Hey everyone

Ems - CONGRATS!!! Enjoy your hard work but be careful not to slide... that's what I did I was down to 145 last year and now have to do it all again

Mom - She sure is pretty, I was never good at doing hair and make up. I do/wear as little as possible... I'm basically a wash and go person I'm not terribly worried about ADHD... I can make myself concentrate if I really try, I think my problem is more the depression end of it.

Vermont - Get to it girl! You'll feel better. Be careful about working out to much too. Sounds like you have a good handle on the clutter thing... I wish I did!!! Besides all of our junk I have half of my parents stuff at my house... (we moved into their house when they moved out) and both of my parents were "keepers". Good grief. We've been there 3 years and I haven't cleaned out anything yet.

I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday... I plan to ask my doctor for a prescription for a happy light. If it's prescribed then my company will pay me back for it I told you guys that hubby is working part time, right?

Wow!! There are A LOT of new people around here! That is awesome! I know I have been MIA for quite awhile. My life here in California has gotten a little crazy. We have been in the new house for a year now and I truly don't know where the time went. I am still plugging away at my Psychology degree. I am a little over halfway there now. Woo hoo! DH is still getting scans every six months to make sure his little "friend" in the head is staying gone...so far he is still evicted!! We will be celebrating our 21st anniversary on Thursday...we may go out to dinner but he has pretty much already given me everything gift wise anyway. Friday we are going to a book signing for OZZY OSBOURNE!!! AAAAHHHH!!! I really never thought I would be saying something like that. I have been a fan since I was in my teens...I have never gotten to see him in concert which I would love, but at least I will get to meet him. His album Black Rain came out when I was going through the blackest part of my life and it helped make the trip back and forth to the hospital bearable. I hope to be able to tell him that.

This has been an amazing month for me...I mean I always love October but I spent 2 weeks visiting my parents and even though I caught the plague from the plane I still had a wonderful time. My Dad is...well...he has possible dementia and stomach cancer so sometimes things are bittersweet. I managed to focus on the sweet mostly. Then when I got home I had a couple of days to catch my breath and it was off to the Rockstar Energy Drink Uproar festival! Now, I was only familiar with two of the bands but that was enough because one of them happened to be SEETHER!!! My absolute favorite band... DD was lucky because she is a huge Avenged Sevenfold Fan and I had never even heard of them but if it wouldn't have been for Seether I never would have driven an hour to a stadium I had never been to before for an all-day festival....We left at noon, and got home after midnight. We ended up standing in line for like 6 hours all together but it was so worth it!!! I got to meet Shaun Morgan, DD got to meet Three Day's Grace and I got to finally hear them live! They were incredible!!! And!! I was first in line!!! FIRST!!! Oh the bliss!!! The Rapture!!! lol...anyway...They were late coming out...I think they may have had a radio interview... When they came into the tent my heart practically stopped...you have to understand...this man's singing has a direct link to my emotions. His music can trigger everything from anger, to sorrow, to joy...mostly I can just feel what he is singing about... I managed to tell them all how much I loved them, the new album, and when I got to Shaun I managed to tell him that he had a direct link into my emotions and that even though I loved the new album that some of it was hard to listen to, and that Pass Slowly makes me cry. He looked up, right into my eyes and said.."I'm sorry..." gasp! Which made me babble incoherently for a couple of minutes about "Noo!! Really!! I loved it!!!" When I finally looked down at my cd I realized that he had written Rock On!! as well as his signature...which is actually extra words...he only signs his name usually...more bliss...more rapture...

Anyway! I am back peeps!! I will try not to disappear again for awhile, I love catching up with you all. So glad you are back Mom...I love your new avatar...but I have loved all your avatars...sorry about the bad cut...it can't hide your beauty though...I know it...

My weight loss has not materialized...slow weight creep...even when I am working out regularly...I am still going to yoga twice a week and I am going to join this new gym I have just had a two week trial membership before my trip...the weight training class will be totally good for me. Hopefully I can get myself together...

I have had a pretty hard blow last March...my best friend went crazy and ended up being hospitalized. She was on meds for awhile and then stopped taking them...she is still crazy. I had to go through the grief process with that...the loss of the person that she was. Now, I talk to her on the phone once in awhile...if we discuss my school assignment or what I am learning she is always normal...it is funny how the mind works.

Anyway! I have homework to do this morning and I just wanted to blow in here and let everyone know I am here and listening...

love you guys!!!

Hello Ravengirl!! good to have you back yay to you having such a good (great!) time seeing the bands! Real sorry about your friend in the hospital though.

Thanks Holly i hope you enjoy your week off before you new job starts

Thanks Aunty jam i did have to mant treats this week but im back on it now xxx

Hi chicks hope your all doing well this weekend ((hugs))

im have gone back on my meds even though i try and fight it im no good with out them. I forgot how awful they make you feel at 1st all the horrible side effects i feel sick and sleepy all the time its not nice but i am feeling better in myself so there is a plus side. hopefully they will pass soon.

