Overweight and Lonely
 

Has anyone battled loneliness and being overweight? Lately it's gotten really bad for me. I've never had many friends, but the friends that I've had have been pretty close to me. But lately everyone is moving forward in their lives. They're married with kids and way too busy to do anything with me. And then because I'm overweight I don't feel as if I can meet new people. My self-worth is at an all time low. I think partly because every time I lose a little bit of weight I gain it right back through emotional eating.

I tried online dating for about a year and it's been a complete bust. I felt as if I wrote a good profile. I don't feel as if I'm repulsive, but I'm not very photogenic. I don't have many pictures taken of me because I hate seeing what I've turned into. Finally found a decent picture of my face that I posted. Every guy that I wrote to never responded, and the very few that contacted me were incredibly odd or scary. I tried an experiment and put a picture up of a more average looking girl. She wasn't a model. Just someone that was fairly pretty and skinnier. I only did it for a night because it felt wrong to lie about myself. But surprise surprise, in that one night I was inundated with contact requests on several sites. Apparently I need to look like someone else to get contacted. So online dating has pretty much compounded on my issues of feeling worthless. I wasn't looking to find the love of my life. I thought that at least I could find someone to talk to. Maybe hang out. But I couldn't even get that.

I am on a depression medication cocktail for mood disorder and depression. I don't really think it's doing anything although I guess that the depression is somewhat lessened when I'm on the medication. It definitely hasn't given me the boost of energy that I was hoping to finally get off of the couch.

So here I am back to the beginning. I'm going to cancel all of my online dating accounts/profiles. I need to find something that will boost my self-esteem, but I can't figure out what that is. I know that losing weight will definitely help, but I can't seem to find the motivation to stick with it. So I basically sit at home most of the time watching tv and wallowing in self pity. Anyone have any suggestions for how to break the cycle?

Try exercising. You could start walking or join the local YMCA. I find that whenever I am anxious, lonely, depressed, upset, or worried about a family member walking or exercising helps. Walking in a swimming pool is great to start with. Exercising will boost your self-esteem, calm you down, and sometimes motivate you to watch what you eat. I have become very friendly with a number of people I have met at the Y and often do things socially with them. Best of luck, YOU CAN DO IT ! ! !

I could have written this myself. I'm only just coming out of a bad patch, where I dropped out of university, I was then sacked from my job, I was 246lbs (my absolute highest was 266lbs) all my friends were moving forward with their lives and I had a disastrous run of online dates. Men would show interest, date me for a few weeks then dump me or they just disappeared. I did what you did, I cancelled all my online profiles, after deciding that I couldn't have a healthy, happy relationship if I didn't start loving me or my life first. It turned out to be the best thing I ever did. I'm now focussing on me, I have a new job, I'm halfway through my weightloss, and now I've got some money coming in I'm deciding what hobbies I want to do. What i'm trying to say is that things will get better for you, you've just got to take that first step to feeling better, which you've done by coming on here and talking to people who understand what you're going through. Its not easy, I've found it really hard to push past all the negative feelings that had accumulated, but once you start gaining confidence, gradually things will start going your way.

Maybe you could look into getting some counselling, it really helps to talk to someone who's objective and can help you deal with your issues, my sisters, my friend as well as myself have all found it really helpful.

As for the weightloss I was a comfort eater and I realised I had to shift the weight or I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life. In the first few weeks, it was h*ll, I thought i'd chew my own arm off because of the cravings, but as the scales started to go down it got easier for me. If you find a plan that you're happy with it'll be the same for you. I hope things start to look up for you soon. Let us know how things go xxxx

I've been where you are, no wait, I AM where you are! I recently cancelled my online dating profiles, too, because I realized the majority of men want a thinner woman; that's just the facts. Can't get around it. Depressing, but true. So, I've decided I have to lose weight before trying again. Hence, my re-joining 3FC for support. I am on a cocktail of drugs, too, and often lonely so I eat. But, one trick I've learned is to do things I like to do regardless of the fact that I'm large; even if it's as simple as going to a movie, getting my nails done, buying new shoes. I used to say I'll wait until I lose 10 or 20 lbs before I do this or that. Now, I just jump in and do it. I'm hoping that on those days, I'll get a little lift of self esteem and joy and not want to eat so much. It seems to work most times. So, maybe it will work for you. Good luck. I'll be struggling right next to ya! Hang in there!

