Hellllllllllllo girls! How is everyone? I'm doing pretty well, drinking some hot cocoa and watching a movie on lifetime. It's very dark out today and it's going to rain any minute. Surprinsly enough, I like it! The temperature is rather cool and windy, so it reminds me of all those scary movie scenes!! Thank goodness tommorow is Friday, it's been a rather long week. Tommorow i'm meeting my new therapist for the first time, so I'm sorta looking forward to that. My psychiatrist upped my prozac to 60mg, stating that I at least need 60mg to control my OCD. I DID however find out that there is a therapist where I live that specializes in ED so I'm calling them tommorow. The therapy that I get now is free and I know if I go to this place I will pay out the wazoo, but it's definetly worth it. I realize I need special and in depth therapy and I'm willing to do what it takes.
Congrats Kat for being co-mod! Totally awesome!! I'll send you some of my hot cocoa and some chicken noodle soup for you cold!
Chris- Your very welcome! I'm super happy your pulling through this, and I'm proud of you! Kudos for saying a prayer last night and not giving into those urges. I'm sorry you can't make your trip but everything has a way of working out... Just have faith
Tracy-Kudos for getting your veggies!!! I know you can pull through this, I guess we all are going to have bad days to go through. But you'll realize your greatest strengths on those days! I'll say a prayer for you tonight
Jennelle-How is your journaling coming along? I could never do that, i write way too much at work. My index finger permanately has a knot on it!
Hey to Christy, CeeJay, Anna, Linoleum, Skippy, Michelle.... how are you guys?? Let us know!
Well i'm off for now, I have a date with my couch
God Bless
Vanessa
Hi to all
I'm finally back home. Even been to work 3 days. My foot is doing well after surgery. Still have some swelling but I have to remember that the doctor had to break 2 toes to correct the problems.
I' ve started having some back problems after I went back to work and I thought it felt like mucsle spasms--due to the way I've been having to walk. I' ve been giving into my sore foot. The first day back I had to get a chemistry problem solved and that meant several trips up and down stairs to the chemical building and out to the clarifiers. So I made trip to my regular doctor today and he 's thinking on my terms
Kat--Congratulations on being co-mod.
Jennelle--I've often thought that if I had some other medical problem's other than the thyroid problem that I would take things more seriously. I honestly blame my thyroid for my weight gain. My doctor commented this morning that he couldn't figure out why I had gained so much weight--He said you were not this big when you worked for me. Maybe I need to go back to work there. When I weighed at home I'd lost down to 178. My last doc's visit was 188 lbs. I need to follow my uncle's diet--no sugar and limit my carbs. He's a diabetic. I didn't take one fluid pill while I was at their home.
Chris--So glad you had a good retreat. I hope you can use you plane ticket another time.
Vanessa--Good for you on getting help. The first 2 weeks after my surgery I took 15 miligrams of valium and I didn't know I was in the world. I honestly feel that I should have something to control my emotions/nerves. My uncles home is so relaxing to me. They live in the country. While there I could just look outside all day long to a beautiful view. A couple of times I saw around 15 turkey in the backyard and one day I saw two young deer with a baby deer. They were almost at his back door.
Vanessa - I journal on the computer, so sometimes my knuckles get sore from typing, but that's about it!
The journaling has really given me an opportunity to step back and collect data and look objectively at the problem, just like I would if I were trying to figure out how to teach a particular student. This week is about journaliing everything. At the end of the week, I will look back and see if I can pinpoint any patterns. I'll also find my good choices and my not-so-good choices, and devise a plan to start having more and more good choices and fewer and fewer not-so-good choices. It all feels very analytical and safe to me.
Well, I'm in detox mode today - the "good" candy is gone. I know and I read all the time about how important journaling is, particularly logging your food - but I'm resisting it. More ugliness than I want to face.