Im not bothering to weigh myself at the moment i will start again once i start to feel better from the meds, and i can deal with what the scales say

my new job is going ok im well out of my depth on this one but i am learning and i am loving the challenge just keeping my fingers crossed they dont bust me on not having a clue before i get up to scratch lol

Have a good week chicks love to all
xxxx

Marie, I think you are so cool to do that that takes so much courage!! and um, balls and that you love the challenge is so kewl. I am such a coward, I could never do that. So sorry that the meds are giving you bad side effects, I hope they pass soon.

Well my yucky winter job starts tomorrow. I just have to make the best of it. They are very eager to have me back, I guess it is nice to be wanted

I haven't weighed in a while, I just feel so out of shape and miss my in-shape tummy. As I've repeated a billion times, I can work out fine, but have such a hard time saying no to food.

My week off is over. I did accomplish alot -

I reorganized the linen closet so I can actually fit linens, extra blankets and then bathroom supplies on top shelves. DH had to fix the shelves first, that's all I was waiting for.

I reorganized the bathroom, I was inspired because DH put down a new floor. It looks nice and I'm inspired to keep it clean.

I got rid of a few boxes of books (a start) and I got rid of some clothes of mine but accepted a box of clothes, what is wrong with me! lol

I cleaned up DH's side of room which was a disgraceful mess ( I gathered 3 huge garbage bags of clothes that he doesn't wear) and it doesn't hurt my soul anymore to look over there.

I have been using my Happy Light almost every day, and have worked out every day for 6 days, woohoo!

Aunty Jam, I wish i had a handle on the clutter. As I do one tiny thing, I think of the back porch (crammed) the garage (crammed) and want to faint..but I am doing something. Even a box of books or junk out of the house is something, i tell myself.

We have been working on the roof, it's a side roof so just about 15 feet up but since I am the lightest I'm elected up there, haha! I wouldn't be riding anyway, its been overcast and wet for days and days.

Hellooo Everybody!!! I am just quickly jamming in here! Whew! This truly has been the best month!! Yay!! I am so sorry for all of you out there that are struggling right now, it makes me feel guilty coming in here and bounce bounce bouncing all over the place! But then I figure that since they say that negative moods spread maybe I can shine some sunshine into your day by osmosis? What do you think? Because I really am trying to spread the positive to you all...I mean that..
Holly Girl....you behave with that bike of yours! And keep after that happy light!!! I have the reverse thing...I start getting sluggish and blah in the heat...October is the start of happy for me even without all the happy stuff going on lately.

Marie: You're beautiful...hope you feel lots better soon...

Mom: Know you're out there...hope you are finding a couple minutes in the craziness that is your life...you do wonderful things...

Aunty! Hope you get your happy light and that it helps a lot...

I just finished my weekend homework and DH is taking me out somewhere tonight where he won't tell me! Thursday was our anniversary and we went to dinner and to see Footloose (you know, the remake) Did you know the original is 25 yrs old!! ARGH!! Really makes me feel weird!! I liked it!! I thought they did a wonderful job managing to make an homage to the original and still update it... I still love the original more but it was really good...You all should go for a lift!!!

OOOOHH! Guess what?!!! Then Friday...we got up early...drove over an hour to stand in line at a bookstore to get a wristband to come back several hours later to meet...wait for it....wait for it...heheheh Ozzy Osbourne!!! Yay!!! We got our bands and then when to the next door mall...wandered around...bought a couple things...ate...drank coffee...went next door to that and watched Ides of March to kill a couple hours...BOOORRRING! I love Ryan Gosling but damn...he couldn't even save it... Then stood in line for awhile longer until the Ozman arrived!!! He was early and I think that several of the people that got bands for the earlier group weren't even there. We got to see him really quick...and...I TALKED to him!!! I told him how much Black Rain meant to me and he asked me questions!!! My mind disengaged a little but I managed to not sound like a total idiot...maybe...lol.
He shook our hands and everything...he has an STRONG grip!!! And he looks amazing!!! I couldn't breathe for a little while but hey that is the price you pay for meeting an icon!

Gotta run guys!!!

Hope you are all doing okay!!!

ravengirl - omg congrats on meeting Ozzy!! and actually having a conversation with him, that is so kewl! and please, you keep bouncin with feeling good, it might rub off on us!! I'm pretty sure I said the same here during the middle of summer, when I was on top of the world.

