I am trapped in the "depression-weight gain-guilt-self-pity-"oh to heck with it" circle. I am laid off from work (I am a seasonal employee at a golf course). I have a 3 month old baby and a toddler in the midst of the terrible twos... and cabin fever to boot. I have clinical depression anyways, and these other factors just push me furthur into depression. I stop caring about my appearance. I am still carrying around my baby weight and have been living in yoga pants for 4 months. I feel like a slob. I have to force myself to take a shower each day. I just find that, daily, I say "to heck with it" and eat poorly. I know I need exercise. I find reasons why I can't exercise. We are in an apartment so I can't do aerobics. It is icy and snowy so I can't go for a walk. We are broke so I can't join a gym. *sigh* I know I just need one day of exercise and healthy eating under my belt to get the ball in motion, but I can't seem to get there.

How do I get out of this funk?

How sorry to hear you are in a funk? I think's it the time of the year. Do you have a local mall you could walk in the morning? I see woman pushing kids around and walking in the morning. Or maybe, someone could watch the kids while you walked to get some time to exercise. Other options go to local libary and check up some workout tapes. There are websites with exercise on them too. Maybe, just try eating healtier if not have time to diet. Spring will be here soon!

I know exactly how you feel. You just need to take it in small steps, and you'll be able to escape your funk. Think of it as walking before you run. Since I too, am too broke to join a gym, I started lifting jugs of water, just make sure it's sealed haha, I once lifted a jug that I had opened earlier that day and I ended up with half a gallon of water all over me and the living room. I usually do it when I'm watching tv, I started out with one, lifting it above my head on my left side with one arm or both, then I'd switch to the other side. I only did this for about 5 minutes. Then I walked in place for 5 minutes. If you do this 3 times a day, you end up exercising for 30 minutes, without having to leave the house, or change out of your stretchy pants, and without having to shell out money for a gym! Eventually you can move on to two jugs, and walking longer in front of the tv, until you're able to go outside again I lost fifty pounds just by finding a way to move around in my apartment during the winter time. You can do it!

As for the food, make gradual changes! I used to eat only cheetos every day and energy drinks, but now I don't even drink soda. If you like chips, switch over to sunchips at first (they're whole grain and lower in salt than the usual kind of chips, helps with bloating and that tired feeling you get after you junk out). Change your white bread products to brown, sneak some frozen vegetables into your diet. Try to always make sure you eat breakfast when you get up, so you can avoid oversnacking. Realize that you're still going to want some junk food here and there, but try not to buy as much of it. If it's not around, you can't eat it

Most importantly, just understand that you're human. It'll take time, but just by thinking about how you can get started, you've already gotten started!

OK, I think you need to realise what you are up against here. First you have clinical depression, which is horrendous on its own. It makes it more likely you will suffer from other depressive disorders. It's February, you have identified Cabin Fever, but also you might be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). You've just had a baby, is there a chance of post-natal depression being there too?

My point is, you could be fighting all these types of depression at the same time. That is unbelievable hard. And you have had the strength and understanding to realise at least part of what is wrong with you. When my head has been buckling with more than 2 of those, its hard enough just to type straight. So be easy on yourself.

You need to find your coping techniques ie what works for you individually to help pick you up and put these in place as soon as you recognise that you are heading for another dip. (I always see my life as a rollercoaster, up and down and sometimes out of control!)

For me, the best one is to get on some really lively bouncing dance music or something I can sing extremely loudly to (much to everyone else's dismay!). I can't help but be lifted by this. Set yourself goals to do each day, even write a list. Could be as simple as have a shower, do my hair, organise the kitchen... you will get a sense of achievement when you score them off.

You didn't say if you are on any medication, maybe you should see the doctor if you aren't.

I wish you the best of luck. I know what its like being this down, it sucks. But there is always tomorrow. My motto that I made up at my lowest point is: Each new day brings new possibilities. I try to live by that.

Take care.

Since you are posting here, you have already made a step in a positive direction and that is a DESIRE for change. Daily exercise, even 30 min of walking daily will help with your depression. Leslie Sansome's walking videos are great and you can get them from the libray or have your library order them. Or do a 10,000 steps a day plan. If you can walk you can exercise and at least it's a start. Try to form alliances with other young moms in your apartment building. Walk with them with the kids or trade off babysitting duties. Share healthy recipe ideas. Is there a common area in your apartment where you could meet with other moms and exercise to videos? The children can play together while you work out with your friends. Be proactive and post a note up in the laundry room or office letting other moms know you want to hook up.

Call your doctor hon, sounds like you got a lot to deal with. I had postpartum after my dd was born and boy was I miserable. I think your doc can help you if you tell him exactly what you've told us.

You deserve to be happy

Leenie

I know just where you're coming from. I too live in an apartment, with not enough money for a gym membership. I have 2 boys, one who is 30 months and the other is 7 months. I find the easiest way for me to get exercise in is to turn on some music and dance around with my kids. They both really enjoy it, and when they're all hyped up and active, it's hard for me not to be. My first loves when I chase him around the house while carrying his little brother.
Another thing you could try is waking up a bit before your kids (mine's schedules are basically syncronized) and working out to a video for a half hour. I've done weeks and weeks of areobics and have never heard any complaints from my neighbors.

Thank you all! I started walking about 2 miles a day, which has been good. My eating is not quite under control but I do find that when I get back from a walk, I don't want to undo the good I have done. I am going to go over all my weightwatchers info and hope to get inspired to start journaling again. I know I just need a day or 2 of being "good" and seeing some results to keep me going. thanks again!

ETA: oh- I should mention I do take 30mg of celexa and go to therapy as well. She recommended OA which I definitely want to check out...