[cardsfan2009]

So wow, I haven't been on this site in a long time. Before I had lost 30 lbs. Now I have gained 60 back. 20 of those have come after starting citalopram about 8 months ago. Soon I am going to go to the doctor and ask about it..

I feel like some of the time my pills work and other times they don't. It depends heavily on if I'm feeling lonely or not. I don't even remember what it's like to feel normal...I'm tired all of the time, when I'm feeling lonely I just cry and cry, sometimes all day long.

I was going to a big state university last semester, where a bunch of my friends went. At that time, it was nice to have my friends with me, but I was also going through a lot with a guy I will talk about later. I decided that school wasn't for me, and I moved. I am now an hour away from home rather than 3 hours, which is nice, but I don't have any friends here. I haven't been able to find a job and its really starting to wear on me. I have a problem with spending too much money, which isn't good, especially when you're living on student loans. I have a 4.0 GPA right now, which is one of the only bright spots for me right now.

So, as for the guy. We met after I graduated high school this summer. We was the drummer for the band that played at my best friend's graduation party, which is where we met. It was like a complete whirlwind romance, i fell hard(!) and fast. However, this man is over 20 years older than me (spare me the mean comments please, its what I like...) He was very apprehensive about us being together because of it. He's also black, which is not a problem for me or my family, however, he's always saying how my family would never accept him and he doesn't want to come between me and my family, etc etc. and no matter how hard I try I can't convince him otherwise. So technically, we were never boyfriend and girlfriend.

When this man is good, let's just say, he is REALLY good. Makes me fall for him over and over again. But when he's not good, he's always saying he'll do things and he never does. He breaks dates with me. He doesn't call when he says he will. And he knows this makes me worry because a few of the times I couldn't reach him, he was in the hospital, and once he almost died. So you would think he would realize that it makes me upset when I don't hear from him. And then he will just call me one day, as if nothing ever happened, as if he didn't just break his millionth promise to me. Recently, he told me he would call me in a couple of days and then I didn't hear from him for a month. He said later that he wanted me to forget about him and find someone better for me. Then one night he called me and asked me to come see him for his birthday. So, being a fool in love, I did. I pretty much broke down and was like, i've tried to be with other people but it never works because nobody is you. And he gave in this time. So he's willing to be in a real relationship with me, which is the answer to my prayers.

However, he's still just like he always was, not calling me when he says he will, I don't see him very often. And in my head I know he will eventually get a hold of me, but after the month of him disappearing off the face of the earth, it makes me feel like i'll never talk to him again. Which again sends me into a spiral of loneliness where I will take any attention I can get from guys. And I do happen to get a lot of attention, but none of it will truly make me happy because I'm just substituting for him. That's not the kind of person I want to be. I just want to be happy. I'm not happy with him, and REALLY I'm not happy without him.

It makes me feel really pathetic that I forgive him over and over. Like a doormat. I believe you teach people how to treat you, and I'm not doing a very good job with him. I want to be strong and stand up for myself, but I'm so desperate to keep him that I don't even care when I'm with him what he's done in the past.

I dunno, I've probably already gone on too long about this, but I just don't have anyone to talk to and I wanted to get it off my chest

[nitenurse]

why would you even want a man who treats you like crap. Its not hard to find men who never do what they say, dont call and breaks dates with you. geez drop that loser and get on with you life, you deserve much better

[angelskeep]

Need company? Get a dog. Need someone to talk to? Get a therapist. Figure out why on earth you would let someone treat you this way.

I have compassion for the way you feel, honest, but at some point you have to accept responsibility for your own situation and then do what you can to make it beter. or become resigned to a life that is less than what you deserve.

Barb

[vixxi]

Feel better, I understand the medication thing, I was on Prozac for about 7 months and I gained the 42lbs I had lost back. I also understand not being happy with him and not being happy without him, people who are depressed (I am, not saying you are but its seems thats obviously what your saying) are just not happy in general. I have a boyfriend, hes sweet and really a wonderful guy, but sometimes I just want nothing to do with him. Im not happy with him (even though I have absolutely no reason to be) and Im miserable without him. If I were you, i'd ditch this guy. He's obviously not helping your situation. You need someone who is loving and supportive and who understand what your going through mentally and emotionally. Never settle for less than what you deserve. Good luck, no one can really tell you what to do but you. By the way, I love love love your tattoo, I have six myself.

