(Last chat of summer) AUGUST!!!
 

Guess its already august!!

So much going on I just broke down and cried tonight.

1. My sister is getting smacked around by a guy. She wouldnt tell me his name. I asked her brother if he knew anything. Well he said hes gonna take care of the guy. Last week the guys smashed her head of the steering wheel and her window. Then this week she got a swollen eye. So shes mad at me for saying anything. I dont ever share her buisness but I am afraid for her life and dont want her to ended up in the hospital or dead!! Im the bad guy cause I care

2. Doing the first family reunion I've ever been too with my dads family. Was tired of everyone talking about it and decided i would do something. No hassle till now one of my uncles decided he was going to do it his way. Why did I bother trying to do it why didnt he do it if he wanted it his way?? He thinks all the families should bring there food and just sit it at their own tables?? have you ever been to a event where they didnt put it all on one table and went thru the lines??? Well atfirst i was like ok whatever you want. Then I was like hmm...there are 5 other siblings and their families. If he wants to do it that way then his clan can. I was charging 1 at the door for the cost of the burgers and then the other half towards next year. With their dollar most will get 2 burgers and then 3 chance tickets for the baskets and items to be chanced off..my uncle was like NO ONE is paying anything...if someone wants to bring burgers then they can bring that as their covered dish...I ended up bawling by the time it was all said an done...GONNA hold strong though...hes only one so oh well!! Plus the family coming in from ohio is just going to bring paper products since they cant really cook in a hotel..so what are they to do go around to everyons table and bum food? How stupid would they feel...AM I being dumb on this???

3. Some stupid issues at church and people running their mouth. Friends of ours who husband was on the council stepped down because he was doing all the repairs and running for the church and just wasnt having time to relax and focus on god. Well some wonderful person that comes to church once a month is running their mouth about that person...I am trying to just keep quiet and not cause more problems but I am mad...its not right!! UGHHHHH

4. Money is totally stressing me out. We are still catching up from when my dh was off on disability and then we lost the stipend for foster care till we get another kid. Which its not much but it helps!! (anyone that doesnt know me DONT judge I dont do it for the money...I truly have a passion for helping teens!!)

SO now that I just spit all that out...hows everyone elses august starting out???

Hi everyone!

Where did July go??

Raven and Heather great to see you again.

Mom that is to bad about your sister. I hope she gets herself out soon.

Its a long weekend for us here, not that we can tell. Hubby left today and two of my girls have to work. We were all together last night for a bbq, so that was good. My two older girls are house sitting, so we aren't seeing much of them at the moment.
I don't have to go back to work until Friday so hopefully I can make a dent in the mess of the house.

Anyway a beautiful day is being wasted here.

Take care everyone,
K

Oh Mom, I'm so sorry about your sister. I'd be worried about her too. I wish I could help. I found this hotline number on Dr Phil's website:
National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (7233).
Sorry to hear about all your other stresses too. I know you'll get through it. Your a strong spirit!

Buddly-glad to hear you had a good time with your family. Now if they would only clean up their own mess!

As for me, I'm back on track! But feel a little bummed that I may not be able to attend a friend of DH's bbq this Saturday. DH is always busy with work, and he doesn't think he'd be able to go. I know there will be a few people there that I haven't seen in a couple of years. I feel a little weird thinking about going myself. I do know everyone well. Some for over 15 years. Does that make them "good" friends to me? - I'm gonna mention the party to DH several times this week, maybe things will change. They often do. If I do go, I plan on making my famous bean dip, so yummy! but so fatting!

As for it being August, well, time keeps on slippin' into the future!

So unmotivated, so much to do. It's hard to even type. Sometimes I think why the **** do I bother? Life sucks. I quit school after high school, now I have a job that I hate and a dead beat husband that I love... but when there isn't enough money to go around that doesn't seem to be enough. When there isn't enough money to get things that we need and want it just pisses me off. When my cell phone gets cut off and there isn't enough money for fertilizer for my tanks it makes me mad. I know these are extras but seriously.... is that too much to ask????? I seriously seriously want this....
http://www.shop.runningroom.com/prod...languages_id=1
Is that too much to ask? I need running shoes. I'm running in walking shoes, that's nto good for the feet but there's no money for them. If we stretch it I might have enough money for gas for me to make it to work since I"M THE ONLY ONE EMPLOYEED! Oh wait I have to clean the house before we go... no, don't get up, oh lift your feet so I can sweep around you... how nice.

