Xfudge - welcome to the thread. I hope that this will help reach your goals. You are only 14. Please go see a therapist. There are several people on these boards who have much more experience in this type of thing than I do so I am urging you to please seek out some professional help along with this forum!!

I had a pretty good weekend - everything felt very much in control and I did not binge or purge.

I'm a little worried about tonight - DH and I are going to a NCAA watching party...lots of food...lots of good food...need to stay close to the vegetable tray!

Wish me luck!

ive struggled with bulimia since i was 14. its not your typical case though. will go through phases where i binge and binge and i just dont purge at all and then i will go through phases wheere i b/p every day. the thing is ive never really struggle with the fact that i am. the only thing ive ever really hated about it is that i feel so depressed right after i purge.
i just cant eat normal amounts of food. i try but i dont get full. i think its more of an emotional fulfillment.

but the feeling of being full makes me feel unlcean when i do get full.

i think ive suffered from every eating disorder under the sun really though. i grew up in a household where my grandmother raised me and she was a total health nut. you would think i would have developed a healthy relationship with food because of this but i didnt. as soon as i was allowed to make my own food choices in middle school i started getting out of hadn. i fell inlove with junk food. '

im at the point now where i would like to get thin without the means of purging. i just wish i could stop the binging.

Hi Sil, I'm happy you recognized that what you are doing isn't healthy. I need to give you dire advice: Stay the **** away from the laxatives!!! Stop them right away. Before you know it, you'll be taking 50 a day, and then you'll end up in the hospital with irreparable damage to your digestive tract and hooked up to a colostomy bag. Some laxative abusers never recover normal bowel function. This is the most dangerous form of bulimia, and many people have died. And throwing up isn't any better and can kill you as well. The longer you wait to get help, the harder it is. I'm a great example of this: almost 8 years and still seriously suffering from eating disorders. I wish I had recognized the dangers earlier, because I know it would have been easier to stop the cycle soon after it began.

If you are up for it, seek counseling. Or at least tell someone close about it (I'm currently working on this). Since you just started, and you know it's bad, you may be fully capable of getting over it yourself. You just want this to be a phase, not a lifelong struggle. It's either you get over it now, or suffer in **** for the rest of your life.

HarpoChicoGroucho
Thank you for your advice and concern!
I new that throwing up would become a problem for me in the long run but it just seemed like the easy way to loose weight.
The laxitive conclusion I did not no at all!
I promise you I will do my best to fix what I have messed up before its to late and I am to addicted.
Thank you again.

I hope you all don't mind if I jump on in here.

My bulimia started shortly after I turned 16. Started with the abuse of laxatives, and then throwing up.

Anyhow, I'd go through periods of months were all I would is binge and purge. After awhile it got very exhausting, and then all I would do is binge, and then after a couple of months of just binging, I would go back to binging and purging. It was just a cycle like that.

When I first joined here I thought about all that I had done (with the purging and all), and I thought that it was something that I have recovered from, however now I'm not entirely sure that I'm not still just stuck in that cycle.

I hadn't really done it like I had before since about last May. Since then, I had just been in binge-I-really-don't-care-anymore mode. In the last 8 months, I have purged, but maybe 5 times tops. The last time I had done it was this last January.

However I just feel that I have been stuck in that binge cycle.

Anyhow, more-so to my point, I decided this Monday that I wanted to start trying to lose weight again (binge mode - don't particularly care about weight and won't weigh myself). This is something I really want to do the healthy way, however I haven't.

I noticed that I'm afraid to go above x amount of calories for fear that it's going to start a binge/purge cycle. I'm afraid to have a variety of foods for fear that I'm not going to be able to stop. However I do know that if I continue going the way I'm going, it'll have a greater chance of happening. I weighed myself for the first time in about 8 months on Monday (4/24). This is day #3 for me, and I have already weighed myself about 4 or 5 times, when I told myself I was going to limit my weigh-in's to once a week, 2 tops (and the scale pretty much determines the type of day I'm going to have).

I just feel so out of the loop, and I don't know which direction to take. I've already had one of my spastic moments where I don't know whether to binge, eat normal, or continue trying to eat as little as I can. In the past I have actually just started bawling my eyes out because I didn't know whether to eat or not, and I absolutely hate when that happens, and I feel like I'm starting to reach that point so soon.

I guess I just feel kind of confused and frustrated.