Cryan, I missed your first post here. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time with the eating. There's no easy answer.
I know it's tedious, but have you tried writing down your feelings when you eat? Sometimes we think there's nothing triggering a binge, but often we're not digging deep enough, you know?
Sending you a big hug ...

cryan- sorry you are having such a bad time! it is so hard to get back in control during a binge. keep giving it your best shot every day! you can do this!! i know what works for me bacause i am an organizer...i sit down when i am calm, and not hungry, and able to make rational choices about food and seriously think about what i am going to eat and when. i write it all down in detail, breakfast lunch dinner and snacks. i make good choices on paper, then i work hard the next day to follow the plan. that way i am totally in control of the whole thing. i still have days when i binge mind you, but i find it a whole lot easier to move forward the next day with a good plan ready to stick with all day. sending you big hugs!! good luck finding what works for you!

lealee- WELCOME BACK!! good job getting it all out!! i think your plan sounds great! restricting too much is never good. just take small steps you'll find your way!

catherine- i am so proud of you!! letting it out is so important! i know when i finally got the courage to tell my DH "hey man i have a serious problem with food" my world really started changing, i had a "cat's out of the bag now" feeling. i still struggle and fall but i find it so much easier to move forward now. i hope it get's easier for you really soon hang in there hon!!

hi harpo and ellis and all the rest of you brave beautiful chicks in this thread!!

Cryan313 I'm sorry you are struggling. And my advice to you is get on the scale, because sometimes that will knock bingeing right out of you. I know from personal experience when I gain from bingeing, it really motivates me to STOP bingeing. And whatever damage is done (I once gained 14 pounds in little over a week one time last year), you need to begin to undo it. And like ellis mentioned, write down your feelings, because there may be some underlying emotions that you are not aware of that may be causing the overeating.

Be strong today everyone!! I've got to go face the temptation of the dreaded funnel cake at the amusement park today, let alone the candy store. Boy, it's one time I'm happy that EVERYTHING edible there is WAY overpriced, that definitely helps with the temptation.

Hello ladies, well this is the first morning after confessing! I have already had a sausage and egg biscuit and a big bowl of my son's Trix. It is so nasty and sweet, I don't know how I ate it, how did I eat it as a child? I almost had a second bowl but I didn't. I got on here. The doctor has put me on Cymbalta. We will see how it works. MAny of my episodes happen during depressing times. Usually it all has to do with a feeling of self worth and the feeling of just not being good enough to the people around me. I have started a journel, I hope and pray I stick to it. Many of you sayt o keep track of things, I hope it works. I still have the headache that I have had for three days. I wish it would go away. They gave me morphine at the hospital the other night and a shot of something at the doctors office yesterday. It is still here.

Cryan, you can do it! God that is so easy to say, I know. Just keep telling yourself that, that is what I am tryin to do. I don't even want to look at a scale. It may help you though. So try it!

Harpo, Jodi and Ellis thank you so much for the support! I will get your names down eventually.

LeeLea, you have such a sense of humor and the strength to open up so well. You are an inspiration. I like what your son said. I wish it could be that eay too. My son tellls me, he knows I want to change jobs to get away from the temptation. He just thinks I am trying to lose weight. But then again he has this remarkable sense to understand the most complex things and he is only 11.

Well, I am going to go. Thanx a bunch to all of you!
Catherine

OK so yesterday sucked so bad that when i did my calories this morning I felt sick....(but kept right one eating yet ANOTHER snack cake for breakfast). My total calories for yesterday wat 2730!!!!! HOW did I let myself get that bad?? First it was wanting my favorite dinner...BBQ salad and munchos (D*mn those munchos) and then hubby forgot and bought me a Mountain Dew....No big deal I can eat half the salad and a few Munchos and half the soda and then safe the rest for tomorrow...but NOOO i had to eat to the point that i was so stuffed that my pants felt tight.. 3/4 of all of it..soda chips and salad. THEN had MORE freakin CHOCOLATE! grrrrrrrrrr i am mad at myself....I also DID NOT work out because my niece did not make it cheerleading so i had to comfort her (which should have been her MOMS job but NOO shee was too busy to drive the 20 minutes to the school at that point...she was NOT busy she was SHOPPING) and so i didnt' get on it then and she didn't come get her till around 6:30 and she stayed till hubby got home...then hubby asked for my help outside with the pool which took until 8 (enter overindulgent dinner here) then we watched American Idol (poor Elliot) then my Aunt comes over DRUNK and i have to deal with her!!!!!

