Hi everybody. I miss you all. I've just been very busy and tired. I wanted to let you know I'm still around and wishing you all well.

Awesome cakes momof4!!! They will always remember those.

I have just been a lurker here so far, but I'm going through a depressive episode so it seems like a good time to chime in!

This one's triggered by the realization that nothing I wear looks good on me. Literally, nothing. I have a large closet full of hundreds of items, I spend like there's no tomorrow on clothes, and yet I feel ashamed leaving the house in any of it. I don't even know what my style is anymore - my only criteria for clothing these days is that it "sort of fit." I keep changing my hair, hoping for a quick style fix, but since my hair isn't the problem, it's also not the solution.

The weirdest and worst part is that I feel like other overweight girls are somehow "better" at being overweight than I am. So many of them look comfortable and stylish and downright adorable, and I'm just physically uncomfortable and stressed all the time and I know people can smell my bad attitude a mile away and that's repellant.

It isn't just the clothes, of course - that's merely this round's trigger, and boom - I'm face-down in bed for a week.

Just checking in to say hey. Hope everyone is doing well. Have a great weekend.

Hey all and welcome Scoot.
I'm finally over my week of anxiety and depression. I weighted myself and I have lost another pound. It is the first time I lost weight during such a bad depression incident, so I'm proud.

@Marie I hope your sis finds some serenity soon and you with her. It must be very stressful to be both pregnant and without a partner to help through the changes. I hope I'm not stepping out of line by sharing this, but sex is actually one of the few things along with excersize that keeps the depression and anxiety at bay. Ocytocin levels rise thanks to it, so for me it was vital to ignore the low libido of depression and have a very active sex-life with my fiance. It is a very good medicine.

@Vermont Did you have a roadtrip with your bike yet? How are you coping with your loss?

Best wishes to all of you and give depression the finger for me

Thanks bonnie hope your well?

Marie sorry to hear thing aint to good hopr things get better soon.

Momof4 those cakes look lovely yum yum

chubbykins welldone on the loss and im glad your feeling abit better xxx

hey everyone and welcome scoot

This week has just gone on and on and got worse i wont bore you with the details.
Im trying to stay positive but but there is always something to knock it out of me.

hope every one else is doing better then me, take care chicks xx

Hello and welcome to Scoot I know what you mean about some chicks who might be overweight but they dress nicely and carry themselves so well it doesn't seem to matter.

Hey hope!! good to hear from you sorry that you're tired, from working the two jobs I bet!

momof4, those b-day cakes were so great! Yes I bet the kids were over-the-top happy about receiving them.

marie, we know you are dealing with your sister...hugs to you and her!

hi ems how are those exams, and hope you're able to do a workout to relieve the stress

chubbykins, hey you congrats on being down a pound! even with a bad week. lol, yes we will give depression the finger, I like that visual! Haven't had a real long ride on my bike yet, the weather has NOT been cooperating and I do need a bigger windshield but at least I have a bike to ride when the weather does decide to be better. I meant to comment a few days ago about your post, where you said you couldn't even tell your family about your illness because they are used to listening to your hypochondriac sister and wouldn't believe you..that sux!

hi bonnie hope you're doing okay!

I am a little worried about my knee pain, for the 1st time I can see that it is a little swollen, just trying to rest it and think positive

I have off today, not because its a holiday but because I just have Mondays off. But I hope to get on the bike and try to find a Memorial Day parade somewhere to watch .

to all here for us to feel GOOD for sustained periods!!!

Hey guys... this will be quick because I'm at work, just wanted to say "Hi". I'm sorry I haven't been posting lately, I realize you have to give support to get it so I don't want to be the one who pops in... rants away then logs off. It's just been so hard lately, I haven't been so much sad but lethargic. The house and yard is disgusting (don't even ask about my husband doing it, we all know he's nearly useless), the dogs haven't been worked enough and there's days when I don't even feed the fish. To be honest I've been thinking of giving the fish up... I can't decide if they make me happy anymore, I almost never watch them. When I do watch them I get like little blips of an improved mood but it's just that... a little blip... then flatline. I have 4 tanks right now.

Boss won't want anything in return, I almost think he does stuff like this because he knows I'm close to leaving. If hubby had a steady job I'd probably take the risk and jump into something new. I might anyway if I see something good come along. They weren't able to totally fix my truck, they couldn't replace the oil pan like they had planned. But they managed to weld the current one so it only leaks a very little bit. I was going through a liter of oil in 3-4 days before, now it's still slightly over full with the oil hubby put in last weekend. So that's a good thing.. but now the rad is leaking. Hubby says he's selling it and getting me something else... I don't care anymore, especially since he never did get me a new grill, hood & door. I'm tired of driving something that looks as though I smashed it up when it was that way when we bought it. I'm still glad we only payed $800 but it wasn't even worth that.