I have to go... I have to finish water changes on my tanks even though I feel like flushing everything. I have dwarf puffers, cichlids, endlers, 2 kinds of shrimp, plecos... not all in the same tank though. I don't know why I'm telling you all this....... but if I don't finish my water changes they'll get sick/stressed and die.

Oh and Chase needs to go to the vet. Ear infection. Good thing jay actually worked for a friend week before last. So much for extra money.

sorry

awwww aunty jam....sorry things are going so rough...I so understand and have days like that!!! Hope it gets better!

Feeling yucky today! Got more of the boys school work turned in but stuck on some that I have no clue what I am to be doing...UGH. Ok well bout it!

Well I was feeling kinda whiney till I read everyone else's post so I'll just shut the heck up about my piddly problems. Sorry you all are struggling so much. :hug:

I'm having a hard time posting from some reason but I am reading.

HOPE DO YOU WANT ME TO COME SLAP YOU??? HUH DO YA DO YA??? LET IT ALL OUT!!! Just because someone is having a hard time doesnt mean everyone else is great. I wrote my post before I went to bed last night the one where I was upset...felt better today...IT HELPS TO GET THINGS OUT!!!

Been a lil ill today started out with the runs this morning and stomach hasnt been very stable today...dh is sick came home from work early! We just watched movied tonight..it was one of those nights...its 11:35 and I think Im gonna turn in early for the night atleast for me...LOL

Mom, I think I do need to be slapped! I have a phone interview tomorrow and it just totally has me flipped out. I'm having nightmares and just feel frozen. I can't even bring myself to prepare for it. I feel like I just want to run and hide. There is just so much riding on this. Blah. Now I have to go to work and close so I can't do anything positive toward it. I hate this. What is my problem?

:rofl:

I wish I had some sage wisdom to impart on all of you! My dad was great with wise words. So :hug: for each and every one of you! Hang in there!

I think I need to revise my thinking about exercise. It's been tough trying to talk myself into doing it. But I end up doing it anyway. Maybe it really is helping with my depression and I don't realize it? (GUH.. I hate when people are right!) DH doesn't seem to be as annoying as usual, and I feel pretty positive overall. (That may change when DH get's home from work!) Oh well, just got to roll with the punches.

Best of luck to you all!!

hope-awwww I am sure you will do great. Interviews in general are HARD!!!! WISH you the best of luck!!!!

sarah-i am sure the excercise helps with your mood!!


So right now I am waiting for the caffeine to kick in I have the motivation to completely declutter this house! But my body is not wanting to do it!! I had stomach cramps again this morning then heart burn after lunch (i drank koolaid go figure) Just dragging...but I cant stand the clutter ANY longer...you cant keep cleaning a cluttered house it does matter it still looks dirty! SO I am getting ready to do that.

I have seriously for a month now been thinking of the juice fast.I havent done one more than a day...here I was thinking about the unprocessed foods and how they can help and then picked up a magazine and there was an article in there about how they help you lose weight and stop the degenerative process. When you only put raw unprocessed food in your body it makes you look younger and helps your health. Well I have this crappy inablity to be in control of what I eat. I need to break the cravings!! So how better to give my body a make over than a juice fast. I was thinking of a 7 day if it goes well do longer. Was reading A LOT on it and found a good site that helps tell you what veggies and fruits do what. People have lost weight sometimes tons on it. They feel energized to even walk several miles a day! I need control over my body and I feel this is a jump start to it!! I dont know....I think I just need to take the plunge...LOL

OK OFF I go to clean!!

Wow things are up and down here... we had a fight last night, I put my foot down and told him he IS cleaning the house while he's not working. Come home today and him and step-d have done a decent job on the upstairs... not quite finished but decent. We'll see what tomorrow brings but I am/was cautiously optimistic.

