I've been depressed since I was eighteen, actually it's probably been longer than that but I didn't see a doctor about it until I was eighteen. I don't remember what pills I was on but I think they increased my suicidal thoughts because i was thinking about them more and more everyday and eating and eating more and more until I chucked them. My dad killed himself when I was six and it put bad strain on the family so I'm not putting them through that again.
I still am though, I still cry myself to eat, still eat when I get called ugly or someone makes some comment about my appearance. Not really over weight, just ugly now. People think it's funny that I lost weight and didn't get good-looking from it. Most people I know who got pretty from losing weight were already pretty when they were fat. My sister is a good example of that she was so beautiful and overweight and lost weight, now she is so beautiful she could be a model. Which is something else people find funny, why is she so beautiful but I'm so ugly. We don't have the same dads, that's why but try explaining that to people.

i've never seen you, but i have no doubt you're beautiful. you simply can't see it right now because of this fog of depression. you're not alone though. i've been pretty down too. my self esteem is also pretty much nil. but chin up! you are beautiful! stop comparing yourself to those around you, there will always be someone more beautiful. that doesn't mean you're not. be strong and take care of yourself. go get a pedicure! that sounds superficial, but it always makes me feel a teeny bit better! when i'd like to just chop off my own head, at least i can look down and be like... 'yeah well, at least my great big cinderella-step-sister feet look good!'

I feel you. I'm definintely not overweight technically, but I have awful body/face image.

Congrats on losing the weight tho, for your health if nothing else!

emily
xxx

Ashla86, I am so sorry you've had to deal with so much and are experiencing depression. Here's a for you.

Is that why you don't respond well (or at all) to genuine compliments?

Ashla86 - I understand. There are things I hate about my face and things I will always hate about my body, no matter what weight I will ever reach. I have a better question: what do you LIKE about your face? There HAS to be something striking, whether it's your eyes, facial structure, lips, skin, or even just your hair or nose.

Don't feel ugly. And if you do, dress yourself up in some real cute clothes, get your hair done in a real radical style, and get something pierced. That'll always help make you feel cute.

Amen! LOL

a good way to feel beautiful is to wear to clothes that fit you well. don't be ashamed of the number size you wear...worn the right way, any size is beautiful! treat yourself to some new clothes and a new 'do. go get a mani-pedi or a makeover. even though i don't know what you look like...it's kind of impossible to be completely ugly! i have never ever met someone that didn't have some attractive quality to them!
if you give up on yourself, you'll never feel beautiful.

I'm usually ok until someone makes some comment about it. But it sucks when I first meet people, no matter how confident I act around them they still don't want anything to do with me. Some guy I don't even know called me a loser. And a guy i do know the other day made loud coughing noises in front of me when we passed each other in the street.

But I usually tell myself those people aren't worth my time anyway, I have friends and family who care about me a lot. If I let it get to me too much it will effect their lives in a bad way.

Yes, Soulbliss, it is! I'm trying not to be so dumb, and to have ME as my avatar and not feel bad about it, and...well, slow process!

emily
xxx