Snoop and Chase are getting along more so... though now Snoop loves playign with the neighbors 4 month old puppy and so when Chase tries to play with Snoop (he has no interest in the puppy) he gets ignored if the puppy is over. I'm thinking of not having her over nearly so much. Everyone here loves her... who wouldn't.

One good thing... hubby finally got called by the people who put him through 3 interviews. They said his video conference with their tech was a little shakey, but they'd like to give him a chance to prove that he can (and will) learn the stuff he needs to like he said. So they've invited him to spend a week with their tech in the town he's based in (3 hours from here) for a sort of working evalulation. If he can pass that then we think they'll give him the job. It looks like a really good company but I can't let myself get excited.

See... now I've gone and ranted again and not payed attention to any of you. This will be the last time, I promise.

Aunty Jam, I'm so sorry I skipped you from my 'personals' - it wasn't intentional!!! I scrolled down to see recent posts and just responded to those names...you know you are a high-ranking Depression Person to me and you are allowed to come in or out whenever you need to!!!

glad the vehicle got fixed somewhat...better. I agree, you shouldn't have to drive (and put your trust into) a smashed looking vehicle when you work hard. Best wishes for the prospective job for hubster.

I don't know enough about your fish to give comment...? have you had them a long time? do they have names I'm not much help, sorry.

I wish I had someone to ride with me this afternoon, but I will just go out on my own. Beautiful sunny and warm!!! a rarity here so I'd better take advantage of it.

hugs to ALL

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I wish I had someone to ride with me this afternoon, but I will just go out on my own. Beautiful sunny and warm!!! a rarity here so I'd better take advantage of it.
[QUOTE]

i bet your ride was lovely and relaxing (i am jealous)
i have been looking at bikes but money is an issue at the moment but hoping to have a bike before the winter sets in.

Aunty Jam, glad you hear your still around dont worry about the personals just have a rant we all do it often enough, i do it alot i like the fact your guys understand what i am going though and can give advice with out knowing me, it helps alot. hope things pick up for you soon darling xxx

As for me well today has been ok we went to mothering laws for dinner and it was good to unwind.
still not good with sister but we are working on things.
I have came out in spots and a cold sore over the weekend i think its the stress spent the day eating lots of green veg to try and help i need the vitamins.

Hope everyone else is ok
Take care

M xx

Marie-good you got to unwind...hope the cold sores heal up

Aunty-good to see you....crossing my fingers your dh gets that job that would b wonderful for you guys and not have to struggle sooo much!!

vermont-thanks about the cakes, hope the knee is ok....did you enjoy your ride?

ems-thanks!

chubby-awesome on the weight loss!!!!

Boonie-hope you had a great weekend!!

leenie- miss you!!!

Hope- how are things going???

Scoot- Im sorry things are so rough...let me give you some advice...excercise makes you feel 100 times better even if you are still over weight....when I did not excercise I felt ugly and awful EVERY single day. now as a fat person that excercises I feel super and more confident about myself. Now I know its hard to do when your extremely depressed but if some how some way you can just do something i am SURE it will help!!


If I forgot anyone Im sorry!!! I hope everyone had a good weekend and great holiday!

FINALLY had a close to perfect (in my world) day!!! Got up at 8:30 with the kids (they were up a little before, my 8 year old got me around 8 to ask if he could get a shower....lol) I went to bed early so I think that helped!!! Then got them breakfast and got their suits together. We went to the gym and I worked out for over an hour then took them swimming at the gym for about 45 minutes and all 6 of them were sooo good!!!! I was very happy!! Then home for lunch and time to clean!!! so the house is about an 8 (on a 1-10scale) of clean!! Probably wont be a perfect 10 for ohh another 15 years haha!!!! Then husband grilled some burgers....and I made funnel cakes for dinner!!! kids were exhausted and asking for a nap around 7 haha (they had no nap after cleaning played outside!) Tom is gone and he took his grumpy pants with him THANK THE LORD!!!! Only thing left I could do is fold these 6 baskets of clean clothes but I think that will be on tomorrows list since the cleaning is done!! I kinda wanna go shower and shave then watch a movie!!! Some down time for me!!!

Oh my picture was in the paper yesterday for my weight loss!! It was in our city paper.......scary!!! lol

HOPING tomorrow will be another good day!!! lol

OH best part was the scale went down 2 more lbs after not moving for 2 weeks!!! YIPEEE!!!

You guys are all so warmly welcoming!

I'm relieved to report that the foul mood surrounding my last post didn't spiral into a full-blown episode, and I hope that everyone else is doing okay as well and had a pleasant weekend.

Just stopping in quick to say hi. Wishing you all well. Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Hey all! I hope you are alright.

I'm doing fairly ok atm. My only problem is, I started eating low carb five days ago and my apetite is totaly gone. And by that I mean I do NOT want to eat period. I forcefeed myself anyways of course. I didn't have any pains or anything, I simply am totaly bored of food. I'm starting to fear its the depression again, now attacking just another thing I used to like and ruining it for me. Why can't I just find a healthy ballanced mindset for once? I am really trying.

Best wished to you all!