heather-30 degrees? WHAT NO!!!! That is not cool at all. Wish I could say I did an hour on the treadmill.

So yeah I am still struggling MAJORLY. I dont know if this is a bout of depression or what but I am trying to ignore it but its not really going away

My dh has been very moody lately. For probably over a month. On my bday when he kept going from all lovey then flipping out bout stuff and back and forth I was just like you are moody. he denied it then later said he didnt know what was the matter maybe it was midlife hes 36 didnt really think it happen till a little later? But He has this thing where last year he went on a 40 day fast. Lost like 40 lbs and after his eating hasnt been the same. He will only eat a meal a day and then obsesses over the calories...even though he hasnt even hit 500 for the whole day. He has signs of anorexic. It doesnt mean your a stick...its obsessing over calories...seing yourself as fat when your not, MOOD swings...etc... Not saying he is but honestly if your not giving your body the right things (the meals he does eat arent the greatest and usually arent big) then its going to not function right.
Last night was bad....when the kids do something its automatic mean and loud tone. Like me yes I get loud and mean but its usually after I am pushed over the edge. Its like he lives hanging from the edge.
So tonight I thought I would make it different and have a special night for him. He said last night that he feels like we all sit on our butts while he works his off all day. I had the kids get him a bath and I made his fav. lasagna with watermelon as an appetizer. oreo pudding as a dessert, the kids made him cards, I made cupcakes for later, We rented a movie and watched it. The night went fairly well. I made sure I had everything cleaned up and dishes done laundry going. He snapped one or two times. Well I came down while my boys were getting their shower and asked him something simple as when do they have a talk about body parts. Like the lil boys getting hard? So uncomfortable to even think about having to deal with. He was like they have it since they were little he doesnt understand it...blah blah blah. I was like I was just asking...Im not a boy and just wanted to know. Hes like why do you always do this..i said WHAT...hes like everytime something happens you are going on what about this what about that. Tonight all I was doing was asking a question I understand my lil boy doesnt have a clue. I was just asking...But it never used to be why do you always....There things he does that drive me crazy but its just him and how he is no point in asking him why he always does it....so instead of fighting about it i said whatever im going to bed and he was like why do you have to be a baby about it? It wasnt me being a baby there was no point in fighting.
I am not unhappy and neither of us plan on divorcing but just frustrated. We have four kids, youth pastors, homeschool, he works 50 hours a week plus drives 10...I say about dates and he shrugs them off. When we have them we just talk and whatever. Yes we have sex (tmi) so I know its not completely dead but he wasnt a real romantic person so I write it off as that but I dont want to be the couple that once the kids are gone we just fall apart....in the last 6 years hes asked me out on 1 date and planned 1 anniversary (our 2nd) Thats it. I have asked him to try harder but he just seems like he cant. Like even when we have money he doesnt stop to get a card like he used to. Me I do but kinda gave up on the dates, the messages, the little notes, the cards...cause its hard to keep doing it when theres not much in return. I know he loves me. In the last year he has bought me flowers for a holiday, made a power point just because, and asked me out to dinner on my birthday. For my birthday party he tried to do a suprise one and got 2 families to my parents and one friend. He only invited 4 families? Dont get me wrong im grateful and YES YES its the thought that counts...but when things seem halfway done it seems like you dont care....

The difference from when he was doing all that till now is less kids and less weight? So does it really matter to him. We are not yellers and screamers when we fight. I have learned to walk away and cool down because people say things they shouldnt when they are angry. I think in the almost 9 years we have been married I have screamed in a fight maybe 3 times (2 being pregnant).

SO SORRY to vent and you dont have to read it all. But there is no one else. Our lives are suppose to be role models for others but I just worry. Like if you dont change the oil in a car it ends up breaking down...same thing in a marriage.

I feel like deleting my last post...maybe later when I get home... Just feeling blah. Have to go teach kids church....lata

Really quick, I just got home from work and gotta be back at 5am. I'll get back to the rest of you tomorrow hopefully.

