I don't know if this is depression or what.
I am like so unmotivated to do ANYTHING.
I am very ashamed to admit I watch tv all day. I stop to make meals, or take care of my kids but mostly I am parked in front of the t.v.
I am even more ashamed to admit that my 4 year old son also watches tv all day.
I don't drive is one of the biggest problems.
I have a fear of driving. I am deathly afraid to learn how to drive then get into an accident where my kids are seriously hurt or worse.
So I have just avoided it completely. Becasue of this, the only time my kids or I leave the house is when my husband is home on the weekends.
So during the week I'm in my room with tv on and my son is in the living room with the t.v on.
It's rediculous, I know.
That's not all.
I am so unmotivated in so many other areas.
Like cleaning.
Don't get me wrong, I do clean. I just hate it. I feel like I have to drag myself up and do it.
Here's another one, dieting.
I stick to it for a little while but then lose all motivation. Feeling like the last thing I wanna do is drag myself up and get on the elliptical.
So ok, this is not normal behavior, I know that.
What is wrong with me? How do I change it?
I told my Dr. a small bit about this and he gave me Lexapro, and anxiety med.
But I really dont wanna take it becasue I am breastfeeding.
I feel like such a bad mom, and the only thing in the world that matters to me are my 2 wonderful children.

Hi Luckymom! Have a hug.
You have nothing to be ashamed about. Writing about what your issues are can be cathartic and so good for you. Problems don't tend to go away when we ignore them. So maybe this is a first step. I know when I get into a funk about housework, or my job or working out, I just start with a little. Small steps are victories in my mind and that often buoys my spirits to feel like I've accomplished something, and that leads to other little victories.
Hang in there!!
Tam

Yay you for not jumping on the "happy pill" wagon! While I do feel there are some people who do need and benefit from them, it worries me that doctors are so quick to perscribe them willy-nilly without trying other things first to determine what might be causing the depression/anxiety in the first place.

Do you keep a food log? Start logging your feelings as well. Doesn't have to be a full on diary, even one word to describe how you felt during the day. I was mentally in a similar place and I didn't even have kids around to keep me going. If I didn't have a job I would probably never have gotten out of bed much less gotten dressed. I found it really astonishing when I started logging not just my food but my moods and could actually see a pattern develop. Pitching a few things made a huge difference in my whole outlook on life. Might not be the answer for you but wouldn't hurt to give it a try?

Okay.

First off, there is NOTHING wrong with you. I repeat, NOTHING wrong with you. If there was, you'd probably not be able to admit all of these things. Recognizing it is a big first step.

Secondly, I am a lot like you. Some days, I can just sit and watch tv all day long, even if I'm not 100% invested in what I am watching. Or I can surf the web for the entire day and not even realize where the time went. I only stop to stuff my face with food. I also workout with strong motivation for one day and then for the next full week, no matter how hard i try to get myself to do something, its like im constantly hitting a brick wall and i dont exercise. I don't have kids yet, but I dont drive often and I know that when I am a mom, I wont really want to drive with my kids in the car, for the same fear of their ultimate safety. You don't need to drive to do things with your kids.

The only advice I can give you is to help yourself by helping your children because they should not be brought up in a way that you are ashamed of. If you are ashamed of watching tv all day it is not healthy for them either. They are 4! There is so much more out there for them to learn explore and discover beyond what they see on a television screen that is flickering too fast for their eyes to comprehend. Do arts and crafts projects... Let him do puzzles... Read them a story! I am an early childhood teacher so I have tons of things you can do with them... and you dont even have to get that involved. You can just help set up and clean up but during the activity you can just watch them have fun and grow!

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's hard to open up like that and say exactly what your going though and reach out for help. Your very brave.

One thing I noticed while reading your post is a lack of daily activites. I know you have your children and your husband, but is there anything else you live for? Anything else that you just love doing? That makes you feel fulfilled? Do you have a job or a hobby? I would start with that. Maybe scrapbooking- store treasured memories of your kids. Take a morning walk with your kids (baby in the stoller). If your interested in becoming active again just take baby steps that get you away from the tv. Even reading a book is good. Play games with your kids during the day, read to them.

I hope this helps.

Hi. Reading what you wrote about being inside all day, not wanting to do anything sounds a lot like what happened to me two years ago.

After having my youngest daughter I felt like that and it just would not go away. After several months of it I could not take it anymore and when I went to have my scar checked for my c-section (They checked it again at 10 weeks post-partum because I am diabetic and they wanted to make sure it was healed) I told my doctor what I was feeling.

She said it sounded like I was having post-partum depression and she was right. My little one was almost a year old before I started feeling like myself again because I did not want to take anything while breastfeeding. I did finally try wellbutrin once I weaned her because everything else I tried was not working.