I hate that feeling of isolation, like you're in a deep, dark valley, and the walls are just looming over you. I get so nervous about losing my friends that I sometimes forget to just make it work with the friends I *have*.

Dating sites are strange, and maybe the kind of man you're looking for wouldn't use one. (Or maybe you've decided that the only type of man that would possibly be attracted to you must be some sort of weirdo and not worth being with- that's a horrible vicious thought process that I've had in the past. As soon as a man was romantically interested in me, they seemed like a creep and I ran the other way!)

As for losing weight before a man will be attracted to you... Losing weight helps with confidence, and I really think that confidence is the key to romance, and not being small. There are many miserable small, attractive people that endure HELLISH relationships and are just as insecure as anyone else!

Maybe your weight loss and your loneliness could be helped by looking into interest-based group in your area? Meetup.com is a great way to find people that like to hike, walk, knit, read, or whatever you may like. If you're looking to broaden your circle of friends, I think that a place like that is an excellent starting point. Having something in common with someone besides the place you work or the class you're in just makes conversation SO much easier.

Anyhow, sorry if it sounds like I'm preaching! I've just spent a lot of time thinking about this stuff and how to put it in action in my own life, and these are the ideas I've found to be true, or work for me. :) I wish you luck in finding a better, broader support group and in losing weight and feeling confident!

I think deleting or deactivating your dating site accounts is probably a very good first step in improving your self-esteem. A random selection of guys on the Internet shouldn't be able to make you feel bad about yourself, so good for you for cutting them out of your life.

Instead of focusing on weight loss - which is complex and can be affected by things that you can't really control, like TOM, muscle recovery from workouts, illness, etc. - as a way to buoy your self-esteem, would it be easier to focus on the more concrete component parts of living more healthily?

For example, instead of saying something like "I'm going to lose 20 lbs. before Christmas," would it be less daunting (and more doable) to follow through on goals like the following?

"I am going to eat two servings of fruit or veg today."
"I am going to eat two servings of dairy products today."
"I am going to drink water with lunch."
"I am going to walk for 30 minutes today."

Those are concrete things that may require some mental effort on your part, but once you've put the fruit and cheese on your plate, filled your glass with water, and put one foot in front of the other for 30 minutes, they're done and you can watch TV or do whatever else you feel like doing for the rest of the day.

Remember - you don't have to be perfect.
Only had one serving of veg today? You had one serving of vegetables, when you could have chosen to have none. You ate better than you could have! Go you!
Didn't go for your walk? Tomorrow you get another chance to go walking!

Don't focus on all the things that you feel like you've failed at or aren't doing. Focus on what you are doing, and on what you can improve. This is what I did when I started, and I found it very useful mentally. I haven't used it recently, but this is how my weight loss journal is set up:

Date:
Weight:
Food: [everything I ate]
Exercise: [any activity I got that was beyond what I normally did, as well as any activity I chose to do when I could've made an easier choice (e.g., walking to work instead of driving)]
Other: [any other happenings that affected my day (e.g., a special occasion with food at work, an exceptionally strenuous day at work)]
What I did well today: [my good food choices, my good activity choices, anything else I did that made me feel good, such as reading ahead for a class or getting everything on my to do list checked off]
What I can improve on in the future: [how I might make better food choices if I didn't eat well that day, how I might be more active if I didn't meet my personal exercise goal, how I might manage school and work to be less stressed]
Thoughts: [random thoughts about the day, about how I felt about my activities, etc.]

Because I didn't dwell on the past or beat myself up when I made poor choices, and instead focused on the good choices I'd made and how I could make better choices in the future, it was easier for me to face the mental blocks and naturally occuring speed bumps on the road of weight loss and do what I needed to do to lose weight. Do you think something like this (not necessarily a journal like mine, just some tool to help you stay focused and positive) might help you?