Momof4, don't feel like you should delete your post. I wish I could get all my crap out like that, I'd probably feel better. It's got to be a lot of pressure being in the role model situation b/c you feel like you can't admit to anyone that things aren't perfect all the time. You can always vent here. Relationships are always hard but you guys have a lot on your plate with the church, kids, and home schooling. Anybody can be moody at times but sounds like he needs to do some more listening to you rather than talking. Your right, his calories sound way too low. That could be contributing to his mood swings. He needs to get better nutrition and that would probably help somewhat and probably needs some kind of frustration outlet other than getting stressed out with the kids. Hang in there.

Gotta go to bed. Keep us posted.

Aw thanks hope...I actually came back in tonight to delete my post because I am feeling better since I got it out and dont want to drag everyone else down with such a crappy post...you brought tears to my eyes.
I tried telling him tonight as he is checking the calories on his green tea that his lack of calories and nutrition is probably causing his mood swings hes like no im just frustrated. I get it Im not saying he doesnt have any reason to be frustrated but I also am frustrated with myself for not getting more done...all excuses aside I spend more time on the computer than I need to! School starts in a week so I am trying a trial run this week but I also need to have better nutrition so I dont have all the highs and lows and keep my mood and energy up! he only ate like one meal today and hes worried about his calories...What A MESS! Thanks again hope!

Hey Chickies!

First of all...HUGS MOM!!! Yikes! I am sorry you are dealing with that...so very sorry...that's all I got...I know, so much help right? :)

Things are coming to a head here with the move very soon, lots of last minute stuff to do! I am going to be really busy for awhile but I may or may not have access to internet but I will check in if I can

VermontMom....I worked for a Dogwalking company and I call them all "my dogs" they are just my clients but I get very attached to them...very good for my clients...bad for my heart sometimes...

Things are going okay...I got to spend some time with my friend last night... Eating has still been bad. My jeans don't fit...I thriew a major tantrum but I have since gotten over it somewhat. I will do better when I can get back to my workouts, I am cutting myself some slack with all that I am dealing with... Loving myself enough to not let things feel worse.

Ugh, I think the chicken I ate for dinner disagreed with me so I am going to go...I just wanted to say hi to everyone...hang in there to the people who are struggling and letting you know that I will be around....

atleast my weight is stay pretty steady and not just going back up to 240's...lol.

So once again tonight hes mad. So MONDAYS are horrible for me..I got the kids breakfast and putted around until about 11 or a lil before. I AM NOT A MORNING person...sooo...Im not really functioning fully till after 12 or 1. Anyways I took a thing called zantrax which help with energy and diet but dont have all the jittery nonfocus stuff....anyways got my shower then worked on some school stuff for the boys had everyone take a hour quiet time then got them up and kicked buttt. When I was all done everywhere was clean AND SWEPT (including steps) except for 1 outta 3 bathrooms wasnt done, my changing room didnt get picked up or swept (its not real bad) and the kitchen. I had all the laundry half way half washed and dried half waiting to be washed. Reheated some lasagna so it could be gone...so i told him on the phone that i didnt get to the dishes hes like oh ill do them thats ok. I was like your not gonna get frustrated he said no i can do them. He drags them out wonders around in the middle of them. WHY I DONT KNOW...lol. So then I needed to go practice drama with a friend from church for a womans retreat in sept. Well I left at 7:30 and we talked a lil to much but still got some practice in I left there at like 9:05 and had to stop and get milk because He wanted cookies for snack. So I got home at 9:30. Everyones upstairs so i go up and when I went in the room hes like family devotions are at 9 i said that the other night. I said and have we done them yet since them? NO..HIM "well either way my bed time is 9" Um didnt he just say devotions were at 9 so which was it. FOR CRYING OUT FLIPPING LOUD...I have a CURFEW? I wasnt out shopping, out to eat, out watching a movie, out visiting...I WAS PRACTICING DRAMA FOR A MINISTRY....EVERY SINGLE STINKING NIGHT ITS SOMETHING. I am starting to wonder like REALLY REALLY WONDER...I cant figure out tonight if I am angry or sad....I think its about time for a note because if I dont get this all laid out to him its gonna be a BIG BIG explosion and I really dont want them or want my kids to have to see one....but something needs to change...Like and I know today it wasnt me...BEFORE yeah I could think it was partly me that I didnt get something done and he had reason to be frustrated...BUT OH NO NOT TODAY... I asked him if he could switch the load over I had in the washer...yeah I can...DID HE NO NO NO...I was just like hmm... didnt say a word cause whatever its just laundry. AND if I hadnt stopped to get the milk HE wanted I woulda been home at like 9:15...Ok SO SO SO sorry i posted this here but I have NOONE I can confide in at the moment over this. The only friend I have that I trust with this stuff has toooo much going on...everyone else is super nice but dont know if they can keep their mouths shut and not something I want people talking about...sigh so once again I apologize...now I feel like bawling! I want to just lay on the couch and do NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!

