good morning, I will say that even though they don't always seem good. I'm trying very hard to be thankful for the simple things, being mobile, a house, warmth, food. Oh and dentists. Went yesterday to have 2 cavities filled (have 3 more to go!) and it was over $400. It sucks not having insurance. BUT we can pay it..so I am grateful for that.

I didn't exercise yesterday, for the first time in a long time. as always I can do a workout tape every day no problem(well except for yesterday) but keeping away from the cakey sweets at work when I'm alone? I've been FAILING!! I hate the lack of control. But I will keep trying.

Hi to you all

Happy Summer all you Southern Hemispherers

...or if you're near where I am, happy torrential rains >_> It's always really droughty or really rainy, but never the right mix of both. GOSH GET IT RIGHT WEATHER! It's supposedly really sunning and nice in the mornings, but my sleep is so buggered that I don't wake up until afternoon, and I don't feel like getting dressed and going outside until its already gotten cloudy.

Im feeling really hyper and happy right now, which is weird because its 2am and I *should* be sleeping, and about 4 hours ago I'd worked myself into a panicy weepy state of 'nobody actually likes me, they all think I'm disgusting and just keep me around because they feel sorry for me'...for the third time this week. Silly brain, get your emotions right!

Vermontmom~ It must suck having to fork out so much cash for the dentists, specially with all the other medical bills you have to be paying. But you're right, it's the little things we need to be most grateful for, cause they end up being the most important

...or at least that's how it's supposed to work, I think :P

something I did this afternoon cause I was bored was write on one of those fund-raiser wristbands 'SRUH!', which stands for 'stop! Are you hungry?' Yes, i thought it was silly at the time too, but later on I saw that packet of tasty but small'n'carb dense packet of satay rice in the cupboard, and went and readed for it...till i saw the wristband. It worked!

Maybe you should make one that says "Back off the cupcake, cupcake!"

Hi everyone! I hope no one minds accepting a new person into the fold, but this forum is the only one I need to be in right now. I'll introduce myself...

I have been trying to lose weight for almost 9 years, since having my first child. I was successful once and got almost under 200 pounds only to have a major lifestyle change that dropped my new healthy habits. I am now at my highest weight, feel miserable, and I am just so unhappy.

The problem is I can't stay out of bed to work toward weight loss. That sounds lazy to most people, so I am hoping people in a depression forum can see more into it. I just want to curl up and pull the blankets over my head all day and not think about anything. I work at home so after the kids go to school and the house is quiet it is so hard to make myself do anything but stare blankly at the TV or curl up in bed.

I have been struggling more with this over the past couple months and have tried scheduling my time and mapping out my day in a variety of ways, but the depression gives in and I end up in bed. Then I wake up around noon, feel guilty for all the time I wasted, and once again go under the covers until time to go get the kids.

I don't want to go to bed, but there is no ambition or drive to do anything else. It's like my brain shuts down, I feel so groggy, and I can't focus. I end up staring blankly at the computer rather than working then just give up and go to bed. I can't really focus and get productive until my kids come home, and then I'm in a panic to make up overdue work.

I don't have insurance right now so can't see a doctor for depression, so I'm hoping reaching out to others will help. This is something I have struggled with most of my life, but never to this extent. Never to the point I could not keep myself from lying in bed all day or doing other mind-numbing things that aren't productive.

So, I just want to join the group and hopefully find some strategies to get over this. when I lost the weight last time I had to overcome this as well, but I had small children back then and they kept me up and on task during the day... now it's just me and the depression is winning.

summer-I wish is was summer here!!!

purple-welcome. I totally hear you...it is hard to win over depression sometimes.

I was down with the flu all day yesterday....throwing up and my whole body ached. I think today I am dehydrated cause I couldnt keep anything down yesterday and I have a MASSIVE headache today....I am going to lay down didnt get much accomplished but dont care I cant really think.

Hey summershine, this Cupcake DOES need to back away from the cupcakes I actually gave myself a huge kick in the rear today and had one portion of a sensible dinner; have made a pot of veg/bean soup and will have that for lunch or dinner tomorrow. And will get back into habit of making my lunch the night before and just trying to keep some self control about staying away from sweets. But get this - tonight my husband (over 300 lb) made a pan of frosted brownies after dinner, after I had told him that I knew I was up a couple pounds and need to try hard not to eat bad stuff. come on!!! I know I don't have to eat it just because it's there but ...come on.

