I am going to share what happened to me. I used to be afraid to try anything that would bring attention to me. I have always been fat. I was a fat kid, tried every diet out there, ect. I wouldnt go to dances ect in school. I missed out on alot. At some point in my thirties it hit me. My life is full of I wish I dids. That is when I started to do. Even being fat I got out there and did. Yes sometimes Im sure I looked dumb, but I dont regret trying. 2 yrs ago, I had an ectopic pregnancy and after surgery it left me paralyzed on my lower left side and I couldnt walk. After alot of hard work and pushing myself from going from walker to cane to now cane free, I know life is short and you never know when its going to be taken away. I know you all know that Tim Mcgraw song "Live like you were dyin" I do. Because in a blink I was almost gone and everything was almost taken away. So dont think about what others think of you. Just maybe, you might inspire someone to try something they have been wanting to do.

I really feel for you.

I am in a similar position, at the moment.

5 years ago, when I hit the big 40, I had, not only managed to get back to my goal weight, but had also qualified as a fitness instructor & aerobics teacher. After a while, the demand for my classes became so huge, that I was virtually exercising round the clock & hardly eating at all. I pushed myself way too hard, trying to meet demands, & ended up having a near nervous breakdown.
I shut myself away in a darkened room, hardly got off the couch & comforted myself binging on junk food & alcohol. I didn't even go out, to shop for groceries, in case my old clients, or gym buddies, saw me & judged me, for falling so far from grace
In 2010 my husband booked us a holiday to Europe - to visit relatives. I had a year to prepare for the trip & vowed I'd lose the weight ..... I didn't! I was so embarrassed to see my family & friends, & witness the looks of disbelief, on their faces .... I just wanted to run away & hide!
It feels easier, sometimes, to hide yourself away from a world full of hurt. To live a 'virtual' life, using social networking sites, emails texts & phonecalls, where you never have to deal with anyone face to face & can portray yourself any way you want .... but this is not really living & the only person you are fooling is yourself.
It's taken me a while, but I am not going to live in 'suspended animation' any longer .... I am back in the game & I choose life - a real one! Only I can make this happen & now that I am in it, I am in it to win it ... however long it takes

I empahtised with your sentiments, Always. Perhaps not for the same reasons, as my feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness resulted from years of abuse at the hands of my late partner, but the feelings are the same.

However, one thing is true and it is what rung in the changes for me ...

If someone cares about you then there is something about you that is worth caring for.

I honestly don't know, given the fat wreck I was, how my current partner came to love me. We have been together for nigh on thirteen years, during which time she saw me grow from a size 10 (UK) to a size 26, saw me through a full breakdown, suicidal tendencies and months of Cypramil (SSRI and I dont recommend people take them unless there is a HUGE reason). She loved me all the way through all those years and now we are devoted. I am a fully fledged, card carrying agoraphobic, and still she loves me.

I must be a lovely person to have someone like her, a wonderful, warm hearted, generous of spirit, funny, clever and gorgeous so devoted to me. So I ask myself, will I insult all and throw it back in her face by seeing myself as less than worthy of that love.

So I really like me, some days I really love me. I love my life with her and care deeply that I live my life so that it contributes something positive to us. My limitations ... the obesity, the agoraphobia, the health problems really don't stack up against the positives.

If one person, just one, cares about you they derserve it for you to respect that care and turn it inwards for yourself. Not for you to just externalise but for you to hug it close and surround yourself with the same warmth. After that those walls of loathing start to crack.

Please don't be afraid to like yourself, you are worth loving, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day and then one year ... and then one lifetime, at a time.

Even though I am only 18, in the past year I came to a point in my life which I can honestly say was my all time low. I dropped out of the fall semester of college, my bf of 2 years decided that he didn't love me anymore after I decided that I wanted him after dumping him ( mouthful right?). My family was in a crazy amount of debt that we could barely pay the rent. My job was 2 hours away by train and I sat on a desk all day listening to music and working. I would stay up every night watching movie after movie, and show after show because I NEEDED to distract my self.

