I have definitely used my weight as a very loud "NO" to men. It's my protection.

At times when I have lost weight (not even to a goal weight), I've started dating and gotten into relationships. (Coincidentally, these times coincided with my manic mood swings.) After the relationship was over, I immediately gained my weight back.

I won't even try. I'm completely shut off. I suppose that is why weight issues are more complex than just dieting.

Amy

What a great point. I hope I remember that when I have kids. If I notice habits I from my own childhood, redirect with things like exercising together or eating right. Not with the idea she/he needs to lost weight.

When you look some one in the eye and smile.... they really do not notice anything else but your smile. A smile shows people (imho) that you have confidence and thats a very attractive attribute to have... men really go for that (some lipstick can't hurt either ). I see lots of large and lovely ladies who have boyfriends/husbands so don't let your weight stop you from being your lovely self.

The thing is, she's right. I do need to lose weight! I just wish it had been more of a positive focus than a negative one. Then again, mothers are supposed to be honest with their children. If I hadn't been worrying about my weight, I expect I'd have gotten a lot heavier! It's a delicate balance.

I can really relate to what you all are saying. I too am hiding behind my weight and has accepted the fact that I'll never marry.

When I was thin in my 20's and early 30's I got more attention from men than I wanted. But as soon as I gained as little as 10 lbs I suddenly became invisible. I'm now 48 and never married. I spent most of my time from 18 to 25 travelling. When others were making bonds and creating families, I was off backpacking around the world. I don't regret it,especially now that I'm somewhat disabled. My foster dad harped on me to find a man, get married, because he said after 30 your chances are low, after 40 non-existant.

I almost married twice but couldn't go through with it; I'm just tooo independant.

Now I am totally invisible to men and that's the way I like it. I realized this week that I'm afraid of getting thin because I don't want that kind of attention. A friend (helpfully?) pointed out that even were I thin, the men would be looking at the 20 and 30 somethings. A mixed blessing I suppose.

I am losing weight because of back and knee problems, not appearance.

My advice is to do what ever you need to do to take care of yourself (education, etc.) because even if you find the most wonderful man in the world, chances are you'll end up alone anyways. I can't believe how high the divorce rate is these days.

Also, the happier you are and the more interesting you are the better your chance of attracting the right man for you. If that means getting thinner or taking classes or developing hobbies makes you happy, you'll be more likely to find your mate.

I admire the honesty and thought from all the posters.