[WazzuGirl]

How is binging defined? I mean...does it have to be eating until you explode or just eating junk food for an extended period of time? My sister and I were talking about this and I told her that I've had it with my binging episodes...I'm so tired of giving in and constantly craving junk. I started telling her what I do when I binge and she said, "I don't know if I'd call that binging, maybe just bad eating habits." She then proceeded to say "well, if it makes you feel guilty then it probably is binging." The reason she was saying this is because I don't necessarily eat a whole pan of brownies but I will have maybe 3 or 4 at night and fast food for lunch, no water for several days, lots of pop etc...I'll do this for 3-4 weeks at a time and by then, I'm usually so drained because of severe lack of nutrition. I'm not trying to get hung up on the term, I was just curious if there is an actual definition.

I don't belong to OA but maybe I should think about joining. I've been doing great since last Tuesday. I actually turned down pizza tonight with my dad. I'm thinking this self-hypnosis CD may be working. I haven't felt the cravings at all for junk, which is actually very hard for me to get used to.

For some reason I just really feel a need to talk to you guys about what goes through my mind when I'm feeling an "attack" come on. For starters, it literally happens over night. I don't know what sets me off. For some reason I'll just wake up and it's all over. I feel a sense of anger and rebellion when I'm eating "bad" food. My self-talk goes something like, "Oh yeah, who are you to tell me I can't have Taco Bell every day, I'll eat it 2 times today if I want to!" And sometimes I will have fast food for lunch and dinner. Same with sugar, "I'll eat 10 cookies if I want to, you can't make me not do this, I'll show you!!" I don't know who or what I'm mad at, but I just feel rebellious and angry when I get this way. I'm sure the self-talk for people may be different, I just really felt the need to talk about this since I don't belong to a group yet.

Ok...thanks for letting me vent.

[Blessed and Free]

***Food Mentioned***

Wow! Thanks for the sharing WazzuGirl. I am a memeber of OA and you know what, it doesn't hurt to go to a meeting and check it out, just to see. We actually have a saying at one of my meeting that goes like this
"Go to 6 meetings and if you don't likewhat we have we will gladely refund your misery."
I would strongly suggest though if you do consider attending a meeting to try to hit one for Newcomers. Really informational.
For me, binging is "wanting more" and it doesn't have to be more of what I started to eat. I can switch from one item to another and go on and on...grazing all day. I was a big sweets and salty fan, eating popcorn and m-n-m's at the same time. Oh and chocolate was a HUGE downfall for me, I seriously didn't think I could go a day without it.
Once I started working my program abstinently, I have to admitt the sugar withdrawls were suprising (you mean you can have them??). I have a list of bing list of foods that I just don't eat and if I decide to take my will back and eat any of them then it's a break in my abstinence (that's just how it works for me). I haven't had chocolate or popcorn or soda (and many other items) for over 2 years now. Heck, if I can do it, anyone can (if you want it bad enough).
I try to look at it like this - is what I am about to consume for the intended purpose of nurshing or sustaining me? If not, I don't need to put it in my mouth. I'd be more than happy to send you a list of my bing foods if you would like, to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. Maybe you can relate.
I will keep you in my prayers as you go through this difficult time, looking for answers and questioning.

[WazzuGirl]

Steph,

That is amazing! 2 years! I'm working on getting to that point of not feeling like I'm being deprived if I can't have junk food. I was very thin when I was younger until I got preggo when I was 20. I literally could eat anything I wanted to and I DID. I grew up with terrible eating habits and trying to unlearn everything after 28 years is hard. Abstinence sounds difficult to me, I'm not sure I could totally eliminate something forever. Does OA require you to abstain from certain foods or is it just an option?

[Blessed and Free]

Fist, you'll be encourage to get a sponsor ("someone who has what you want to help you work the steps"). Abstinence is different for everyone. You are not required to do anything, actually the only requirement to be a memeber is the desire to stop eating compulsively. It is very difficult (speaking for myslef) to switch from unhealthy eating habits to healthy...it wasn't an overnight thing for me....I'm still progressing. Oh God, I didn't think I could survive without eating chocolate. The key is that it's only for 24 hours. When I started to think in those terms it was a little simpler to take. Not, I can NEVER have chocolate again, only for these 24 hours. Then all of those hours added up, and I've been relieved (for today at least) from the desire to eat any of my bing foods. Food thoughts still come to me, but they are not as intense as before, more fleating like "oh that looks nice" not "I want it, I need it and I want more of it until it's all gone".
You can also check out OA's website at www.oa.org They have some pretty cool articles and links (you can find a meeting).
Good luck!