WELL its been horrible last week and today did go well. Last friday my 18 yr old foster girl we had since she was 12 (went home when she was 17) called bawling 3 times she wanted to come home...long story short I was desperately sick still drove the 3 hour drive (round trip) got home at midnight. Then my aunt called and needed a ride home from work at 1am. well then my foster dd decided she did want to live with the other family in our city and completely lied and manipulated me instead of just being upfront about it. Lots of knives in my heart. Thru the whole week she took jabs at me cause the lady she is with hates me! Then one of my teens tried to take on this big production with no experience. I gave her everything i knew and told her to ask for help. Well she waits till the week before when she realizes she is falling apart and asks for help. So I had to go over a few days last week and spent about 10 hours working on scenes and directing scenes and stuff. then trying to clear dramatic people from my life and it just gets worse.
Finally lost it on my dh. He yelled because the package from ups got sent back when I called the station and waited for it to come the next day and finally today when i got thru to someone it wasn't there. yet he was off friday last week and he coulda took care of it if it was so important. I CANT DO ALL OF THIS on my own!! I JUST CANT!!
I thought the meds were helping but I dont think they are strong enough...It keeps my mind from racing but still having a hard time!!!
I am trying to get things organized. and learning i need to plan plan plan or I am going to be completely stressed...cant find kids coats, cant find their shoes.....just one thing after another...HATE THE CHAOS I LIVE IN but its such a big task I feel like i cant fix it. I didnt want to get outta bed this morning so I made the kids play in their room and laid in bed till 10:30...I hate that...i think it was the fact I knew I was already defeated before I ever got outta bed...dirty house, tons of laundry, no gym, school work, calls to make, just a stinkin mess!!!

I am hoping tomorrow will be better

momof4, are you better today?? I can't offer any good advice, I wish I could. I don't suppose it's even a thinkable idea to maybe tone back on your help with the foster kids or the church work? would that give you more time for home? Maybe that's not even an option. Just trying to think of what might help.

I've been trying to get some things out of the house, and I've focused on our bookcases. We have hundreds of books!! The ones I think I can 'unload' are outdated, and stuff you could look up on the 'net. Books on science and nature and the universe and such; we got for our kids but they're 21 and 27 now

I am lucky that i can take a box (beer case size, it would hold 4 six-packs) to the recycling center and just pay 50 cents per box. Oh and I do not drink that beer, I get the empty boxes from work They're just a very good size.

I'm just thinking of the inevitable, that I don't want to leave a house FULL for our boys to take care of.

Well I've worked out every day for at least 40 minutes for over a week now but I still can't stick to a decent number of calories. Keep hoping that 'some day' i'll get that click and do them together, diet AND excercise.

hugs to everyone

vermont-The foster girl i have now is pretty low maintance just requires attention and like she is part of our family so thats pretty easy. Her mom was sick the last 2 years of her life so all the attention was on mom then after her moms death the family was in crisis and didnt work together they were all just angry and fought. She is 16 and not used to being just talked to when she does something wrong or being included just to run to the store with me. Its all new for her. The boys (8 & 7) Wanted Jeff (dh) to spike their hair monday before we went out to eat and she was like i want mine spiked to so jeff spiked her hair too...she just longs to be part of a family and not made to feel like shes always in trouble or like shes not there!!!
Church yes I am working on scaling back with that stuff cause I have to take care of me and my house before I can help others. I think I need a higher dose of the adhd meds its working but still seeing some of it...i could be wrong but have to talk to the dr at my med check.

I just need to be more organized and plan and I could do all that is required of me!!

I am better today and second day to the gym working hard no excuses. I was going and switching machines and that took so much time plus people stopping me to talk so I wasnt getting such a high burn. SOO now I am one the elliptical for an hour then some track and weights and if people wanna talk they stop and chat while I am working on the machine!!! My body is very sore so that tells me I wasnt working as hard as I was before when I was losing the weight...SO I have to lose more by the end of the year. I can fit size 14 jeans but cant really get them buttoned without squeezing! SO I have to focus on the little goals and work hard. Dropped out my soda and when I am focused and working hard I really DONT want it (so its not like its even tempting for me!!) But when I am half butting it then I still drink the soda and all SO I CAN DO THIS...I feel focused and hopeful again!!!! Hopefully no more bouts of the downs anytime soon. Then I forgot to start my birthcontrol for the premenstrual depression...luckly this is the easy cycle next soooo it should be ok!!!

Whew that was a lot!!! LOL

PS THAT IS AWESOME YOUR WORKING OUT STEADILY!!!!! It feels good when you think about it!!!!!!!

Why am I so sad today???? Why am I crying??? Why can't I just be NORMAL????? That's all I want... just to be normal. I hate this crap.

did something trigger you? or not..I know sometimes there is no apparent trigger. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this!

momof4, glad you kicked it at the gym!

Aunty I know what you mean -I just wish i was normal. Its frustrating!!!

vermont-thanks Now I ended up having to help my teen out last night at her drama event and run it for her cause she was in a scene so I was on my feet for over 5 hours just circling the building and everything. My knee is so swollen its hard to bend it. I will probably do water aerobics monday or stay home and do house work...LOL

Wish I could figure out my issues...when my house is in chaos I do the zone out thing and then the kids dont listen and then I am soo stressed about the house being a disaster and no order its enough to make someone crazy...I hate it.....I didnt get outta bed till 10 i was up at 7 but it makes me want to just sleep...WHY CANT I BE NORMAL...I WANT TO JUST BAWL AND SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!