ps raven thank you....sometimes a hug is better than people trying to make up something to help...LOL...SORRY bout the chicken...chicken is one of the worst ones that can make people sick if not properly cared for...during the food safety course we learned that one!

Hi everyone

Just popping in to say Hi and to say Mom :hug: you keep posting and venting here. I understand how hard it is not to have someone you can talk things out with. Can you and your hubby go in for some couples counseling with your minister? It might help to have a third party help both of you talk to each other so you can get back together and get rid of some of the frustration. Just a thought. :hug: hang in there (I just know that I use to talk to my hubby about everything and then when he became the problem it was so hard not to have him or someone to talk to)
I have to dash. DdC has a 10:30 appt for an EEG.

Take care
K

Well I was able to write him a letter last night...thank goodness I didnt right it out of anger and did just blame blame blame...I was able to just express what I feel and that I am trying and ended it with I just am tired of going to bed with us having disagreements (we've never in 8 years had one about every night until now it was always a once in a while thing). N that I feel like we have to walk on eggshells hoping nothing sets him off and he dont throw something or yell meanly at the kids or be mean to me. Just asked him what needs to be done to fix this. Well he came upstairs again before he left and said I love you. So I figured he had read the letter cause he had already told me bye. Then he called me later and said He doesnt want me to feel that way and most of his problem is stuff thats been going on with church. Hes suppose to have had a mtg with the pastor but our pastors father is close to his end with cancer so therefore he hasnt had much time to do any mtgs. As an elder my dh job is to watch out for the church n the people and something and some people are doing things to pull the church in the wrong direction and somethings happen at the last board mtg to which one man stepped down (the man that got everything around the church done) When another man is still on the board that needs to resign...but ANWAYS...there has been several issues that need taken care of but due to the situation hasnt been able to be dealt with SOOOO i guess all of it is the root of his frustration and its bleeding over into the home...

I hope thats what it is cause we have never had issues like this. Even our foster girl that lived with us for 3 years says uh do you two EVER fight....LOL. We have disagreements but we cool down talk thru them and they are over...Yeah we do things we dont like but thats not a reason to fight thats part of learning to live with people...LOL...I am a little relieved just want this to be fixed and over so hes not so frustrated.

OH WHEW...SOOO much stuff...

i gotta run and get supper ready so I will try and stop back lata!!

Hey everyone... sorry I haven't been around much :( I've got this horrible summer cold that came back just when I thought it was over. To make the timing just perfect I'm running in my second organized 5k this saturday with a friend. I haven't seen him in a few years and we were supposed to get together and run but it hasn't worked out. I'm really going to try for sometime this week because I really didn't want the 5k to be our first run together. I haven't been able to run in a while, even though I got myself brand spaking new bright white shoes! I'll have to scuff them up a bit before the run if I'm not able to get out... ug, this one is going to suck and it's the run I PROMISED myself I'd do in 30 minutes.... obviously not going to happen.