Purplefirefly - I still do that, even after being on depression meds for 5 years now, and even in 'good periods'. The temptation of that bed...it's a siren song for me sometimes. I will have the best intentions to do a ton of things on my day off, but then coming back into my bedroom, I see the bed..and get into it. then the same as you - get up only with enough time to do the things I was supposed to do. When my kids were school aged, I used to stay in bed until almost 3 o'clock - when the kids would get off the bus.

I don't have any suggestions..except sometime just MAKE yourself START an exercise activity. Tell yourself that you will do it for only 10 minutes, and then you can stop if you have to. But each time I've done that, I've forgotten about bailing out and do the whole routine. I wish I had a therapist..but I don't . So I do the best I can with what I can...I work out almost daily, I use my "Happy Light" daily, and come here

momof4 - so sorry you were sick all day! yes be sure to drink alot of fluids, sugar-free ones if you can - water, tea. Green tea is good when you're sick!

and Hi to everyone else

Hi everyone
I'm new to the mix as well. Here's my little intro:
I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago and have been on meds up until recently. I was going to counseling for awhile (about 4 months), but I don't/didn't feel like I got much out of it so I discontinued that. Since stopping the SSRI's I feel more groggy/lethargic. I'm moody, I want to cry a lot. It's hard for me to stay motivated. I've been yo-yo dieting pretty badly for about 2 months now. I'll stay on plan for a couple of weeks, and do really well with it, even go to the gym 5-6 days a week. And I do feel better when I'm eating healthy and exercising, but then something will happen (a really crappy day at work, a fight with hubby, eating things off plan..etc), and I'll say screw it, and then just give up and be off plan for awhile. It's frustrating, and I know I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to this. I also know I'm an emotional eater, and I tend to overeat when I'm bored.
I do have a doctor's appointment in a couple of weeks where I'm going to bring all this up. As of today (starting today actually), I'm back on plan again. I'm going to try and stick to it, and if I have a bad day, I have a bad day (eating/exercising wise). I just need to try and stick with it, and treat each day like a clean slate.

So, after all that, lol, hi everyone. I'm really glad there's a separate board for depression issues.


Momof4under5- hope you feel better soon! The flu is definitely no fun.

Purplefirefly- I can totally relate to how you're feeling. Maybe just setting small goals for yourself, and then praising yourself for doing said goal would help? I know how it is not having insurance, I didn't for quite awhile, but there was a family counseling place in my town that worked with people with no insurance. Maybe you can call around and see if anyone does that? Good luck

Summershine- Neat wristband idea! I bet it would work for me too. maybe? lol

Vermontmom- ouch on the teeth! But at least you're getting them filled and taken care of Good for you, for looking on the bright side of things as well.

This is exactly what I do. It is a frustrating cycle...and you know you're doing it again but it's so hard to stop!

It's so nice to hear someone else who understands what it's like to just feel so tied to bed. For me it is the couch, chair, any place warm and cozy. I wrap up like a cocoon and never want to come out again.

As for your hubby...I can SO relate. My hubby is just like this because he says he loves me how I am and he doesn't watch his own weight. Luckily, he is only here a day or two every week because he's a truck driver. Maybe you should sit your hubby down and tell him that you feel like he is sabotaging you?

I had a bit of a breakthrough tonight. I was talking to my sister and her hubby and he mentioned that he would go to bed around 9PM since he has to get up at 2AM to go to work. My sister then chimed in that she has to go to bed around 9 or 10PM to feel good when she gets up at 6AM...so that really got me to doing some math in my head.

he sleeps about 5 hours a night and feels good the next day. She sleeps about 8-9 hours and feels good. Then I added up my sleeping hours during the week: about 13 hours a day! On weekends it could easily be close to 20 hours in a 24 hour period that I spend in bed. Insane!