Then tonight we had another fight... we have really old carpet downstairs... maybe 30 years, but it was all we had! It needs to be replaced yes, there was actually a hole where the old computer desk sat for many a year. Our old dog started using the downstairs to go poop, sometimes it was a neat one... sometimes not so much (sorry for the tmi). Anyway, instead of cleaning the carpet (maybe getting a steamer????) he started cutting chunks out!!!!!!!!! Ripped a whole section out on the far side of the pool table. This has always really ticked me off and finally tonight I told him so... he said "What did you want me to do????" I said "Clean it!" he says "it was getting under the carpet!" I said "Rent a steam cleaner!". I don't see when and HOW we're ever going to replace this!!!!!! The WHOLE basement was all the same carpet. Now it's ALL ruined. Tonight was a messy one and he says "Your turn.." (like I didn't already clean up the poop upstairs in my office and the barf), so whatever, I clean it up with TP, the downstairs bathroom is disgusting!!! I'm never down there except when I'm on the treadmill and I NEVER use the bathroom. So all this pisses me off, then he tells me to cut out the carpet which starts the whole carpet conversation. He finally says "Fine, whatever, I'm going out to the garage, you cut it out or whatever. Nothing I ever do is ever good enough". Faced with cleaning a carpet that already has several pieces missing or cutting it out with the blade (only) of a box cutter I decide to cut it. Guess what... my fingers slip, next thing you know I'm bleeding all over the place. So I put TP down over the messy parts, made sure I let a little blood drip up the stairs and left it.

Now several hours and a few band-aids later he's still in the garage and I'm going to bed. I'm glad my night time pills are usually enough to put me into oblivion.

Sorry for the rant.

Edit - Then he comes in.. says "Isn't it past your bedtime?" and kisses me on the cheek like nothing happened. I don't get it. Can I still be mad at him?

AUNT jam-Wow what a night...ill be tuning back in for tomorrow nights story...j/k but you kept my attention during the whole post...My parents had an old dog that started doing that and messed up my old room that had newer white carpet....it was not a pretty site! my dh does that to will act like nothing happen...i usually still want to just smack him...lol

Well I am down to the dreaded computer desk...I have moved things and decluttered, wiped walls, dusted shelves, dusted tables, cleaned lamp shades, reorganized cupboards and book shelves, swept, dishes, laundry...now just some odds and ends and the desk..then dye my hair and take a shower...which I totally soaked the top of my shirt with sweat so i feel great that I worked that hard but nasty and stinky!! SOOO I cant leave the downstairs clean with a messy desk I MUST do it....catch you all tomorrow

It ticks me off when he acts like nothing happened... how are we supposed to solve anything if it keeps getting swept under the rug? (No pun intended). This morning he was the same "How are you babe?", I said I was fine but didn't say anything else.

Something else that really ticks me off, I asked him to trim the cedar trees that are out front because we couldn't get the door to the house open all the way anymore. Everyone else understands trim, right? As in trim the branches back? He cut them right off!!!!!!! Now we have a nice full tree at the bottom, nice and full at the top... and BARE in the middle. WTF was he thinking?????? It looks so stupid and every time I see it I get so mad at him for ruining the tree, there is no way we can ever make it look good agian and we can't afford to replace them. This happened about a month ago... why do I still get so mad when I see them? I know I have a hard time letting things go but should I still be mad?? Every time I see them I just see red. I think I'm going insane and geeze my fingers hurt where i cut them last night.

I am really sorry I rant and rave so much in here... I have more normal posts in other areas of the forum that you may or may not have seen. I just needed to unload some stuff and you guys know how I am so I picked here I guess... feel free to ignore me.

Hi all -

Hope, have you had your interview yet?? :)

All good here... today is day 5. No bingeing, no wailing, just good choices. Whew!

Chat soon -
Heather :D

aunt jam- no ignoring here....I am assuming your still mad cause the issue was resolved. Maybe you should bring the subjects up when your not so angry and tell him how you felt cause if all of this keeps gettin swept under the carpet its going to explode in a not so pretty fight and hes gonna look at you like Your still mad about all of that? LOL I think some/most guys cool down and forget about it and let it go!

I dont know when the last day was that I fasted a whole day...When I was really sick I think I didnt eat for a day or had something very small...Well I always do well until like 4....I tend to not eat breakfast when I am busy with the kids. I made juice and some of it is really really good...but i am hungry and fighting myself about eating. I HAVE TO GET CONTROL OVER MY BODY... Thank goodness we have church tonight that will help the night go. I know I didnt drink enough water...only had a few sips this morning so I am FORCING myself to keep drinking...its hard to make yourself drink the right amount of water....Making it thru one day will be a victory for me. I always give myself the excuse well I haven't fasted in a long time I need to just take it easy and only do half days....NO NO NO...Tired of excuses. I CAN DO THIS I CAN DO THIS I CAN DO THIS...im telling myself that and hope it works...its not like I wont ever get to taste food again...LOL..youd think i was dying..hahaha

My interview was put off again till tomorrow. The lady I was to speak with had to pick her dad up from the hospital. I'm taking 2 days of continuing education credits for my Life and Health Insurance license tomorrow and friday. So after I'm done tomorrow I will call her and do it around 6. I'll let you all know what happens.