I did not realize it was post-partum depression at first because I mistakenly thought that part of PPD was not bonding with the baby and that was not the case with me. I bonded with her just as strong as I did with my first. My doctor explained that much of it was hormonal from having my pregnancies so close together.

You may want to open up with the doctor a bit more about all you are feeling to make sure that hormones are not the problem.

I hope you feel better soon.

Oh hugs this happened to me after my 3rd was born. I settled into a black funk where I didn't want to do anything and all we did was watch tv. I was put on Zoloft for PPD but like you I was nursing and while I tried it I noticed it made my dd2 sleepy (me too for that matter) so I quit it after a week. I went back to MY therapist (I already suffered from depression) and she is the one who suggested trying diet and exercise. I got the book Depression Free Naturally and it worked.

Whatever you do please do it soon. I know I kinda waited too long before I asked for help and now I wished I hadn't.

Hugs I know how hard this is.

Wow a lot was said already so I don't know if this will help or not. First we don't have cable because I know that is what I would do ALL day long. Kinda like if a person is trying to stop drinking then you dont sit them in the middle of a bar with alchol all around them. If a person is trying to diet you dont put all of their favorite junk food in front of them. So if you didn't have cable what would you do?? You would have to do other things right?? I know another mom who canceled cable and said that was the most freeing things ever. Being a mom of young children I know its not easy to take them places by yourself and to do all these activities because it is WORK?? But you have to think really right now they want to spend time with you but in a few years they are going to want to go here and go there and you will get less and less time with them. You can't get back any of the time you have already spent but you can use the time you have to change that. I know a lady who when she was little her mom was always too busy to play with her and would just clean clean clean and do nothing with her. That affected her because when she grew up she wouldn't clean her house and just sat around playing with her two kids. She was trying to make up for the time her mom didn't play with her.
I wish I just had a four year old and a baby cause i know I could do so many things that it is hard to do now. My kids are 5, 4, 2, 1 so I know how much work it takes to do simple things with them. But my kids play a lot on their own. They don't watch tv much. Its actually sooo nice to not have that tv on. Like I let them watch a movie during nap time or in the evening. Sometimes a rainy morning. So even if you don't play with them all day long they still don't have to watch it!! You could get some preschool books and let him write his letters or numbers and stuff. If you want more ideas you can pm me too.
NOW as to meds. I don't know if what you have is depression but it sounds like a form of it cause you have kinda shut yourself off from the world (in a way) I had taken lexapro and it made me want to just sleep and lay around even more. I would lay there and do nothing get up ONLY WHEN I HAD TO!! But I asked the dr about the wellbutrin and I wish I woulda asked earlier. I like you would get the script or the meds and not take it until I had a really really awful day. Wellbutrin gives you eneregy I hardly ever take a nap anymore and I used to all the time just because thats all I wanted to do.

As to the driving I understand cause I think that way, but I make myself stop thinking and living in fear. Because right now fear has a grip on your live and is controlling you and how you live. Your allowing fear to rule your life. When you get older will you be ok with your kids having to get a ride somewhere because mom can't drive?? What if your husband was in an accident and you had to get there and you couldnt get ahold of anyone then what?? What if something happen to your kids and you had to rush them to the hospital?? This affects you kids too. I think that your a strong enough person to over come this fear. I have friends that don't drive and it was hard on them so I understand. So please don't think I am slamming you I am just saying maybe you should consider having your liscense and even if you don't want to have your kids with you thats ok but atleast if something happens you can drive!!

well find a place to start and work from there. I know how I do things dont work for everyone I just know that sometimes I have to do things I don't want to really do or I am going to not get very far in life!!!

Ok your free to pm me for anything. I hope I helped and didn't upset you!!!

No you didn't upset me at all.
I am the first person to admit that I am not perfect and that I am letting my fears get in the way of being the best I can be for my kids.
I dont think I am a bad mom though. I do play with them, he does other things then just watch tv. He has tons of toys and workbooks he does every now and then. I just know he watches WAY too much t.v and its my fault.
I have been setting a terribel exapmple.
I also don't want my kids growing up in fear the way I have.
My son is only 4 and already says " my mom is too scared to drive"
That crushes me.
I really want to show him that his mom is strong and can overcome this.
It's just that when I get into the car I panic. It's terrible.
Baby steps I guess.
Normally in the morning I would wake up and immediatly watch TV.
THis morning I watched it while I was nursing the baby then she fell asleep, I turned it off and left my bedroom.
Now I'm off to start cleaning the house.
Baby steps.

Good first steps, Luckymom. Like Tam said earlier, it's so good just to get everything out on the table. I know joining this forum and reading these posts got me the motivation to throw away years worth of hoarding-type behavior, get up and see a therapist and find the courage to confront emotions.

