Vermont - that is so beautiful and a lovely way to remember her, hope your doing ok.

mom - I cant go into details but i have a friend who i go to when i need cheering up, he tells me how beautiful. we are not having an affair never had I just love the attention and being made to feel gorgeous, he is also my closest friend and is properly the only person on the planet who knows the real me. but there is a fine line and sometime i wounder if i am on the wrong side of it. be care honey, but you sound as if you know what you are doing.

Bonnie - thanks it was nice to relax but now its back to work and tired marie again

hope everyone else is ok today xxx

Just stopping in to say hey and hope everyone has a great Wednesday!

Hey everyone... thanks for thinking of me. After a chilly week of cold showers and bbqing we got the gas turned back on. Hubby managed to make payment arrangements so the power wasn't turned off though they're still threatening... um.. hello??? Payment arrangements people??? Give us a break! The internet was off for quite a while, then the cell phones... I realize these last two things are luxeries but they're both on contracts from better times.

Recently my truck started to over heat, luckly hubby was able to fix it since it was only a loose hose. Gave me a scare though! A dozen people stop by my office all the time and say "Did you know your truck is seriously leaking something???" When I tell them yes they say "Why don't you get it fixed.. I know a guy...". I actually drew a lemon on a yellow post-it and wrote "YES, I know it leaks!" and tapped it to the back window. I was grumbling about it to my boss and he told me he'd help my hubby fix it in the shop bay! Boss has replaced oil pans before and knows what he's doing and there's a heavy duity crane in the shop (they have to lift the engine). Plus the shop is huge so lots of room to work and well lit! I can't believe it! Double plus... he's giving up his long weekend saturday to do this. He's making it very hard for me to hate him! The man is a slightly racist red neck who gives me all of his work to do, can't get me a raise and then turns around and spends a day fixing my truck? WTH!??!?!?! This is the second time he's helped us out with vehicles in less then 6 months.

So I don't know.. it's been very up and down here. Hubby had 3 interviews with the same company within a week but now we haven't heard anything from them in two weeks. Most of me is ready to throw in the towel but a small part of me hangs on.

Mom - you're so funny and sweet "Don't even read my post...". You look great in your picture, keep going. I wish I could say I've lost but I've actually gained... I'm avoiding the scale.

Vermont - Your poem is very sweet.. did you write it?

Hi everyone else... sorry I can't do more personals, there's just too much.

hey everyone hope your all doing well iv been busy with exams over the past 2 weeks i still have 3 to go. I finally got my gyne appointment woohoo 6th june should finally gte some sort of answers off the consultant xxx

Girls I do not know what my issues are but I am in this awful funky where I havent ate well at all crave everything and anything...break down this week and feel like I am going to lose my mind...Not into helping anyone...like I am always willing to listen and help people but have no interest...have not much interest in posting on fb and I am usually always posting....I HATE THIS.....

Hi everyone

vermont, I going to take the plung and get my bike licence again, you where so right its fun and i can get to work so much quicker now to find a bike and get going again

Aunty Jam, I really feel for you, money worries are the worst, i hope things start to improve for you soon honey.

Hi ems, well done on getting this far in your exams, good luck with the last 3, I bet it will be a massive relief when your done, are you doing anything to celebrate?

Mom, hang in there honey feeling like this will pass are you on any meds?

My week has been awful, on wednesday I get a phone call from my little sister who is 6 months preggers she asked if she could come and stay at mine for a while, so i said yes, this is the 2nd time this month she has come to stay as she is not getting on with her DH. So she came full of tears but she is feeling better now more positive about things but she is not going back to him, so she is looking for a house to rent. She has no money as her bank account was cleared through fruad so she is waiting for the money to be given back through insurance, so i will have to help her and my dad has said he would to, but we need to find £2000 for a deposit and i am pretty broke
So she will be here for a while, i have a small 2 bed place and not enough room for us 4 as it now we have her staying its tight.
I have been helping her as well as getting on with my 4:45am wake up calls and full days at work i m totally shattered, so what did i do? I got trashed last night so feeling awful today.
I like that i can help her but totally upset that my baby sister is going through this when preggers, i went through it myself with my eldest child and its awful i just hopes she finds someone like i did who will support her and the baby
Any im off to feed sister AGAIN lol all she does is sit and eat, but she is slim so it wont hurt

Take care everyone xx

Oh Marie, that is so sad for your little sister, what a terrible time for her to feel she has to leave him..bless you for taking her in even though you don't have the space! and yay for you taking the plunge to get your license again! I have read how easy it is in the USA, compared to UK (as, we can start riding on any size cc )

ems, good luck with your remaining exams! and glad you have the appt. in early June.

momof4, we know how caring and involved you usually are!! I sure hope you are back to feeling like yourself real soon. And keep your awesome progress pic in mind, to keep you focused on your goals! and thanx so much for your concern about my grieving about my Mom, you are great I KNOW your kids will think that highly of you also!! they realize stuff until they reach a certain age, either late teen-age or once they're out of the house...and definitely once they become parents themselves, they WILL remember you being a great mom to them

Aunty Jam, that is weird that the boss, who is a jerk in some ways, is helping. ? I would say watch out for him wanting a 'favor' in return but obviously he knows your married and he's helping your husband too. Can't figure some people out! I was shivering when I thought of your cold showers. So glad the power is back...but I also share your grrr-ing at folks who give a hard time accepting payment plans. Come on, do they think we want things that way??

how are Snoop and Chase getting along? oh and I can't take credit for that poem, I found it online.

