One of my challenges is keeping things that I'm "going to" repair but never do. I'm getting rid of a bag I've had for about a decade whose strap broke while I was coming home from shopping. I know I'd hold onto it and think about fixing it, but it would just clutter things up. I actually went out and bought a new canvas bag yesterday. I was so proud of myself for walking the six-mile round trip to the grocery store, then I tripped on the last step of my porch, fell and broke a glass container inside, and the broken glass cut the bottom of my new bag. But I did throw the new bag away, too.

I plan to finish reading "It's All Too Much" this weekend, and I wondered if it would be OK to start discussing it in this thread or if I should start a new thread.

Isn't there a forum specific for book discussion? I thought I saw one the day I joined 3fc, but I can't find it now.

This is the link to the book thread for you, Twilit. Or you can discuss it here if you want to.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=148679

thank you Spinky!

Welcome.

The message I posted about the book discussion was moved to news and announcements, so I didn't know if it was appropriate to have the actual discussion there or not.

It certainly looked to me like it went with the other thread but if they're moving it, which is a bit mystifying, we might as well talk about the book and the concept of clutter, weight connection, and depression here.

I was a chubby baby with a slightly older sister who was a tiny little girl. She was also a tormentor. I never was like other children and could entertain myself without having to play with others. I'm still like that and I think that is my nature. We're talking the 1950's here and the emphasis wasn't on size at that point. My sister found other things to torment about. Then my father died when I was seven after a year and a half of slow, awful death by lung cancer. I was more than depressed for years after that - I was shell shocked.

When we were still an intact family we were given all sorts of toys. Food was plentiful and no one worried about calories. We were also much more active children because we played outdoors a lot. After Daddy died we had to move and when we did we took everything we had with us. Mum did her best to keep giving us things and we hung onto them.

Mum was a child of the depression and went thru WW2 in England and survived the bombings. They lost everything more than once. She had a hard time throwing anything out - particularly food. She managed to food poison herself, me and an aunt visiting from England by feeding us canned meat that had been moved from one city to another in a hot car. I come by my clutter/hoarding issue naturally by example. I understand what caused this in her.

I really wasn't fat but the kids figured out where my achilles heel was and they used it to torment me. My sister most of all. I was very depressed, we really didn't think about it that way then, and collected food to eat and things. No one would talk about my father's death and I think I ate a lot to keep from screaming. I was a mess. A real mess. A child in serious trouble that no one noticed.

I am lucky because I have grown up through the self-help era and have been able to use a lot of the info available to get a better picture of myself and how I cope. I still am depressed but mostly not depressed which is certainly a turn around. I've used what I read and see to drag myself up the ladder. Even a little improvement is a huge improvement.

I have a two bedroom apartment crammed to the rafters. Rather, I had an apartment crammed to the rafters. I watched cleansweep on tv and saw that there were other people with the same issue of clutter I have. I really admired Peter Walsh's suggestions and assistance to get people to toss stuff. Everything is a memory, even the dumbest things, when you're a clutterbug. I decided that I would declutter. That's a big order for a crafter I can tell you.

Like most clutterbugs I started too big. Instead of picking a small area to work on I tried to do too many areas. I would get pooped and angry and stop for a cinnamon bun fix or the like. One thing I hadn't been prepared for was that I did get angry when I did a bit of work on the piles. I'm still not sure what that's about. Once I followed Peter's advice and stuck to one area at a time things got better. When I started seeing clear space the anger subsided. I didn't expect that when I walked into a room where even a bit was completed how different the room feels. The old saying "like a weight was lifted off" actually is how it feels. I've been working on this for nearly a year and am probably about 2/3 done.

The oddest thing that did happen, and I wasn't trying, was I seem to have lost about 20lbs. The only reason I want to lose the weight is for health reasons because I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to be one of those old ladies who are spinning around the malls in their scooters because their knees have blown out because they are too big.

I have these simple metal garbage bag frames and I always keep two bagged up. I have one that is a clear bag and that is for donations. I keep the local charity shops well supplied as I toss the clutter. I have another one that is a black garbage bag for all the trash. I'm slightly embarrassed to think about how many things were total trash that was among what I thought was all my treasures.

Depressed still? Yeah. I just figure that making myself declutter is part of my trying to force myself to grow up. It's hard being a 56year old when you're lucky if you have gotten past 14 in your head. Mind you I don't look 56 so that's a plus but I'm not 14 either. I'm just trying to take control of my life back from unnecessary things so I can focus on the things I really want.

Nobody can ever accuse me of being short of words.

It is so a "I mind need this later" thing for me to, insecurity. Pounds as well as things.

