cupcake84: I binge on healthy food all the time too! Seriously, I'll eat a whole head of lettuce or an entire bag of peaches all at once. My last big binge was an entire giant pot of homemade vegetable soup. Odd, no?

Kristen: I'm happy for you that you're getting help with your ED. I was forced into an eating disorder clinic once, but I'm sure you'll get a lot more out of it than I did since you're actually making an effort to go there! Your binge doesn't sound too bad to me, most of the stuff was healthy (I adore hummus). I guess it all depends on how you feel about it, but I wouldn't classify having waffles for lunch as a binge. Stay strong, I wish you luck!

BelledeJour- I don't think it was one either this is what I ate today let me know how you think I did:
Breakfas
1 c. of Fiber One Cereal
2 tsp. sugar
1/2 c. of 1% milk
and 1 c. water

Snack/Lunch
Popcorn- the fat free kind like 3 cups!(popped)
carrrots sticks and hummus
2 waffles and regular syrup---not best choice


Dinner:
The tuscan sandwhich from Blimpie---not best choice (again)

Dessert
1 small mochaccino misto from ritas--this was not great either

Hi girls...I guess this is the right place for confessions...after 22 good days, I binged. :(

I am crying.

I had been losing the baby weight and got down to 181 basically without even trying. Actually, I was eating a lot. Then I had a high-salt day. I don't know if that's why this happened or not, but...I ended up gaining 2 lbs. overnight. It was HORRIBLE to see the scale go the other way...esp. since I am SO FAR from my goal. So so far. :( I had eaten salty popcorn and a couple slices of bacon...those were the salty items...I don't know if those are what caused it, or just generally high calories.

Anyway, the next day (yesterday) I decided to really diet, for the first time in a while. So...I did great and woke up having lost the 2 lbs.

But tonight...I binged. I ate and ate. I am so so hungry.

I should have known this would happen.

But then what's the answer? Be fat forever? Either way I guess that's the answer...because I obviously CAN'T diet or I binge (having a binge disorder, dieting is of course a huge trigger)...but without dieting, apparently I'm going to gain.

I feel so low and so awful.

ETA: Here's something else, that may trigger some individuals for their own reasons. WARNING, WAY GRAPHIC AND S*XUAL *BUSE MENTINOED. I am breastfeeding and having a lot of trouble with it because of past sexual abuse. I can't have anyone touch me while I'm breastfeeding, and I can't think about certain things. I'm holding onto breastfeeding by a thread b/c sometimes it feels like an assault. Well, tonight my DH just couldn't stop making stupid breastfeeding comments, even down to describing how my DS was grabbing at the nipple & sucking for all he was worth, and then reminding me of a truly DISGUSTING scene in the movie Me, Myself & Irene where the guy breastfeeds from a mom in the park, and then he made sucking motions and face. Well, I couldn't breastfeed my DS by then. I couldn't. I wanted to scream. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. And then it was like my body shut down. B/c then my body WOULDN'T let go of any milk. It was so strange. So DS was starving but couldn't get anything. So he screamed FOR AN HOUR. Seriously. He was choking he cried so hard. But I couldn't get anything out and anyway it felt like an assault or something any time I tried.

So he finally went to sleep after I finally got my body to relax enough to force myself to give up milk. (Which also brought up past issues. "I'll only let you go if you do something you really hate.") I made myself do it. He finally fell asleep. It was after that that I binged.

I wonder if all that had something to do with the binge. B/c all I could think was, If only I were disgusting, DH would leave me alone. B/c besides all these comments, all he can do nowadays is comment on how huge my breasts are from breastfeeding. He talks all the time about how he wants to oil them up, grab them, etc. It makes me want to puke. He won't stop! I keep trying to laugh it off but I just can't anymore! I was almost ready to give in just to have him get it over with so I could get over it too somehow and move forward. I told him he could touch them but not in certain places but that made him act all p*ssy. Now I just can't. I don't care if he leaves me. I don't care WHAT he does, NOBODY is coming near my boobs for a while.

Sorry to be so graphic. I hate this so bad. I am ready to go to formula and I RESENT THAT. Why can't this man just leave me alone? Some days, I hate him. Seriously.