Hi bonnie are you feeling better in regards to your hormones? yeah, a visit to the GYN is nothing any of us ever really look forward to, lol.

and Hi to everyone else. I didn't work out at all last week during Opening at the club (work) though ate within reason. This week i had no excuse not to work out but still didn't!! and didn't eat well. So I was HAPPY as heck when I got on the scale and saw i haven't gained. But I wanna be lower!! So this afternoon I did a Gilad strength tape, and severely watched everything i put in my mouth. Feeling hungry now at 8:45 pm but I won't eat anything!

thanks girls....feeling better when I got up today....so hopefully still feel good tomorrow....Back to the gym since I didnt go fri, sat or sun!!!! Going to bake my 3rd cake in less than a week...catch up lata!

good to hear you are feeling a little bit better mom

Vermont, I am enjoying just looking for a bike at the moment, I want a BMW K1100 (red) such a sexy bike. DH is already moaning about me being a speed freak and I should get a smaller engine but im holding out

Things are going from bad to worse with little sister, i am trying to help her but getting her to face up to the reality of the situation she just cries, i need to find her a place to live before the bubba is born but she wants to move miles away from me or mum or dad and be on her own i don't think she understands how hard being a single mum is going to be and it will just be 10X's harder with no family around.
Its stressing me out quite a lot iv had a head ache for the last few days i just don't know how i can help her. I just have to be here for her when it all goes wrong i guess, its so heart breaking

Hey all First of all sorry for not having checked in for a while. I had one of my very low weeks, filled with surprise burdens and plenty of mental blackness.
I won't go into boring details. Just having a tought time with work, family and Uni all in one... and exams are around the corner. Oh well... I do feel better now.
It is the first time in my life depression actually made me eat less than I should than more. I also doubled my excersize which wasn't very healthy either considering my meager diet. I won't weigh myself until this anxiety with life in general is gone.
Does depression ever make you feel like useless scum? My fellow students of my year have almost all graduated by now, because I sat alone in my room staring at the ceiling for three years... I'm not only seen as someone lazy now when I used to be the top student, I also don't having anything to show for those three years. I didn't party, or travel, or play games with friends... I just lost three years of what was supposed to be the pinacle of my life. And I still can't tell my parents that I have Major depression, because my elder sister is a hypochondriac liar and my family is so used to hearing her lies about diseases that they won't believe me.

Oh well. Sorry for the rant I know I should be saying something nice after not having showed up for so long.
Best wishes to you all!
Nyargh... enough whining. Sorry for the rant.

vermontmom, congrats on not gaining that is always a pleasant surprise especially if you are expecting the opposite.
marie, it is so thoughtful to take care of your sister. Getting a bike sounds exciting too.
chubbykins, hope things are better for you.

Doing ok. I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself but I know that does no good so I think I have talked myself out of the worst of it. I think about the poor people enduring all those tornadoes and that puts things in perspective pretty quick.

Thanks girls i can not wait for these exams to be over and done with there so stressfull and making me wanna eat loads of junk

Marie i hope things ge better for you and your sister x

Holly i havent exercised much due to exams and its stressing me out as it is a release for me when i exercise and improves my mood. xxx

chubbykins i hope you feel better soon

Bonnie i hope you feel better also

momof4 can u cook me a deluxe cake aswell please it may cheer me up hehe xx

Hi chicks

hope everyone is doing ok today
I feel like sh1t today all this stress with sister, then me and DH had a big fight because i have no interest in sex anymore so i flipped and said he knows im ill and should just get used to it and the more it he goes on the less chance he has of getting anything.
Then my dad calls me he is worried about my sister and everyone is stressed its just bad, we are good people and we get all this stress there is something not right
i have a banging tension head ache and i just want to cry

Totally had enough today, as soon as DH comes home with the food shopping I am having dinner and going to bed, i hope tomorrow is better

Take care everyone xx

I put the pics up of the two school cakes I made! Well one was a cupcake cake...They aren't perfect but they were for the kids!
Tom came and I have a massive headache. Today in the store the kids werent bad but I had to force myself and remind myself to get the scowl off my face. I just want to be happy. I am going to have to just face the issue and sit my dh down for a talk. I am going to journal for a week or two what he does do....so its not just a your not meeting my emotional needs with no proof....blah. I want to be happy...I was trying to not find my happiness in a man and I am happy with myself and changing myself but I don't want someone to come along and fill that need and put me in a bad situation again...sigh...I do want things to work with him...idk....

My gym schedule has been thrown to the crapper this week and I don't like it!!!

Hope you are all well!! I would so make you all a cake to feel better just use some healthy ingredients so you could eat it and not feel guilty!!!

Have a good night everyone!!

ems, will be sending you positive thoughts on your exams. I'm sure you'll do fine.

marie, when it rains it pours, hang in there things will get better.

mom, the cakes look so cool. Wow you are really talented.

vermontmom-hope everything is going well.

Doing ok today just watched Oprah's last show. There was alot to think about during the show alot of the advice she gave over the years summed up. She has alot of profound advice. The one thing that stuck with me is what she said about worthiness and how alot of people think they are worthy but until you really know you are worthy and are worthy just for the shear fact of being born you cannot reach your potential. I had one of her "aha" moments. I think that shift in thinking is what I need to nudge myself to stay the course and continue to take small and maybe even bigger steps to increase my quality of life and find peace of mind.