Wrong Thread Maybe?
Well to start off I am completely new to this Forum and this thread specifically. After searching through the different subject matter I landed on depression since...well I wouldn't be what I weight now if it weren't for that. The problem is...I think I may be too healthy for this area? I no longer suffer from depression and I rarely get hit with the anxiety that once crippled me. So why stay?
Maybe because people need to see that you can come out on the other side.
Backstory:
My family is nutty! Costa Rican/Italian with some Russian thrown in there for good measure. We are loud, obnoxious and have been found to throw things when upset. Most of my family suffers from some kind of mental disorder...you name it, we have it! Severe depression, anxiety, bi-polar...etc. So basically I was pre-disposed to it by "nature" before "nurture" got me the rest of the way. Anxiety...which caused depression, which caused me to eat to feel better, which caused weight gain...can you see the cycle? Anyway, we lived on cattle ranches, worked cattle from horseback, later were homeless and then land owners. Skipping past all those key moments that help shape us like deaths in the family and sexual molestation, I arrived in college 145lbs and prepared to live by myself for the first time. I met my soon to be husband and immediately gained the freshman 10. My boyfriend went back to England for a year and I gained about 80 lbs. Food had always been my solace, it had always given me that brief moment of relief from the pain, fear and confusion and it kept me sane when I was all alone and close to the breaking point.
Skip forward again after years of struggling with my anxiety, depression, weight, self-esteem and self image I moved back home (with hubby in tow) to live with my parents. I started reading the same books they were...and found hope. Positive thinking...what a frickin concept! Could it be that damn simple? Apparently yes it could be...with some help. 5-HTP....my godsend....after years of wondering, turns out I suffered from not producing enough seratonin (happy chemical). I have NEVER wanted to take medication and I have tried everything else, group, single and hypnotherapy. Makes me laugh that what worked was the medication. For the first time in my life I feel safe, sane and happy. I can finally begin my journay back down the number scale and reach the point that I started from...145.
So, I apologize for the size of this post but I want every single one of you to know there is hope...that you can be healthy and happy and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I happy to lend an ear and if you want...advice. <3
-G
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