Mom - Just my 2 cents but I think that it's important not to delete posts like that... I know I've wanted to in the past and I've realized it's one thing to say (or type) it all and get it off your chest... but it's a relief of another kind to have other people read them because that's what really gets it out there. And any chance you can get your husband to a doctor? The lack of calories may be causing some of his behaviour but it sounds like there may be more to it.

Everyone else... hi... how are ya? I don't mean to exclude anyone it's just that I'm not 100% myself, my sinuses are killing me and I'm out of tea :(

good afternoon friends :)

momof4, I should have jumped right here also and said that you never need to delete anything, we have to spill it sometimes and Im sorry that you have that situation with DH...maybe we all should grant ourselves one 'rant' session and know that we got it out and others listened and weren't shocked or anything.

Ravengirl, thanks for the doggie explanation :)

Aunty Jam, OH so sorry about the stupid cold! and that it wll kick your butt when doing the 5K.

hope - I meant to comment about when you went with a friend to have her dog put down, OMG what a hard thing to do for a friend.

I just stopped at an acquaintance's house, and she is a SUPER NEAT person and so is her husband, they're ex-TREME-ly task-oriented and are always doing something to pick up/ clean up/ improve their home. And she is very very proud of their home (as she should be, they just about built it) but even though I didn't ask, she took over half an hour and showed me around her place, pointing everything out, and talking so much she wasn't even listening to my responses. It just point out to me everything that I want that we don't have; neatness, order, no clutter, an effort made to do these things; which we do NOT have. Kinda a drag. There, that's my rant. And my ugly legs. :devil:

Ok after a whole 24 hours of venting I think I am good...got it all outta my system feel better. Thank you to ALL of you that helped me I didnt feel as bad venting it! So yeah TOM moved in today a week early. I got on the scale this morning and was up like 5 lbs and was like REALLY...WHEW...its just TOM!!!

positive things:
Think I have FINALLY kicked my pepsi addiction...cant really stand the taste of it any more!! My face is very thankful!!

Getting thru my house and getting the decluttering done. Have one more little desk and area to do (school desk).

I feel like I am now in control of my house...which means I am getting more control of myself. I think the excercise will be next!!

MORE and more I feel I am going toward the right goal...EVEN if I still eat wrong things it doesnt mean I am not going towards that goal just may be stalled and need a jump start!!!

dh wanted to talk tonight bout the letter. He said he hasnt really even been stressed about the house. Said for a while he didnt feel he should have to come home after working a 50 hour week and do dishes and that stuff. We didnt get to finish the convo cause girls needed help. i think that I have the house under control. He said he dont mind helping just doesnt want every night after a long day he comes home to house work...which I already said he shouldnt have to thats not right to him. BUT I do want occasional help with the kids... House work can be done while hes working but bathing and snack and bed time routine I need help at times...he tends to complain sometimes about it..SO hopefully we can get some type of schedule worked out for that. I also think I need a few hours a week of me time even if its just go to the library or to play the piano...whatever ESP. since I am here 24/7 and the kids are CONSTANTLY asking me questions, wanting me to break up fights, fix booboos, get them food and drinks, wipe their butts...MY BRAIN dont rest. If I get that time even if its a walk for me after supper to just let my brain go I think that will be super healthy for me!!

ok so THANKS for helping me get thru this!!! I feel better..glad I had a place to vent!!! I should so print these all off for in my journal...LOL

I will start back to personal posts for all you...my brain just wasnt working sorry!! Have a good Hump day!!!

Hi all! :wave:

Mom - sometimes it's really good to just vent it on out, girl!

Well, I managed to have both lunch and dinner out yesterday, and so am up 2lbs, but I know it will be gone again by tomorrow if I eat carefully and get on the treadmill today. Eating out is a HUGE issue for me - I mean to make good choices, but I make excuses instead! LOL The cheesecake calls my name... mmmm, cheesecake... no, wait - that's how I gained weight in the first place! hahaha

Ah well, each day we start again. hang in there, my chickie friends!

