Well Hello everyone. Today i woke up and decided i needed to make a few changes.....ahheeemmm....35lbs to be exact. I cant belieave i let mself go once again. Depression is a *****. Ive been struggling with aneroxia but mostly bulima for about 5 or 6 years now. Its time to stop. its such a discusting habit you know. I want to do this the right way and be happy about myself again. Besides, who wants to spend their life with their head in the toilet. Its weird. When i was at my worst...nobody could make me stop. At times it was like all i had. My little seceret. Its funny how your brain works. i actually would search for pro-eating disorder websites. you have to want it for yourself. YOu have to want to change. And i do this time. Im hoping to find someone who is maybe in the same boat. It would be nice to have a partner to fight this disease with. someone that understands, no matter what you do, it will always be there. nagging, telling you your fat, telling you nobody likes a fat person. you are nothing. I think having someone to voice over the internal negitivity would be a positive. we could lift eachother up. let me know if you that person. p.s. thank you to the nice people who directed me to this forum.
I believe that you've come to the right place. I know that there will be many people pulling for you - I am already! From your picture I can see that you are a lovely young woman; it's amazing what that "little voice" can tell us isn't it? I promise you that you will be surrounded by caring, compassionate people here, but also people who won't be afraid to tell it like it is. I don't know alot about this disease, have you seen a Dr.? If not maybe that would also be a place to start. You are so welcome here, and will be in my thoughts and prayers...
I am not in the same boat as you but am here for you all the same. I have an overeating problem but can't find it in myself to purge....I don't like to throw up even when I am sick. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor to lose weight in a healthier manner!
Thank you barb. Yes i have been to a thereapist, and my current physician is aware of my illness. My live in boyfriend also knopws but i downplay it...he doesn't know how to handle it, hes not very good support. men are idiots.
I actually need to start returning to therapy i stopped going about a month ago.
Welcome! I'm pretty new to the forum as well, but I find it very helpful, I hope you do too. I can definately relate to your struggles with eating disorders. Kudos to you for having the courage to decide to change! You seem to have a lot of determination. I wish you lots of stength in your journey toward a healthier lifestyle!
Hi Jinx! Welcome to the gang... I'm pretty sure we have some purgers in our ranks, so you should find a kindred spirit here. Me, I'm just your average compulsive overeater and food sneaker, but when I was in high school I used to literally pray at night that God would make me anorexic or bulemic... so I know lots about those evil little voices in the back of your head. Thankfully I'm past THOSE thoughts, and just dealing with others...
I think here are a lot of kindred (right word?) spirits here. After all, the problems with food are the same if you are bulimic or a obsessive overeater or whatever....
My problem is more binge eating, but I had my head in the toilet as well...During the first 6-7 years of my ED I managed not to gain so much weight with starving/ fasting. 4 days nothing or 300 cal, 3 days bingeing....A doctor told me that would be bulimic as well, because bulimic means do actions to control your weight gain, not only purging.
I used to abuse laxatives. It was easy, I wasn't working, my kids were little. I'd binge and down a box. When I was passing blood and mucous and having awful pain. I went to the doctor in so much denial, never realizing that the laxatives were hurting me. I had a super low potassium count and abdominal inflammation.
I never lost much weight that way anyway so why did I do it?, I think it was the purigng that made me feel cleasned, I was getting rid of the enemy. I couldn't vomit, although I tried so this was easy for me.
Never again did I abuse laxatives. I just binge and deal with the anxiety depression and self loath.....
I am not in the same boat as you but am here for you all the same. I have an overeating problem but can't find it in myself to purge....I don't like to throw up even when I am sick. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor to lose weight in a healthier manner!
I used to be that way, but after the first few times, it got easier and easier. I'm so good at it now, I'll bet I could throw up at will (who needs epicac??), though I've never tried it. However, when I know I"m going to purge (while eating a meal), sometimes I'll feel nauseated before I even do it. It's crazy. One time after eating, I purged. And my hubby went to the bathroom right after me. When he came out, he asked me (he doesn't know about my eating disorder) "did you get sick?". I said no, and he dropped it. I was so afraid I'd been found out. Then sometimes, I think he suspects anyway. but he's a VERY thin person, the metabolism of a speeding bullet. He says, "just push back from the table, that's all the exercise you need". spoken like a true naturally thin person. that's like a healthy person telling a sick person (with say, a tumor) "ah! Just take a knife and cut it off. You'll be fine!" I get so mad at people who've never been over weight sometimes. THey are quick to judge a situation they have no personal experience in. They don't have a clue. But they can give us an ear full on how we should be handling our problem.
"I'm pulling my head out of my.... toilet!"
Welcome! I'm pretty new to the forum as well, but I find it very helpful, I hope you do too. I can definately relate to your struggles with eating disorders. Kudos to you for having the courage to decide to change! You seem to have a lot of determination. I wish you lots of stength in your journey toward a healthier lifestyle!
Yes, you're definitely in the right spot. 
Welcome to the gang... I'm pretty sure we have some purgers in our ranks, so you should find a kindred spirit here. Me, I'm just your average compulsive overeater and food sneaker, but when I was in high school I used to literally pray at night that God would make me anorexic or bulemic... so I know lots about those evil little voices in the back of your head. Thankfully I'm past THOSE thoughts, and just dealing with others...