Oh, Mel. :( My heart just breaks for you, sweetie. We're just heading out the door for the weekend, but I saw your post, and wanted to send you a big hug. :hug: I think that some counselling would be really beneficial, and your husband could sure use some, too. :mad:
Keeping you in my prayers this weekend, hon. And btw, I just saw your photo... you're a lovely young woman, Mel. Lovely and good, and you deserve so much more.
love and hugs... :grouphug:

OMG!!
I started at 192 this week ( when I got my period) and Now I am down to 185. I think I gained like 3 lbs of water weight but that would mean I still lost
4lbs! on my own!! YEAAYYYY I really needed that I have been really struggling I made such good choices yesterday for the most part and I am still liek ravenous, If i know there is a cookie in a room I would tear it up jus to find it!! I sound crazy but thats how strong the cravings are.
Anyway...3 days binge free!!


MyThreeTots- :hug: I am sorry you are having a bad time. I have the binge disorder too. It sounds like the binge was all just to comfort you, after all the internal pain and sadness you were facing got the best of you, and who wouldn'th ave that happen after what you have been through. Not to be nosy or give advice where it may not be wanted, but hafve you sat down and had a serious conversation with your DH. Maybe if you told him what was going on and how it really made you feel and about all the horrible things the comments brought back to you after the abuse, he might cool it with his comments. Just a thought, but I am only a young girl who has never had a bf so don't take my advice to seriously. lol ;)

Good Luck with everything, All of us are always here when you have a problem with food or something triggering it. :hug:

MyThreeTots--I have never been abused, *really* but I have experienced what unwanted sexual advances feel like--more than once. You definitely need to have a talk with him. I also know whats its like to have a SO pressure you and talk about things you feel uncomfortable with EVERY DAY and get angry when you tell him to stop(different person than before). You're supposed to help make each other happy-but i never even wanted to talk to him. I dreaded it when he called. We ended up breaking up because of it--And i am much happier now. I am not saying leave him, just talk to him and/or get counseling...both of you. Does he know how it makes you feel? Communication is key. I am so sorry you are going through this. No one should ever feel like that... :hug:

Also--maybe it would be better if you switched to formula for a while, until you get some help. You son will still be perfectly healthy. :)

Hello Glad to Find you all!!!
 

I was also glad to find this Forum. I thougt I was the only one that would do well for weeks and then raid the fridge ( and the cabinets for that matter). I get so frustrated because I have lots 80lbs and probably just gained 10 back this last month. I always find something to blame it on like stress ( like that will ever go away LOL ). I am ready to get back on the wagon. I have been using portion control but I think doing the daily Calorie count may help get things back on track. Does anyone have any tips for late night binges? I work second shift and find that when I get home I want to eat everything.



Sarah S

My3Tots: YOu poor dear!!! That's just awful! I'm so sorry things are going so badly. I have never been sexually abused so I can't know what you're going through there, but I certainly relate with the dh who feels the need to comment about your boobs all the time! I mean for the love of all that is good and holy there is nothing sexual about breastfeeding and its ICKY when your DH goes around making sexual comments about it while you're trying to feed your child. Or tries to grab them!!!! My DH has almost lost a hand before!!! I agree about talking to him. I'm absolutely sure that if he knew how much he was hurting you then he wouldn't do it anymore! Breastfeeding is the best thing nutritionally that you can do for your baby and I'm a huge advocate of it, but on the other hand if its going to make you so emotionally distressed then your baby is going to sense that. It could just be better for both of you to try something else instead. BFing is supposed to be a cozy, snuggle time with your baby but if you're so upset everytime you do it that you can barely stand doing it at all then snuggle time with a bottle might be better. That being said the La Leche League may hunt me down and beat me soundly but whatever you choose has to be the best thing for both you and your baby. And if you choose to use formula don't let people make you feel guilty about it!!! Sometimes its the only choice that will work.

Welcome Sarah! :welcome:

Ugh I went to a party tonight and ate tooo much!!!! However, I think I really did good! There were these amazing brownies and I had one and it was soooo good and I wanted to eat like five more. But I didn't! I was strong! The fact that the huge overload of sugar made my tummy hurt a little did help. Anyway I'll be better tommorrow!