Also, I find that being around people helps my mood just as much as exercising. Do you work or go to school? Are there any activities that you're interested in pursuing? Any charitable organizations you'd like to donate some of your time to?

Hi,
I'm so sorry to hear about how you are feeling. I am there myself so I really can relate to everything you've said.

I agree that getting out of the online dating scene is a good idea for now. If you're not in a healthy place in your life, you probably won't be in a healthy relationship either. I hate to admit it myself but I do think we do have to learn to love ourselves before someone else loves us the way we deserve.

I second Meetup.com as a great place to meet people. I joined a knitting group through it. I would suggest volunteering as well. No one cares what size you are when you're volunteering . . . it's all about the heart you put into helping those which are less fortunate.

I know that this is all easier said than done. When I talk to my best friend she always says "oh join a walking group, ask your coworkers out" etc. It's easy for her to say because she's never had this problem. For me, joining a group of strangers gives some super high anxiety. So, baby steps.

You will get better. You will overcome this and you will be a better person for it. :hug:

I'm so sorry to hear this. It really reminds me of me. I never joined an online dating site because it just wasn't my personality. I did go to a singles group at a church and my experience was really negative. It was like a meat market if you know what I mean. Of course, I realize these are just my personal experiences and there are success stories associated with those. How did I meet someone? Exercise just like someone else mentioned. I started walking, then power walking and then cycling. You don't have to be that physically fit to begin bicycling. I met up with a group and was able to ride with them weekly. I ended up training for a week long bike tour... I was supposed to do it with my 2 brothers but they dropped out, I went alone, and I met my husband! I used to tell people that they only way I would meet someone is if they showed up at my apartment as I'm not one for social events. I agree with the posters who say work on you! Don't connect your self esteem to how many friends you have or if you have a significant other....

i let my depression consume me to the point of complete isolation... i don't have any "real life" (i really hate the thinking that people and relationships online are somehow less than real) friends... i don't even leave the house for months at a time... i wasn't even aware how desperately lonely i was.

i reached some sort of pivotal moment in my life and made an active decision to try and change a lifetime of negative, self-loathing, depressive thoughts... i've reconditioned my thinking because i am the only one that holds the power to make my life better.

one thing i did that has been an unforeseen blessing, is i decided to try and do something nice for someone else... for no reason than just to be nice. i reached out to an (online) friend (someone i've known a long time, but really not very well) that i knew was lonely... i thought maybe it would make me feel better to just brighten someone's day.

but i ended up finding a great friend who has, surprisingly, probably ended up helping me more than i helped them by teaching me some important life lessons i needed to learn.

keep yourself open, honest and try and treat yourself with the same kindness you would someone else... you have found a good place here, where people want to help you and see you succeed and flourish... you can find friends here... and that is what you need... it's a cliché, but i think it's true... take the focus off of finding someone and put it on you... on mental and physical good health... and you'll attract good things. it's not a simple process... but you didn't get to the place you are overnight either.

Thanks everyone for the comments/advice. It really means a lot to get feedback. Although it sucks that there are others in the same state as me, it's also nice to have company. Misery loves company. :-) Seriously though, I think the comments to just get up and start moving make sense. I know that if I'm not happy with myself then it would be hard for others to see me in a good light as well. So here's to starting fresh again. Thanks again!

This is really hitting home for me too. Thank you for all the great comments and ideas. I have felt so lonely for a LONG time. I have been single and have not even dated in more than 15 years. I don't talk about it. I pretend it's because I don't need anyone. The truth is I gained alot of weight after going through a violent abusive situation and I just shut down.

Now, I have lost 60 lbs and have 80 more to go. I still don't fell confident. I do feel better health wise.

I have to agree, I LOVE walking and going to swim at the Y. I feel depressed when I don't and just have much better energy and feel optimistic after I MOVE.

True confession, there are still days I just want to stay in bed but I am not. I don't walk and swim everyday but should.

I do feel lonely as far as a relationship is concerned. But I do have so many wonderful girlfriends and people who I love and I know love me, no matter what my weight is.

Sometimes I just want the weight to go away FAST and that's when I feel really down or lonely. When I focus on taking care of myself, eating healthy, moving and calling or going out with a friend, I feel good. I don't feel lonely.