Heather :D

Heather, did you say we could start again tomorrow? I hope so. Too much mexican, chips, salsa, dairy queen, margaritas...:o I need to be muzzled. Did you get back on track today?

Aunty Jam, good luck on you run Saturday. I hope you are long past your cold.

Mom, glad you are feeling a little better and yes, you need some alone time.

Vermont, I have friends like that too and they can make you feel so low about yourself, not that they mean to. It just happens. I long to be that way. Since I've been overeating again my main goal (besides eating) seems to be to sleep. I'm becoming a slug again it seems. Must snap out of this.

Buddly, how did your daughter's dr.'s appt go? Are you working a lot this week?

Hope-i so hear ya...i need to have a muzzle too..can you send on over...LOL

heather-your right we can start over do you ever get tired of starting over? Thats how I feel sometimes like whats the point cause I am just going to keep starting over....ugh...I do SOOOO good during the day..I eat reasonably then I hit night time. Guess I need to MAKE myself go to my room an read or do something to make me sleepy not sit here and eat...

ok lata girls!

Hey everyone.... I've been pretty emotional the last few days. We've come to the realization that we're going to have to put our old dog down soon.... her body is starting to fail her in some ways, she has some arthritis, weakness in the back end, loss of control of the bowels, senility... she poops in the house multiple times a day, sometimes she gets downstairs which is where every dog I've ever had tries to hide the fact that they've gone in the house and sometimes she just does it right where she is (living room, SD room etc...), so you have to watch where you walk. Getting downstairs is a major feet for her, she used to spend hours laying in my husbands office down there with him but the stairs are really hard for her now. I hate the thought of her trying to hold it and thinking to herself "Gotta hide this... it's not allowed... gotta get downstairs...." I thought my husband was really upset about all of the pooping and wanted to put her down until last night I sat him down for a serious talk about it and he was surprised that I brought it up and when I asked him how much longer he could take the poop (because he cleans up 90% of it) he got this serious look on his face, gave a little nod and said "A little while longer...". I went so far as to call the vet while I was at work and he agrees she doesn't have very long left but I found out to do what I want (private cremation, keep the ashes etc..) it's could possibly cost $450. Where the **** am I goign to get that kind of money????? I CAN"T not do it that way, I've learned what companies do with the bodies of dogs (don't ask) and I can't let them do that to my baby. Every time I think about it I want to cry... she's been my dog for over 14 years now and I can't imagine what Chase will do without her... he'll be so lost. My SD will be crushed... Kelly attached herself to her when she moved in, she sleeps in her room by her bed. Last night we were talking about how old Kelly is... and I wanted my SD to be prepared so I said to her "I don't think we're going to have Kelly much longer..." and my husband said that it hurt just to hear it, he's very attached to her also.

I'm sorry... here I've been blathering on about my old dog and completely ignoring everyone elses issues. I guess I'm just wrapped up in my own problems right now.... I just can't stop thinking about her.

Thanks for everyones well wishes for race day... it's not looking good outside :( Over in BC they have over 300 forest fires burning and our wind is coming from them... the whole city is covered in a yellowie smokie haze, there are all these health warnings issues... even for healthy people, not to do strenuous exercise outside. I don't think they'll cancel the run, but I think a lot of people will just not go, I don't know if I should either. It's supposed to rain tomorrow evening so that may help depending on the time, the race is at 6:30pm. There's also a full and half marathon on sunday but it's supposed to get better.

Vermont - Sounds like your friend just wants to show off what she has, I don't think she meant it to be showing you what you don't have.

awwww jam thats tough...you dont have anywhere you can dig a whole an bury the dog? We had a dog once and she just started convulsing and then died...my dad actually gave her cpr he was sooo upset...there was no warning..she had a brain tumor that exploded. Its hard though with old dogs to decide when enough is enough. So sorry your struggling....sometimes things in your life get sooo hard you can hardly help yourself let alone help anyone else!

