[astrophe]

1) -- See someone for the anxiety/depression/panic thing. Your BF could be the greatest guy ever but he's not a professional, and even if he was, it would be a conflict of interest for him to be your doc person! If you are having health problems of COURSE it is going to color your perspective, and truthfully? Living with a depressed person is no picnic!

2) Def get out more, make friends. Find things to belong to -- church, volunteer groups, social clubs, etc. Learn your new town! Get to that dance class!

3) How old are you guys? You mention going back to school in fall and then his "don't rub it in my face" comment... It makes me think you guys are young? 20's? If so, that is a part of it too. Young people don't necessarily have all their relationship skills honed. You have to learn as you go along.

4)What did you think it would be like living with a partner? Or being married to one? It is largely parts of this:

see him everyday but when were together we mainly just watch TV, we never go anywhere or do anything. He does a lot for me like my laundry, he cooks for me and stuff.

...with some fun time thrown in here and there. But the bulk of it is just... daily living stuff. Nobody can afford for it to be theme parks every night and even if they did have oodles to spend... people still need sleep to go to school, work, do chores, etc.

Maybe you didn't have clear expectations? Or are going through the adjustment to the realities of a long-term, live-in thing? Usually when people are at the date-y phase, it's going out to movies and to eat and ... very "entertainment" oriented and "on my best behaviour."

When real life steps back in because the relationship is at a different level... some people feel kind of blah. The NRE has worn off so that high is wearing thin. (New Relationship Energy). And they haven't been together long enough to know what the ORE will become or how to best appreciate it. (Old Relationship Energy.)

And they have their hair down -- so you see them when crabby, with morning breath, etc. It isn't spit and polish and best behavior like on a first date.

Def take care of yourself, but keep things in perspective.

GL!
A.

(PS Of course, if he's being abusive or something serious like that... get rid of him! You don't need that on top of a health condition like depression! )

[SugarComa]

He left me tonight.... so I guess all of this is pointless now. Thank you everyone for your concerns and advice... I am now in a strange town with no one... I am not even sure what to do I dont want to stay here.

[eclipse]

I'm sorry

[Ferumbras]

Oh honey... I'm so sorry. But on the up side, at least now you have a definite answer and can deal with a concrete situation as opposed to a lot of what-ifs.

I'm sure that's not much comfort right now, but trust me, things will get better.

Is it possible for you to move back home, even temporarily? Alternately, you can look at this as a new challenge, one that you will overcome. I know what it's like to be where you are. It's depressing, scary, and just leaves you with a no good very bad day feeling. But you'll get through this, whether you stay or go. Don't back down on your idea to try to find a dance class/group or the other things you were contemplating. Now more than ever you should try to reach out to find some new people, and entirely on your own terms.

Whatever you decide, I know you'll be fine.

[SugarComa]

It is devistating... He is telling me to gather all of his stuff and he will do the same. My internet is in his name because it was cheaper... I cant afford it on my own so now I wont even have the support of this site...

[Ferumbras]

Can you use the internet at work? Or at the local library? Some coffee shops have free wi-fi as well. Not that those are permanent solutions, but they can at least help you stay connected if you want to be, even if it's only once or twice a week.

[technogirl]

I am so sorry!

[JOLINA]

Go to the library and use the computers there. And while you are there check and see if they have a book club and when it meets.

Get out a yellow pages and call all the local churches, synagogues, etc. A lot of them have social clubs. The clubs have a lot of outings and get-togethers.
You will meet a lot of new friends that way.

Some newspapers also have calendars of events and post various club activities. The local universities also have clubs to join.

You are too young to stay at home. Get out and enjoy life for a change.
You will find that there are a lot of lonely people out there that need a new friend like you. All the people attending these events are sick and tired of sitting at home. They need to get out as much as you do. And they are looking for new friends also.

[patns]

I won't say I'm sorry because in the future you will likely look back and say thank goodness you didn't end up with this guy. It seems as though he was wasting your time. Can you move back home?

[SugarComa]

Thanks again everyone for your support and great advice. I have been trying to deal with this the best I can but breakup = depression and depression = binge eating and I have gained 2 pounds back.... I feel terrible about myself and I feel so defeated.

[astrophe]

Can you move back home? Call your parents? Get help?



A.

[SugarComa]

My dad doesnt want me to move back in... and my lease isnt up for several more months I honestly dont know what to do. I wish I had never moved here but since I did and I cant change that now... I dont know if I should just skip out and go back home or stick it out and prove that I can do this with or without him.

[bargoo]

Plan to stay here until your lease is up, that will give you time to decide what to do. In the meantime .I see you have a job, do the best you can on your job so you will have a good reccomendation if you decide to leave. Every day tell yourself I don't have to decide today , I will give it one more day and in the meantime go to the dance class , and yes, use the library for internet, do you like to read, join a book club, if you go to church find one that has a young peoples group. And remind yourself you deserve better and it will get better. There is a lot of truth to the old saying , we have to kiss a lot of frogs before we find the prince. Good luck and take care of yourself.

[Lovely]

Originally Posted by SugarComa

My dad doesnt want me to move back in... and my lease isnt up for several more months I honestly dont know what to do. I wish I had never moved here but since I did and I cant change that now... I dont know if I should just skip out and go back home or stick it out and prove that I can do this with or without him.

Stay the months. Stick it out. You do NOT want it on your credit rating that you skipped out of a lease.

Ask your parents now about moving back at the end of the lease. Then do so if possible.

Be selfish right now. Do things for YOU. You deserve to take care of yourself.

[Stopfat]

Yeah--I'll offer my 2 cents too.
I agree that you are socially isolated because of your move, and you need to have a support system that extends outside of your boyfriend.

Go out and make some kind of support system for yourself. Take classes, join a club, start participating in a hobby, or volunteer for a political or social cause you believe in. Join a reading group or go to a gym. Definitely fill your schedule up and don't seem like you are just waiting around for Boyfriend to grace you with his presence.

However, he doesn't sound all that great. If he interferes or complains about you're support system (with no good reason), or if he continues to dismiss your feelings and ideas, then let him go. If he tries to keep you from doing what you love or trying new things, then let him go. The first thing to do is to take care of yourself before worrying about the relationship. Although he cannot expected to be your only emotional and social outlet, if he can't be adequately emotionally supportive while you are doing the best you can to take care of yourself emotionally (by doing activities that I suggested above) then he is no good for you.