Aunty, I completely understand why you are still upset. Nothing was really resolved. Momof4 was right, men are just weird and totally let things roll of their back before anything is really over. It's not just your hubby. I say have a talk when you are calmer about it and bring up the trees too. There's nothing that can be done about it but you may feel some closure. The tree incident is probably bothering you b/c you are carrying the weight of the household on your shoulders and you at least expect others not to destroy property (trees or carpet).

Momof4, how did the fasting go. That's something I could never do.

Heather, I'm envious, I need a good 5 day stretch of healthy eating really, really badly. I need it mentally more than physically. I wish my interview had already happened but I'm glad it should be over tomorrow. I just want something good to happen on the job front. We need it so much. Are you still teaching? Shouldn't you be going back to work soon if you are?

OK, I need to delcare that I will work out everyday for the next 4 days through the weekend. If I can do that it should really help my stress level and maybe get me back on track with my food. I'll report in everyday here what I did. If anyone wants to feel free to take a 4 day challenge with me! :)

Hope - I never considered that... but I think you're right. It's actually my families home, I grew up there, heck, I sleep in the room I was conceived in! It's been worked out that the house will pass on to me when the time comes. My sisters will get whatever money is left and I get the house (I'll have to pay into the estate fund to equal things out). I guess I feel like he's destroying my family home... my Dad built/finished so much in that house. Jay came in and wants to change everything... I'm having a hard time letting go, I don't want to change :( My parents have had a rotton streak of luck... my Mom has MS but she was always going to be ok because Dad would take care of her. Dad was always very strong and able... however Dad has now developed a disabiling brain desease that has stolen all of that away. He's now in an extended care home, seperate from my Mom, and has the body of a man 30 years older. What really sucks is that he is still very cognitive... his brain works but his body doesn't. Mom lives in an assisted living place... she has her own apartment but doesn't have to cook or clean. It almost killed them to leave that house, that's part of the reason they want me to have it... they lived there for 35 or so years. Well this sucks, now I'm bummed... I'm not mad anymore, I'm just bummed now.

(and I knew you guys wouldn't ignore me.. I guess that's another reason I posted here...)

SOO...i ended up staying at my parents and extra night. I stayed there wed night cause they needed me to watch kids really early thur. morning so it was easier to stay overnight..well the extra day made me totally aggrivated with my father...hes the type that is right no matter what..and today he was home all day and I realized even more than him being right I think he likes to make people be wrong...even down to me saying the supper my mom made was good...him-no the bacon wasnt cooked right....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO aggrivating!!

Juice fast-I made it the WHOLE day!!! I at at night but I made it until 9pm!! Well I felt GREAT wed. night...hungry YES but mood was great energy was great everything. WELL thursday energy was good mood was good. Since I was at my parents I couldnt do the fast those two days. Well by today I felt like I was dragging COMPLETELY so I really am believing our bodys mood and energy react to what we eat and drink. So I am going to do the juice fast again. Hoping I can maybe do two days! I am probably NOT going to check my weight cause my purpose is doing this is for health more than weight. ITS amazing though how I felt wed night. If any of you can try it you should!! Even if you juice and eat veggies...One lady lost weight by juice fast one day, then fruits the next day then veggies the third day and then back to juice!
Ok well got stuff I need to do!!

HELLO! I'm sorry I've not visited in so long. The summer days are just flippin flying by. I sure wish winter went this quickly.

momof4, congrats on doing the fast and realizing that it makes you feel good. And it was terrible to learn of your sister's abuse :( I don't know what you can do, can the police do anything??

auntyjam - I freaked when I read of cutting the carpet...and cutting out the middle of the tree? of course that bothers you because you have to see that every day!! and I'm sorry but I agree that was just ....crazy (we Depression Forum chicks are allowed to throw that word around :devil: ) I agree, that it has to be addressed. Because if you don't, you will be angry about it for a long time. I have no idea of you guys' ages..is he young? maybe he's just being a typical young 'doesn't get it' guy. I don't have anything useful to say I guess but I am so sorry you are so down (with good reason)

hello hope :) and buddly :) and heather :)

I don't have anything to gripe about, which is scary. You will hear from me plenty starting in NOvember :p

hugs to you all

Hi Guys! I am sorry this has been sort of hit and run posting... My life has been extremely hectic lately! DH's MRI was clean! So yay! :) My mammogram was clean, also yay! And I finished my first semester for my Psychology degree! I just took my semester exam and passed yesterday! We are in the process of getting ready for a move back to the mainland and my parents are thrilled that we are going to be coming for a visit very soon. My Mom is grouchy and healing from a broken head radial bone...she broke it in like 10 places when she fell down her steps! Ugh! My Dad's medicine still hasn't arrived (he has a reoccurrence of his GIST) and she is stressing out...which makes me stress out... My eating has been horrible...I am back on sugar and getting more migraines, gaining weight, and my knees are still hurting so I can't do any workouts which makes me extremely crazy!

