I know exactly how you feel. I've had many of the exact same thoughts you have. Being overweight, our primary defense is to not think about it and not let it bother us. But in denying the fact that it does bother us, and it hurts to not feel good in our bodies and happy with the way we look, we are actually perpetuating the cravings that drive us to want to eat in the first place. It's very hard to acknowledge our feelings, but it's really the only way to stop the emotional eating. I am in the midst of this process now - finding it really hard at times to not use food as a numbing agent. I still emotionally eat, but with much more control...
Aside from accepting our feelings and working through them proactively, it's also important to treat yourself with compassion and understanding. I tend to be a very demanding, all or nothing, black and white type of person. This, I realize has been my biggest downfall in terms of controlling my weight. I have so many preconcieved ideas about how I should eat and act...so today when I had popcorn at the movies, it's been hard not to berate myself as I think "an overweight person should not be eating movie popcorn." But I know that getting down on myself will only push me to want to numb the self inflicted pain - and food is often the easiest way to do that.
I find that keeping a food journal every day - even on the bad days really helps. Today I'm trying to talk myself out of feeling bad about the popcorn, but writing it down and estimating my calorie consumption, seeing that I have not gone over my calorie range, provides me with great comfort - and is a good replacement for food. I know how simple this sounds, and how hard it is to do. It's taken me years and years of desparation, hard core diets, and failures to finally be able to stick with a food diary - and do it honestly, even if that mean accepting that I've gone over my calorie range.
I also highly reccommend seeing a nutrition therapist - one who specializes in eating disorders. Most people eat emotionally, but when it puts you at an unhealthy weight and leads to the kinds of thoughts you have, a qualified professional can really help you work through wat you need to in order to get it under control...and do what you need to do to be happy with yourself.
Please try not to let the desparation and sadness get the best of you. It's a battle but if you persist, you can and will win. Remember that you didn't gain all the weight in a day, and won't lose it all that fast either. And most importantly...don't let your pain get the best of you. Yes, it is important to feel good about your appearance, but you have to live your life and make sure you do the things that matter most to you. Volunteer work with charaties makes me realize sometimes how miniscule my problems with my weight really are - and I'll often feel shallow and meaniningless when I dwell on it too much. Yes, I acknowledge the daily heartache, but realize that it's only one small aspect of my life.
Think about what you want to read in your obituary - "she was a kind and generous person who made an impact on the world, helped others and made her community a better place." Or "she was thin and pretty."
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Feeling Down
