[CousinRockingChair]

I didn't want to hijack someone elses, so I'm doing the next best thing, which is imitation, I hope I don't annoy/irk anyone.

My superficial problem is that I'm very on edge, almost all the time. I get tightness in stomach/chest, racing thoughts, trouble sleeping, a few stomach/eating disturbances etc etc. Its straight out Anxiety, felt most of the day every day. Obviously I havnt' gotten to *terrible* stage yet because I can hold it together and only break down publicly once every few days! (meh, maybe it is bad).

Reasons I'm so anxious?

1. I've finished college, and am waiting to go to university. I miss college to some extent, but its the ROUTINE that I miss more than the place itself. I can still see my friends, but its not like having a purpose etc every day.
2. To combat this massive 2-month lull before I go to university, I'm going on a family holiday (next week), and I'm doing voluntary work (at a primary school right now, at a homeless shelter, hopefully, after my holiday). I'm seeing my boyfriend. I'm COOKING, for goodness sake...reading a lot..exercising..seeing my friends. But I ultimately feel so purposeless now, and it really makes me anxious.
3. University itself. Not the actual going-away bit - its only an hour away anyway and its a lovely town - but this feeling that I've chosen the wrong course. I'm doing a degree in Religion, Philosophy and Ethics, but I've become - I know this is cliched - pretty turned off by religion etc lately, as in study of it, not religion itself.

DEEP SELF ANALYSIS, FEEL FREE TO SKIP
I always wanted to be an actor or a doctor (psychiatrist). However, it transpired I'm just not good enough at chemistry, which is essential to going into medicine, to follow the med school route. So I went to study drama at a different college, but had to drop that after a year as I sucked at it. Fair enough, I was the only one with that opinion, but I hated myself so much after every class..etc.

So..I'm now going to have A levels in Religion, Philosophy and Sociology, I'm predicted AAA and I'm getting the results on August 16th. I only NEED BB to get onto my Religion course, but I'll be pretty sad if I don't make the AAA grades, I guess I'm harsh on myself...ANYWAY I'm mad because if I can get a high grade in Philosophy for heavens sake (I got an A last year at any rate), why couldnt I just have been decent enough to do Chemistry? I did work experience etc for med school and everything, but oh no, I'm too DUMB I suppose...oh but I'm great at religion and writing, fantastic. I can't act either.

Is it sods law that we arnt good at what we want to do/be?

So that is why I fear that doing this course won't satisfy me. It won't cost me anything as my parents are funding the lot, but this makes me feel guilty enough anyway without knowing that that its not **really** what I want to do?

its just finally hit me that no, I'm never going to be a doctor (fees, opportunity, etc etc) and I am, I'll admit, miserable about that.

END OF BORING ANALYSIS

I live in a remote village though (well, relatively) and if I don't go to uni I won't be able to leave home anytime soon, property prices are through the roof right now.

I'm so upset, if I hadn't had a real breakdown (mental) when I was 16, I might have sought help with my chemistry, and I'd be looking to my 2nd year of med school right now :-( my boyfriends sister is, shes roughly my age, and I cried for 1 hour out of sheer envy when I found out.

yes, i am pathetic.

And I'm anxious about my new anti-epileptic medication. I'm anxious I'm not good enough for anything.

To be honest, I struggle. with. seeing. the. point.

[backtome]

Anxiety sucks, doesn't it?

When I was in college, I didn't rush a sorority because of fear.
I didn't attend class because of fear of failing.
I left without a degree, because of fear.

Sometimes we think that anxiety (the chronic kind) can be overcome by sheerness of will.....just grit your teeth and get thru it. And sometimes it can. What you need to figure out if this is one of those times or not. And if not, perhaps medication would help. I wish I had Effexor all those many years ago, I just may have accomplished what I had dreamt of for myself.

I don't know how the university system works in England.......in the US it is a fairly simple thing to change majors. Perhaps med school is still an option for you. After all, how many physicians use chemistry in daily practice? If I were you, I would speak to an academic advisor, explain your dreams and problems (with chemistry) and see what they have to say. And go from there. Don't stop yourself with fears. There are so many options these days.

Good Luck!

[MugCanDoIt]

I know all about anxiety, and it is terrible. I still struggle with it even though I take meds for it, but without the meds I would go out of my mind. Maybe you should look into an antidepressant/general anxiety disorder medication. I take Paxil and it changed me for the better, without it all my symptoms come back. Hang in there.......(hugs)

[CousinRockingChair]

In the UK, you MUST have A Level Chemistry to do a medical degree at university. In very special cases you might get away with two Science A Levels, but I don't have a single science A Level...getting into med school is very hard here, and whilst you can transfer courses at uni, they are usually in the same rough area, like...start with english, you might transfer to, I dont know, History? Something else you were qualified for in any case!

thank you for all replies, it helps to vent here