Friends and loved ones are SO important and it does not always have to be a significant other.

I agree, when I feel good about myself then I can think about "sharing my life" with someone. Right now, I need to be a bit selfish, take care of myself and the sharing will come when the time is right. :-)

I feel very alone, I'm not sure its the weight though. I have trouble making the tough choices and it seems like thats what everyone wants me to do lately.

I miss when things were simple.

Exercise definitely helps.

Also, medication for depression is not always the best route. As an overweight person who had a poor diet in the past and suffered from depression (and is still periodically down, especially about myself), I firmly believe that depression can be treated with proper diet, vitamin supplements, and exercise. Try taking niacin and eating a small handful (30gm or so) of cashews daily, as well as 30 minutes of some type of activity. Also, get enough sleep and on a regular schedule.

And, online dating might work 1/100000 times. It's a cesspool of losers, a lot of the men are there to get laid not find a real relationship (friendship or otherwise)

Can we please qualify this and say that *sometimes* depression can be treated with vitamins, diet and exercise. And sometimes it can't. Sometimes that just isn't enough and other options--including drugs and therapy--are worth exploring. Let's be open-minded and non-judgmental about mental health issues.

I totally get depression and weight issues. The last few yrs have been a real challenge for me and my family and sadly food was my coping device. I am working so hard to overcome both depression and my eating/weight issue. Throughout these last few years, we have also moved a bunch, including again, just 8wks ago. This makes it even harder for me, not knowing people or having excuses to get out.
I am currently on medication and can't imagine how much worse off I would be without it. I do agree for some that lifestyle changes can be enough, but for others, the chemical imbalance is just to much and medication is needed.
I wish everyone the best of luck in overcoming their depression and finding peace.

I agree with the post above me.

Also, I believe that you need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else or anyone else can learn to love you.

When you love yourself, everything becomes easier. You want to make new friends, try new things... your entire life's quality will improve. First of all let me say there is nothing wrong with you the way you are and if you learned to fully love yourself right now, you would feel absolutely fantastic, even at your current weight.

However, if losing weight is what it takes for you to love and accept yourself for who you are, then I say go ahead and go do it! As you're reading this right now, right this very exact second, understand that you are completely and fully capable of reaching any goal weight you set for yourself. It's not impossible, it's not out of your reach. The only thing that stands between you and your weight loss goal is your own negativity. You just need to take control of your life, decide enough is enough, and reach out and grab it.

No one can do it for you. Take away someone's friends, and they're equally as lonely as anyone else. We're all the same, just one person in one body.

Remember... you don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body. Take control of it.

Good luck, I know you can do it! :carrot:

I have fought depression most of my adult life and even the times I was sort of slim I still had a lot of depression.But the weight does make it more difficult because it brings up any insecurity and magnifies it.I do find that when I stay active it really helps.

I came back to this issue because today is one of those days. I have lost weight and have much more to lose. It amazes me how people react. I actually had someone say to me after telling them I lost 70 lbs. "Well, your still obese and unhealthy. Before you could have died and now your just unhealthy. " I felt like someone just kicked me in the head. I know it shouldn't matters what others say but it felt bad.

I have to agree, I want to go out and socialize but start to and just stop because I feel so judged by my weight.

As many of you know, weight loss takes a constant focus to keep it up. As things get harder and I get stupid comments, I have to just let it bounce off.

Bottom line, I am very proud of what I have accomplished so far. I think having POSITIVE people and people who get who I am besides my weight are very important. No one can live without others in their lives, we just have to be picky with people as well as our food choices.

No more bad toxic food or people. lol.

I just feel better saying that.:carrot:

*hugs* to visionary! You're on the right path by letting comments of the ignorant roll off your back. Growing up, my mom always told me to be careful of who's words I internalize because not everyone has your best interest at heart. Keep that in mind ALWAYS.

The loss of 70 lbs is something to CELEBRATE!!!! *throws confetti* so don't let that jerk steal your joy!

Wow, congratulations on 70 lbs. lost! That's a great accomplishment.