All in all My Night SUCKED!!! I got up today and FORGOT to watch what I was eating (YES Forgot...how idiotic was that of me) so my breakfast consisted of a package of Devil Squares...but it will stop there today (or maybe after i finish the ohter 1/4 bag of munchos...)

I have to do some stuff to our pool because when we put it up it was fine but then once it was filled part of the side fell into a gopher hole and soooo that made our pool unlevel so i have to fix that today then tonight is Allys Preschool Graduation so i will be a basket case tonight...i don't want my baby girl growing up!! I am going to try my best to get in a workout today whether is is a denise austin DVD or the treadmill i used to love so much (i honestly LOVED my treadmill now i hate it)

Goals for today
Water only
1800 calories
Workout
No more *forgetting* I am watching my food intake
Staying accountable just as i did yesterday...i could have easily just let yesterday slide without making myself see how many calories i hoarded yesterday..

at this point I feel so lost in food and wanting to eat that i just don't see myself healthy again...and it felt SOOO good to be in control of my food and to look better and to be able to JOG and play with my kids without being breathless.....I am at the point of hating myself and i am scared to death it will lead to a purge since this is how I felt in January when I last Purged...I am scared and I am ashamed but I still sit here and wonder...."what will I eat today and how can i lie about it to make it look like a good choice"

Jodi thanks for the welcome back!! although with MY long posts im sure everyone wants me gone again lol!!!

Cryan...I agree with harpo...get on that scale I stayed off mine for 2 months and gained about 10 pounds and and now I am out of control completely, but seeing those numbers that were Flirting with my goal of 130 go up to 142 has made me want to get things back under control a bit now...whether or not i can is a different question

Catherine..I am editing this to add comment to you since we posted about the same time...My son is a fun one I love him to death!!! And yea I have a tendancy to open up...When i was 8 I hid my feelings and binged when i was 13 I discovered purging and still kept quiet...I met hubby at 17 and my fear of telling him stopped my Purging but not the Binging so now I have learned to get these thought OUT of my head so maybe they won't haunt me! A quote I once read while researching being an author (yes thats my dream i want to write a book....Romance since its one story that makes people feel good) anyway the quote was something like this......I write to empty my mind because without releasing the voices there I will go mad...not sure who said it but thats about how it went...so now I learn to just sit and type and let what words want out come out and if people get bored with the words they can stop reading but at least they are released from my head....good luck on all your struggles...i know i need all the luck I can get!!!

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. I am doing okay so far today. I ate breakfast before I got hungry, but I was afraid if I let myself get hungry I would go too far. I am starting today to journal every bite I eat, my physical state at the time, and my emotional state at the time. I think this will help. I got on the scale this morning. Only a one pound gain so far, but I am trying to prepare myself for that number to keep climbing over the next few days as my body catches up. I am starting back off slowly. My goals are less than 2000 calories a day and 20 minutes of excersise 6 days a week. I will slowly cut calories and add time to my workout as time goes on. Overall, I'm still upset that I allowed myself to get so far out of control, and physically my body is not happy with me right now. My stomach still hurts. I am very uncomfortable. But hey, these are consequences to my actions, huh!? I am feeling hopeful though. I think that the journaling will help. Thank you all so much again, for all the helpful advice and support!

~christie~

hi there & greetings from London! I've been lurking for more than a year but I never felt like posting til I found this board. I've been struggling with my weight/ eating habits since I was about 11. My lowest point was around 5 years ago, when I was eating at least 3000 calories a day of junk food, taking loads of laxatives and weighing about 190lbs. I've lost a lot of weight since then and my binges are more sporadic, but the comparatively slim body hides a mind that is still obsessed with food and petrified of losing control. At the moment I'm doing exams and I seem to have been replacing food with alcohol and cigs, but whatever I do eat is cr*p (yesterday: loads of french fries, beer and 2 chocolate bars, today so far: chocolate cake and packet of Frazzles - bacon flavoured chips). It's such a relief to read so many stories I identify with - nobody I know understands at all: my friends are either naturally skinny or else overweight and have a "what's your problem, you're thin" attitude.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading
Sara x

Hi Sara and welcome...I am right there with you on the people who think "you are skinny so why are you whining" for me I "whine" because if I lost control and did want i wanted I would be the next person on TV having to be cut out of there house and fork lifted to a hospital Not kidding here...I have been known to eat my way to 10 pounds heavier in a week...imagine if i never regained control when i was at that point...Its Scary...anyway no time for one of my usual long posts hehe...gotta get this family ready for my lil baby girls big night!