Thanks Mom... I guess I was just wrapped up in my own little world. I'm in a much better frame of mind now but it's still in the back of my head.

I don't think it's legal up here to burry your dog in the yard.

Aunty Jam, so sorry about your doggie. After going last week to with my friend to put her dog down I've been giving mine some extra lovin and trying not to take them for granted. I see by you ticker that you ran the race. :bravo: Great job!!! Glad you're feeling better.

I've done a little better the past couple of days with eating. I'm starting to write everything down again and even avoided a few things I could have eaten but shouldn't. I've been doing the ellipticle and workouts like the the 30 day shred.

We went to a crab feast yesterday. It was fun but hot. Today we are seeing a movie with a friend. I really could just take a nap though. :) Tomorrow I have another phone interview with the same company for a similar position as the last one. They liked me for the first one but have to offer it to someone internal first. If they turn it down then I'm next in line. I pray I get one of them. I need a higher paying job sooo badly.

Aunty Jam - OH I have tears in my eyes reading about your Kelly. God I know how hard that is. Actually we were let out 'the easy way' two years ago, as our Tasha just collapsed at age 12 and died suddenly. We were spared what you are going through now. We are lucky that in VT we can bury our pets anywhere (and we have 3 on our property) (Off track but we can also bury people on our land - topic for some other day I guess.) $450 is a huge amount of money but it is what I would want too, I would not want to speculate on our poor doggie's remains getting treated not respectfully :cry: Maybe some windfall will come your way and that will cover the expenses. I am so sorry for you and your family's pain.

that is a great way of looking at it, I see that I am really VERY sensitive and ashamed of what our place is like and any comments about someone else being proud of their place just puts me in :cry:

and congrats on your PERSONAL BEST at the 5K! so how was the smoke/air?

hope4me, I sure hope you get called and picked for that job, being worried about money really sucks when we are already worried about other things. And yes hearing about Aunty Jam's Kelly, and you accompanying your friend the other week, makes us give our dogs even more love and attention.

Hi momof4, how are you doing :hug: If you are doing good during the day, that is a great start!! have you come up with strategies to cope with trying not to eat at night? that is really hard, I know.

and hi Heather, buddly and Ravengirl :)

hope-glad your doing better with your eating!!

aunt jam-i didnt remember you were from canada..that stinks you cant bury the doggie yourself.

I for some reason have been sick off and on since like friday. I was ill friday and laid down and felt a little better. My stomach has been queasy constantly...i know your all thinking prego..but I was tied after the last one.. I have also had regular periods. Some times the stomach is worse than other times...its like my stomach is sour...then since yesterday I keep getting this weird headache...it feels like the side of the top of my skull is being pounded on...its just not like a normal headache. My last two periods have been only 3 day long...no complaints here...but thought I would be feeling better...
Then we had our first big family reunion on my dads side that I planned and organized. Well I was still ill and was late getting tehre and one of my cousins who helped plan took care of stuff...so two of my cousins to be mean were like telling her oh thank you thank you for doing this and said nothing to me. Not that its that big of a deal but it was rude to thank her and not even talk to me (they knew I planned it cause one of them helped on the team i had). ewww just burns my biscuits..hahaha I kinda want to just stay away from facebook right now...kinda just sick of PEOPLE....ever get that way?
Ok well I am debating to take a preggo test even though I dont feel preggo or anything...but kinda wanna just mark that off the list...I guess its only been 4 days that i have been sick...nothing to worry about...ugghh

Hi everybody,

I think my interview went well today. It's so hard to tell. It was just a preliminary interview, I'll have to wait to see if I get a call from somebody local in the department. The lady I talked to was in CT, I'm in VA. Maybe I'm getting old but to me that is just weird. I thought I was going to be talking to somebody local that I would eventuallly meet. Anyway, the lady said if this wasn't a fit she would keep me in mind for future openings. Please pray for me that something works out. My self esteem is in the dumpster in regards to a career.