Hope...I am sorry you are having trouble, I am wishing you all the best for your interview...

Mom...I am so sorry about your sister! I hope she wises up before something even more serious comes up..

Everyone...I am sending out positive vibes to you all in these challenging times that everyone seems to find themselves these days...I will be checking in when I can but we are packing and getting ready to leave this rock very soon and there is still so much to do!

you know I was thinking...I havent checked the scale for a while..I checked it when I came back from camping once then I think tuesday when I did all the cleaning. Last I checked it was at 235 which i seem to go back and forth with...well I decided I am not going to concentrate on numbers I want to be healthy not totally concerned with numbers. DONT GET ME WRONG...losing numbers is awesome...but I am trying to worry bout what I eat, worry bout numbers, worry bout excercise....When I really need to start at the beginning..the change starts with the food, then the excercise and those will give you low numbers! But if you do the excercise with out the food then it wont matter because you can still be unhealthy by putting bad (poison as jillian says) into your body! Hope that all made sense kinda tired. Had to pack girls stuff for grandmas house. Then pack ALL this stuff for the boys camp. Then I just realized my husband has off work Monday which is like NEVER...lol. So we will get a whole 24 hours home alone. Laundry is finishing washing now, dishes are done, house is still looking good even the rooms upstairs...so we wont have to spend our time cleaning!! YA...Don't have money so we cant go shopping but we can play games!!! LOL


One thought...I was aggrivated COMPLETELY with the boys tonight cause of stuff they did or didnt do...then I came downstairs and it hit me the two mothers in LA that lost their kids to drowning in the river are buring their children tomorrow...so no how much they aggrivate me I am soo thankful for my children!! So when your DH, Children, Mother, Father etc.. irritate you step back and remember to be thankful you still have them!


ok well catch you all lata!! Have a great weekend!

Hey Everyone!
Mostly to you Aunty Jam! I just went back through and really read your post. I am soooo sorry. It is so very hard when you get older and realize that your parents are not the same people that you grew up with and who helped you and took care of you and now the tables have turned and you feel responsible for them... I am struggling with that myself. My Dad & Mom came to visit and it brought into stark relief that he is not the same man...it hurts and it's scary and it is such a huge adjustment to make. I don't think I would have been able to handle it as well as I have if I hadn't been through my DH being diagnosed with a brain tumor and all the growing up I had to do really fast. All I can tell you is some of the things I have been exploring. I have never been involved with organized religion...in fact, I didn't really have much of a belief in anything for a long time. Things started to change after I lost someone very close to me...and then even more when I began yoga and meditation...and then again after DH's diagnosis...I am finding great comfort exploring Buddhism. I hope that this is okay to talk about, I know that a lot of you all are heavily involved in the church (Mom...I especially hope that you will not be offended) The thing that attracted me to exploring it was the science...and the fact that it was about love, compassion, and not judging other people's faith. They believe all paths are valid... The only reason I even mention this is the pain that I hear in your words when you talk about the changes to your family home. No one can take your home from you or your memories or the reality of your past there. It is in your heart and made you who you are today. Change is the only constant in the world and some is more difficult than other to deal with. If you can release what you need to you will still have pain but you will suffer less... I hope that there is at least something you can use in all of this... My heart goes out to you.

Raven

raven- congrats on all the clean scans!!

Well we dropped the boys off at camp and my dh had a hard time leaving them...they were excited and wanted to stay...LOL

Im bout ready to get a job cause money is so tight and when you have kids that is really hard...trying to think it will be ok....but you know how people worrry.

well we have no kids and guess what my dh is doing? Sleeping...we fell asleep since we got home and its 8:30 n hes still sleeping! *sigh*

I am SOOO struggling! Did I mention I am struggling? :o Last time I was in here I said I would workout the next four days. I didn't workout at all. :( What the heck am I doing? My eating has been terrible also. I can't go back to where I was. I was so miserable before. Help me... I'm already getting lazier and feeling like I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I hate this.

hope- I hear you...right there with you...ive been forced to work out by having to walk at camp or swim with the kids but as to working out with just the purpose of losing weight its at a big fat 0...lol The juice fast made me feel great but yet I cant get myself to do it another day!! AHHHH lol

Hey everyone... thanks for all the supportive comments.