I saw this thread and had to respond because I too have struggled for years and years with feeling lonely. I never tried the online dating sites because (1) I didn't even want a picture taken of myself to post online, and (2) I feared nobody would respond anyway. Sounds like I was lucky not to post.

I feel completely alone in life. No boyfriend, not even any close friends - I have moved around a lot and focused on my career, and while I'm now financially ok, boy have I missed out on building relationships. Both of my parents are gone; my dad died last year which was very tough on me. I have no siblings and no close family. I truly feel alone. I am introverted and shy anyway, and enjoy my own company, but it would be nice to at least have some friends to go out with.

Now I sound like a pity party! That wasn't my intent.

While I am clearly not an expert on how to find love, I do think you did the right thing by stopping with online dating. When I have been successful in dating (which was when I weighed much less, unfortunately), I found people not through online dating but by taking up activities and finding people who enjoyed doing the same thing. For example, I started taking tennis lessons and joined a tennis club, and there were singles events at the tennis club. I also found that men seemed to like to talk to women who played golf!

One thing I have also recently learned is to just go on with life. One poster noted that instead of waiting X years to do something, do it now! That's what I'm going to do. I wrote out a list of things that I want to do and I am going to do them. Example: I wanted to travel more. Even though I don't have a travel buddy, that's not stopping me: I booked a flight to Italy and am leaving next week for what I hope will be an interesting adventure. I am also joining a group that is going to Costa Rica during Christmas week. I am currently investigating some singles travel sites for a potential 2012 trip to somewhere interesting.

I also plan to start taking up Spanish lessons again next year. And getting back to playing golf. I don't expect to meet the man of my dreams, but I do know that I have 0% chance to meet anybody if I'm sitting at home! I feel optimistic about the future for the first time in a long time.

I wish you luck in your journey.

It's really hitting me that the BEST relationship I can have ever is with MYSELF.

When I feel lonely, what can I do to take care of myself, take myself to a movie?

My biggest self care tip: Take myself for a message. ( This also helps because it is PROVEN that as humans we CRAVE human touch and a message will give you that, in addition it helps move toxins in the body if you are losing weight as well as it's just a very nurturing thing for both body and mind and does not involve food. I know it can be expensive, but I look for deals. Even go to a massage school. The money is the best money you can spend on your health and well being. This has been my experience. I get one about 1 x a month and would do more if $$ was not an issue.

It's been so many years since I even went on a date so I am not a relationship expert but I do know that I don't need a man and I know how to make myself feel really good and not feel lonely without a significant other. In fact, I felt more alone than ever with my x husband.

I just think once I feel really great in my own skin the HEALTHY relationship will come when I am ready. :hug:

It's not what you are that holds you back.
 

I have felt the same way before. Try for 10 years! The worst was being dumped a few years ago and feeling like no one would ever want me again, especially at over 230 pounds. BUT, I prayed a lot and I put myself out there. I got an awesome new hair cut, I taught myself how to do awesome makeup... especially my eyes, because I hear they are kinda pretty... so play it up!I decided to make good use of my curves. This was hard, but I quit wearing baggy clothes all the time and started wearing tops that curved and were snug around my top parts, but flowy down near the tummy and hips. One thing about being overweight... you have more to work with up top!

Anyway, I started to FEEL pretty. I went on eharmony and yahoo personals and posted a current photo of my face all dolled up and I made sure to write in my bio that I was a "Big and Beautiful" woman. I wrote with confidence in who I am and that in my way I was beautiful. There are a LOT of men who dig big girls... you just have to be confident about it and speak about it as if its a good thing. I also wrote that I was wanting to get fit and was hoping to find a companion that would support my efforts. The men that wrote me were excited about helping me become healthier.

I could go on a lot longer but, bottom line, I ended up with 3 very wonderful men wanting to date me and I even ended up marrying one of them.

I wasn't trying to be slutty and I was definitely careful about where I met them and being in a safe place... I met several other men who were only interested in physical relationships.. (Yes, with a big beautiful woman), and even though I wasn't into that, it sure felt like a compliment that they saw me as attractive physically.