I needed an escape.
My life had become unbearable. I didn't want to wake up in the morning. I stopped replying to every text and call from all of my friends and family. I continued eating for emotional comfort and I continued to pack on the weight.
I kept telling myself, I need to lose weight, I need to look hot so that he can want me again. I need to do this or that for this person. I stopped thinking about doing things for ME.

The entire reason why I never wanted to leave my house. The reason why I never spoke to anyone tried to escape reality by sleeping all day and watching tv all night was because I had nothing to show for myself. I had become a complete and total failure. A year ago I was popular and well liked by everyone, I was madly in love with my high school sweet heart who only had eyes for me, I was in decent shape too. But now I didn't go to school, I would eat all day, I got fired from my job, I would spend money recklessly.

The way I got out of it was by understanding why I was acting this way. If I felt like a failure, I know that the one way I could change that was by being positive. The only thing that would make me more positive, was losing weight. Weight had become such an obstacle for me.

"I can't see my friends until I lose 30lbs"
"I can't get into the dating scene until I lose 30lbs"
"Im going to buy $500 worth of jeans in a size 6 so I could be motivated" ( didn't work)
Everything evolved around my weight.
So take that first step.
Switch from artifical juice to natural juice.
Soda to water.
Full fat to low fat.
White to Whole Wheat.
Drink loads of water everyday to flush your system, get rid of the extra water weight and get motivated by the quick weight loss, even if its just water.

I know how hard it is and I hope that you can over come this, just take that first step. Walk for 10 minutes, so you could have something to be proud of. You'll get there.

I feel that way pretty much every day. Even when I was in great shape I've had a horrible self esteem problem. I'm doing P90X and slowly progressing and I notice myself looking better in areas and that'll help a bit but I see those parts that aren't tightening like I wanna see and it's a look in the mirror and think why bother? I hate how I look and hate to be seen like I am ... so I definitely know that daily fight I haven't a clue til I guess maybe I lose more weight and my goal is a size 6 again if it'll let up I guess we shall see.

I stopped talking to my friends and family for a year while I busily put on almost 70 pounds, so I completely know the feeling. Everyone has posted some great stuff and I completely agree with all of it! Liking yourself can start a little bit at a time, with tiny goals that make you feel accomplished.

I think encountering the Fat Acceptance Movement, really helped me realize that fat didn't have to prevent me from doing most of what I thought it "should." There were two magazines at the time BBW (Big Beautiful Woman - more a fashion magazine) and Radiance (more "activist" focused, sometimes almost militant). But the magazine featured large women, leading wonderful, full lives. I especially loved the features of extremely obese women being incredibly active - biking, running marathons, camping, hiking, swimming, walking, running, kayaking.... proving that weight alone does not make a person a couch-potato/hermit.


We're "taught" that obesity is something to be ashamed of - and something to closet away. Prior to the 20th century (and even into it), if you were mentally ill, mentally disabled, physically scarred or deformed, or even if you were just pregnant - you were expected to be kept from the sight of decent people. People closeted away (or sent away to institutions) their "unacceptable" family members. If you had a mentally handicapped child, you didn't speak about that child, and might even have a "secret" room in which the child would spend it's entire life, like an animal in a cage.

We don't do that to people any more - and we shouldn't do it to ourselves either.

Would we tell a burn victim or amputee that they were morally obligated to isolate themselves so that they didn't make "decent folk" uncomfortable?

I think it's important to realize that fat does not remove us from the human race. We're not undeserving of basic human dignity - and we not only need to treat each other as deserving human beings, we need to treat ourselves that way too.

I would never dream of telling someont with a physical or mental disability that they didn't have a right to decent human treatment and social interaction - so doing it to myself is just as wrong.

In it's own way, very poor self-worth is a kind of reverse megalomania. You have to think you're pretty darn extraordinary, if you believe that just a glimpse of your presence can ruin someone else's day.

Irrational thoughts, don't necessarily go away, just by realizing they're irrational, but it does help to remind yourself that the thoughts are not reality. Most people aren't staring or caring, and even those who are - it's their problem. What would you say to someone else in your situation?

Would you tell a friend or even an enemy "you really should stay home, you're too fat and ugly to be with people - why one look at you and everyone's going to puke!"?

