I'm new to the group, so here it goes. Over the past few years, I had the opportunity to direct a program supporting victims of sexual assault. Well, 35 pounds later, I am finding myself miserable. My health has gone downhill (diagnosed with autoimmune disease), my energy is down, and depression is up. Don't get me wrong...I have always had problems with my weight, and I have had a few successes losing over 30 pounds a few times over the past 11 years. However, this time, I can't even get motivated. Yes, I hear the stories of the victims I support, and I know it affects me (have bad dreams regularly) but I also don't have a lot of people to turn to about the issues I feel. Last time I saw a psychiatrist, he touched my knee inappropriately, and I just can't make the time for myself (young mother of two). So, I thought maybe this site and its people could motivate me by understanding. So, how many of you are affected by your job, and besides medications and therapy, how do you deal with the stress. Thanks for listening!

Charleigh and

It's wonderful of you to help and support others going through such times.

Do you have any hobbies? Maybe reading or some kind of sewing or scrapbooking could help you de-stress. How about taking your kids on a nice, relaxing walk or to the park. I don't know your kids ages, but maybe you could all take up something together to help you relax and become more active and lose weight. Maybe, biking or tennis or just kicking a soccer ball to each other.

Good luck to you!

Thanks for the reply. My kids are 6 and 8. We did start to walk, but they complain all the time. My husband has been supportive, but sometimes it is hard to get over the fatigue. I think the fatigue has as much to do about my feelings as it does my body. Amazing how the mind body thing works, huh? I did think about taking up Yoga or something like that, but once again, it is the motivation. I did feel happy to see someone respond. Maybe venting here is one step I can take that will take off the funk cloud above my head and motivate me to MOVE. Has anyone here lost weight by doing Yoga?
So, I saw that you are new too. 17 pounds by Labor day? That is definitely a doable goal. I guess I need to get myself on the scale sometime soon, just not sure I can take what the result shows right now.

Ooh! Ooh!!! Yoga!!! Yes!!! Yoga & meditation have been, and continue to be life saving!!! I don't know what your situation is financially or time wise but I joined the YMCA and their prices per month are pretty reasonable and if you find the right teacher yoga is priceless. I began on my own...reading anything I could get my hands on and practicing slowly and bit by bit until I could get to a class...you have to be very slow and careful and easy with your body or you can definitely get hurt! I have found that the connection between breath and body movement is the source of peace...it truly is...there are many kinds of yoga...from the gentle and flowing to the demanding. Ashtanga is definitely demanding...and through the constantly flowing movement you definitely work hard...I have lost some weight from yoga but mainly it is inches, strength, flexibility, and peace that it can give you... If you couldn't tell...I am CRAZY about Yoga...it is my passion...followed closely by meditation which I think is just as important... I believe that everyone needs to move...connect with their breath...and be still...every day... I do other exercise as well...I have found that I do need cardio as well...and I have just begun to take Pilates classes as well and if you want to change your stomach and build core strength that is definitely the place to do it!

Welcome Charleigh...and you are very welcome to come here and vent about anything...we all do!

Great ideas and, yes, your excitement is obvious and almost contagious. Maybe I can find a class on the "Exercise on Demand" channel, and try a little on my own. Of course, my husband will probably find me in a pretzel, but laughs are always good too. Thanks for the reply!

Charleigh; I completly understand. I also work with the victims of violence and at times think I am losing my mind. I'm sure I am suffering from vicarious trauma, and have eaten my way to an additional 50 lbs. This is a great site and I'm so happy to have found it. It's certainly motivating.

Thank you for the reply, Recommitted. Sounds like you know how easy and comforting it can be to grab food to deal with feelings. That will definitely help me to talk to someone who is struggling with the same work environment. I think we just commit ourselves to something bigger than ourselves, and treat our needs as secondary....or possibly fourth or fifth. We forget to prioritize. Now my health, my relationship, my job performance and my happiness are all being affected because of my self esteem...because of the weight. Not good too many people if I am not happy. Yes, I am on antidepressants, and was even on two at one time, but I realized that I need to do more to balance my needs with my life for me to truly affect my happiness and my weight problem.

