[liliesinmycereal]

Wow I wonder why they ask in the first place though it's almost like you have a sign on your door saying ask me anything you feel like without regard for my life.

[VermontMom]

lilies, I'm glad you are able to start taking steps to prevent those unworthy people from trying to take advantage of you.

Lots of these great 3FC chicks who responded to you, also responded to me about a month ago when I posted that I was so hurt that friends who I did things for, did nothing for me at a crucial time.

It is a harsh truth that there are alot of moochers out there! and the sooner we can identify them as such, we can cull them

[shcirerf]

My mother raised me to be the "NICE GIRL". Don't question the adults or anyone else for that matter. Do as you are told. DO NOT GET INTO CONFRONTATIONS! If you do, BACK OFF! Give in to whatever the other person wants.

Thankfully, my father, God rest his soul was not that way. It took me a long time, to learn to say, to para phrase, UP YOURS!

I do now, realize, that sometimes you do the right thing, because it's the right thing, but sometimes, you just simply have to say NO. Not going there.

In my case, nice is one thing, being stupid is another. I learned a very hard lesson about being stupid, and it won't happen again.

[gonnadoitthistime]

WOW, I could have written many of these posts. Used to spend a lot of time trying to figure it out, having my feelings hurt BAD etc. I won't go into all the times in the distant past I have played the role, but do believe takers do find us (I moved 19 months ago, and after a couple of interactions the woman across from me was mooching bad, really checking out my things to the point of being creepy. I told her no pretty early on once I was sure. It's hard not to be bitter.
BTW I love the story about cleaning the pool before you swim, GENIUS!
What I try to tell myself is that when users find me, it is because they are attracted to my good traits, generosity, strength, and knowledge. I just try really hard to get rid of people quick. Heck, I even had a woman I barely knew get really pissed when I told her I couldn't meet with her to help her with her paper and every time I saw her she made some really sarcastic nasty comment until I changed seats.

[MiniMeee]

For some reason this post reminded me of those people who arrive at the movie theater LATE and then ask you to move over to accommodate their party. Selfishness and rudeness is epidemic these days!!

[bitetoobreakkskin]

i feel EXACTLY what you're saying. i live with my husbands family who treat me like dirt, but expect me to jump when they say. because i am so kind hearted, it hurts more to say no to them, than it does to take what they dish back. i have an 8 month old who is learning to talk, and my mother in law is teaching her mama caca. really??? thats the thanks i get for helping you pay your bills, breaking my lease so i can help you get a house, and taking care of your son (my bro in law) that is out of control???? i didnt read any post but yours and to sum this up..i feel you!!

[thatmainchick]

I know it sounds selfish but just decided I had to put my needs above others. I have found that I am constantly battling the exact same thing. To cope with dealing with people trying to walk all over me. I just started to get where I didnt want to be around anyone at all and I didnt want to help anyone who I knew would not return the same caring gestures. Like you help a person move but when you are moving they wont bother to help you or they are to busy you know.

In fact it seemed like I found myself surrounded by people like that and I started wondering if I was attracting people who acted that way cause I wasnt taking good care of myself so they didnt see a reason to want to do things or help when I needed it in return.

I am still battling this now in fact and I started making an effort to try and be around loving people that are not going to be that way toward me.

I was raised in a house hold where I was told asking for help from other people or accepting things given to me was a bad thing. But at the same time the idea of you giving was such a great thing. It was like almost like the people around me were using it as a source of pride saying look at all these individuals I am helping and I dont need help. That was the other thing. so I kind of end up surrounding yourself with people that dont give back but taking everything you put out.

Especially with boyfriends. i dated many guys that saw me as only good enough to do stuff to help them out but I was not good enough to be taken around there friends or treated like a girlfriend. Like it was ok for me to take care of them but God forbid I ask for anything back. One guy even told me if I wanted to be his girlfriend I had to do certain things like buy him new clothes and shoes.

At the end of the day it will just drain a person dry emotionally. People expecting them to be be there backbone or support system but acting as if you are not good enough to be treated the same. I started blaming myself for the treatment and I realized they were the ones that were wrong and I needed to be around others that were willing to treat me as well as I would treat them.

I think Before this I just thought I must have done something to deserve it but I realize not that I have been cutting myself off from the blessing of being around truly loving people by refusing to accept help from others and not demanding more from others.

I seem some of the same individuals that wouldn't help me fall all over themselves to help someone else and It just came down to the fact that they were not the friends I really thought they were.

The bible says "no man is good." Not meaning that humans are bad people but I think there is a fine line between a person being a loving caring individual and a person just being outright selfish and only taking from others. I started just seeing that I was allowing people to mistreat me and making excuses saying, but they are so kind or good or loving or this or that but at the end of the dayy if a person is only out to serve themself how truly good are they. Treat yourself well and be around those that will be able to fill your needs and you can do the same for them no strings attached.

[thatmainchick]

Originally Posted by shcirerf

My mother raised me to be the "NICE GIRL". Don't question the adults or anyone else for that matter. Do as you are told. DO NOT GET INTO CONFRONTATIONS! If you do, BACK OFF! Give in to whatever the other person wants.

Thankfully, my father, God rest his soul was not that way. It took me a long time, to learn to say, to para phrase, UP YOURS!

I do now, realize, that sometimes you do the right thing, because it's the right thing, but sometimes, you just simply have to say NO. Not going there.

In my case, nice is one thing, being stupid is another. I learned a very hard lesson about being stupid, and it won't happen again.

I have been raised the exact same way. My mom has this Do as I say not as I do attitude about everything. I have unfortunately been forced to live with her for financial reasons and one day when I didnt do exactly what she wanted when she said so so burst into my room screaming at me cause I didnt drop everything to attend to her needs.

I think it was something stupid too. like she wanted me to wash her back while she was in the bath tube. But she wouldnt hand me a fork even if she was standing next to the dish rack. She once left me stranded for 5 hours at a gas station when my car quit on me. My brother runs a tow truck company and he said he would pick me up when he basically felt like he had some time to do it. I sat in a parking lot with no air condition on a very hot day cause she just didnt feel like leaving the house.

Sometimes even your own family can be full of Ish.

[astrophe]

Wow I wonder why they ask in the first place though it's almost like you have a sign on your door saying ask me anything you feel like without regard for my life.

Because people who are chronically FRESH are emotional vampires. They do not care about your or regard your life or your needs. It is about THEM and THEIR needs because didn't you know? They hog center stage of the world!

Learn about them, and how to defend.

http://www.albernstein.com/id55.htm

Just because you say NO doesn't mean you aren't a nice person. It just means it doesn't work for your schedule, desire, interest, inclination, etc. Not a biggie. We all have calendars that fill up. And YES, rest and quiet time are needed things.

Learn to say "Oh, that sounds great. But not for me this time. I have other obligations that day!" even if the obligation is for you to go home and take a nap.

And let it go. Saying NO to other people means saying YES to yourself like you think you are important too, and ought to have some time on your own calendar.

I had one calling and calling and I kept say no and no and guess what? Eventually stopped calling to ask me to do nonsense because she found other people to bother who would get suckered into her crisis o' the day. It was always crisis after crisis for her. Lack of planning on HER part does not mean it has to be a crisis on MY part.

A.