So, YOU make a resolve to love yourself and your body as you are. Take extra time on your hair and makeup, and wardrobe... become beautiful in your own eyes, and let that confidence out! A quote I read almost every day is this:

"It's not what you are that holds you back. It's what you think you're not." ~ Denis Waitley

Believe it! Believe in YOU!

Mighty Hugs,
JenniBean

Trust me when I say being single is not really the issue. I have been married for 25 years and every since the Depression set in I feel just like everyone here. Alone and lost. It seems this depression is not picky on who it devours. Sitting in a room with people who claim to love me seems to be getting harder and harder to do. You know they love you but don't understand why they can't prove it or why you can't accept it. I think it comes down to us. Loving and accepting ourselves first before we can let anyone else love or accept us seems to be the key. I understand it, I see it, but grasping it is a whole other thing. Good luck everyone..... don't give up.

*hugs*

I've been on dating websites for about 4 months, and I've had the same response as you -- none, lol. And I typically only message guys who are overweight too.

I dress very nicely and fashionable. Nice makeup and mani/pedis. I have a great career and tons of friends. Yet I've been single for the entire duration of my 20s. I've never been popular with guys even when I was thin as a teenager. And I'm lonely and feel left behind as my peers are marrying and/or having children (which I want desperately).

It's tough dealing with rejection and being continuously placed in the "friends zone" or being seen as an asexual "maternal" figure/funny sidekick by everybody, but I continue to put myself out there because I can't let the weight or low self-esteem restrict me from living life. :)

I really admire all of you online and trying to date. I have pretty much given up. I keep hoping as I get older I will be less and less interested in a relationship. Pretty much all of my friends are married and have children. It is hard for me to understand what they brought to the table that I didn't.

I do try to focus more on making sure I am a good person, good friend, and making a positive difference in the world around me. And to a degree that helps. The loneliness does get overwhelming at times; but I am getting much better at powering through the worst times of it.

:hug::hug:
I spent all day today sinking deeper and deeper into a depression that has been revolving around how alone I am for nearly 5 years. When I saw your post, I had to read it. And I read ever response so far.

I saw someone else post that being one can be lonely and married, and I agree. I have been with my husband for 11 years, and (almost) 5 years ago we had our first baby as my DH went into medical school. A few month later my mentally ill mother and I had a falling out and I forbid her in our lives until she was under medical care for her mentall illness, because her behavior was causing turmoil in our family. When I refused to be apart of her self destruction, her family cut me off.
I have no siblings.
My husband's family lives on the other side of the country.
The friends I had at that time were not getting married and settling down, so as I became a mother/ wife, my friends moved on without me. Continuing with their careers and active lives that I couldn't do with an infant in toe.

And my DH was gone for days at a time because of commuting 1 1/2 hours to school and sometimes up to 4 hours for a rotation site.

His career still keeps him gone most of the time. I have tried to make friends, but it probably comes down to me being that kind of girl that never really hung out with girls. lol I've never enjoyed sitting around with other women, talking about fashion or what not. I'm not a tom boy, but my track record is about 80% male friends.

So, fast forward to today. And I am home with the kids every day (We had a 2 nd baby) and lonely. I shuffle them around to where they need to go, but I have not social network for myself. Its so depressing because I used to be a moderately social person! I liked having a small circle of friends. I just can't seem to find a group I fit into as a mom.

I'm also an atheist. Its hard not evening having a higher power to turn to. I was raised catholic so I did grow up believing in and turning to god. Being an atheist also prevents me from joining a church group. A few years back someone had recommended to me a church based moms group and specifically said that the group was only run by the church, but was open to all moms in the community that needed support, regardless of beliefs. I joined and started to become rather close with the other moms. Most of them went to the church that hosted the group, and often invited me to Sunday church. I always declined and I felt so bad. Then I made the mistake of telling one of the moms (after she asked what church I belonged to ) that I was an atheist. And that was that. They all knew the whole background story, and how alone I was with no family or friend support system and a baby, and they dropped me like yesterdays news. I think I would have rather them commited to getting me to find god. So I was back a square one, with a new distain for church based mother groups. :(

Being alone is so hard, for whatever reason we are lonely. Its depressing. I eat out of lonliness and bordem. Even the exercise I do, I run, is a lonely sport. I don't want to join a running group because I don't feel good enough. And even working out daily doesn't stop me from feeling consumed by loneliness.