Hey Charleigh!

One other thing that I forgot to mention that I am doing (since I saw that you mentioned being on antidepressants...) I am doing Kathleen Desmaisons Sugar Addict's Total Recovery program as well and it has truly saved my life...(and people around me!!!) You should have a look at it and see if it is something that speaks to you! www.radiantrecovery.com Sorry, I would say more but I have to go do battle with the bank this morning!!!

Potatoes right before bed? That goes against what I had learned in the past, but sounds very interesting. Tell me your story. Financially, what costs have you had associated with this program? Thanks for the reply!!!

Hey Charleigh!

It has been crazy busy around here! Sorry about that! Okay, hmmm financial costs... Ummm...I bought the vitamins she recommended...Vitamin C, B complex, and zinc... I might tend to spend a little more on food because the program has awakened in me an unexpected COOK!! I always hated cooking...now I am finding recipes on the internet to try for pete's sake!!! I buy whey protein (sometimes at GNC, but Wal Mart carries it too...) to use for shakes...to add protein to meals that are light in it...or to carry with me in case there is a chance of missing a meal time. I bought her two books...her website is free and I haven't joined anything else... I really think there isn't much of a cost...unless you want to go crazy and buy all the stuff she is selling in her store...(I do eventually want to get Your Last Diet...and maybe some of her meditation cds...) It is a real food program not a "eat what I'm selling program" and she tells everyone constantly that the point is to start to really listen to what their own body is telling them in terms of what works for you and what doesn't. The potato is not a "diet" food...it is not to lose weight...it's purpose is to help your brain let the amino acid tryptophan cross over so that it can be made into seratonin (which is what depressed people need...that is the purpose of antidepressants...) Eating the potato 3 hours after a meal with enough protein and after a day of steady eating and ENOUGH protein (enough for YOU...not anyone else) does that.

My story...wow...that would take a reeeaaally long time! I have struggle with my weight forever...I have loved sweets...bread..carbs...forever... I actually kind of had it in the back of my mind that I might have an eating disorder for as long as I can remember (binge eating only) I began to lose weight in 2001...never any formal diets...just my own thing...and I love exercise anyway so I do a lot of that. I still struggled with binges though. A little over a year ago my DH was diagnosed with brain cancer, had surgery, long months of rehab regaining mastery of his speech etc etc. I was put on prozac a few months after his surgery because I needed the help dealing with it all. I have been on it for a year now and I had actually updosed for a few months before I found Kathleens program...I am now dosed back down and am going to be meeting with my dr. soon about tapering off entirely. I had already been drawn to yoga and meditation...so that was already in place when I found Potatos not Prozac... I have been doing the program for a little over a month... I am not groggy, nauseated and grouchy in the morning any more...I jump out of bed ready to start my day...even at 5 am! (That has never been me!) My mood has been incredible...I had no pms this past month and my period was so easy it was scary...I have always had EXTREME PAIN with my period... I always wondered how other women got through it while still doing their life!! Weight loss is on a back burner right now...I am still trying to figure out what my body needs to get this program right...but I have stopped gaining and went down a pd or two...I was starting to gain regularly before so that makes me happy...and I am seeing physical changes in my stomach and I just feel leaner...so maybe I am building muscle.

Man...can you tell I am excited about this program???? lol Okay, I don't know if I answered all your questions but feel free to let me know if I didn't! I got up to get my breakfast in on schedule but I really need to get a little more sleep this morning...this is just a topic near and dear to my heart....