I like his idea of creating a "vision" for my life. When I look at myself now and then compare me to the vision of me on vacation, climbing up a ruin in South America or backpacking across Europe, it just seems so far away and unrealistic. My ideal place would be simply but interestingly decorated, with things that have meaning for me but don't require a lot of maintenance. Comfortable and soothing, a place people could come for dinner parties or a night of talking but also a place that feels very much mine, not open all the time. Looking at all the stuff that doesn't fit that vision, it makes me feel anxious to think about getting rid of it.

What's the gap between your vision and your reality?

That's a really good question. My main gap is about how I look. I managed not to have a full length mirror for years. I still see myself as a smaller, younger person. I'm lucky to have inherited very good genetics which do make me look younger than my age but I'm still in my early 20's in my mind's eye. I made the excuse that there was no where to put a full length mirror and would do it when I get the clutter cleared. I broke that excuse yesterday when I bought a mirror that has hooks on the back so you can hang it on a door. I now get a very good look at myself every time I walk to the front door to either leave or go into the kitchen.

My vision for my home is a relatively neat area where I can find everything. I want a nice calm bedroom. I've pretty well accomplished that because it was the first room I really decluttered and organized. I want room to do my crafts without walking away from my craft/computer room because I don't want to face the mess. I want somewhere I feel is home.

I feel the same. I went back thru the kitchen cupboards again this morning and threw out six plastic shopping bags of old tins, crackers, pastas, etc. Even when I shoved them down the garbage chute I had my little clutterbug voice saying we might need them. Did it anyway.

Good mirror plan! And good for you for throwing away old food. I'm sure I've got expired things in my cupboards. I just find it so comforting to have a lot of food around. I'm going to do the "bit every day" approach rather than the weekend one, as it seems more practical just from a garbage standpoint. I went out and bought a big thing of garbage bags.

His bedroom edict is a tough one. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I live in a one-bedroom house and have my "office" near my bed. I'm not even dating anyone.

I'm also not sure how I feel about his statement that you should focus on getting rid of the clutter if you want to lose weight. Obviously, the kitchen part makes sense. But the rest of the house?

Well, Ufi, I can only say that I started my decluttering before he even published his book and I lost weight during that time without trying. I don't know if it is because you have to focus on the task at hand and that makes you less likely think of snacking. Or it could be that decluttering is actually physical work and exercise. Lots of stretching, bagging, dragging bags to the garbage or the charity shop. It's emotional work as well because you are forcing yourself to focus on why you bought something and is it something you really want.

I think clutter is like snacking. You buy it because it makes you feel good at the time. I buy craft supplies and books because I think I'm going to make everything I see in them. I clutter-snack by going thru my books and it is like I'm making something even when I don't. At some point I have to admit to myself that I can't make everything/eat everything I see or want. The accumulation of things stuffed everywhere is a metaphor for carrying extra weight.

It is depressing to look at all this stuff and admit I wasted a huge amount of money over the years and not only didn't use it but didn't need it. All I've been doing is fooling myself by creating a picture of what I imagine myself to be doing as opposed to what I have really been doing which is - avoiding doing anything one way or another at all.

What is the bedroom edict? I'm following this thread tho I don't have time for reading the book right now.

I have a feeling whatever this edict is, I'm breaking it.

I like that. "The bedroom edict." I've heard on a number of decorating shows that your bedroom should be for sleeping only. No tv, books, or other activities other than sleeping and "relaxation". I never did have a tv in my bedroom because it is too stimulating - just stuff. I don't agree with books so I do have few books and a clock radio which plays cds.

I've seen a few apartments on tv where they need a home office and if it must be in the bedroom they set them up with something that can be closed off like an armoire or a closet with shelves.

I had craptastic metal bifold doors which never closed properly so I finally took them off and installed a rather nifty closet system which can be taken away and I put up a nice curtain rod and curtains instead of doors. I'm no longer irritated by the biofolds which the landlord didn't fix in all these years.

My window is in an awkward location slapped right in the corner (bad feng shui?)so I put a mirror on the plain wall at a 90' angle and then I ran curtain rods so they are also at 90' angles on the wall. The curtains over the mirror gives the impression there is a window there with the bit of reflection and it balances the wall.

Your bedroom should be comfortable and have things you like to look at like a nice painting, quilt on the wall, etc to make you feel like having a deep sleep.

If I put up a barrier, it would have to be in front of the door! LOL I've got room on one side for my bed, on the other side for the desk and dresser, and then the closet is at the end. Not a big room. A whole lot of space to devote just to sleeping and hmm-hmm.

EDITED TO ADD: I forgot to say that I'm proudly getting rid of a full trash bin today. (Usually, I don't throw away a full bag, let alone a bin. Strangest thing to throw away this time? Caps and gowns, from both college and high school. Yep, high school! I've been hauling it around with me since 1990 because I "might use it someday."

Go, Ufi, Go! Throw, Ufi, throw!