Ok, so, here goes:

I have had problems with binging in the past but never really with purging. My binging has been not too out of control the past few weeks but my life has sure felt that way. My problem is that I now kinda purge even without binging. Although I guess 700cal of jelly beans is a bit o' a binge.

But, here is where the big problem comes in: I am on a medication that has an increased seizure risk with purgers and I confessed to my doctor and she is threatening to take me off of this medicine (which I like, I don't want to change and since it is for depression, it is a major gamble to go around trying out new meds to find another one that works and in the meantime one can be risking potential suicide risks). I told my doc that I would tell her if I purged again, but, if I do she will take me off of my medicine and I don't want that.
After saying that I was good for a couple of days and then purged yesterday.

What should I do? If I can't get in control I think I will just have to lie to my doctor because I would rather risk a seizure I think.

You might not get too many answers on this one as people are kind of apprehensive to touch this subject.

I know what you mean about risking the seizure but you really need to think this through. A seizure can be a BIG DEAL. It can kill you. If you seize while purging you could aspirate and choke to death or suffocate. Or if you seize while you are just sitting there doing nothing, you can still get yourself into a position known as positional asphixia (sp?) where your air supply is cut off or you could swallow your tongue and choke to death. Dh cousin now has brain damage from a seizure where no one could get his tongue out of his throat...they tried to pull it back out with a spoon and eventually they did, but not before he turned blue and had brain damage...he has epilepsy, but a seizure is a seizure.

Really take some time to think this through.

What does "kinda purge" mean?

I think there are two issues here. First, you have to tell your doctor that you are experiencing these problems. In addition to what GetnHealthy said, what if you have a seizure while driving and kill yourself or others--drive onto a sidewalk and take out a bunch of pedestrians or children crossing a street or a school bus?

Secondly, you need to seek help for your bulimia. Ask your doctor for a referral. Your depression and eating disorders go hand in hand. I wouldn't think you'd be able to cure or even treat one without addressing the other.

Hear, hear!

Please get some help, honey. I know it's hard. Trust me, I know.

First of all, purging runs its own risks: dehydration, potassium/iron defeciencies, electrolyte imbalance, enamel wearing (yellow or brown brittle teeth ), potential reproductive system damage, irreparable heart damage -- and most of these ultimately lead to DEATH. AND you are adding a seizure risk on top of it Bulimia IS NOT worth it -- and since you are already seeing a doctor for depression, I'm sure it won't be hard to take the next step to start being treated for the eating disorder.

I don't have any answers for you - just support!

I don't know much about this but just wanted to give ya a

Please be honest with your doctor. Don't risk a seizure. My sister died of a seizure with aspiration at the age of 21. She was alone except for her 3 yr. old daughter that was found lying asleep next to her.

Ok, I donīt know if I got that right: you would risk a seizure and, in the worst case, death just because you canīt stop purging??? You passed the "Are you addicted or not?"- Test.

In my opinion (and itīs quite the same a several other have already said) you really need to recognize your Eating Disorder and get treatment for that. Immediately. Talk to your Doc and stop purging. Cold Turkey. Just have a look at the Pros and Cons:
Pro:
- Weight loss
- Can binge without gaining weight
Cons:
- Death (by seizure or by Bulimia)
- Risking other lifes (seizure while driving for example)
- having a seizure and waking up being not the person you are used to be (like in: starring at the ceiling of the nursing home for the rest of your life)

I know that it is not easy- I am a recovered addict and I expierenced what I am talking about.

And after all: I bet you already know what to do.

Thanks for everyone's concern and support.

(kateful- kinda is just a preffix to soften the blow of the statement).

I don't pretend that I can say that I have read your responses and seen the light and can now just be fine. But, I am trying and you all helped me realize that I need to try and try really hard to at least not purge. I thought I was going to last night after going out to dinner (because I wanted to eat dinner but I wanted it calorie-free, also, you know that kind of feeling you get when you are "bad" and eat too much, I just end up feeling "dirty" and purge as a sort of cleansing). But, I didn't I came home and just distracted myself on the web for HOURS when I should have been studying (big finals coming up) just to prevent myself from going into a dangerous thought mode.
I have been okay so far today....

My big problem is that there is a huge part of me that does. not. want. to. change.

I guess that I perceive myself as invincible sometimes and even though I KNOW that a seizure risk is serious to myself and even others (kateful- my doc used the same car senario to indicate the seriousness).