I'm 34 and hubby is 35 (we both have bdays in june), I'm not sure what was going through his head when he cut the tree but I wanted to smack him. He says he'll buy a small cedar tree in a pot and put it down beside the original to make it look full again "until it grows back...". Um problem! 1. It will NEVER grow back. 2. A cedar tree won't last long in a pot and planting it would just damage the roots of the original. So now I have to decide what to do with these trees that have been there as long as I can remember. Hah, maybe I'll just trim the other branches properly and apoxy the tips to the other tree to disguise it... ok, seriously, what to do???

He realized how much the carpet thing pissed me off and tried to buy a piece of carpet from kijiji but it didn't happen. We could have done about half the basement in that carpet and then redo the whole thing later. I'm not sure why it didn't work out other then the guy didn't accept his offer (little lower then the asking). Both of these things tick me off and make me sad every time I see then and I don't know what to do about it or how to get over it (or even if I should). I know something has to be done to "fix" them though. Hubby is great at putting off things that he doesn't really care about, usually he puts them off forever. And if I remind him... well of course I'm nagging! Gggrrr...

ANYWAY!

Mom - how is your sister?

Raven - I'm so sorry to hear about your DH. It was quite a shock to me when my Dad got sick. Sometimes I still get very angry about the unfairness of it. I'm not very religious either but I try to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and I look to see if I can discover what it is. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find any reason for my Mom & Dad to suffer like this.

Vermont - Good to hear from you... I was wondering where you were.

Hi to everyone else... I'm sorry, I'm at work and break time is over agian :(

aunt jam- I hear you about putting things off...myhusband has put off hanging pictures for a year and a half. He says I cant do it because I dont know where the studs are and where to hang them...Well hes gonna come home and they are going to be on the wall...LOL My sister is ok...really not talking much?

Good Morning Everyone!
Hope! I know! I have been nibbling lots of chocolate! And I have been steadily gaining weight since I had to stop working out with my knee problems. I did get the results on the xrays yesterday and everything is fine for that at least. I kind of already knew that, I believed them when they said that it is bursitis, I am just impatient for it to be better so I can get back to my regular routine. The longer you are out of it the harder it is to get going.
I found homes for our plants yesterday and took them over, it is sad to have them gone. But the movers are coming on Monday and things are rolling towards us very quickly... I know everyone is struggling right now...I feel blessed for all that we do have and I send positive energy to you all...

Good afternoon chicks :)

AuntyJam - :hug: there are certain things that we just can't accept, and I see that the cedar tree is one of them for you :( because it was the house you grew up in, those trees grew up with you, I also would probably be unforgiving because it's something you HAVE to see every day! :( I don't know if time will help; it has helped me in things that I thought I absolutely could not forgive or forget...time does have a way of doing that..but for a real solution, I don't know what to suggest..possibly just taking it down completely and finding some other species that might grow well there? do you have a pic that maybe we could study and give suggestions..I don't know. About the carpet, I guess we see that it could be solved by buying new, but that involves $$. I don't know what else to say but I am sorry :hug:

hope - I'm sorry you're struggling!! Is it too hot for you to work out? I was able to use that excuse, until we got an a/c in the living room and DH doesn't mind if the electric bill is high, so that blows my good excuse out the window. Sometimes we know that even though we DON"T WANT TO WORK OUT, we always feel better after we get it done. Before we got the a/c, I would soak my workout bra and shorts in COLD water, put them on, and put as many fans on me as I could as I worked out :devil: ghetto a/c! If you are not doing well with eating, where is it that you're slipping? in-between meals because you're hungry, or in evenings when you're bored?..sometimes if we can identify WHY we're going off-track, we can wrestle ourselves back.

momof4 - ugh, what is it about husbands, and putting things off?? I will nicely ask for help in something like changing a car headlight bulb...weeks go by...I go out and buy the bulb...weeks go by...I make an appointment and PAY a mechanic to do what I know he could do in 10 minutes!! and I feel that they are either pitying me or scorning my inability :rofl: but it needed to get done.

ravengirl - you live in Hawaii???? how awesome is that?!? You're right about making ourselves realize our blessings.it does help. :)

well I was cussing at whoever left the house this morning last, they left windows open and shades up and fans blowing IN, so the house if so flippin hot!! but 'my blessings' are that I can change into sparse clothes, and put the a/c on! and get on the computer and relax with my 3fc chicks :)

Hi chicks - I've been away a few days on holiday, and back home now. It was really very nice to get a change of scene. :) I am exactly the same weight as when I left, so at least the scales didn't go up!

