[Suzanne 3FC]

Since I began discussing my depression in my journals, I've been surprised at the number of people that have written to say they also suffer from depression and have offered encouragement and advice. I've recently started taking medication (Zoloft) for my depression and have since learned that weight gain (or sometimes weight loss) is a common side effect of SSRI's.

I hope we can use this new forum to offer support for each other as we struggle with both weight issues and depression.

Thank you

[megan242]

Hi,


I first came to your site when I started to get healthy. I started to care. But now, it feels like I was just fooling myself.
I went strong for three weeks. Eating well was becoming a habit, working out also was becoming addictive. I never really saw any results except for better cardio endurance.
This week however, my always super supportive significant other shot me down in self defense for himself. I deserved it, because I had said something rather heartless without thinking. Any other insult i would have shrugged away and talked through it. But he got me with a small "fat remark". He wasnīt even trying. I know he didnīt mean for me to take it the way I did. But I couldnīt handle it. At all. At 1130 at night when we could have been sound asleep, I was on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and actually had gotten so upset that I starting vomitting.
I wasnīt really thinking with a straight head, I was so strung up thinking about how Iīll always be fat and no one ever really has nor ever will love me. I connected being fat with my gramotherīs death, with my non-existant relationship with my father, with all the hellish years in middle school and high school, with work, with anything and everything I felt bad about.
That was 3 days ago. Since then, I have gone back to eating fast food twice a day and convincing myself that it really is good for me. I have not even driven past the gym. I slept 40 of the past 72 hours. And I havenīt changed out of my strech sweat pants.
It has really hit me this time. My boyfriend is so worried he canīt sleep. Before he went to work tonight, he actually said "why donīt you go to the gym hun, youīll feel better. or you could just do a little house work with your ankle weights. " I know this can be read in the wrong way, but he was trying to make me feel better, thatīs the point.
I donīt know what to do to get out of this slump. Please help.


Megan, 20 years old, central ohio

[dentrassi]

Megan-You were NOT fooling yourself. You are a good person, and you deserve health and happiness. I have a suggestion for you: talk with your boyfriend about your feelings about your weight. There are certain things that I would NOT say to my husband in anger just because they cannot be taken back. Let him know that weight is not an acceptable topic when you two are arguing. Maybe he has an area like that too, so that he can understand.

I have a very loving husband, and even so I had convinced myself that he couldn't possibly love someone as fat as me. It took me YEARS to realize that the weight doesn't make him love me any less. What a waste!! Your boyfriend sounds truly upset over how bad you are feeling. It sounds like he regrets the fight and wants to try to help you feel better. So feel glad that there ARE people who truly care about you. Try to force yourself out of the house. Staying at home feeling bad is only going to make you feel worse. I've been where you are. My weight is still an issue, but I am actually beginning to like myself DESPITE the weight. It is worth it, and YOU are worth it.

DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

[megan242]

Hi,


I just wanted to say that I am doing much better despite a horrid turn in finances that left us $2000USD in the hole.

Today is Palm Sunday and we went to church together as a couple.I donīt know what happened. I felt amazing. Last night we learned that our last $500 was never really paid to my account, so we pretty much are eating whatever we get get from his work, but I still have to feet that work, and a pass at the gym that is good for another 20 days.

So what did I write in my journal last night?

"I will go to church. I will go to the gym. And I will love my (future) husband."

Because of these three promises, I had a great day.



AND I BROKE MY DAMN DEPRESSION STREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSS!

I wish you all love and strength!

megan

[TallTracy88]

Hey everybody,

I was cruising around looking for new info and then I saw this. I have been on every anti-depressant known to the world.

I first was on prozac in my late 20's then gave it up after I met my hubby and proceeded to have my first child. I was miserable. I was fat, unhappy, at home with a new born then we moved, then I was pregant with my second child. I do not know if any of you have read the articles on post partum blues, but it can begin in your preganacy like mine did. Luckily I had I a wonderful OB/GYN who recognizedd the severe spiral i was taking. Yes the prozac helped my weight. After I gave birth I had only gained 9 pounds the proceeded to lose it all. The I stoped the prozac as my body had grown accustomed to it

The next 4 years I have been on Zoloft, Paxil, Wellbutrin to name just a few. Most made me even fatter, extremely sluggish as I was taking blood pressure meds.

