[mindseye]

I have been having trouble with food. I was on WW for a while, and then it stopped working. I have been struggling with my guilt of eating. I am afraid of eating ANYTHING and I weigh myself 2-3 times a day. When I see that the numbers go up, I freak out and become even more depressed. I work out an hour of cardio 4-5x a week. I drink a lot of water. And I'm getting stressed because my wedding is 35 days away. Luckily, I fit into my gown the second time around, even though they had to take it out a bit. (It's a size 10). I'm constantly feeling fat and ugly and depressed. I do see a psychologist, but haven't been to seeing him in a while. When I go out, I focus on how other girls look and constantly compare them to myself. How this one has thinner arms than me, a smaller waist, blah blah blah. I am 5'2" and weigh 137lbs. I have a medium bone structure. When I was in my early 20's I was 110lbs. Could my metabolism have shut down completely? I'm so fed up with lack of progress on losing I don't know what to do. I eat Special K w/ Berries (one bowl) in the am, water, work out, have soup for lunch (the clear broth kind), and then if I'm hungry I'll eat something for dinner. I get sick if I look at food. I haven't vomited in a while. So sorry for rambling, but hopefully you guys can offer some solace. I'm tired of the prison I'm in.

[lakelog]

Welcome here! I read your post and although I don't have a "real eating disorder" I felt I needed to try to encourage you if I can. I honestly feel like you need to talk to professionals on this subject. You aren't over weight at all and maybe what you weigh is a safe weight for you age now. Sometimes your body gets to a place where I believe it feels like nothing under that weight would be necessary. Look on the otherside; you could be posting on the over 100 pound thread and have the very same feelings. You do need to know that it is o.k. to be your weight and I do understand there are people probably smaller than you who feel they are fat. As you get older it is harder to get back to a weight and stay there.

I hope that the friends you will have posting here will help motivate you into believing in yourself and to realize that a size 10 is perfectly acceptable. Their are hundreds of us on this site who are reaching for a goal of a size 10 or maybe even bigger.

Keep posting on here and reading also and someone who closely fits your situation can pair up with you and hopefully fight this demon. But I do have to go back on what I said earlier that a professional counselor may be your best bet.


I wish you the best luck and keep us informed. It helps to "talk" out your problems on here as well.

Dana
[email protected]
256/209/156

[harpo]

I agree that talking to your counselor is a great idea. Also in response to what you wrote about your metabolism and what you eat every day - If you are only having cereal, broth and no supper, your body thinks it is starving and will hold on to every calorie you give it. Metabolism definitely slows when the body does not get enough fuel. Maybe you should try and eat more, at least 1200-1400 calories a day. (I hope that makes sense)... I also don't think that you are overweight but I understand your body image issues. I have struggled with that most of my life. Try to focus on what your body does for you, instead of what it looks like. For instance, you are stong and able to exercise. That is a blessing in itself.....Anyway, good luck to you. Please keep posting here and maybe we can all help each other.

[ElaineR.]

You are not eating enough! Not that you need to lose weight.. but if you ate about 700 more calories a day.. believe it or not.. you would actually lose about five more pounds.

With that being said... your REAL issue is a painfully low sense of your own value and self-worth.

Other than the fact that you are getting married... what do you have in your life that you are proud of? Sit down and make a list of what you have accomplished. If the list is empty.. then make a list of things in life that you would like to accomplish (keep it real)... and then set out to make those things happen. Once your focus is taken off food and put into some sort of work that is meaningful to you.. not only will you forget about food.. but your sense of self-worth will improve.

In the Year 2001... I see far too many women whose lives evolve around taking care of others or just around another person, and not enough on their own spiritual and creative development. When my eating disorder began.... I was COMPLETELY defined by the man in my life. When I didn't get what I needed from him (or so I thought).. I would binge eat. I didn't realize at the time that I was using food to take my focus off my emotional pain of being neglected.

I am not saying that your life is like that... but it just sounds to me like all of your mental focus is on your weight, which is not even a problem. Find something in life that really excites you more than a few pounds or french fries and throw yourself into it. For me, that "thing" was music and writing.

Good luck,
Elaine