Anywho, my eating was on the high side but still within reason. Today I did laundry, dishes, bills, and changed the sheets. Exciting huh? I worked out for about an hour. I've been working out fairly hard since I found out about the interview in an effort to be positive about myself. You know how that can be a struggle to feel good about yourself.

Mom, how are you feeling? Still sick?

Vermont, good to see you. Have you been riding lately? Df was going to go yesterday then they predicted rain all day and he didn't go. Then it didn't rain till later. He was mad.

hope-You will get the right position for you!!! It will all work out!!Yes working out helps you to feel better about yourself!

I get to the end of the day and I am like so why didn't I work out today?? I have soooo many things on my list left unchecked today cause i was sickoff and on. I am feeling pretty good right now...headache off and on...I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE I will get my stuff done tomorrow! Pretty set on dropping facebook for a while! I might have to actually delete my page so I stay off it...LOL...its like a habit when I get on the puter to click it...ok well think I am gonna go watch a movie!

Hope - Thanks for your encouragement and support. I really hope you get that job, just keep in your head that you are the best person for it and you will be!

Vermont - I was thinking I may have been a little melodramatic when I was writing that... I don`t know. I`m good at being overly emotional but then I went downstairs this morning and stepped in dog poop (puke!). I didn`t see it because the first set of lights is burnt out... yet another thing on the honey-do list, ggggrrrrrrr.

Mom - If you do decide to take a test I hope you get the result you want. What movie did you watch. (I can`t make a question mark for some strange reson...ÉÉÉÉ wtfÉÉÉ). Honestly I haven`t looked into if I can bury her on our land or not. I`m kind of worried about what I would do if we ever had to move or if something dug her up... I coudln`t handle that.

Everyone! Yes :) I ran the race, the smoke was much improved and for the most part it went very well. I was seriously ticked at the friend who was supposed to run with me... he didn`t bother to read the site and thought you could register-pick up his package at the race. :( And of course you couldn`t. So he couldn`t run (although I told him to anyway), so I had no running partner and no music and I always run with music! I tried to use my anger to keep me going and it worked a bit, but I have a temper and I`ve been really trying not to let my anger get the better of me so I didn`t want to use it to much. Anyway, I also used the fact that my hubby was there and I was really driven to finish as near to 30 minutes as I could. He told me he was proud of me when I was finished... it was great to hear. He took a video of me crossing the finish line but I haven`t watched it yet.

I could have sworn I posted last night. Maybe I'm losing it. I'm off today but haven't gotten moving yet. I have pool tonight and have to go to a visitation for a business aquaintance of df. Her mother passed away. I know her but not well.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do today. I need to clean the house. I also really need to get my hair cut, eyebrows waxed etc. in case I actually get a face to face interview somewhere.

I haven't been sleeping too well the last few days. I find myself awake thinking about jobs and weight and whatever I'm stressing about at the time.

What's up with the rest of you guys? Buddly?

I am having issues gettin gup....thats not good cause school starts in a week and I HAVE to be up showered and dressed for the girls school.....I believe I have to take them to school cause its like only a block down the street...WHICH is good cause that will make me get up early and do the boys school BUT I am just having a heck of a time....feeling better....it musta been a flu cause my husband got it...Just lasted for like 4 days...
Well I got stuff I gotta get done! Lata

Hope-think happy thoughts when you go to bed!!! Think about being SUPER skinny...LOL

Mom, I'm not sure I have that good of an imagination. :lol: I can't fathom this stomach ever being flat.

I make no sense. I nearly had a meltdown trying to find something to wear to the funeral this afternoon then I proceed to eat an outrageous amount at Red Lobster tonight, have a giant Pina Colada at pool, then I get a doughnut on the way home. Shoot me, just shoot me.

The mental anguish I went throught today should not happen. It was such a waste of time to just try to find a stupid pair of pants to wear and a shirt. The weight just puts so many restrictions on the style, length etc etc of the clothes I can wear. Some people can wear lots of things regardless of their size but I'm not one of them. Maybe it's because I'm short, I don't know.

