I agree with funniegrrl that you are on a slippery slope. Who knows what event may turn it from just thinking about doing something to actually doing it. Kinda like when folks know they want to lose weight and think about dieting for a couple weeks or months before they actually start some program to lose weight.
What you could do is to force another thought into your head when you hear yourself thinking about removing food from your body...... force yourself to repeat some scripted thought like " A good way to burn these calories is by walking, swimming, jogging, cycling (whatever activity you like best) and that will give me a lean, strong and healthy body."
It worked for me. I've lost 95 lbs and kept it off now for almost a year.
Sometimes it's almost natural to think of a quicker and easier way to solve our problems. Maybe you are just wishing there was an easier way to weight loss/body management than eating nutritious foods and exercising for health. From all I've learned about ED is that it starts as one small event and snowballs until it controls your thoughts and your life. You might have the beginnings of an ED since it is already in your thoughts, maybe from choice or from hearing it from friends or the media. I also agree with funniegrrl that exploring your thoughts with a therapist would be very helpful.
There are local groups of ANRED (anorexia nervosa and related eating disorders) in many towns with free meetings and there are counselors available. It would be so much wiser to nip it in the bud than give any more time and personal power over to these thoughts. There is also a free group called Overeaters Anonymous where they deal with the thoughts behind the disorder.
I do admire your candor with your boyfriend. One big component of any eating disorder is secrecy. Keep being open with your thoughts. But there may be people with more experience in weight issues to discuss your thoughts with other than your boyfriend, no matter how loving and supportive my hubby is - he isn't the one I go to for help with my weight/food issues. There are a lot of helpful folks on this site, but sometimes sitting with a group of real people and being among folks with some of the same issues is very helpful too. You don't sign up for a lifetime either, you go for as long as you feel you need to for help resolving an issue that has you stumped on your own. It has helped me through some tough times to readjust my thinking when it strays into unhealthy areas.
We all get unhealthy thoughts now and then, it's very wise of you to take it seriously and ask for opinions to help you to decide what your next steps should be to resolving it.
I admire you for that. You Go Girl !!!!!!
Allie
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