It's weird what comfort and motivation you can find in the familiarity of others' problems.

Thanks for your honesty!

This all sounds like it came outta my mouth, except I don't got kids or a husband, but this is EXACTLY how I am alot of the time, for YEARS now. I don't mess with Antidepressants anymore, most do more harm than good as I found out. Some give you tremors, most give you memory loss after awhile, some actually make you worse rather than better - it's not worth it.

Hi Luckymomof2,

I sense a bit of post partum from your post. How old is the baby? Talk to the doc(s) about how you are feeling because there is help out there, even if you don't want to take meds. Sometimes just talking about it makes a world of difference.

I don't drive either and it has to do with fears like yours and I just deal with the remarks I get from others. I live in the big city though so it's easy for me to get around with the bus, subway and taxis. Are these modes of transportation available to you at all? How about contacting other local mom's or neighbors to see if you can participate once a week or so in a carpool to the local zoo, library, park or play space. Just wanted to mention some options you might want to explore. It will be hard to get out and about with 2 children but it should get easier as time goes on.

Feel better and big hugs!!!

My turn

What is wrong with you is that you are depressed, and from what I can tell you are a SAHM with no breaks in there.

Several people mentioned postpartem, I would find a therapist. Now, having said this, if in the first meeting s/he wants to throw pills at you, make it the last meeting and find someone else.

When you get a docotor that is willing to talk to you and work out what is wrong, discuss all these issues with him/her. You fear of driving sounds like a good old fashion phobia to me (unless there has been a fatal accident in your past) and they are easy to overcome with the right therapist.

Now, the next thing you need to do, is get some you time. If you can afford it, and I know money is tight for everyone, find someone to come and take the kiddos for an hour or two a couple times a week. If you can't afford it, find another stressed SAHM and trade hours with her.

The reason I suggest this is because it was one of the first things my therapist suggested I do. My husband is getting ready to deploy, and we have two special needs daughters and I live in a foriegn country. She perscribed some me time before even broaching the subject of pills. It is a god send. I have 4 hours a day that I can just be me. I can clean, I can exercise, I can write (want to be novelist here), or like the other day, I spent the entire four hours singing songs at the top of my lungs while trying to compose a song on the keyboard. No, I don't read music and I can't play the piano! LOL

I was addicted to TV too. It went on the second I woke up and didn't get turned off until I went to bed. My kids watched it all day too. It wasn't until my oldest was diagnosed with her illness and we learned that the TV complicated her problem (no she is not ADD or ADHD) that it got turned off. We moved it out of the house and into storage. Now e sit down for two hours a week and watch a movie. Things are much better and the snuggles during those two hours are great.

I am rambled long enough now, but as I tell everyone...

Rome wasn't built in a day, and you cannot undo a life time of problems in a day either. *hugs*

I'm also somewhat afraid to drive (in the NYC metro area, it can be rough) and I also rely on my husband and other people to get around. I'm working on getting my liscense, however. A lot of times, though, ppl arent't available to drive me, so I need to be creative with how to get around. I don't know what kind of area you live in, but is it possible for you to take walks or jogs during the day with your kids? Do you have a double stroller or does your older child have a tricycle or something he likes to ride? Getting out of the house on foot is great for a million reasons -- exercise, fresh air, learning experiences for your children, exposure to sunlight. You will get some exercise and fresh air and your son can play outside. You can pack a picnic, etc. It'd be fun.

I would also research some places nearby where I can bring the kids during the day when it's too hot or cold or rainy to go outside, like a library or gym that offers kid aerobics or swimming or something and then stratergize how to get there -- are you friends with any other stay at home mothers with kids of similar ages? Maybe you can team up with them?

None of these activities would need to be all-day long either... even 2-3 hours a day of activity outside the house would do wonders (and get you and your son away fron the TV).

But, like others have said, your lack of motivation speaks of a somewhat more serious issue than just not having anything to do all day -- maybe you are slightly depressed, in which case you should request to see a doctor. Kudos for not taking those mood elevators or whatever they were... I firmly believe that for most people, these kinds of problems can be solved in non-medicinal ways and that many doctors are prescription-happy.

I have been where you are andhaven't quite climbed out of my hole yet but i will give you a lil suggestion that my therapist gave me. At night before you go to bed make 2 small lists one of things you need to do and one of things you want to do small things like need to do one more chore tommorow than i did today or need to change the babys sheets just lil things and on the want would be like spend 5 minutes swinging my four year old around. Sometimes you can cross off what you did sometimes you still cant get motivated but the times you can cross the things off the list it will really feel like you accomplished something and that you are getting more motivated!! Good luck to you!!!