Is anyone else experiencing this? Or has anyone else experienced it in the past?

I am on an emotional roller coaster right now…I feel like a complete basket case 90% of the time. (Some of you might remember the dad post and the binging/purging post). Every time I have a moment to myself, I’m struck by some new, sobering thought. I feel drained and raw and kind of helpless.

I guess I was one of many who thought that once I lost weight, life would really happen for me. I thought things would be great and I would grow and become a better person…but it’s almost been the opposite. I used to feel pretty good about myself as a person…I was insecure about my body, but I felt like I was a decent human being and worth knowing. Now, I am both insecure about my body AND myself as a person. Great. This is the opposite of what was supposed to happen! Some things I’ve realized as of late:

1) I don’t see anything good about myself. Not really. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to date or marry or even sleep with me. I feel so inadequate and empty. This is kind of new. I’ve always felt so…smart and capable and in control and I’ve always thought I had a great sense of humor. And now, I really just don’t know who I am and I certainly couldn’t list any good qualities about myself.

2) I have some serious issues when it comes to the opposite sex. On the one hand, I want so badly for someone to love me and want me and just think I’m special in the slightest way…on the other hand, I feel ridiculous for wanting that because I clearly don’t deserve that. I want a lasting relationship, but instead I settle for meaningless encounters (yes that means what you think it means) and so-so relationships with people I know deep down are not right for me.

3) Feeling vulnerable makes me panic and I don’t know why. If I’m put into a new or different position, I freak. I’m nervous. If someone says something that hits too close to home, my eyes water. I hate being revealed in any way that I don’t choose to be. Being exposed is a nightmare.


Don’t get me wrong…I’m glad I lost weight. Physically, I feel better. I think I look better (in clothes anyway) and I have more energy. But my mind is throbbing with new thoughts and I’m overwhelmed with new feelings. I feel stripped and weak. What is this??? Is this “normal”? Why is this happening???

You should never feel you don't deserve someone to love you and think you are special!

Maybe some self help books or even counseling can help you figure out why you are feeling this way?

I know for me when I have bad thoughts I say to myself that I know these are bad thoughts and I'm NOT listening to them! I tell myself positive things everyday and try to stay away from the negative ones.

First of all, you are special and you deserve to feel good about yourself. You also deserve a partner who truly loves, appreciates, and respects you. I have no doubts at all that you have a whole arsenal of talents, skills, and positive qualities that make you a wonderful person. Hang in there!

Here is my take on what you may be experiencing (and I am no shrink):
Fat serves as a barrier to some of the scarier aspects of life: close relationships, intimacy, higher expectations from others, etc.) When we lose some of our "protection," we feel exposed and uncomfortable in unfamiliar circumstances ()such as intimacy with another person. It would be so good for you to get some counseling so that you will come to see your true and intrinsic value as a unique human being, deserving of all the good things in life. Please consider doing so for your future happiness.

I have read your post sharing experiences and support for others on here and I think you are a very special young lady. Smart, kind and beautiful! What has always helped me to feel better about myself is to set goals for what type of person I want to be and then come up with a plan to be that person. I am the only one who can mold me into who I want to be! May seem silly but it works for me! I think if we work to be physically and emotionally healthy the rest will fall into place. I really believe you will work thru this and love yourself.

I agree with Cglasscock1. Personally I have some issues that i have been ignoring and hiding with emotional eating, as well as without really consciously realizing it, feeling as if being overweight some how protected or protects me from certain things. I def. agree that you should think about counselling, if for nothing else then just some personal growth and self knowledge. My sisters have both had some serious counselling and for me I first thought- well.. why would I want to re live any of that, and they said its more like recognizing things that happened, taking them for what they are, learning how they have affected you, accepting that you cant change the past and learning coping skills and avoiding triggers.
Hang in there! This is def. an emotional journey for many, but just keep swimming!

Reading your post made me think these things...

1) How old are you? There's certain ages where there's the "Who am I now?" angst blah thing going on besides just the teen years. It isn't fun, but there's some comfort in knowing it's one of those "stages of the age" thing. I kind of expected it as a teen with the "Who am I now that I'm not a child?" I didn't realize I'd have it at my wedding when I was trying to figure out who I was as "wife." Then again when I had my kid while I figured out who I was as "mother." I'm sure I will go through it again and the bit of advice that helped my perspective was someone who told me not to fret too much.

I'm still ME... "Astrophe" is like the name of the newspaper or book. All these other bits are stories/chapters in there that help make up the whole but it's all me all the time... and the further I go the more I know about my life story. But I can't only get through it but so fast, you know? It is OK to just be in a period of not knowing what is going to happen next. You push on and get to know... just like when reading a book!

2) Are you depressed? Have you looked at the symptoms? You can Google more but here's one place to start

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guid...toms-and-types

If you think you are depressed, make a doc appt.

3) Are you meeting your spiritual needs? And I don't mean church if organized religion isn't your thing. I just mean meeting those needs just like you would try to meet your mental, emotional, social and physical needs. In whatever form your spiritual practice takes -- meditation, yoga, gardening, journal writing, art...

I think people need to find something that feeds their spirit as well as meeting their other needs. I know I neglected this area of my life for a long time and it took me a while to figure that out. All I knew is that I felt something was missing and I felt blah about it.

4) Are you lonely? You mention not being satisfied with the romantic relationship department, but are you getting enough friendship and other social relationships? That could cause some blah -- emotional/social needs not being met and feeling a bit isolated.

Maybe someone else can post more ideas for where the "blah" might be coming from.

Good luck!

hugs,
A.

astrophe - Great Answer! Thank you for responding to this poster, this is an excellent answer to what to do when you feel like sh*t - which has been the top question on my mind lately. Thank you!