I wish I could help you. I just want you to know that your not alone in your loneliness, :^:

Try Vitamin B-12 shots, they really helped me.

You were created just as beuatiful and equal as anyone else. Start by honouring that inside of you. You are not your weight. You are not your depression. You might be hidden right now deep down, but the fact is you are a light, and your beautiful. Search for it if you can't see it, it's there. Start small, be kind to you, go for a walk and enjoy the cool breeze on your face, enjoy the little moments of enjoyment that life brings, even if it's just reading your favourite book for the 100th time, or soaking in a hot bath. Small steps to pamper yourself in healthy ways, honour yourself. You are not any different than anyone else and deserve all the riches life brings. We are our own worst critics, we are the ones that block goodness. Do you want it? Deep down, search for the desire, it's there. It's not easy but you can do this. You can find you xoxo

I'm lonely too. Since I've gained a lot of weight, I've stopped doing things that I like to do and seeing people that I like to see. I've started isolating, and I've gotten really down on myself.

Now that I'm 100 pounds over my goal weight, I've finally realized that I need to change something, that my life isn't going to change itself, and that I need to put some effort into being the person that I want to be.

The loneliness is really hard sometimes, but forums like this and other places where you can meet people and let out some of your thoughts and feelings do help a little.

I heard somewhere a while back that you need to be the type of person that you want to attract. I'm not sure that that is 100% accurate, but I've always thought it was a kinda cool way to look at it.

In other words, if you're kind, you'll be more likely to attract someone kind. Maybe that's complete BS, but I always thought it was a nice way to look at it. In other words, don't expect out of someone else what you wouldn't expect out of yourself.

I suppose what I'm trying to get at is to keep working on you. Keep working on building interests and being a good person. If you're open to life, I think you'll find someone...maybe when you're not expecting it.

Just don't give up. (((hug)))

Fitness and Weight Loss
 

Natural Weight Loss Remedies

These natural weight loss remedies will also help in preparing the body and mind for yogasanas. An obese body can also lose about 2 -5% of body weight within 3 weeks of practicing this naturally.

1) Wake up early in the morning just before sunrise (for people who live closer to the poles and where days and nights are not even one should stick to a routine time close to 6 am in the morning).

2) Soak 5-7 fenugreek seeds in 2 glasses of water (plain water will also do in places where you don’t get fenugreek) for 10 minutes and drink it slowly sitting in the floor with an erect back.

3) Conciously breathe for 5 minutes with long inhaling and exhaling (make sure the exhaling time is more than inhaling).

4) Go for a walk of 2 km

5) Wherever you sit, make sure you consciously sit with your spine erect.

6) Drink ample amount of water (Close to 4 litres a day)

7) Don’t stop on fats and carbs completely. Our body needs good fat and carbs for our metabolism to function properly, but completely avoid refined fats. It is a myth that all saturated fats are bad, but there are good saturated fats as well. As far as possible try to have nuts and legumes as a source of fat, but if you can’t avoid oil, then use cold pressed sesame oil, olive oil and for frying coconut oil.

8. Don’t eat stomach full, eat only till your stomach is half full.

9) Don’t eat a heavy meal during night time, instead have a good serving of fruits and milk for night.

10) Go to bed early. If you have insomnia, don’t worry, by following this routine your insomnia will go away naturally

Once you get in to this routine start having a Sattvic Diet and add Natural weight loss supplements in your daily food.

Weight loss is a journey. Being alone is okay with me. I just realize I have to find myself in this journey and learn how to be truly happy.

Hi all, reading your candid honesty has really hit a raw nerve with me, but in a positive way. I was where a lot of you are at the moment. I was so unhappy with how I had let my body and my health get to a point that was not only making me depressed but where I was starting to suffer some alarming physical symptoms of being morbidly obese. My blood pressure was way too high for a 28 year old, my mortgage provider actually sent a doctor to my flat to assess my health for a life insurance application, that was subsequently refused due to my weight. That in itself was humiliating and a couple of months before I reached my highest weight of 301 pounds. I suffered chafing, dizzy spells, sweating, lethargy, sore knees and hips. I wore the same, baggy clothes for years and hid myself from the world as much as I could.