How is everyone? :)

Hi everyone :wave:

I'm trying not to think about the lengthening shadows outside. Summer is just to short here.
I got the cpap machine on mon for a 4wk trial. So far, not liking it much.
I still haven't made any headway on that exercise thing. One good thing, I've almost got the treadmill freed. Its been surrounded by boxes for the longest of times. There is hope!!

Hope :hug: I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. I think you need to reset some goals, look how great you did with the contest at work. Even if its just to get enough water in for the day, its something (I think I need to do the same thing) You can do it.

Raven, not to much longer before the big move. I'm so happy to hear that your hubby's mri is still clear. Excellent.

mom, Vermont, aunty jam, Heather and everyone else- I hope things are going good or better.

Well I should get off of here and get some cleaning done. I haven't gotten much of anything done and I have to go back to work tomorrow. Oh well.

Take care everyone,
K

Just thought I would share my "stupid me" moment! So yesterday I all of a sudden gained three pounds over night, was really tired, a little depressed and craving chocolate. Oh, and my face was breaking out really badly for the past week! I was so worried that my depression was coming back or that something was wrong. Then I wake up this morning and realize that its that time of the month! I am such a dummy! I was on the depo shot for the past 4 years and stopped getting my period all together so I have just started getting normal periods again. So typical for me to make a mountain out of a molehill!!

Hello Everybody!

Last couple of days I have been eating until I burst...yeah...binge city... I have emotions coming up with the last days at work...my Dad started his Gleevec and seems to be doing okay with it. I had an emotional episode with my boss because she had been telling me that I would get to take any jobs with my last dog this week and then she gave the jobs to one of the new sitters. I did meet the sitter at the house on Wed and went along so that I got to say goodbye to my dog...I think she was confused about why I was there...I don't know what else to tell her when I had already told her I was just there to see the dog. Anyway, that was yesterday, I was okay until he came around the corner for the last look...(he watches me go out the door) and then I just lost it. I laid on the couch eating whatever was left in the kitchen and sleeping it off the rest of the afternoon. Not the most productive thing... I guess I am a little better today but the urge to comfort eat has still been riding me and I have been giving in. I keep telling myself that every moment is a new opportunity and I am refusing to beat myself up...there has been way too much of that in my life and I refuse to do it any more. I am doing the best that I can and that is enough. Maybe things will be better when we get settled in our new home...maybe I will finally get the dog that I have always needed...maybe my knee will finally allow me to get back to the exercise that makes me sane.

Yes...we have lived in Hawaii for four years... And I am more than ready to leave. I am not a hot weather person...I am not an ocean or beach person. I love trees...forests...mountain lakes are my water of choice... We are going to a place that will be within driving distance to Redwood trees!!! You can't get any more sacred than that for me so I am very happy to be leaving this place.
Where we are going will be hot as well...but not 12 months of the year...I will get cold weather at least some of the time and I am so very looking forward to that again... I am one of those weird people who actually feel better in the winter... I don't think it is reverse SAD exactly but it is pretty close... The constant summer has been a small **** for me. And I am entering perimenopause and experiencing hot flashes...even more fun.

Still in a bit of a funk...sorry about that guys....

ugh I once again sat here after midnight eating another meal. I feel so discusted and ill I want to go throw up.......I am sure I have some binge eating issues...dont always do it to where I cant eat anymore...but I do the whole hiding while I eat, eat at night...etc. For the first time tonight I really feel like my weight is unattractive to my dh. Hes always said it doesnt bother him and it doesnt seem to...but something happen (nothing major) but im not quite sure...