Hey girls! TGIF! This is going to be sorta short because my labtop has shutdown twice and the third time I tried to post I accidently hit the back button. Anyways, my therapy session went well, my new therapist seems really nice. I learned that she had some issues with food also, so that's kinda cool that she knows where I'm coming from. My first assignment is to journal daily!! How weird is that!? I'm searching for an ED support group in my area as I type, she feels I need some face to face support also. It's dark and rainy here, a perfect fall day.. I would give anything to have a big log cabin and a fireplace right now....along with Patrick Swayze. LOL I'll settle with my electric blanket for now
Ceejay-Your description of your uncle's place sounds beautiful, sorta like my home in KY. Deers are like dogs at home, it's not unusual to see 5 of them in your yard in the morning. So you experienced the effects of a Valium?? LOL My patients abuse those and Xanax alot, just to get a little buzz. Sad, but true. They are a CNS depressant which slows your central nervous system down, thus that "i don't care" feeling.
Tracy-Hey girl! How are you and DH? I'm glad your good candy is gone, if that makes you stay OP then that's cool. I don't buy halloween candy either, just because of the "comfort food" nostalgic feeling. Though I do take a liking to candy corn!
Jennelle-Hey fellow journaler! I def. can type faster than writing also, and I'm not the neatest handwriter either! I guess I will have to write in my journal daily which is a new thing for me, so I think it will be a good thing for me to experience. If I can remember. LOL
Anna, Christy, Chris, Linoleum, Michelle, Skippy, Kat-----> How are you guys? I'm thinking about you!
I'm a little tired, I think the weather is making me sleepy. I hope everyone is doing great and my thoughts are with you!
Love
vanessa
Vanessa, That's great your first session went well! What type of ED support group are you looking for? A 12 step like OA or something different? BTW, I've seen Patrick Swayze in person and he is still smokin' hot!
Tracy, why not just do one part of journaling at first. Like a daily 5 minute scribbly in a book? Then slowly build up to writing more and more, including your food. One Day At a Time.
Jennelle, awesome job journaling. I've journaled on and off since I was 11 - well over 25 journals I have filled up. This week I've been lazy and haven't written in my journal. I really want to do it daily, so I better jump back on the horse.
Ceejay, glad you are back home! Hope your back feels better.
My cold is finally gone. Time to get back to working out, etc...
Not sure if I have shared here that I am having some minor fertility issues. My luteal phase (time between ovulation and Auntie Flo) is too short to sustain a pregnancy. It is supposedly pretty easy to fix, so I have been trying the past month to work on it naturally. So we will see. I have to take it ODAT because otherwise my head would be going nuts over it.
Our belief in a Higher Power, in the force of good, becomes stronger
as we act on it. Until we are willing to trust the God of our
understanding for guidance and support in specific instances, our
belief is abstract and untried. It is when we earnestly seek to know
our Higher Power's will for us in a concrete situation, and then act
accordingly, that our trust becomes solid.
Frequently, we are not willing to make a leap of faith and rely on a
Power greater than ourselves until we have exhausted our own
resources and hit bottom. Then, because we have nowhere else to
turn, we turn to the God of our understanding.
At that point of desperation, many of us have received new strength
and support. We look back and remember how our Higher Power came
through for us in the past when we had the courage to act with faith
and trust. We will act again, according to our inner guidance, and
our belief will grow stronger.
*
Today, the process of coming to believe continues for me as I take
concrete action based on my understanding of my Higher Power's will
for me.
Hey ladies! Just a quickie before I head to bed. I went out on a date tonight and had a great great time. I went and seen the Village for the second time, but the weather was perfect, chilly and dark out, with the fall leaves on the ground.
Kat-Well, my therapist wanted me to just look for any ED support group, but I guess for me specifically, it would be a recovering anorexic support group. Not a lot around here in the hills of Wva!! Wow, you've seen Patrick Swayzer in person?!? Where at, when, etc, etc, etc!!! LOL I've been in love with him since the 2nd grade! I'm glad your cold is better, they seem to linger on and on this time of year. I hope your fertility issues work out, which I know they will. I guess the timing has to be right, but hey, it's always good to practice! LOL I'll say a prayer for you tonight
Hey to all my other gals! I hope everyone's weekend is going well, please post so I know your doing ok!