However now i am on nothing. Depression runs in my family, Funny thing too is we were all overweight as children. I found that exercise actually feels the same as a drug. Watching sugar and caff or eating it to see the efects are interesting too. Too much of say addictives or other stuff..i feel myself begin to to either turn manic (redoing the deck..i have to do it or depressive - i want to sleep all day)

I would be interested in a study about weight gain. depression or childhood obestity.

I am also glad I found this place. Being obsese in a society that values people for their looks only is extremely difficult. Add a depressive order and I feel like some kind of freak.. I am so glad to know that their are others like me. I have not told but 2 people in my life about my struggle. One of them is my husband who feels it is all in my head.

Thank you, Tracy

[WaterLily]

Good morning, Everyone!

From the time I reached puberty, I've had a problem with depression. As a child, I seemed to go through life in a haze feeling like I didn't belong. It always seemed that happiness was always out of reach. I don't want to go through my home life as a child, but it wasn't always ideal.

When I had my first and only child, who is now 13 1/2 years old, the haze became worse and since that time, I can honestly say, that my smiles have decreased to the point of my son telling me that I always seem to have a constant frown. I struggle each and every single day with feeling like I don't know how I'm supposed to be or how I can help myself to be happy once again. That's when I turn to food for comfort.

I have begun dieting once again and have lost 9 lbs., but I can feel that it's going to be a constant struggle because when I start feeling the blues and feeling very down, I find that food is my friend while I'm eating. It's after I eat that I then feel bad about myself and the cycle begins.

It's good to write this and think it through. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity.

WaterLily

[dentrassi]

HI WATERLILY!!!!!!

I think everyone in this thread has felt the way that you feel now. PLEASE consider talking to your doctor or finding a therapist to talk to. You don't need to walk around in that haze, and there is more to life than you are getting right now. I have had those SAME feelings of not fitting in, and I ALSO went through an extended period when I felt that I had lost myself. Like I didn't even know who i was anymore.

YOU DESERVE MORE!!!! Life can be hard, but it is also full of wonderful moments and wonderful people. Get healthy for yourself so that you can enjoy it!!!!! And get healthy for your son too.

[TallTracy88]

Hey everybody...


I subscribed to this thread and it didnt take. so I missed all your wonderful answers!!!

Waterlily...i think talking to a good internist about your feelings may help!! It could be a combination of things. Something as simple as diet. Or most complex as depression or PMDD. This is the period around your period. Some woman like me expereince horrible mood swings and other symptons. I think as soon as you start questioning yourself (like am i crazy..no you are not..but maybe a little help would get ya back to yourself)

I do not take the drugs right now not becasue i do not believe in them but i lost my doctor and am hesitant to do it all over again. It takes a special caring doctor to help you. And find the right combination sometimes takes patience. But no it is NOT all in your head....

Again I am not a know it all, but have had lot of expereince wiht this particular thing. If any of you need to talk please e-mail me at [email protected]. I would love to hear from you.

Tracy

[Lenore]

Suzanne, thanks so much for starting up this section of the board. I know that for many of us our treatment of our body and our mental state are closely linked. Depression and anxiety are a huge part of my weight and health problems--sometimes I think if only I could get over or past or whatever with my moods, I could get rid of my irritable bowel syndrome, PMS, extra weight, and have the energy to enjoy my job and the rest of my life.

I'm actually bi-polar, but depression is my biggest problem. I'm on both a mood stabilizer and an anti-depressant. The combination has really improved my life, but I still struggle with the patterns I've developed over probably twenty years before I got a diagnosis.

Lately, I've been working hard at getting away from my addictions to TV, computer games, and food. It's really hard to give all of them up at once. I have no problem controlling my eating if I let myself indulge in endless games of Frecell or Solitaire or watch endless re-runs of sitcoms, but now that I've taken the games off of my computer and have forced myself to eat dinner without the TV on (I live alone) I find myself constantly aching for something to fill the void, and that something is usually food.

