Hi Everyone...My name is Cindy...I just joined and this is my very first post! I am so thankful I found this site, I only wish I had found it sooner!
I am struggling so bad right now...I don't even know where to start. I am so out of control with my binging, and I can't seem to get it together. I was doing soooooo good for a period of 4 months...and then "BOOM", I lost it and I am binging EVERYDAY. At work, at home, and always in private. I am consuming so much that it is even blowing my mind. I tried to confide to a friend and she kinda blew it off...like it is ok to eat extra once in a while...so I refuse to tell anyone else...BUT... It is making me very depressed and I have had horrible thoughts and just can hardly take myself anymore.
I want to be able to go one day without binging....ACTUALLY, it would be a miracle if I could just go a few hours without eating everything in sight.
I am 35 years old and I have never been married and I blame myself because I am so fat. I weigh 303. This also discourages me. But, who knows what God has in store, right? lol.
Well, Thanks for letting me vent, I look forward to getting to know all of you!
First off Cindy
Welcome!!!!!!
I am so glad you found us!
You will find alot of support and friends here
I am fighting the urge to not binge any more
its hard I was doing so good too
Lets help each other I am trying so hard to get under 300
Its very frustrating
sandi
Hello, Cindy, welcome to our little group here. Your post reminds me a lot of my frame of mind when I finally made the decision to change my life. I was right around your weight, bingeing 5-6 times a week, multiple times a day. It was unbelievable the amount of food I was consuming.
It's so hard for people who do not struggle with an ED to understand what we are going through, and that is why your friend probably blew you off.
Your first step will be to go a day without bingeing. When I first started my lifestyle change, I gave up bingeing cold turkey. I did exceptionally well the first few months, lost a ton of weight, and then the bingeing urges slowly started to rear their ugly heads once again. I am now severely struggling once again, but now I'm over 120 pounds lighter. I started exercising as well which actually does help with appetite control and it's a critical part of weight loss.
I always suggest to fellow bingers to write down their feelings before and after a binge. The feelings you have before the binge are your emotional triggers. Also write down your favorite/most common binge foods to help identify any food triggers you may have. My triggers are unfortunately ANYTHING not on my program. Whatever you did those 4 months you didn't binge is what you need to go back to. Did something big trigger your relapse?
Have you thought about what kind of diet you would like to follow? I'm following my own plan I conjured up from reading a plethora of diet and nutrition books. I can help you with a plan; don't hesitate to pummel me with questions.
Don't be shy. We all understand what you are going through. I unfortunately had a binge day myself. Make yourself at home.
harpo it's good to read a success story. i've struggled with bingeing. i write a journal daily now to try and get emotions out of me and onto paper so they are not so destructive. i'm not sure i'm sufficiently conscious of my bingeing to write before and after but i can see if i got into the discipline of doing it that it would be good. of course if i had any discipline or structure the whole thing wouldn't happen anyway.
i am fighting hard to avoid bingeing now. part of me says hang on to the goal and get slim and fit and energised. the rest of my goes who cares? it's not a big deal, one more day won't hurt.
what was your turning point harpo that made you go cold turkey and stick with it?
Hi There!
I'm still new to this site, and new to admitting I have a binging problem. (I could tell you some pretty scary stories about how I would hide to avoid people knowing!)
In fact, yesterday was the first day I really admitted I had a problem. I joined this site to learn more about WW and dieting. But I stumpled across this forum and realized I have a bigger problem than that. Food controls my life.
I don't have any real advice for you, as this is still new to me. But I wanted to let you know taht you are not alone, there are many people here to support you and talk to you. Heck, this site even helped me to prevent a binge yesterday!! (I'm pretty darn proud of that!)
Cindy, welcome!!
You'll find lots of great support here.
Harpo's advice is right on. So many of us adopt a defeatist attitude. "I've cheated every day for months, and I can't stop."
Well, we CAN break that cycle! You're capable of doing it, and once you realize you can get through an entire day without binging, you'll know you're capable of so much more.
what was your turning point harpo that made you go cold turkey and stick with it?
Turning point, turning point . . . hmmm, I'm not sure if I had an epiphany or a moment of clarity or anything like that, but I guess it was a realization of the sheer irrationality of my lifestyle.
My life was a mess. I was over 300 pounds, and I despised it like it was a spawn from ****. I showered in complete darkness because I was so ashamed of my body. I was bingeing almost every day and many times a day at that. I was gaining weight because my 26's that had always been loose were getting tighter and tighter. I didn't care at the time about gaining weight because I rationalized that I'm going on a diet soon and need to get in as many farewell meals as I possibly can. I had sleep apnea and severe acid reflux. It physically hurt to lay on my back. I didn't give a damn about what I looked like; I had 4 raggedy t shirts (2 were men's shirts) and 2 pairs of jeans that still fit. I was borderline agoraphobic: if there were too many cars in the parking lot at any certain place, I would not step foot in it. I usually only went about to run errands after the sun went down and the crowds thinned out. I barely could fit in the bathtub, and if I had to take a bath, I barely could lift myself out of the bathtub. I was afraid every chair I sat on would break. I couldn't fit into the movie theater seat without it pinching and squashing my sides. The back seatbelt in my mom's car no longer fit me, so sometimes I had to travel on interstates without a seat belt on and that was terrifying to me. I was incredibly out of shape. The slightest physical exertion would rob me of my breath. I would get out of breath from toweling off after a shower (I'd actually start sweating from this), getting up off the floor, pulling the covers over my enormous body LYING in bed, walking up the stairs, walking across a parking lot, trying on clothes (this was a rarity anyway), and bending underneath a table to pick something up. When I went out in public, I thought everyone was staring at me and judging me. I hated what I had let myself become.