I don't know that I can get help for an eating disorder, because I don't really feel like I have one. Also, I feel like there is no one I can see for it as my psychiatrist will really think I am going batty or exaggerating or something because I already see her for other issues. And I don't want to be the girl with a lot of "issues," if you know what I mean.

NB: I have no idea how I am coming off in these posts; so please be kind and give me the benefit of the doubt if I sound kind of "off" or odd as I am in a weird headspace right now.

I would confess to your doctor. It's quite possible that another medication will work as effectively (or nearly) for your depression, without the added risks if you purge again.

As for purging, I really think you should bring it up with your psychiatrist. It is an eating disorder. If your psychiatrist thinks you're just "making it up" or "exaggerating", then you need to find someone else.

I've never had bulimia, but I can't imagine it's an easy thing to tackle on your own. Maybe with help from family and friends... but that would confessing to a family member or friend. I mean, the pat answer is "just stop doing that", but that's about as effective as tell me "eat less and exercise more" for how to lose weight. I mean, it's something I know. It's the doing that's hard. What you're fighting there is just as hard as alcoholism, drug addiction, smoking, and yes, overeating. You need someone to help and that will make it a million times better.

I guess a lot of (or most) addicts expirience such feelings. I defininetely felt that way as well: I felt horrible with boozing/ binging and starving, but I was used to that awful feeling. Changing your life means etering completely new territory. An that as very, very scary for me. But I did it. I am sober and abstinent from pills and I am on the road to recovery with my ED. Itīs not that easy and there wasnīt a magic moment when I got the willpower to change and all the fear just simply dissaperared. Itīs a day to day job...itīs hard and scary sometims, but I canīt be done.

Yeah, you donīt have a problem with purging- just without it.

You may not feel like you have an ED, but you surely have one. Risking your life because you canīt (and you donīt want to) stop purging is such a clear sign....

In my opinion you are not "the girl with a lot of issues", you may have a big underlying issues which shows itself in different symptoms. If you would have ifluenca with high fever, coughing, coryza and all that, would you go to a doctor for the coughing and think "Oh, I donīt mention the other things....Maybe my Doc would think that I am making up things..."

And trust me: if you just treat one symptom with your psychiatrist, this symptom may get better- but there will be another thing waiting just around the corner.
Itīs like Domino....

From the viewpoint of an epileptic who has nearly DIED from a seizure, you do NOT want to have a seizure. And regardless of whether you are epileptic or not, its the same...a seizure (of a generalized type, anyway) is a seizure, it takes ONE to kill you.

I have seizures through no fault of my own and you are willing to risk one for thye sake of vomiting up a stomachload.....HMM...y';know?

it's a friendly *look, think about this* type response. Im not trying to be nasty, but your post hit me a bit.

Talk to your psychiatrist about the desire to purge, and also about feeling unclean etc. She won't think you have more issues, just as another person said, more symptoms.

It's really important to deal with your ED quickly, living long term with an ED is NOT fun. I have friends whose whole lives have been derailed by their ED, and at times, my ED has stuffed up my life too. It's so hard changing the way you approach food and your body, but it can be done. And I can totally relate to having a part of you that doesn't want to change. Everyday I fight a battle in my head to keep my rational side dominant over the ED that tells me to eat less, fast, over exercise.

You've got support here, but talk to your doctor and your psychiatrist. Admitting you have an ED is the best thing you can do for yourself.

hugs and warmest wishes
NBK

I am proud to say that I have not purged since Thursday.
I was sorely tempted to on Friday and Sunday and Today I went supermarket shopping..........and I managed to avoid any binge foods.
I just keep a sort of mantra in my head: "I WILL be strong. I DONT need these foods. I will NOT purge."
It has taken a lot of strengh for me to do this and I am genuinely happy that I have been able to keep good for now the 4th day! I feel happier with myself.
Of course, I have no idea how much of these feelings and newfound strength of mind can be attributed to the additional medication I have been put on for my depression/anxiety.
But, regardless of the cause, the effect is really what is important and that is a binge/purge free positive me.

I have to call my psychiatrist today or tomorrow to update her on my situation, period (she doles out my medications very sparingly so that I am forced to go and see her to get more.....sounds like I am on illicit drugs!).

But, again, thanks for your help. I seriously really force myself to STOP. THINK. when I get strong purge urges. And, so far it has worked.