I recently lost an aunt. I am now losing my grandmother, who raised me.

By the way, I mentioned this in another thread, and a couple of ladies offered support. I'm grateful for them. But then a senior member posted the next day about the loss of her grandmother. I'm still too new to have a ticker, by contrast. So guess which thread got eight times as many responses?

Not the newbie's.

I don't know why that always happens to me on message boards, but it does. Everywhere. It happens to me in real-life too. I started crying during a support group, and nobody even so much as offered me a kleenex, but the next person to talk also started crying, and they were all over her like ugly on a bulldog. It just seems like when it's me, nobody cares, but someone else can be in the same situation, and it's OMG you poor thing....

I'm having arguments with my husband, I'm under tremendous stress, and even though he lost both of his grandmothers and an uncle within months of each other, he doesn't seem to be sympathetic to what he calls my "mood swings."

Is there any reason why I shouldn't just give up?

14 views, no responses.

Don't give up. I don't know you or your situation well, but it is possible that your husband is having a hard time seeing you in pain, and he is unable to respond to that pain in a positive way. Have you considered one-on-one counseling? You seem to have so much going on, and it could help.

I've suffered from depression myself, practically my entire life. I've been in some very very low places. And when I feel like that I tend to take things much more personally than I probably would have in a better mood, and my feelings get hurt more (which doesn't help at all when you are already depressed to begin with!). I know its hard, but just try to keep some perspective. The grief and loss and stress that you're feeling now is normal, considering what you're going through, but it won't last forever.

It's so so so important right now that you take some time to take care of youself. Keep exercising and eating right. Anything you do that is good for your body right now is good for your mind. And take some time to meditate or pray. You need to establish a higher sense of self worth, and one of the ways to do that is to understand that you are important enough to spend time and your precious energy caring for YOU.

I hope this makes sense. It's early and I'm barely awake here. Just hang in there. You may only be able to take baby steps right now, but you if just 'give up' your feelings will never change.

I appreciate the effort. It's a little hard to cheer me up right now. When you're new at a website, I think, it's just like being the new kid in school. All the friendships are already formed, and there's no place for the newbie to fit in. If a newbie and someone else are going through the same issue, the one who has been there forever is going to get support, while the newbie can just set herself on fire for all anybody cares.

That's how I feel. No offense to anybody else.

I am so sorry for everything you are going through right now. I lost my best friend ( my gram) 2 years ago and it still hurts badly. My gramp passed away almost a year to the day after her...they were very important people in my life.
I know it is hard to fit in right away and I just wanted you to know that I care how you are doing and if you want to chat I am here for you. Sometimes just talking it through helps tremendously. I know you don't have your PM access right now but it will be very soon right?

So sorry to hear of your loss and your grandmothers health. How long ago did your DH lose his family members? Maybe he's still grieving and doesn't really know how to comfort you at the same time or is he the type that just deals with death in silence?

Sorry you're feeling isolated on this board I can't speak for anyone else but I'm sure no one is intentionally ignoring you. I think we've all myself included when new to a board kind of get lost in the shuffle.

I really hope you feel better and find strength and peace in dealing with your loss. Have you had a heart to heart with your DH about your feelings?

I am very sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like you are under tremendous stress. Not to sound sexist, but I find that men often don't get it. They just deal with things differently, and often don't feel the need to talk things out as women do.

I've found the people on this board to be really supportive. Sometimes posts don't get the same response because of timing. I usually hang out on the featherweights board, but will often look at new posts. If a lot of new threads get posted at once, threads can get pushed to page 2 and some people don't see them.

Stick around, keep posting, and do everything you can for yourself right now.

Something to consider is *where* you post. A lot of chickies on this forum, myself included, don't read and/or post in all of the sections. If a subsection doesn't apply to me (ie Atkins), I don't even look at those posts. So it's less likely that you're being ignored for being new, and much much more likely that people didn't see/read your post. I've seen you post in other sections that I frequent, and those posts are getting responses.

To the rest of it, sometimes husbands are just clueless. I know mine is - he buries his emotions so deeply sometimes, then when I confront mine he says I'm being irrational and asks if I've taken my bi-polar meds. Can't I just be happy/sad/angry/hurt/whatever without it being a side effect of my illness? He's just clueless, he doesn't mean anything hurtful by it.

I'm sorry to hear of your recent loss, but you *will* get past it. It *will* get easier to deal with. Time heals all wounds, not fully, but enough that it won't be a constant struggle.

Giving up shouldn't be an option, just tell yourself you can't give up, and follow through with it. If you give up now, where will you be in a year? Will you be happier for given up? Will you be more content with yourself and your life? Will you regret your decision to quit on yourself?

Today is hard, tomorrow will hopefully be a bit easier. Just believe in yourself, in your strength and wisdom.

