Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

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Old 09-30-2008, 12:49 PM   #1  
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Default Isn't LIFE suppose to have ups & downs?

I came here for advice or just a place to vent..as I didn't know where else to go? I am home alone and can't stop crying. I have no-one to call that would really understand. I have struggled to have a child for over five years, and just found out yesterday from my dr. that it will probably NEVER happen for me, as a bloodtest indicated that I have low-egg reserve.

If I am really honest with myself...I began this weight loss journey primarily to have a child. I have worked so hard to lose this weight...I wanted my reward.

It seems to me that for so many others LIFE has its good points and its bad points. I seem to only get the bad points..but mostly my life stays the SAME. I am BLESSED to have a good husband..who does love me..but I feel like our life is going no-where. I have always felt that you are given GOOD, meaningful JOYS in life to help you deal with the BAD...and it kind of helps even out things. It has been such a long, long time since something really GOOD happened to me.

I feel so broken...and incredibly SAD. I do believe that WE can control out lives to a certain degree by our choices...but it seems like I TRY so hard to make better choices and things still stay the exact same for me..no worse..but no better. I think my life has been the exact same for FIVE years now. I can think of ONE positive...I LOST 124 pounds, although I have been at a standstill for over one yr..it is a positive that I have kept it off. And I can think of TWO huge heart-breaking negatives...I LOST my once-in a lifetime kitty love of 15 years AND I had an ectopic pregnancy (my baby had a strong healthy heartbeat when it was discovered) Other than those three occurances...My life has basicly been the same.

I NEED so much to feel something NEW. I NEED so much to feel some JOY. I am a Christian and I pray everyday for clarity and for my life to be lead in his will.

Is there anyone who has ever felt this way before? I am OPEN to any and all advice. Thank you.
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Old 09-30-2008, 01:04 PM   #2  
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I am so sorry to hear about your news. That's a horrible thing to go through. I dont think anyone can truly know exactly what you're feeling and what you're going through, but we're here to support you.
My bf's mom went through a similar situation. They ended up adopting my guy and another girl. I know she wanted to be a (biological) mother so badly. There are so many children out there without loving parents that I've decided I never want a child of my own, I only want to adopt. His parents are great Christian people (a minister & a teacher), too. Sometimes we just can't explain things like this and we need to leave it up to the One who knows best.
I don't mean to pry, but why is the dr so sure? We all hear stories all the time about couples who can't conceve and then miraculsly they do!

I'm sorry, I know this doesn't really help. I just dont know what to say!
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Old 09-30-2008, 01:08 PM   #3  
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Sweetie. I'm so sorry.

I wish there were more I could say. I realized several years ago that I won't be having children (for a variety of reasons) and it took me a long time to deal with that - especially since our best friends were in the middle of their first pregnancy at the time. It was a particularly difficult time for me.

One thing I can tell you is that right now it's OK to mourn. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to grieve for the children you'll never have. You NEED to get that out of your system. If you feel like crying, it's ok to do that. If you feel like raging against the world, it's ok to do that too. This is a true loss and you willl go through the stages of grief, including sadness, anger, and resentment ... before you get to acceptance. And that is OK.

But also, I'd encourage you to think of other goals for your future. And to think of the blessings you have (which you seem to be doing! ).

I know it's gong to be hard to do right now - but at some point you will find joy again. Give yourself time to heal - emotionally and mentally.

And know that your'e not alone.

.
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Old 09-30-2008, 01:14 PM   #4  
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Thank you Rebecca for reaching out. I appreciate you. Well..huge problem for me is that I have tubal issues. In the many months I have been trying to have a baby, I have had ultrasound monitoring and I always have follicles (eggs) on my LEFT side..and unfortunately that is the side I had my ectopic preg. on..and the side they believe I have some tubal damage. I have always been told that my RIGHT side is fine?..but every time I am checked with US..my eggs are on the LEFT?? As far as my egg per se..there is a blood test that can actually check your egg reserve by a certain hormone level. My came back really low. Although my dr. said that I still do have eggs...I just don't have many..making my chances even lower and TIME more crucial for me.

I do have other issues going on health wise? It seems it is just impossible for me to lose any more weight? My TSH did come back elevated, at 4.13. So I am new on Synthroid...I don't know IF this will help with the weight issue or not?? I just keep feeling like MAYBE IF I could get on down weight wise....maybe that would ensure more consistant ovulation for me?
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Old 09-30-2008, 01:22 PM   #5  
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Thank you photochick. Yeah...I am mourning..that is one thing for sure. I feel like my heart is melting..literally. If you can picture yourself..weighing what I weigh..and running a long, long marathon...Getting so exhaused, but knowing that at the end at the FINISH line was a grand reward. Well...I have been stuck at the 100 mile marker for awhile in life...I can see the finish line..but then..everyone goes home and the banner is snached away.

What do you do? Where do you go? Do you still keep running, when there is nothing to spread your arms and run under?
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Old 09-30-2008, 01:47 PM   #6  
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Like the other posters I want you to know that people care.

