[Me23]

ok guys I've had depression since I was - well, young, but diagnosed at twelve - was a really fat kid and a clinically anorexic teenager - so yep, i've been all over the place and do have food issues (and get mad at myself because I should be smart enough not to care so much) and now I'm trying to maintain my weight....
...BUT the most bizarre thing is happening. I'm small, and my ideal weight is about 105lbs. A couple weeks ago I was bad and gained a few - didn't care too much - then I was unwell and lost them - so I ought to be pleased....
....Why do I feel fatter now than I did when I was heavier?
Does anyone else have this? It makes me so mad. I'm not a messed up child any more, I'm an intelligent woman at a top university - so why, today, am I only seeing the fat, messed up kid i don't want to be any more?

[Me23]

Sorry for the double post but I forgot to add - I cannot ask the women in my family about this cos they're all small and have no issues with food whatsoever - you know, the kind of people who just see it as fuel, and naturally eat the right amount.

[just_a_dreamy1]

Jude,

Unfortunately, I don't have any words of advice, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I completely relate to this post

[Me23]

thanks That helped. Actually I'm perking up again now. Maybe the vent helped, lol. x

[just_a_dreamy1]

I've found that venting usually does

I think that no matter where we are in life, there are many factors that can make us care (sometimes too much) how much we weigh, or how others see us. I don't believe that it a direct reflection of your own intelligence.

Feeling fat after acheiving so much can be so frustrating. The worst is when I get really angry because I feel like all I want is to be either slim or fat, and it's like I'm stuck in between. Sometimes that leads to a binge...but I've been doing better lately with my Binge-Free Challenge.

Good luck!