If you wouldn't say it to your worst enemy, why on earth would you say it to yourself?

I've always been fairly outgoing and confident, but I did let my weight hold me back, more than I had to. Learning to be my own best friend, learning to talk to myself in positive ways wasn't exactly hard, but it was weird. Not the "talking to myself" part, because we all do that - but the "saying good stuff" part was pretty weird, but it was important because it got me to see that I did deserve good stuff. And when I treated myself like I deserved good stuff, other people treated me that way too.

I think when we hate ourselves, we almost paint a "kick me" sign on our back. It's in our body language, and it gets broadcast to the world - our posture slumps, our facial expressions show discomfort, we look at the floor when we walk, we avoid eye contact - and it broadcasts our feelings of inferiority. And it's these "signs of weakness" that provoke the bullies to attack. The snide comments, the stares and rude laughter, and sometimes even worse.

But when you feel worthy, strong and important, you hold your head high, you make eye contact, you smile, you walk with confidence, and you broadcast that to others.

Whatever you feel about your self gets broadcast by our body language - whether that's "I'm great" or "I suck." But it not only communicates with other people, it communicates to ourself as well. When you "fake" confidence and self-worth with your body language, often your disguise becomes the reality. If you stand tall, smile and make eye contact, not only will other people treat you as if you're a person of worth, you will feel like a person of worth, which is why so often self-help folks say "fake it 'til you make it." When you act as though you love and value yourself, you eventually will.

WOW - I thought I was the only person that felt this way (as if the world is staring at you, judging your every move). I still haven't worked up the courage to start walking outside around my neighborhood yet but I'm getting there.

Your post really hit home for me. I've avoided wearing skirts or shorts for YEARS. I've avoided going to the beach, going to family gatherings, hanging out with friends or going anywhere else I could be photographed.

I've hated myself for the way my body looks for YEARS. It's a horrible thing. It's so damaging. I've wished so many times that I could take a pill for my self esteem. Just pop one and "bam!" High self esteem. ****, I'd settle for average self esteem... anything other than this rock bottom crap that I've been dealing with.

I think the trick is to praise yourself for little things like Lovely was saying. Praise yourself when you do a load of dishes or vacuum or when you do your makeup before you go out or when you file your nails.

I am trying so hard to talk positive to myself, to be the support that I need and don't get enough of.

I'm still at the beginning of my journey. I haven't lost any weight yet, and I don't like my body...but I can still celebrate the little things and try really hard to see something good in my life.

Just keep hanging in there. If I've learned one thing from life, it's that I'm not alone. Even when I feel like I'm alone, I'm not.

I am not in a position to offer any advice as I struggle with some low self-esteem and self-worth issues periodically but I just wanted to say there are some absolutely amazing posts on here which have really made me think, so thank you.

wow there are some heart felt, moving and candid responses in this thread. I too can relate to a lot of this. When I was at my biggest, I hated myself So sad on reflection as we are ALL worthy of respect, attention and the air we breath no matter what we look like.
I used to avoid seeing good friends because it would mean having to leave the flat, I was so painfully conscious of my fat bits that even when I did venture out I spent the whole time trying to cover them with strategically placed bags, jackets etc. I would walk along the street, looking at people almost trying to pre empt the nasty comments.

I felt that even if people were not saying it, there was a high chance they were thinking it anyway.

Now I blend into the crowd, I
look back at the bigger me and feel so sad that I lived 5 years of my life that way. A simple movement such as heading out to shop became this monumental challenge I had to mentally prepare for. Crazy

Oh my dear, I totally understand how you're feeling. With me, though, that feeling of not wanting to go out comes and goes. Sometimes I feel confident with who I am no matter my weight, and sometimes I find myself sitting outside the hair salon not going in because I feel like I don't deserve to have pretty hair because I'm fat. I feel like a fraud, a fat girl with pretty hair, nope that won't work. The thing is, when I see other big women all dolled up I praise them for taking care of their appearance with nice clothes, hair and makeup in spite of their weight.

My mother likes to tell me that a fat woman like me MUST go the extra mile to look good because my body isn't so good. She means well, but it hurt.