Love
Vanessa
Well I think Kat gave me her cold because I have been in sinus headache, drippy nose ****. DH and I went and saw "The Forgotten" this weekend. Good flick, could have been an X-File
Just checking in , I hope to hit the 1600 meeting today. Still not quite ready to put down my fork, but all my food is staying in. ODAT.
Chris
Chris, eep! Feel better! This weekend I am finally feeling 100% better. A speedy recovery to you.
Vanessa, I am envious of your fall leaves. That's my favorite season but we don't get it here in So Cal. Well, in January some leaves change and that is nice, but definitely not the same. DH and I are going to Julian, CA for our wedding anniversary in November. We went there our first anniversary and it was very fall-like down there. Very New England-like (where I am from). So I'm psyched for that.
Today I am cleaning and food shopping. My place is a bit crazy looking right now, so I want to tidy up.
Oh Vanessa, it's supposed to be peak leaf in the mountains near us, but I don't guess we'll get to go - I'd hoped to take a day trip up, but DH had other things going on and it would've been too crowded on the parkway on the weekend anyway. Gosh, I'd love to take the kids up one day during the week. Maybe I'll think on that.
Well, Kat - I did a little journaling last night. Stuff about not using these self-destructing behaviors to isolate myself, blah blah blah. I'll BBL
I had to cut that last one short because of DS. Anyway - I also wanted to tell you Kat that I'm thinking of you, and I'm glad you were able to identify the problem. What is the remedy?
Chris - remember Jennelle's saying, "Live for today and F*** tomorrow"? I'll add to that - F*** yesterday, too. Be kind to yourself today, because you're so worthy of love. You're one of the most loveable people I know.
Love and hugs to everyone - Ceejay, Vanessa, Christy, Lin, Sandi, Skippy, Michelle, Anna Banana.
Hey ladies I hope everyone is doing great, it is a Monday!! Right now it's really gloomy out and it's raining.. One of those afternoons where you don't want to do anything except sleep or just cuddle on the couch. So it looks like I have a date tonight...with my couch of course My first day of journaling went well, I just have to write down what I am feeling at the exact moment. Otherwise, I'll think about what I am feeling which opens up 1000 different thoughts, etc, etc, etc. I wrote down that I wanted to have balance in my life, but would I have to give up my control to have that? I guess I have to accept that I simply can't control every aspect of my life nor can I save the world. ODAT and screw yesterday! Right on Tracy!
Tracy-How are things in South Carolina and with your DH?
Kat-I'll gladly send you some of the leaves! I wander if my webcam can stretch outside. Hmmmm.. How's everything in LA?
Chris-The Forgotten was awesome!! There was some moments that I totally did not except in that movie, like the woman getting sucked up into the air. I'm going to see the Grudge this weekend, have you seen the previews?
I think I'll watch the Exorcist in a bit, I'm on this "scary" movie thing this week, maybe it's the weather, or just my evil, demonic side LOL
Much love to everyone!!
Vanessa
Vanessa, it's raining here, too, actually. I am loving it, since I haven't seen rain for several months now. And yay for both you and Tracy for journaling! I journaled last night, too, so yay for me too.
Going to a movie screening tonight with a friend. That Ben Affleck holiday movie.
Oh, and Vanessa, I saw Patrick Swayze at the Donnie Darko premiere. My husband worked for the company that distributed it. My jaw dropped when I saw how hot he still is. Brought back lovely Dirty Dancing memories.
I'll send you some of my hot cocoa and some chicken noodle soup for you cold!
I am loving it, since I haven't seen rain for several months now. And yay for both you and Tracy for journaling! 
I journaled last night, too, so yay for me too. 
