[junebug76]

A brief intro: I'm 30 years old, single, and have had depression on and off since age 17. I've been on Wellbutrin since 2002, and it's been wonderful for me, but I still think negatively even though I know better. I'm 5'1" so every pound really counts for me.

1 1/2 years ago, I had a terrible date which left me thirsty for revenge against the guy (long story, but kind of funny now!), so I started exercising daily, and got into terrific shape, really felt addicted to exercise, lost weight to a really fantastic weight for me, and it felt like complete MAGIC because it had always seemed impossible, and I lost more than even in my past successful weight loss efforts: I weighed about the same as when I left for college at age 18. And I felt amazing that I could just put on clothes and leave the house without wondering if something made me look fat, and buy clothes easily. I've lived in the same place for 10+ years, so while people noticed my weight loss, losing weight did not change too much, just a bit more attention from people I already knew. I'm getting to the point, bear with me.

Then I went to Los Angeles to work for the summer and suddenly met lots of people who didn't know me heavier. I have long blonde hair, but I have always been "pretty but plump" and "the smart one" and never related to the "pretty perfect" types who wear Banana Republic size 4. I'm used to getting a bit of male attention, but having most guys not be interested. In LA, suddenly I was in a different league and got attention that I honestly had no idea how to deal with. I don't mean catcalls, but on dates and at work suddenly I had all this feminine power and got 10 times more attention. I can't afford Banana Republic, but I could wear size 4-6, and most of the adult clothes at Target were too big for me. And it started to feel a bit overwhelming. And I was in a new place, lonely, trying new dating relationships, having them not work out, wondering if I would ever get married.

I got depressed and I started binging (again), stopped exercising, and ended up back to overweight, where I feel comfortable. I'm used to being a bit depressed and feeling fat and out of it.

Has anyone dealt with this? How do you adjust your internal image to a thinner you?

Junebug

[Jman1]

I was hoping some of the women would answer you, but I'll throw in my two cents since no one else has. :-)

I felt that way too last time I lost. Women treated me so differently, much more friendly and flirty. Also, some of my female friends who I wasn't interested in "that way" started to try to get with me pretty aggressively. On balance, though, I enjoyed the feeling. I got depressed and gained my weight back for other reasons.

And I was in a new place, lonely, trying new dating relationships, having them not work out, wondering if I would ever get married.

That's a lot to deal with. Been there, done that, still doing some of it. Only thing we can do is keep moving forward. Good luck!

[lilith9]

Originally Posted by junebug76

I got depressed and I started binging (again), stopped exercising, and ended up back to overweight, where I feel comfortable. I'm used to being a bit depressed and feeling fat and out of it.

Has anyone dealt with this? How do you adjust your internal image to a thinner you?

Junebug

I wish I had some answers for you, Junebug, but I don't. All I can say is that this problem isn't unique; it's similar to what people do with their lives if they've grown up in a chaotic/abusive environment. After we leave and start our adult lives we create chaos (sometimes subconsciously, without even realizing it) or end up right back in abusive situations because it's what we know and are familiar with.

I think I read somewhere that in situations like these, the first step is asking yourself what is the payoff for remaining overweight. For instance, are you maybe remaining heavier because then you don't have to go through the misery of dating and bad relationships before finding someone more permanent? or do you feel like if you're heavier people won't be looking at you anyway so there's no pressure to meet an impossible standard? These are examples of things that I personally had trouble with, and I'm sure you'll have your own reasons. Maybe if you can figure out what you gain from staying heavier, you can start working on a solution.

I know this stuff is frustrating, but hang in there!