In 2006 I lost about 80 lbs. In 2007 I gained every bit of it back and FAST. When I was at my goal weight all of my sadness went away and I was happy for once. I turned into this outgoing person that I'd never been before. I loved life and wanted to go out and be seen and LIVE. But for some reason it wasn't enough for me to keep on the diet.
Right now I'm just 10 lbs away from the biggest I've ever been and I have never been so depressed in my entire life. That's a big thing because at one point I was hospitalized for my depression and I'm feeling worse now then I did then.
I am on one anti-depressant but the only real cure I found for my depression so far in life has been losing weight. People keep telling me I just need to be on more medications and THEN once I feel better all "doped up" to start trying to lose the weight again. But all medications ever did to me was give me all the worst side effects and no emotional change. I'm really confused about why when I KNOW losing weight will make me less depressed, I still cannot manage to get back into it. My weight is holding me back and keeping me in the house.
I'm scared I will never lose it again. I have no support. The sadder I am the more I end up stuffing my face and I really feel like I can't stop.
It was so much fun shopping for clothes in the regular sizes. And feeling like when I noticed someone look at me they were thinking I was cute and not the opposite. *sigh*
I need help.
Wasn't sure where I was supposed to write this...

Aww I'm sorry you are feeling so bad

I know what you are saying. I was so terribly depressed it took every ounce of willpower I had just to get out of bed and lumber through my life.

Something I discovered about myself - a big part of the problem was the foods I was eating. Not only were they making me as big as a house but they were effecting my moods as well. Do you keep a food log? My doc started me keeping a food log for a good 2 months before we started making changes to what I was eating. He had me write down every shred of food, every stick of gum, and every glass of water. If it went in my mouth, it went in the journal. Along with the food, I logged my moods and how I felt physically. The picture that developed was quite interesting - any time I had processed sugars I got horribly depressed, artificial sweeteners resulted in extreme fatigue, and too many grains made my joints ache.

You might give that a try for a bit before you pick a new eating plan. I know life in general seems pretty daunting right now but hang in there. You've done it before so you know it's possible. Might not be easy but very doable.

Gah!! I just realized how insensitive my signature thingy is. I am so embarrassed.
I understand that you are clinically depressed and I just have to tell you that it isn't meant to be towards you. So I hope you don't take it the wrong way. Now I will go and crawl under a rock somewhere.

I wish I had some magic words to help you feel better.I understand where you are at.
I have lost 100's of pounds and gained them back over and over.Food is my comfort and my friend.
I am trying again. i am going slow and not being stupid this time. Its taken 2 months to lose 15 lbs.

BUT

I am finding that exercise is helping my mood. I take Prozac for recurring major depression.
I am exercising slowly I guess you would say. Lots of walking.
I really think if you can get moving any amount,your outlook will improve.
I am a lazy person, never motivated to do much but walking has helped me so much.
Don't starve, don't give up, try to move any amount.

Thanks for the replies. I feel better just actually saying it all "out loud" on here to strangers.. lol

Yoyo, I do notice the more junk I eat the more I feel like crap in every way. And your sig makes a lot of sense and I think thinking that quote will help me a bit!!

Tam, thanks for the hug! I actually agree with your sig 99.9% of the time. Was something I used to live by actually and hopefully will again.

Cart, I'm sorry that you had to go through the regaining and all that. Seems like you've learned a lesson and are making a real change! Good luck to you and congrats on that 15 lbs!!! I walk a lot no matter what weight I am, but I find jogging and faster exercises help my moods better... but at this weight now I can't physically do any of that.. not in good shape .. *sigh* lol.

I already feel a bit better just getting replies. I used this site when I lost weight before but nobody ever replied to my topics and I never ended up with a buddy so I didn't come back.

Oh man do I know the feeling! It took me years to find my motivation to want lose weight. I've been in the place you are and let me just tell you, it's only for now. You can get better and find your motivation! I'd start by taking itty-bitty baby steps. It's easier that way, when it all feels so overwhelming. Why not try drinking 8-10 glasses of water (the psychologist I used to see always stressed drinking water) or taking a walk around the block for starters? Anything to help you feel better! Once you get some little habits in place, others will come easier.

As someone who can't take medication due to severe side effects, I have three words for you, TAKE FISH OIL. I swear Omega-3s changed my world. Now, don't go off of your medication that you are currently on, but add a fish oil supplement and see if that helps (can't hurt.) My doctor is the one who gave me info about all the studies they've done in regards to Omega-3s, depression, and other mental illness. The case studies are quite fascinating. Anyway, it took me about a month to notice a difference, but it really helps. I've been taking them for well over a year and I really notice a difference if I stop taking them.

Hey Sandi, I was reading your post and it all sounds like it came right from my mouth.. I have the same problem as you and I won't even go out much anywhere because of my weight, I'd rather stay home, in my room, and lately I've binged on fudge pops and iced lattes and peanuts and I feel like I'm gonna puke.. I think this is a sign to get back on track for me, let's say we do it together huh? I'd love to have a diet buddy.

I'm reading this and thinking this is my life. I just don't go out period. I'm so happy that we now have each other's support to help us get through our problems.

Zenor77 - I have been hearing about the fish oil for awhile I'm going to pick some up on the way home tomorrow...thanks for the tip

What exactly does fish oil do anyway?

Fish oil contains Omega-3 fatty acids, which are beneficial to our bodies in many ways. DHA (a type of omega-3) is important for brain function, but I believe for depression EPA (another type) is most important. Omega-3s have anti-inflammatory properties too.

From what I understand from the studies, Omega-3s raise the level of serotonin in your body.

The typical American diet has an imbalance of fatty acids. Our bodies need Omega-6s and Omega-3s, but the proper ratio is 2 parts Omega-6 to 1 part Omega-3. Unfortunately, our diet is more like 10-20 parts Omega-6 to 1 part Omega-3. From what I understand this shift came with the introduction of trans fats and hydrogenated vegetable fats into the American diet.

You can also get more Omega-3s into your diet by eating more fish, wild game, real free range eggs (as in from the farm), flax seeds or oil, pumpkin seed or oil, and I think I may be missing a few other sources. You get the idea.

Yes! I'd love to have a buddy or 2! It's really gonna help us both talking with someone going through something very similar.

I've decided to force myself to go out more today. Just knowing there are people going through the same things as me lets me know.. ya know what? I'm not alone! None of us are! All we need is each others support.

Anyone who wants to buddy up just send a PM and we'll talk!

I've been reading a book called "The Seven Pillars of Health" by Don Colbert. In the book he says that fish oil goes rancid almost immediately once it hits air, light and/or heat. Which means as they're taking it out of the fish most times it's gone bad before it even gets into the capsule. He said you really need to find the right kind of supplement or the rancid oil COULD do more harm than good. Also he says if one you're taking has a bad smell than it's rancid. I used to take them daily but I found every day I took them I'd end up with a headache. Not sure if that was just a coincidence but now I'm scared of fish oil supps, lol. Just thought I'd share the info.

Medication and weight loss aside, you're obviously very confused about your depression. For a start - do you talk to anybody about it? Because if not, you need to be. A professional can help you diagnose and possibly change the situation, and at the very least be of some help to you as a spare ear when you need it.

I know how you feel, because I was alive and living when I was thin. But I got fat again and now I'm a hermit. But doesn't that just explain to you that the unhappiness is more than skin deep and more than your weight? Please go and see somebody if you can! And keep posting here for support