Thanks for the reply, Ravengirl! I appreciate you taking the time to share. I am not sure I am as disciplined as you are. Seems as though I can never get motivated. I do notice when I stop unhealthy habits, such as sitting around or drinking more than one beer a night, I do feel better, leaner and healthier. But sometimes, the motivation gained came be gone after one hard day at work. Do you have any children? If so, how old? Can't imagine going through what you went through with the brain cancer issue. I have been dealing with health problems for the past 3 years. They knew I had something autoimmune based on fatigue,nerve pain, gastro problems,among blood tests that said so. But they didn't know what. Now, they think I have a combination or overlap of lupus and scleroderma. When I saw the scleroderma, and researched it, I just about froze! I am 38 years old, have two kids (6, 8) and just moved into our dream house less than a year ago. Now, I am being told that with scleroderma, the diffused type, I have a 65% chance of living past 10 years!?! Well, the good thing is I went and saw a specialist in Houston, and she seems to think I may have a milder form, even though my esophogus has already been affect (two esophogal dilations in just over 3 years!). However, my skin (which is a trademark of the disease) is OK compared to what it could be. So I continue to cross my fingers. I think the weight may also have to do with the physical and emotional roller coaster I have been on regarding this health stuff, but the bottom line is anything can happen tomorrow to any one of us. I know I can't control a lot of this, but I can control how healthy I can become. Or, at least I am trying. Getting support and hearing other people's stories do help. I think about the words of experience I have seen on this sight and in your replies, throughout the day. Hopefully, it will be a matter of time before I get on the scale and set the definite goal. Until then, I am taking baby steps and have changed a few things in my diet. My husband noticed me on the website earlier this week, and he sat me down and asked me what he could do for me to help me succeed. We had a great talk. Weight has always been a horrible issue for me. Fattest of my sisters, and my twin brother had all of the metabolism between us! My dad was pretty critical about my weight, even though I wasn't fat in highschool (150 pounds for 5ft 8), but even my high school drill team cut me from a few dance routines becuase they didn't like the way I looked in my uniform. Can you believe it? So, yes, my complex about weight has some history. This August, I have my 20 year reunion for high school. Wish I could have lost this weight, but I am not going...don't want to remind everybody on my old dance team about what I was most famous for...being the "bulky one."
Thanks for listening.

Charleigh,
I also have two small children, have no energy and I often feel depressed. Sometimes I feel like I have absolutly no control. You are so right when you say we are conditioned to put others first before ourselves. I spend most of my days at work listening to stories, helping to empower and motivate, then go home and eat away my feelings. I'm tired, moody and downright miserable most times. I joined WW today so hopefully between the meetings and this sight I will get and be able to give much needed support. I think that I am slowly coming out of denial around my disordered eating, how much weight are you trying to lose? I want to feel healthy and not feel like I'm going to have a stroke at any minute. My problem is I love food to dang much and graze all day. There is always an abundance of really good food where I work too, so that can be challenging.

Hey Girl...

Wow, you are dealing with A LOT!!! I am your age as well...and my DH is only recently 39...when they gave him the diagnosis for his brain tumor it was Anaplastic Astrocytoma grade 3...which can carry a 3-5 "sentence". It threw us into a spin terribly...but what you have to remember is this...doctors do not know everything and there is a first time for everything and you could very well be it! DH just recently had an MRI and everything is fine up there...he just completed his 11th round of oral Chemo and may only have one more round to go...we are waiting to hear from Dr. Fine in Bethesda on that topic... My DH has been unusual in several aspects of this thing...and I expect him to continue to amaze and astound the doctors...
We do have a daughter...she is 16 and a Junior this year...she is wonderful...and not like any teenager that you would expect either...she is an enormous help...not a burden or a problem...when I was at my worst depression wise she was doing more to take care of me than I was her...I still feel guilty about that...but know that I have found Radiant Recovery I can be the Mom that she deserves and take care of myself as well as her and DH.
**** yes, I would imagine that your physical and emotional roller coaster is taking its toll on you!!! It sound like you have a great DH though and that is a huge help in itself! You are ahead of the game already... I don't know anything about your condition...but I know what depression feels like and how I felt when I could barely move off the couch...it has got to feel at least a little similar... Doing my recovery program it really doesn't feel like will power...that is the thing that is different...when the food is on program I just feel at ease, calm, centered, and doing the right things just seem to come naturally...it is really bizarre!

Oh, and one more thing! 5'8" and 150 pds is ANYTHING BUT BULKY!!! OMG!!! Are these people NUTS!!!! Do me a favor! NEVER LISTEN TO THEM AGAIN!!!

