[rantONrantOFF]

Well, I have been doing well with my diet, but I came home tonight and found my parent bought Chinese. Ah, how I love it. Well, I ate some and I felt SO guilty...so...I threw it up.

I hate calling my self bulimic because I have never done it after every single meal, just for maybe 2 weeks in college, and a couple times here and there. I hate the feeling right before i go to do it, but it is like I can't stop myself, and afterwards, like now, I feel like ****.

I don't know what to do to stop. I tried to talk to my sister about it and told her i did it just once, and she was disgusted, so no way I can tell her how I have done it moer than once.

Ugh. I don't know why I do it to myself.

[shrillharpy]

Hi. I'm a recovering (recovered?) bulimic. I never threw up after every meal, either, but I definitely did the same thing you are describing: eating something I loved, feeling guilty, then throwing up. Lather, rinse, repeat.
The big issue, at least for me, was the feeling guilty bit. Whenever I attached any sort of moral value to food (good vs. evil), all kinds of craziness ensued.
Now, I remind myself that it's okay to love food. Seriously. You can love your Chinese food, or chocolate, or whatever. There is a lot of great tasting stuff out there, and it would be a shame to cut yourself off from it. Moderation is key, and even bouts of decadence are to be expected. Every meal, even every day is not a make-or-break, do-or-die proposition. There's room in all of our lives for carrots and Chinese food. (;
Just getting some activity in your life and learning to love fruits and veg are really helpful. Not letting yourself get too hungry is vital, as well.
The wisest advice (garnered from years of therapy) I can give you is to love the body you have now. Once you see nutrition and exercise as positive things you do for your body, the guilt that goes with food might ease up. Best of luck to you.

[Valpal08]

You know what, things happen. It's the way of life, but we also have to say, "I want this food, but I have to do something extra, one more mile walking, 15 more minutes working out." Something that lets you know it's ok, people will always slip, just pick yourself back up and try try again. About the whole "bad habit" deal, you may want to talk to someone who has been through your same situation and has succeeded beyond the habit. I don't throw up, but I do feel guilt weighing down on me when I eat something I know I shouldn't, but I perservere and just do extra work or change the eating plan to accommedate. You can do it!

[JulieJ08]

Originally Posted by shrillharpy

bouts of decadence

I love that phrasing! Sounds like you went out and accomplished some decadent food, rather than it conquered you . Decadent food isn't bad. Just too much of it is. Hehe, no more cheating, just bouts of decadence.

[greeneggsandtam]

Hi Rant - Hugs.
I struggled with bulimia for many years. I haven't purged in about two years now, and looking back at it what I remember as being the worst part about it was the secrecy. It became such a nightmare. Leading almost two different lives. One where I was put together and outgoing. And one that was constantly hampered by shame and guilt. I am glad you are talking about this. It might be a good idea to see a therapist or counsellor before it gets out of control.

[Extasee58865]

I had the same problem when I first started dieting. I was eating SO WELL and really was not eating anything that I should not. I realized I was kind of getting an unhealthy obssession when it got to the point where everytime I could feel food in my stomach, you know that "full feeling" you get, I would throw up what I had just ate. Even if all I had a was a chicken salad. I realized though that was I was doing was only going to stall/slow down my weight loss. I have been making every attempt to change that habit and have now went 3 weeks without purging after I eat. I was close last night, I had a weight watchers meal and a grilled cheese on wheat/ no butter and felt SO FULL! I wanted to go get rid of it, but stopped myself and didn't. I feel better about it now. If we really want to lose weight and be healthy about it, and actually keep the weight off, we have to do it the right way. And purging what we eat is def not the right way!