[cardsfan2009]

Originally Posted by angelskeep

Need company? Get a dog. Need someone to talk to? Get a therapist. Figure out why on earth you would let someone treat you this way.

I have compassion for the way you feel, honest, but at some point you have to accept responsibility for your own situation and then do what you can to make it beter. or become resigned to a life that is less than what you deserve.

Barb

I wish I could get a dog. No pets in my apt

But I understand what you're saying. And I wholeheartedly agree. I'm not trying to use my depression as an excuse, but I can say it makes everything a whole **** of a lot harder.

[cardsfan2009]

Originally Posted by vixxi

Feel better, I understand the medication thing, I was on Prozac for about 7 months and I gained the 42lbs I had lost back. I also understand not being happy with him and not being happy without him, people who are depressed (I am, not saying you are but its seems thats obviously what your saying) are just not happy in general. I have a boyfriend, hes sweet and really a wonderful guy, but sometimes I just want nothing to do with him. Im not happy with him (even though I have absolutely no reason to be) and Im miserable without him. If I were you, i'd ditch this guy. He's obviously not helping your situation. You need someone who is loving and supportive and who understand what your going through mentally and emotionally. Never settle for less than what you deserve. Good luck, no one can really tell you what to do but you. By the way, I love love love your tattoo, I have six myself.

Thank you.

[vixxi]

Also, I went to my doctor a couple of months ago and she said that its common to gain 30, 40, 50 lbs while taking SSRI's, (prozac's an SSRI, and so is Citalopram or Celexa which I was on at one point as well). She told me my only option was to keep taking the med and eat healthy, exercise regularly or to go off of it. I decided to go off the med, I already eating right and exercising and still gaining. Apparently, the SSRI's can take a toll on your metabolism and slow it down, and if you have a slow metabolism to begin with, weight gain can happen. I decided to stop with meds all together. My body needs a break and even without the meds in my system anymore I still feel like my body is set in slow mode. No weight loss. Talking to your doc is the best idea, I don't know if you've been on other meds before but sometimes its trial and error when it comes to anti depressants.(I've been on four different ones, Prozac made me feel the best but gaining 40lbs made me feel like ****, lol). It's never easy. Just take one day at time, I know it sucks to wake up and just feel like "todays a bad day" and cry all day and just want to crawl in bed. It'll get better with time.

[valpal23]

I started celexa last october... and gained 30 pounds. I tried to wean myself off it... and have seriously been crying at the drop of a hat for the last week. I seriously have done everything in my power to pick myself up without celexa. alcohol. sex. (well not drugs. m.s. meds are enough for me thanks) but things really suck.

cardsfan when I need to get over a guy I find new hobbies. I'm a belly dancing, yoga doing, meditating person now thanks to crappy guys in the past. You deserve somebody that treats you with respect. Not a butt munch!! please watch out for yourself above all. You might have to fake it till ya make it. Either way, now is a good time to start - you're on a supportive website

[cehrriins]

Hi, cardsfan- Its been over a week since the last post on this thread and I'm wondering how you're doing.

I'm the last person to judge a potential relationship based on age - my husband is 10 years older than I am! But this guy's age seems to be a factor because at his age, a man should be mature enough to do what he says he will. And mature enough to not make promises he can't keep.

My heart goes out to you, cardsfan. I know its beyond difficult right now. Please let us know how things are going.

Take Care,
Erin

[kirst]

I am also on Citalopram (or Celexa) and I have been on it for about 1.5 years, I was doing really when I first started on it, but now I have put on about 30lbs and it doesn't seem to be working, they tried to add in some other meds but that just made me miss work as I couldn't wake up! I am trying to ween of the Celexa now but I am sleeping so much and the headaches are bad! So I know exactly how you feel Cardsfan2009 I hope things are looking up for you!