Sigh. I'm working on this with my therapist, but it's terribly frustrating. I know that I need to replace the addictive behaviors with healthy activity, but that's so much easier said than done. And it's discouraging because I did so well on WW when I was keeping myself zoned out and distracted; food was the only thing I was really disciplined about. It's like I only have so much discipline to go around.

Anyhow, that's life right now. Thanks for giving me a space to vent in. May all of us get to lighten up in all senses of the word!

Lenore

[TallTracy88]

Lenore,

I read your post and even though i am married and have kids. I have never felt so all alone. I was never lonley before i met my hubby. You never rwalize how painful it is. I can understand you wanting to fill up the void in your life. do too. that is why i eat. I started to post here and found alot of comfort in meeting these people. And the ideas i am getting are hlping me develope my confidence to hopefully venture out more. Regardless of my weight. Please drop in again. I would love to hear your thoughts. tracy

[Lenore]

Tracy, thanks for the encouragement. I'm feeling a little less hopeless than I did when I last posted. I understand what you mean about being lonely even when you're with someone. For me, loneliness isn't about being alone; it's more about being unhappy about myself and being afraid that I won't find a way to be happy again.

I think I've gotten over the worst of my computer-game withdrawal. One day at a time. But I'm still watching too much TV, even though I know I'd be better off, and feel better, if I even just did some reading or journaling instead. That's what I'm going to work on next.

The past few weeks have been pretty weak in terms of food. A good friend who really tends to overeat emotionally all the time visited me for about ten days, and that meant going out for food a lot and having food in the house that I don't usually tempt myself with. I did try to keep exercising and eating reasonably when I wasn't with her though, so I'm hoping to maintain when I weigh in tonight.

Keep going, friends--it'll be worth it!

Lenore

[TallTracy88]

Lenore!1

I was so glad to hear from you!1 of course i have my tv on now so i totally understand. Hmm maybe nextt ime you and the freind canmake salads at home and take a walk. I used to have a freind like that who only wanted to et.lol..that is hard tihng to get around as everyone usually does equate soial stuf wiht food!!

I hope to hear from you soon. YOU DO sound better!! I post when i am lonley now so it help me!! Chat wiht ya soon!! Tracy

[Lenore]

Ah, I always feel better after weigh in; even though I was up a pound last night, I feel lucky that I didn't gain more, given the way I ate this past few weeks. My meeting leader is so wonderful that I go every other week even when I'm sure I'll gain (I'm returning lifetime, so I can do that without having to pay for the off weeks).

Tracy, I post when I'm down, or "bored" (now I'm convinced that boredom is really an excuse for not dealing with something) at work, or when I'm just wondering how folks are. You sound chipper enough, even with the TV on in the background!

Unfortunately, my friend's problem runs pretty deep; she's terrible about taking any kind of herself, especially physically. As a busy lawyer she's always got a reason not to eat a sensible meal and get some exercise. And she's always finding special occasions so she can take me to an exotic wonderful restaurant where all they have is trigger foods...I mean, how can you eat a dinner of tapas without loading on the fat? When she lived here, I could manage it, but when she's just here for a few weeks it's hard to be disciplined. Oh well; there went a few weeks of program; I won't let that get me down.

Lenore

[meg 1+2]

Good for you Lenore...attitude is half the battle. You will get back on track. Have a great rest of the week.

Meg

[TallTracy88]

Hi Lenore and Meg

I kow Lenore..Lawyers lifestyles are not conduicive to um healthy lifestyles!! ALl those long hours..and ttheydo not even stop when they leave home!! Dont worry about the pound. Our lovely hormones just love to add water weight!!! We are sooooooooo lucky!! I sometimes am chipper..alot not. I get depresses alot especialy in my freindships wiht women. I get hurt alot so sometims I am up..sometims not.. I like to get away from it like you dais..by posting ehre. And you are right..i do avoid life by posting here. I have found a community where suddenly..i fit in. Hope again..to hear form you soon!!

Hi meg..how are you?? I hope you are doing good too!!

Tracy