I never compared my time in bed with how much others are in bed, so it was a real eye-opener. I wrote down all the things that i do that are unproductive time-wasters (sleeping was top of the list) and then wrote down some solutions or things I can do to turn them around. I will start implementing some of that tomorrow. I have to get my butt out of bed and back into life. I am sick of myself

sounds like you did have a breakthrough!

maybe I did also...last night I made a big pot of soup. Today I kept within decent calorie limits, and did not have a speck of refined sugar/flour (evil pastries that I've been scarfing down at work lately) . Maybe we're on a breakthrough together My workout was the aerobic portion (30 minutes) of Slim in Six, and some leg work and ab work.

hi and welcome to chickadee dee dee how did you do today?

and hi to everyone else

vermont-WAY to go!!!

purple-thats awesome though that you see areas you need to work on and make a plan to fix them its a great step in the right direction!!

chick-I feel the same as you do about the meds...wish there was something that could help but the meds I was on made me almost feel worse..

summer-your little are you hungry thing stuck with me every time I go to think about food I think of that...LOL


Well I am hoping that these few days of not eating much will help break a cycle of the bad eating. Wed I ate nothing and kept no fluid down. Thur I ate some toast then was forced to eat a piece of pizza, I tried noodles but after 2 bites I about threw up. today I had toast for breakfast then we went to dinner tonight and I had some roastbeef and potatoes. i felt completely ill after it. But we were out to eat with our Pastors and the rest of the staff. i didn't eat any dessert afterward and of course everyone kept asking cause I was the only one not eating anything. But I really wanted to go to the bathroom and throw up cause I knew I would feel better. My stomach is still just not to kosher..>BUT I am going to try and use this nasty flu bug to allow my stomach to shrink (with no hunger pains...LOL) and hopefully follow the R U HUNGRY RULE!!! Well busy week end!

good Monday morning - momof4, are you feeling better? sure hope the nasty bug is gone!

well I fell off the wagon briefly yesterday but back on today.

My husband wants to go to a music concert in a couple weeks, it is truly unusual for him to suggest something lke this. I would rather not go, it's not that big a deal to me and I'm so conscious about money now, but since he seems excited about it, that's a good thing so of course I said yes.

Very dreary here, it was kinda pretty with the snow but then we had rain and 40's for 24 hours so all the snow down on lower levels is gone! But it will come back this afternoon/evening.

hope everyone has as good a day as one can! Try to think positive, if today is not good then hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Hey everyone... Hi to all of our new people, hopefully we can help each other to recognize the cycles and break them.

I've just had a crappy time of life lately. I'm sorry to be absent for so long then come back without anything constructive for anyone else and just rant about my own problems. My freaking car died. We're going to have to borrow money from my parents, again, to try fix it. My parents aren't doing so well money wise either but we've spent all of our christmas money trying to get it going and it's just not working. So I don't knwo what we're going to do about Christmas presents either, we've basically only bought for my Mom, everyone else (kids etc) has been put off again and again. I'm just so sick of it all. Usually Christmas is my favorite time of year but all I want to do is stay in bed. I've been bursting out crying, short tempered and not being very productive at work. Relationships here are strained because co-workers don't know about the stress I'm under and I really don't want to tell them. I'm sure they all think I'm a crazy lying b!tch. I know I've said some things to them that don't make sense and then retracted them. But my head is spinning from the stress and I'm having a hard time keeping thoughts straight and things from spilling out. Crap I'm just about ready to give up. I don't know how to fix this.

Well that's it. The car isn't worth fixing, my husband is going to try selling it for scrap. We spent all of our christmas money trying to fix it. Now we have no money and no gifts. We're screwed and I'm so depressed I'm crying at work. I'm really glad I have an office to myself, I think I'm going to puke.

Cakey sweets at work.... I hear you on that one. I actually was able to stay away from them yesterday. I was happy with myself. The little victories are great.

Sometimes being sick can be a start over point...how's it going?

How are you doing now? I have been making progress, out of bed a lot more than usual, starting to not feel that odd drained feeling when out of bed, getting better but not there yet.

((Hugs)) there is nothing I can say to make anything better, but let me send you a virtual hug and a shoulder to cry on. Give yourself permission to go somewhere and just cry, sometimes you just need to get it out and not lock it in. I usually go take a bath if I just need to cry because I can run the water and kids won't hear. Just let it out.

Do you have children? Or were you just buying presents for other family members? If you have children maybe your mom would understand if you took her present back to get something for them? Maybe borrow the money to buy them gifts instead of putting it into the car? You should call one of the charities for help if you have kids, they will help.

So many people are struggling this year and it makes me want to cancel Christmas altogether. My kids didn't get as much as they normally do this year because I bought gifts for my sister to give to her kids. I just have a new perspective on what my kids do and do not need this year since so many others are struggling. Last year it was us and no one helped us, so I know how it feels.