Ooh! And Recommitted! I know, I used to have that problem with grazing all day too...it is a hard habit to break.. That was all about my "addictive" personality right there... I had read about it being okay for "snacks" to keep your blood sugar level right...well...one snack turned into grazing...it was easier to keep giving myself permission for that "one more thing". Now on Kathleen's program I eat regularly but not in between...it is just "Nope...it is NOT OKAY!!" (for me anyway, I don't recommend it for everyone of course) The only exception is if I truly feel faint...or my mealtime is going to be off schedule...(we all know the difference between being hungry and blood sugar crashing if we are honest with ourselves...)

Wow! What a book! I need to go work out Lovelies...

How great to see these replies. Well, I just got done scrubbing the hallway rugs out in the 100 degree heat, so I am treating myself to a ice cold beer. I know, definitely not on the diet, but so good after the heat. Me and my husband are beer lovers, so we have made an agreement not to have any beer during the week, so since it is still the weekend....
But yes, I should not drink at all, or at least only on special occassions. That is another one of my unhealthy behaviors...eating AND drinking my feelings. Don't get me wrong. I don't consider myself an alcoholic, though I know what it looks like (dad was one), and I can't say I haven't worried about it before. I just have those times of the year that drinking a beer is more common than others (summer heat, NBA playoff season!).
So, Recommitted - what do you do for a living? Listening to problems definitely sounds like my line of work. I am a psychologist. Yes, just like the medical doctor who smokes...I am the psychologist who has a lot of emotional baggage. I do believe I put my entire self into helping others, and I do believe I am still effective at doing so. However, I know I could be happier, especially at the end of the day after work. Like you said, it is SO EASY to just eat when I get home. So WW, huh? Are you actually going into their centers or doing it online? I have a friend at work who did it all online and looks great! She has kept it off for two years now. Right now, I am afraid to weigh myself. Is that part of denial? Maybe. But I would guess I am probably around 210. I would like to lose at least 40 pounds, maybe event 50 if possible. I did lose 42 pounds once before my wedding. I was just finishing my doctorate in counseling, and pretty much ate my way through graduate school. WEll, I joined Jenny Craig and did GREAT! Of course, it was BC (before children) and I was able to work out 2-3 hours a day, so it was easy. I tried it again, but just couldn't do it with my lifestyle change. How much do you want to lose? Do you want to meet a specific goal before Christmas? Mine is to lost an avg of 8 pounds per month starting in Aug. That way, I may meet my goal before my family retreat after Christmas. I will keep you motivated if you keep me! Maybe I will start a new thread under "general support" titled "Looking good for Santa." Let me know what you think.
Ravengirl - would you like to be a part of this too? Sounds like you have a lot of wisdom regarding good foods and bad. I really appreciate your reply about my health issue. Honestly, I don't tell my husband every symptom I am having because I don't want to worry him. Financially, we would be in such trouble if I couldn't work. We couldn't afford this house, that is for sure. So, there is no use worrying him over things neither one of us can control. So, "purging" my worries does help, though I am sure you may be sick about health issues. Sounds great for your DH's treatment. I am sure it has been a long road. I hope my daughter grows up to be a respectful and considerate as you daughter sounds to be. My kids are very much into themselves. They also don't understand the health issues...just know that Mom takes a lot of medicines in the morning. I will be having severe gastro pains, and I will ask my 8 year old boy to let the dogs outside so I don't have to move, and he will say "Why can't you?" Just makes me want to scream! But I don't. I just talk to him about the respectful answer....'Yes, Ma'am.' Maybe one day they will be as appreciative and respectful as other kids I hear about. I think we are good parents...maybe too good. We could probably be tougher.
Anyway, so Ravengirl and Recommitted....let me know what you two think about following up with each other on a "Looking good for Santa" thread. We could hold each other accountable with daily goals if necessary. Just looking for someone to "slap my wrist!' Thanks again for the replies!

I think part of my stress come from feelings of powerlessness about the world. In my job, I'm sometimes exposed to people who are truly awful in how they treat others. No matter how hard I work, no matter how good my intentions, I can't make that not be the way of the world. Maybe I can help make things better, but I can't make it go away.