been stressed and have lot pressure on me to find a job. I stay home day in and day out got no where to go. My bf has the car and works so I get to stay home be bored, do school online, and have those I eat everything in the house depressed moments. I have been up and down with my weight and it just so stressful. I can't wait till Sunday hope wind ain't to bad to I can go flying. I am into RC and it is my stress reliever. I have a math test due sunday and ain't even started to study for it. I just can't seem to get motivated this semester glad my grade ain't reflecting my mood.

I really wanted to go to the premiere of braking dawn tonite but that didn't happen I really want to go this weekend but we don't have the money. I really need a nite out of this house.

My bf don't like to do things I do. He thinks that what I like is stupid and hurts me that he ain't into doing things with me. I love him and he here for me but the way he is negative he thinks it suppose to help me loose weight by making fun of my fat but it don't it makes me depressed and then I till I throw up. I literally eat till I'm so full that my body makes me throw up. I tell him that I have lost a pound and all he says it where . He not a bad person he just thinks that is him helping me.

I just wish he would give me more positive support and want to go out to places and do things that I like to do because he loves me.

Instead of eating till I throw up I need to work out till I can't move from a butt kicking workout.

hello chicks, ems sorry to hear of your stress and welcome countrybarbie! I wish your bf didn't make fun of your weight loss, sometimes guys say the dumbest things when they think they're being funny, or think they're being helpful. Do you have any interest in doing workouts at home, with dvds or videotapes?

I know alot of you identify with the BLAH-ness that our house clutter gives us. And I can let a section go for YEARS without change, until something clicks and then I am able to attack it. I have attacked an upstairs bookcase..I have removed hundreds of books in a couple weeks, and it looks SO much better. The bookcase looks 'relaxed' instead of stressed! lol. Now..I can maybe move a little rolltop desk that is in living room, and cramming the place up, to a spot upstairs, since I cleared enough books to combine some other things together. Progress...!!!

I've had 2 days completely on program with eating. About 1200 calories each day. I need to keep that up..for two months!! wish me luck I didn't cave even yesterday,when I came home from work and 2 customers were such jacka**es to me. I wanted to have 1 or 3 of those delicous Seagrams bottled drinks, and I wanted some of the ice cream and cookies DH brought home..but I didn't!!

I decided to come join this chat because I think you guys will be more understanding.

I would love to talk with my friends and family about this but I think it would be too uncomfortable for everyone and it might just make things worse.

Backstory: In late 2008/early 2009 I was diagnose with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It was a diagnosis that wasn't shocking with my history but since apparently they don't like to diagnose minors with the disorder because it often reflects teen angst. I had been a cutter for 8 years (haven't cut since March 17, 2009 yay!). I was hospitalized 8 times for mental illness related crap, usually suicide attempts. In December 1, 2008 I was committed by the state. I was release at the end of January but I was still technically committed and under watch. In March, after a bad suicide attempt that nearly hurt others (crashed my car into the median on the highway) I was placed into the state psychiatric hospital until the end of July 2009. It was a huge dramatic fiasco and my friends and family were all witnesses to it.

I've been doing great for the past 2 years and been completely stable and happy and I love life. But the issue is lately I've been struggling with compulsions and impulses that aren't cool. I keep visualizing cutting or being incredibly ill. I think what brought it on was that earlier in the week I was in the ER for medical reasons and I think that sparked memories of other times I've been there. I can't talk to my family about because their first reaction will be to get over protective and ask too many questions like "are you feeling safe?" I hate that question. My family will ignore the part that I'm happy and I love my life and I don't want to do anything to screw this up. But I also can't deny that the compulsions are there. I can't bring myself to tell my therapist. One of the lovely joys of BPD is the fear of rejection. I've been making such amazing progress and she's been complimenting how strong I am now that I don't want her thinking I'm weak. And yes, I do know that that is being irrational and the whole point of seeing her is to deal with these things.

I am strong, I know that. And I know that I'm doing amazingly well with handling these impulses. The problem is with the cutting. As with any other addiction, it takes one slip for all the progress to come crashing down. That's the biggest reason I won't tell my folks because it creates a cycle I've seen repeated a number of times in my life. I tell them then they ask questions about safety. From there I no longer feel comfortable using sharp objects in front of them. I then start hiding my use of everyday normal objects (scissors, kitchen knives, etc.). That hiding leads to shame of using them. That shame makes me wonder why I even bother fighting the urges. The hiding and shame are already the biggest indicator of a relapse and that only reinforces the urges. And from there I do relapse.

I looked online the other day and found out how to do squats and ever since I have tried them I am in love with they are my fav exercise. I also love to box and to bowl on the wii. The bowling on the wii sports will give your arms a work out for sure.

I have been working out but need to really count calories. I can't seem to stick with it for long but I am trying. I can't seem to loose weight I loose 1 or 2 pounds then I weigh the next day and I have gained them back. I think I need to workout more and longer. I use to exercise after every meal but get busy doing something then I forget. I would love to have a treadmill. I hope I will be able to get one soon. I would join a gym but just can't afford it right now.

Things seem to be going better thank goodness!!!

vermont-Guess i should try and join ya!!! LOL


I am excited that I am into Christmas this year. Last year I coulda skipped the whole holiday and not cared one lick!! I came down with a cold and sutff last night hope I can get rid of it. Did some pictures at the park for one of my teen girls (she had been asking forever!) They turned out nice!!! having fun editing them!!!

Have a great week all!!!

thanks Raven and Holly im having my op tomoz im so scared i will update you as soon as i can xxx