What you are going through is tragic and you have every right to feel a terrible loss. Right now it will feel like your whole world is gone because you have focussed your efforts and attention on having a baby for a long time. Finding out that your dream of being a mother wont happen the way you thought it would requires you to reinvent your life. It will take some time for you to process your grief and regain the energy and interest it takes to do that reinventing.

But please try to remember that there will come a day when you have that interest and that energy and you will be able to plan a new future. Maybe it will include adoption, maybe something else, but you will find it. The love that you wanted to pour into your biological children will not be wasted - you will find something else or someone else worth putting that love into. It just takes some time.

You have only just received this terrible news and so grief is appropriate right now. If you don't feel somewhat better in a while you might want to see your doctor to ask if anti-depressants might be a useful boost. Exercise like walking or yoga sometimes can help so consider doing something like that just to keep yourself healthy through this difficult time.

Thinking of you and sending thoughts of white light healing to you. Namaste.
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Old 09-30-2008, 02:01 PM   #7  
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My sister, too, went through a very difficult period of time when it was discovered that she most likely would never have biological children. It was heartbreaking for her. All she ever wanted was to be married & to be a mother.

You aren't alone.

I can fast-forward you to a potential future, though.

Today, a few years later, she & her husband are raising a gorgeous, adopted 5 year old boy He's a part of all our lives, and he's truly her child. She has fostered another boy, and is hoping to adopt again shortly.

It wasn't where she saw herself when she was younger, but she's made her family. And it's a happy one.
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Old 09-30-2008, 02:27 PM   #8  
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Hey Skinny4baby,
Have a hug.
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Old 09-30-2008, 03:17 PM   #9  
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Skinny4Baby, my heart goes out to you. Everyone has already offered you the advice and encouragement I would have (such as it is). I just want you to know that I feel for you and hope that soon you will find your joy, whatever it turns out to be.
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Old 09-30-2008, 03:44 PM   #10  
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I appreciate the compassion and from everyone. Just got off the phone with my dear hubby. What a GRAND blessing he is. I told him I was having a really hard day and that I had been crying alot. He said "Yeah..It stinks." We talked about what was for dinner and about the little accident I had at the gym last night. (I fell on an "advanced" stair stepper that I had no business being on) His kindness, patience and positive attitude astounds me. It just keeps resinating in my head of what a great Daddy he would be.

Tera..Just wanted to say..that I saw your face before today..and I thought "She beams with warmth."

Last edited by Skinny4baby; 09-30-2008 at 03:45 PM.
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Old 09-30-2008, 04:02 PM   #11  
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Thank you. Your compliment really touches me.

I'm teary now, for you, but smiling, because even while you're hurting, you reached out to me. That takes a very special heart.
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Old 10-01-2008, 11:01 AM   #12  
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Your pain does not go unnoticed, for God know's your suffering I honestly believe He has awsome plans for you and your DH.

Never give up sweetie...never

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Old 10-01-2008, 12:06 PM   #13  
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I agree with your husband. Yeah, it does suck! I'm sorry you are having to go through this! Sometimes we don't always understand why until much later, but God has his reasons and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise!

I haven't gone through exactly what you are facing, but I remember a time in my life where I felt like you do now. I felt that nothing I did improved my life and that only bad things happened to me. I felt like Job. It was a very difficult time for me. Looking back, I now know that I had to go through that to find joy. Many good things have happened to me that would never have happened had I not gone through my rough patch. You just never know what may be in store for you later on.

It sounds like you have a wonderful husband. Be there for each other, I'm sure he's grieving too, and help each other weather this storm. You can get through this! Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

I know not everyone is open to this suggestion, but maybe you could go through some counseling? It might help you process the grief.
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Old 10-02-2008, 10:59 PM   #14  
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I wanted to pop in here with a big for you! I understand all too well exactly what you are going through! it sounds like you and your hubby have a wonderful marriage and you will get through this!

About 5 years ago my husband and I started going to a fertility specialist. Initially it seemed the issue to our fertility issues were with my DH's sperm and he had a couple surgeries to remove sperm from his testicular tissue (long story) then we started IVF cycles. Turns out that my eggs sucked. After 2 years, lots of prodedures, shots, pain, tears....we were unable to have children. It was heart breaking and I didn't think I would ever recover.

Here I sit 3 years later and I have 2 amazing little boys sleeping soundly upstairs in their rooms right now. We adopted our little angels from Guatemala. Our oldest just turned 3 and the baby is 19 months.

It's been a long journey, but now I know why I was unable to have biological children. I was meant to be a mommy to these two little guys.

It doesn't make sense to you now...it will one day! If you ever need anyone to talk to please feel free to PM me.

Barb
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Old 10-03-2008, 01:31 PM   #15  
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Take care honey. I know you are in a lot of pain, but it is going to get better little by little. It is so difficult when you get hit by a bunch of life changing events and then little things in between these but things do start improving.
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