Oh my god can i relate to you........

i can't tell you how insane this is, because you sound JUST LIKE ME! I always feel like as a newb on online-forums or online-communities you always get no responses, no comments, and no acknowledgment....unless you're like super-sexy and then all the guys start talking to you and the girls hate your a** [LOL]. Which is why i used fake pictures for sooooo long.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS, i have NEVER felt like that since joining this forum! These people here are amazingggggg! This is not one of those typical close-net internet forums/communities, or close-net group sessions with a bunch of "regulars"........don't give up so quickly here..........because these gals and guys here are the LEAST likely people to be judgmental. We're all struggling here.........

And unlike other forums or sites, here you're dealing with people who just might be too insecure to respond to you. Or not sure of what to say, and afraid they'd say the wrong thing that wouldn't be helpful to you. Which is why you got the 14 views and no responses. [Plus, views ALWAYS out-number actual responses.......by FAR! ]


Don't judge this site like other sites and other communities/group-sessions.
This is a much more encouraging, open, and accepting place!

Hubby lost both grandmothers within months of each other, in January and July of 2008. He lost an uncle just about three or four months ago. Actually, he hasn't grieved at all. His inability to express emotions is beginning to frighten me. We've only been married a year. And nobody told me I married a freaking Vulcan. He doesn't care *who* dies, he's not going to show the slightest bit of emotion about it. He's the "I'm too macho to cry" type, which I've always despised and didn't know I married.

That makes sense, since....

....both my thread and the one that got so many more responses were posted in the same section. So that wouldn't be it. Getting buried on page 2 because so many new posts came in, that I can understand. Although given my experience in that group therapy session I mentioned in the OP, my first guess is always going to be that people will care more about the one they've known longer, both online and in real life.

Yep. I get that too. Not only from my husband, but from family or whoever else happens to know I take antidepressants. I don't have a legitimate reason for being upset. No, never. It must be that I forgot my meds. And hubby is constantly telling me, no matter what the issue is, "Don't cry" or "It's nothing to cry about." You know what? It's something we humans do. I can't help it if he doesn't have that ability.

I know his father abused him, and that the ability to cry was literally beaten out of him. I want to get him into counseling, but he won't go. Nor will he join me in couples therapy. He will only accept the idea of *me* being the identified patient, while *he* is perfectly normal.

Thanks for the support.

I am a newbie too and some of my new posts didn't get many responses either. I tried not to let it bother me and just assumed not many people saw it.

I am really sorry to hear about your aunt. I am sure I would be devastated. I still have both of my grandmothers and one grandfather and have never lost anyone close to me. So I can't really say I can relate, but really don't know how I am going to handle something like that.

Don't give up on what you are doing.. you are doing this for you and it will be so worth it in the end. You will be more healthy and just feel so much better about yourself. I know I will!

My DH can be very insensitve as well.. he even admitted he lost his conscience. I think it has to do with an ex from before we met.. she was an absolute b**** and treated him like crap. BUT that gives him no excuse to not care about my feelings.. I wasn't the one that hurt him.

SO that to say don't like him bring you down either. I have come to realize that he doesn't always understand and he never will. Men are a totally different species.

Keep posting and take care of yourself!

I'm so Sorry to hear about the loss of your Aunt and the heath problems of your Grandmother. Here's a . Sometimes men aren't as understanding as we would like them to be. Maybe, he was raised not to cry. I'm Sorry your support group wasn't very supportive.

Don't give up. Just think how far you will be a year from now if you stay on Plan. That's one thing I'm working on this year is to try harder not to overeat when I'm upset. I still need to work on it some, but I'm more aware when I do it now. There are alot of supportive people on this forum. Sometimes people are busy and don't post as much as other times.

You should be able to get a weight loss ticker. You just need to post for 20 days and 20 posts. You need to register to login and then click on User PC and Edit Signature. You can look under Announcements and Forum help if you have questions. Or start a thread about your questions.

Congratulations on losing 18 LBS!

Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time right now. There are so many threads and so many members on 3fc, sometimes it's hard to read and keep up with our usual threads that we post on, let alone start posting on others.

I have found tremendous support on 3fc both now and when I first starting using it. I hope you don't give up on using this site. You will make lots of friends for life!

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry for your losses, and for the depression and everything you are struggling through right now. I said a prayer for you that things would be better soon!

It's hard not to feel rejected sometimes. I've had that happen to me on message boards too. I just figure, someone only has so much free time to spend here, they probably just pick out the posts from people they are already friends with, because they only have like ten minutes before they have to go make dinner. I figure that's what it is, rather than any real rejection.

I'm hoping for a better tomorrow for you. And that's why you shouldn't give up - because when you are at the bottom, there's no way to go but up I figure!

And for me, even if I don't lose any weight, I'm not giving up low-carbing because this is the first time in my life I've felt free of depression, good energy, sleeping good at night, etc. and I want to hang on to those good things. I think I'm either hypoglycemic or gluten-intolerant or maybe both, but for some reason this has been my miracle.

What good things have come to you as a result of your way of eating? Are they things you want to hang on to? If so, then there's your reason for not giving up!

And let's also remember that we have many, many visitors who read but are not registered so can't post.