Sarah, welcome. I think late night is THE time to binge. I believe it's b/c we can hold out all day, but by the end of the day all the stresses have built up and we're tired, and we can no longer resist a binge. Are you eating enough during the day or are you restricting? I usually binge if I've been restricting.

Thanks, ladies, for the kind words. I have spoken to DH about all this stuff and he knows all my issues. I have also told him about not touching me while I'm nursing. So what does he do tonight? Comes up and tries to stroke my neck while I'm nursing. Is he doing it on purpose or does he just really not care enough to even listen? I don't think there's an answer to this dilemma, except to eventually be alone. I daydream a lot about the day I walk out and just live on my own so I don't have to deal with anything like this anymore. But I can't now, not while the kids are still little. I don't even think it's my DH's fault or anything--I just truly think there is no man out there who wants to understand and I'm tired of all of it. I would rather live without a relationship.

Sorry to ramble.

I think men make us binge LOL
 

MY3Tots-Breastfeeding is a very personal thing and can be very hard when there has been past abuse. I commend you so much for even trying after what you have been through. I have worked with several women who have felt the same way that you do. You are a wonderful strong woman who has tried to do her very best for her child. Have you thought about trying to pump you milk for the baby? Maybe even suplementing with formula for the times your not up to nursing. I know it is hard, but either way your a great mom and thats what counts. :hug:



I am starting my first food journal today. I am a little nervous about it. I have done WW in the past. It worked for awhile then I got tired of counting points. I am ready this time. I have upped my fiber intake to help feel fuller. Does anyone know the reccomend amount of Fiber for day???

Scootergirl- I have to give it to ya for only one brownie. I would have eaten like five or got home and ate a whole pan LOL


Sarah

I believe its 25-30g a day for women. At least thats what i shoot for.

Thursday, June 29 - NOT GOOD...it started out innocently enough with my breakfast.

We had bbq for lunch at work and there were so many rolls left over...I think I ate 4 of them...on top of my lunch...then a co-worker asked me if I wanted a package of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies (24-count)...I said, "sure - I'm going to a bbq on Saturday so I can take them"...oh, what a good thought I had...

I believe I ended up eating about 15 or 16 of those cookies at work Thursday afternoon...before throwing them away...I'm so ashamed...and I went out to eat with DH for dinner that night too! Granted, I didn't eat much at dinner (but I did have two margarita sangria swirls - those were yummy), but I consumed over 3500 calories that day...probably more...

I told DH that I had reached my fat limit...I was done with the junk...

I started South Beach Phase I on Friday and have been binge-free since...

Wish me luck :)

:goodluck: Emily- Good Luck on South Beach!

Ok today I got up late and I had no time so I skipped breakfast, then I went straight to the nail salon, and I got a manicure and pedicure and my brows waxed so by the time I left, it was lunch time, but I had to pick my friend up so hse could go swimming with us. But, before we did that we had to go food shopping so we bought a few things. I got home and it was around 1:45, she came at 2 pm and we swam and then from 2-4 pm we sat in the backyard and we hung out. I of course ate an entire tub of mini merangue cookies luckily they were fat free, but hte sugar intake was horrible!! I ate 550 calories just in those, but I had skipped breakfast and lunch. Then I had 1 1/2 hot dogs 1/2 ear of corn and 3 tbsp of cole slaw.
For dessert I had 4 smores!! OMG THEY WERE GOOOOD

I only binged on 2 things hte meringues and the smores, 4 is not a big number but htye made me feel too full, anyway I am off to workout, I am too far on track again to ruin it! WISH ME LUCK!:dust: :strong: :running:

Hey Ladies :wave:

Sorry I've been MIA. But I just wanted to stop in and wish everybody a Happy 4th of July to those celebrating!

Also :dust: to anyone who needs it right now. I know I certainly do! I Just have been eating junk and more junk but no more! I am sick of it! It literally makes me sick! So maybe in a way, that is a good thing. If It makes me feel terrible, then maybe, just maybe that is I won't eat it!!!!!!!

Anyways, I wish you all well and hope you have a great day! ;)

Happy 4th of July!!! :woo:

We're having a cookout tonight before going to see the fireworks. We'll see if my little guy likes them or not! My friend is bringing a pina colada cake!!!! And she IS taking it home with her or I'm gonna beat her up. LOL