Looking back I was terribly depressed.

You can turn it all around. It takes time, commitment, dogged determination, hard work but it is achievable. *These days I am happy, confident, feel self worth and have targets and goals I am confident I can achieve.

Losing the weight I did was the biggest challenge I am ever going to face personally but YOU can do it.

Stick with it, commit and your lives and self belief will change beyond all recognition.

:) L xx

I am another lonely person. Before I gained all of this weight (over the last 10 years or so) I was very active with a hiking group. Through it I was able to meet several women close to my age who also lived alone. There were never married, widowed, divorced, with kids, with kids who were already out of the house, etc. We hiked, camped, went to movies and plays, got together and cooked dinner, and lots of other things.

Things started going to h#&& about 10 years ago when I changed jobs, started putting on weight, and reached a point where I could no longer do the hiking. That's when I discovered that these were conditional friends. As my life continued downward, I was diagnosed with depression, fired from a job because of it, and have had a spotty employment history ever since. Since I could no longer hike and did not have the money for the trips, plays, museums, etc. these friends just started dropping off. I can honestly say that I don't have any actual "friends" now. If I just want to talk, there is nobody I can call. If I want to go to a movie, there is nobody. I have been unemployed for 2 years now and have become a recluse.

This summer I decided that I would make another attempt at losing weight. So far I have been doing well and feel good about my progress. This doesn't help the friend situation though. Anyway, I am glad there is a place here where I can vent.

I completely know how you feel. We are all here for you at 3FC. I live in a small town where I had to move for work and have no friends here at all. No one to hang out with. No one to call. Sometimes you have to just do the things that will make you happy and that is how you can make new friends. Go to Weight Watchers or join a local gym. Go to the salon or nail spa. Treat yourself nice. Put yourself first.

You're not alone. I've never belonged to a group before and I have very few friends. I feel i am too hypersensitive to people I get really close with and i become overly paranoid, and it has caused me to burn through many friends quickly. I feel as if I'm the only one who makes an effort with my close friends. Also the fact that I broke up with my boyfriend of 1.5 years a couple months ago has just made things worse. I constantly feel lonely and sometimes its unbearable. One of the reasons I'm losing weight, in fact the main reason, is because I think it will give me more self esteem to find new friends and stop being so paranoid and insecure. I think if you lost weight you will definitely be more social and just happier overall. It's just a matter of finding the willpower to do it. :)

Thanks for the response. My main problem right now is that I have no money to do any of those things. It was the lack of money that caused my friends to distance themselves from me.

I completely understand about feeling lonely. I've put on A LOT of weight over the past few years. I feel so badly about my appearance that I rarely go out and do things. I have a handful of close friends but we usually just hang out at my place...watching movies and eating. I don't like getting dressed to go out in public because I feel so gross.

I feel like the bigger I get the more invisible I am. Guys certainly don't notice me and I feel like the majority of people look down on me for being overweight. I have a lot of weight to lose and can't seem to stick with dieting long enough to accomplish my goal. I know I will not be truly happy until I get healthy. Weight is one thing I have the power to control...why can't I just commit to a healthier lifestyle?

I am a guy but as far as this weight issue I totaly idenitify. My mother said
" if you don't lose some weigth I will never buy you anything but blue jenes"
I was about 6 years old at the time and from pictures I have seen only a few
pounds overweigth! So my mother telling me I was a worthless pice of xxxxx
of from almost day one realy gave me a bad self image. And I know it's not
suposed to mater to men but I have never dated if I was much over my ideal
body weigth. But I know lots of other men do fine with the ladies even if they
look like Santi Clause. So I know my total lack of luck with you ladies if I am
fat is perhaps 10% because of my fat and 90% because of my low self esteme about being fat. But to be honest I have one other strike against
me I stutter and this seems to almost vanish if I get thin. So when I get
thin I realy act like a totaly different person.