Kindergarten here we come!!! all you 3FC ladies please think of me tonight as i watch her sing her preschool songs and grow up faster than i want her too....I am gonna cry sooo hard

i was doing well until the urge hit me just now
cereal, peanut butter, and raw cookie dough are my vices

i feel sick. i want to purge SO badly but i can't i can't i CAN'T. it will help NOTHING. i can't gain more than a pound from this. tomorrow is a new day tomorrow is a new day tomorrow is a new day

edit.

i did the dumbest thing. i weighed myself with all the stuff in my stomach and it said 167. i completely panicked and boom...down the toilet it all went. i weighed myself again and i was down to 158
i spent at least an hour curled up in the fetal posistion on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out. i feel so horribly greedy, ill, and full of self hatred.

oh ginger i am so sorry that happened to you (((ginger))). it is an awful feeling to loose your control. i hope you are feeling a bit better now, tomorrow is a new day hon!! hang in there you can do this!!

lealee- it is so tough to watch them grow up!! enjoy the graduation!!

sara- welcome!!

cryan- great idea starting a journal, it really helps to get it all down on paper.

catherine- hope the headache goes away soon, baby steps girl you can do it!!

harpo- how was the funnel cake?? i want to hear about it in full technocolor detail girl!! seriously hope had a fun time today!!

thanks for the support, jodi
as crappy as i feel right now, it's times like these that really make recovery worthwhile

Catherine I hope you are having a better day today and no darn headache!!! Stay away from those Trix!! Silly rabbit . . .

Sharon Gosh, you and those snack cakes!! It's a never ending battle with those, isn't it? I hope you made it through your daughter's graduation!! I used to be a preschool teacher, and I was HYSTERICAL at their graduation ~ and I was only their teacher. I still tear up when I think about it.

Cryan I hate waiting for the binges to catch up; I know exactly how you feel. It always takes a few days for me to start gaining, so that's why sometimes my binges last 4 or 5 days. Good luck with your journaling.

Sara Welcome to the thread!!!! I hope that you were able to get off the laxatives. The physical damage that can be done with laxative abuse is irreparable and devastating (I don't mean to preach, but in case you didn't know). As you can see, not all of us are overweight, so don't let that scare you from posting or make you feel any less part of the group. Now, some of us chunky gals are jealous that you are thin, but no one holds it against anyone. We are all fighting the same battle.

gingerbread One thing I learned is DO NOT weigh myself after bingeing. Because then I definitely purge, and weigh myself again, and it's very encouraging and makes me feel triumphant, NOT the way I should feel after bingeing. I hope you feel better today. Hang in there

jodi You know I managed to avoid the funnel cake. I've never actually tried it before, so you know the craving factor wasn't there. But I did eat cotton candy and a sucker. The food lines were unbelieveably long, and there weren't any healthy options anyway, so I didn't eat until I came home and it was healthy. But I could have eaten anything because I walked around for 6 hours straight (well probably not that much, because I stood around in lines for quite a bit). And riding roller coasters has to burn calories, you know?

Okay, a small confession for me today. Now, yesterday was good. But on Wednesday, I had an XL Hershey bar and a pint of Snickers ice cream. But it was something I call a "controlled binge," meaning it didn't almost rip my stomach in two, and it was only those two things. I could have made some pasta or grilled cheese or gone to a fast food place to eat more, but I didn't.

Ackkk, lunch time girls!!! Let's all make healthy and wise food choices. Let's be kind to our bodies today.

Good luck everyone!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! I just had a bowl of popcorn with butter. And now I feel a MAJOR binge coming on! I want something sweet. Big. Like 10 chocolate bars. Or a bowl of icing. Oh, ****...

Hang in there Ellis, you don't need the chocolate.. you just feel bad, is it really worth that?

Wow, ellis, we are physically connected, because I had buttery popcorn today too!! That's all my brain has been focusing on today too: sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar. I actually think the word sugar over and over again. I then I give it a little rhythm. Sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugaaaarrrrr. Well, I gave into my craving though. Banana bread, chocolate, strawberry cookies, a brownie, a rice krispie treat, and corn bread in which I put sugar on top of. And I also had manicotti and pizza.

Well, I hope you avoided a binge, ellis. And if you didn't, we are ending it today!! I'm making you take an cyber blood oath with me.

I, harpo, hereby swear that I WILL NOT binge tomorrow.

Signed, harpo

Everyone else is welcome to sign the blood oath, but ellis has to whether she likes it or not