On a positive note I did do a really great workout today.

So I start posting again and everybody else diappears. :chin:

Not much to tell. Slow day.

Here I am, here I am!!

Nothing new to report though ;)

Hope everyone is doing well - I need to eat less and move more. Wow, newsflash, eh? hahaha

Hope- I am with you on the clothes things...I have those fits where I wanna just throw everything and lay on the floor screaming and crying cause i cant find anything..my rolls show, they look like flood water pants, they dont button without squeezing in then worrying bout it popping off and hurting someone....
So I am getting closer and closer to the point of complete turn!! In the good way. I am getting more and more determined to lose the weight...I am down another lb...very slo to lose 8 lbs (in like 3 months..LOL) but getting there. I have a cousin that offered to walk with me so I am gonna see if we can set a time (she is like the same weight as me). I feel more comfortable walking with someone whos the same as me!! I had a youth girls sleep over and they talked me into taking them to walmart at 2:30 am..so we played hide and seek and I walked alllll around that store...LOL
I even started doing a video blog that I will post further down the road and then set up a support page on FB! Ok just got a referal call for foster kid catch up with you all lata!!

SO i see everyone is all busy with their weekend!! We are to get the boy on Wed. he is 15..so we will see doesnt seem to have many problems being moved outta the county because of the mother...I am only nervous because its a boy and I know how to relate to girls...guys are a little different! Now they youth guys are all fine with me...alot of them kinda come to me like the mom for advice...LOL. My close friend whos son is 15 hangs on me like im his mom..hes like a big kid at heart...then I had another kid just text me last night needing advice. He has a dad who is mentally abusive to him and his mom and anger issues and doesnt want to be like that with his girlfriend...he just started coming but seems so different than the other teens! ANYWAYS...there I go talking bout my teens again...cant help it i love those kids like crazy...guess now days thats what they need is someone to love them and remind them they ARE going to make it and they ARE going to be someone!! Cause most teens get stopped into the ground about how stupid they are, how they arent going to be anything...so they need all the love they can get right??
OK OK SHUTTING UP NOW... waiting for cupcakes to cool for tomorrows dinner after church. Going to make them into animals. Husband is preaching and I am teaching kids church. Our pastors dad is dying from cancer and doesnt have much longer according to the drs. Then a lady from our church passed yesterday. Our pastor went and prayed with her and she was doing good and was fine when he left and they called him an hour later that she had passed. So he just has a lot on his plate so my dh is preaching for him!

My biggest baby (9lbs 10.5 oz) turns 6 Monday...Hes our string bean now...lol He jumps and his pants fall down!! Ok well thats bout it around here!!
Hope everyones doing well! Catch you all lata!!

Hey everyone... I know I haven't been around much. I've actually been quite depressed but kept denying it. Theres just a whole lot of stuff but I don't feel like rehashing it. I know you guys would willingly read it but it's all the same crud so I don't see much of a point. I can only ***** and whine about the same problem so many times. So I thought I'd just stop in and say hey...

Hello chicks :)

momof4 - is the 15 yr old boy going to be a foster child in your home? is he there yet? I hope it works out good for all of you :)

Aunty Jam - if it helps of course you can tell us what's bothering you, even if we've heard it before. Aren't those the worst problems, the ones that don't go away? that's the case for me (oh no, winter is coming, Vermontmom hates winter, etc...)

Hi hope :) sorry if it seemed like we disappeared momentarily :o

:rofl:

Well I had a huge problem with a tooth and that kept me from posting, a cracked molar that I should have had looked at, but didn't, and it started hurting so much, I had the worst night of my life last night with pain and throbbing..got an appt. today and had tons of x rays and just comes to that I have neglected professional cleanings and have to pay for it now. Well we don't have dental insurance so that's a huge reason to put it off...but we can afford it, I just hate shelling it out; and I am in for a lot of $$$ because I will need dental surgery and crowns and all that.