I sometimes drive to the store when I can easily walk because I'm ashamed of the way I look with my big self. I feel abnormal. I hate that feeling.

Please don't feel alone, because I understand what you are saying completely. I'm actually surprised to see how many people feel the way that I do. I have to go out every day for class but to be honest, if I didn't have school, I don't think I would. I feel overwhelmingly self-conscious of myself and how I look, to the point where I've almost totally restricted myself socially. Even in class, I feel I look too disgusting to even make eye contact with those around me. I used food over the last couple of years to help me check-out emotionally. While I ate incessantly, I stopped thinking about all my problems, or at least felt soothed in that moment. Of course that was so far from reality that it's laughable.

When I am around friends/family, I don't think they really know how I feel. Or at least, I don't think they know the depth of how I feel. My mom recently told a few of my cousins that I was wanting to go on anti-depressants. I had told her that in confidence, and was just thinking about (hadn't even made a dr's appt yet), but my cousin took it upon herself to bring it up in front of a lot of people. I felt humiliated, but I denied it and just pretended I was happy like I always have. A few weeks ago, I went to a friend's birthday party and was actually laughing, socializing with people, and cracking jokes a LOT, which is strange, considering how I really felt that day (absolutely terrible). It sometimes feels like I put on a mask when I'm forced into attending social events - I automatically start acting "happy" and "normal" when I feel anything but.

I've started at a new university, and I had a chance to make friends my first week. I got invited by a group of girls to go to frat parties with them. It's not really my thing but I considered it, just to make some friends. But then I thought a bit deeper and knew there was no way I could go. One, they were all very thin, very cute girls that all dressed very nice. I don't even own anything nice. Not because I can't afford it, but because what I would like to wear would not look good on someone my size and also because what I'd like to wear doesn't come in my size. I never wear skirts or shorts - it's jeans everyday. Also, there would be guys there that I knew wouldn't look twice at me and I feel would laugh at me and get disgusted by how fat I look. I got a sick feeling just thinking about how I would feel all by myself while I stuck out like a sore thumb in a crowd full of these cute girls.

I'm terrified of public-speaking, because I feel like people will judge me and ridicule me because of my looks. If I'm out in public, and I hear a person or group of people start laughing, the first thought that jumps into my head is that they're laughing at me. I always feel like people don't want to talk to me because of how fat/ugly/etc. I look, so I have stopped making an effort to make new friends. You'd think typing that would give me a different perspective, and it does in a sense. I do realize it sounds a bit far-fetched but ultimately I feel really unworthy of happiness until I lose weight. And I don't know how to fix that.

I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but I feel so down that it feels like an impossible task. For now, I take comfort in the fact that despite how I feel I haven't given up on living my life. I must have some hope left for that, and it keeps me going. I have no real advice and am just commiserating, but I hope that things turn around for you and that you find the strength to overcome your issues.

@SlateGray: Are you me? Seriously, everything you said about how you feel about yourself could have come out of my mouth (that is, if I actually had the guts to tell someone about how I feel about myself). I'm new to this too, and don't have any advice to offer, but wanted to let you know that your post really resonated with me. I've been where you are - heck, I am where you are. I wish you all the best, really, from the bottom of my heart, because I know how it feels.

@Sophieeex3: I know exactly what you're talking about. Everything in my life evolved around my weight too, and I also do the exact same thing that you said you did. I hold things off for the "perfect" time, i.e. when I lose all the weight and feel good about myself.

I have felt ugly and gross and have not wanted to be in public for awhile now. I go to stores and get out of there as quick as I can and not make conversation with anyone. I am single and I've just about given up on finding someone because I feel too ugly and fat. I got my driver's license picture taken today and its sooo bad. The holidays are coming so fast and there will be many photo opportunites that I want to avoid so much.
I'm sorry I'm being so negative. I recently have gone off antidepressants and I'm still adjusting and learning to live without them...

wow I thought I was the only one that felt like this. There are people I haven't seen in two years from college that live in another state. I keep telling myself I will go see them when I"m skinny. It hasn't happened. I"ve held myself back from so much. I realize I need to start living life. It's hard.