I say oh I WANT to lose the weight but if I really WANTED to...wouldn't I be eating properly about 75% or more of the time and excercising atleast a FEW days a week? I cant stand walking because I feel stupid not being able to breath and having to explain myself. Then I have a retreat I am going to the last weekend in sept (6 weeks). 30lbs is like the average I have seen lost in 6 weeks with LOTS of discipline. I normally wouldnt worry about it but one I HAVE to go...doing a dance there...then they just got this new swing that is like a team work and trusting your team. You tell them how high you want to go and they have to pull you up....Some of the people from the retreat already were like Jess is doing it theres no getting out of it...If I still weigh this I will probably CRY and break down. I have over 30lbs to lose to get out of the 200's....
then I feel sooo drained, no energy, blah EVERY day...I need to do the juice fast for I dont know 6 weeks...LOL ok I wasnt actually laughing kinda on the verge of crying...

yeah Im gonna go now cause this post is such a downer as if the rest of you arent having hard times or busy...ok lata

Ravengirl...I see your point..one person's 'heaven' can be another person's small ****, I am glad that you will be living in a place that will be better for your spirit. I dont' quite understand the situation with the dog..did you have to give up your dog because of moving? :(

momof4 - :hug: for me, somehow there was one day where I just was able to stick to my resolve for that one day..and I told myself "okay...I did what I was supposed to for one day...now just do that again" and that's how I was able to do it. But with many slip ups along the way, but tried to keep the big picture in mind. Have had to TEAR myself away sometimes from wanting food when I wasn't hungry, wasn't even bored, just because it was THERE..like a piece of peanut butter toast at 10 pm, just because DH had one. Forced myself to walk away..then later thought "hey, I'm okay without having that".

Seeing progress for myself took so long, I'm a slow loser, so it really helped when I would exercise consistantly, because I was able to at least feel a difference and that helped..my knees, my back.

we are here for you :hug:

I dont know what to do to get away from it....I cant sleep very early and from eating late night I am now hungry so if I try and ignore it I end up laying in bed for an hour until I finally get up and eat. Darius on BL made sense when he gained the weight at home he said when he would eat dinner at 5 pm and stay up till 3 YOUR GONNA be hungry. Thats where I am...I cant sleep, dont want to sleep because everyone is in bed and that is the ONLY time I have quiet. I feel kinda trapped at the moment. I KNOW the food I eat is really truly like poison to my body COMPLETELY bad for me and makes me feel tired and no energy...Yet I still eat it! Thats why I really think I need to just juice fast for ATLEAST 3 days (id like to do ALOT more) Because right now i need to break the addiction of food. I cant just "eat" right or eat a little...I either eat it ALL or NOT at ALL! I dont know...I love my kids but wish I had taken more time in betweeen and took care of my body cause each one RIGHT after one another did NOT help!


ps. I am in such a fowl mood and mean n nasty...all because of this...I am sure all the crap I ate last night is affecting my mood. My boys are doing some things to push me over the edge. I have nicely explained I am not having a good day to please just do what mom asked and they are still screwing around. I have a picnic to go to at 3 and havent been home most of the week so the house is trashed....I think I need to get done and go play the piano at church because its a great stress reliever! Wow I am not in a Good place at all today......a day I wish I could just put the kids a movie on and go sleep on the couch...be better for them and me...I hate how much control food has over me...I SHOULDNT HAVE TO be like this all because I cant control food......I cant get outta the picnic because I have the burgers that my mom is cooking.

Sorry, I guess you all caught my binging disease. I see unfortunately many of you are struggling too. I've gotten a little better on the workouts which is good. Vermont, the heat is ridiculous here but we have the AC pumping and I workout indoors. That was never my excuse. I never really had a good one. I just didn't do it. Working out helps keep my depression at bay, as long as I work out pretty hard and really sweat. I have a tendency to want to hide some of this eating behavior too Momof4, especially with so many people watching me because of the recent weight loss. I can tell that df is afraid I'm going back to my old ways too. I know he's worried and has said a couple of things but is afraid to say too much.

Momof4, yeah, it's weird. I know the bad food is like poison. It ruins my mood, my body, and makes me want to hide and do nothing. Yet I still shovel it in.
Tomorrow is another day however. Part of me is planning my workout and some light meals, part of me is hoping for pancakes at IHOP.

I went with a friend today after work to put her dog to sleep. I think I cried more than she did. I had a terrible headache afterward. That's just one of the hardest things to go through.

Heather, glad you got to get away. I'm envious.

I'll try to check in regularly again. I've been reading but didn't have the will to post for some reason.

Hang in there, chickies!!

I'm trying again - that's all it is about, after all, right? Starting each day out in an attempt to stay on track. I have done an hour on the treadmill, and I seem to have lost my appetite - a good combination! ;)

Happy Saturday! It's 30 degrees here.