I had planned to make 2005 the year to begin to diet, but I was nannying my nephew at my sister's house, and like I mentioned before, it was full of horrible junk food that I couldn't resist. I tried to begin exercising over there a bit, but I didn't stick with it. I used being at her house as my excuse for not going on my diet. Since she worked for the school system, she had the summer off, so by when June rolled around, I had finally run out of excuses and finally decided to get serious.
I was super focused and determined, and that momentum stayed with me for the first few months, and then I slowly began to slip back into the bingeing. My birthday was in September, and I binged on that day, and then Halloween came around. I think the holidays really let me fall back into the habit. But the rest of that story is yet to be told, so I'm stopping here. I can't recall how long it took me to slip after I started. I'm pretty sure I was completely binge free for at least a couple of months.
Since I have lost weight, I assume the cold turkey approach worked. If I seriously recomitted and refocused, cold turkey probably would work again. But I'm struggling again right now, and it reminds me of before when I started. Although my binges are healthier and smaller, and now I exercise, so I don't gain an awful amount of weight. So I have made progress.
Okay, that's my unfinished story. I hope I can end it with : And I lived happily binge-free ever after . . .
it's a great story harpo. i looked at your pictures and you look really good at your current weight. everything looks in proportion. i'd be proud to look that good in jeans. i think i'm a similar weight to you but i have a big BIG belly. someone asked me if i was pregnant and even that wasn't enough to propel me to lose weight.
i've stopped caring. plus i'm in denial about my size. every now and then i see myself as i really am and i think dang girl you gotta take care of that. most of the time i think i'm just a bit overweight when i am very overweight. i was over 200# when i got diagnosed prediabetic and that spurred me to lose weight. i lost 22# but since then i've been up and down in the same range. part of me has lost hope that things will get better so i like reading about people who have overcome everything.
my bingeing is not as bad as it was in the past. i have fewer major major binges. more i am overeating in general with some bingeing and smaller binges but still not good.
sometimes when i can't fit my clothes and can't find anything in the shops i swear to diet. or when i have no energy (which is prety much all the time) or when i think i might like to go dating or for big events like my 40th (very soon) or speech comps or whatever. it doesn't stick though which is why i like to look at the turning points for other people and try and find the things that will turn it around for me.
i love that farewell eating. i am soooooo good at that. also the one more won't matter. and the i'll go for a walk later to burn it off
Thanks sweet pea!! I get that a lot . . . in proportion, but I like that paticular compliment! I gain and lose weight all over. That's why I think I carried/carry it well. No one ever believes I once weighed over 300. I ran into an old friend from high school, and I said, "Well, I was over 270 when we graduated" And she said: "I just don't remember you that heavy."
I buy Mossimo jeans from Target and they fit divinely. I get complimented on them all of the time. I think the jeans have a lot to do with it.
I don't think you stopped caring. I don't think you would be on here looking for support and understanding if you stopped caring. Maybe you are in denial about caring, but I think you do. Hey, and if you are around my weight, we're not THAT big, you know? Overweight, yes, but not whales!!
The great thing I've heard about entering a new decade is that women will say: "I want to be fitter in my 40's than I was in my 30's!!" I think that's great motivation. Have you thought about that?
Hey girls, this is my first "real" post, I was just looking for the right place to put it, and it seems that I've found it. So it's normal for my to be full of self pity, but not do anything about it? Because that's me latley, I've joined curves, and did so well the first two weeks, and then my kids got sick and my school work piled up, and conviently seemed to not have time for it anymore. I sit here crying about how I look, with a diet soda and a bag of chips in my hand. I try, but I fail, and I think it's because I try with no effort. If I could afford to go on expensive diets, and hire a personal trainer trust me I would, only because I need that extra kick in the butt. I feel so hopeless some times, and I just wish I could make myself give the effort. I postponed my wedding beacuse I didn't want to be a fat bride, but even this hasn't got me off my butt. I'm using the excuse that I don't have a sitter for my kids, but now that I think about it, that's a bunch of bs, I know I can find some one to watch them for an hour 3 times a week. Someone wanna help me? How do I stop bingeing? How do I get off my butt and do something? How do I start to care enough to get there? ANyone willing to kick me in the ***?
jenn,
i think we all have been, or are still where you are. you aren't alone! you want to do something that it the first step! start small, just pick one thing and make a change. the whole big picture is sometimes too overwhelming to deal with. make one small commitment to do something positive and just build on it. you don't have to go on an expensive plan or get a trainer, you just need to find that little voice inside you and listen to it. you have to want to do it, you can do it! it isn't easy or fun but it is possible! i am so glad you found these boards they are full of some very amazing people with tons of good advice. we are all here to support you!! i wish you the best of luck!!
Hi Cindy, (I'm Cindy too)...I can totally relate to you! I am also a binger, and I too binge in private. I didn't realize I had a problem until I realized that that is the true sign of an addict! I wish you all the luck in the world!
Thank You...Thank You...Thank You Everyone! I already feel some relief just knowing how many people are actually going through the same thing. I have been praying day and night, day and night...and it has been helping. I just need to really just gain a sense of hope that I will be able to gain control again.
Out of control-Ready to give up!
So many of us adopt a defeatist attitude. "I've cheated every day for months, and I can't stop." 
