*holds hand out to help Chris pick herself up off the curb....*

I don't have any words of advice today. I'm just relying on faith and trying to be happy with what I've been given at the moment. It sounds like inner peace, but it's not....just more like introspection.

My 20 year high school reunion is in June, and I've been thinking quite a bit about it lately. I'm definitely going, as I wasn't able to attend my 10th. There is one person I alternately hope to see and hope I don't see. It's going to bring back a lot of "coulda woulda shoulda." It's one of those situations...If I knew now what I didn't know then...I sometimes feel like I squandered those years because I was too worried about what I looked like rather than who I really was. There are a lot of things I could have done (or not done) but I didn't have the self-esteem to do them. It's more than just body image...I mean, there were a lot of things that were done to me that were beyond my control. But I have to remember that you can't necessarily apply the wisdome of years lived to things that happened in the past. I just didn't KNOW then.

Hmmmm. This seems like a pretty cryptic post to me. I've learned, though, that someone usually understands when you least expect it.

We love you, Chris!

Oh Jennelle - I do completely understand. You're speaking my language. I've become a little more content with where I am, knowing it was in HP's plan for me, but not squandering the rest of my life due to my food obsession and insecurities from my past is what I'm trying to focus on now.

Chris - I'm so sorry you had a crappy day - unload it all on HP - then on us!! We're here to support you!

My goodness, where is everyone?

I just got back home. Today was my first day of summer school but I took it off. Needed a mental rest day.

I'll check in more later. Chris, I hope you're OK.

Thank you!

HP has helped me treat myself gently. I can't wait for the Region IV conference this weekend, so I probably won't be around much. The week after though I am posting everyday Love you gals!
Chris

Hi gals. I'm leaving for the beach on Saturday, and will be packing and cleaning all day tomorrow. I also might be up late tonight, taking my neighbor to the hospital - she's 4-5 centimeters dilated, will go into labor any second, and her hubby's at work. Could be an interesting evening!

Take care everyone. You'll be in my thoughts next week.

It went OK. Lots of stressful stuff is happening now due to MIL's assets, etc... I'm worn thin. Going to a f2f meeting tomorrow, though. And an online one in 30 minutes.

I surprised DH last night with a trip to the spa. He's not dealing to well with any of this (which makes perfect sense), so I am doing my best to help.

Chris:

Tracy: Good luck! Let us know if anything happens.

Hey there, girls!

Jennelle -- Your introspection sounds wonderful. I envy you your inner peace right now! What kind of class are you taking? Sorry to be out of the loop, but I'm guessing the librarian position didn't pan out? Or are things still up in the air? In our division they sometimes wait until right before school starts to finally make decisions on new placements.

Our standardized testing scores finally came in. Given the ability level of my group as a whole, I have to say I was very pleased with how well they performed. Bless their hearts...they really did work hard! It's a relief to know how they did. Now to start planning for next year...

Chris -- Soory to hear that ED was kicking your booty again. Are you managing better now? What kind of concention are you going to? OA or something for work?

I just found out that we don't go back (teachers) until August 16 this year. Wow, that's still a lot of summer left for me! I can't remember the last time work days began that late.

Tracey -- Have fun at the beach! We got back last Friday. I was so glad to be home, but I'd go again next week...if we could! Funny, for some reason I have always thought you lived at the beach. That would be the best! Every year when we go, we drive around and look at all the pretty colored houses and dream.

Kat -- I've been thinking of you and your DH quite a bit. I'm really sorry that you've had such a terrible loss! It sounds like you're holding up well and being so supportive to your husband. Many prayers and well wishes still coming your way.

Blessings to you all,
Christy

Yes its the Region IV OA conference, tonight is the dance and I am so excited. I feel like its Christmas I love having friends, it was so long living in my little isolated world of family and work. Now I have girlfriends that understand, support, and love me. And I have ya'll too. I feel so blessed today

Congrats on the standardized test Christy!
Tracy-how about that baby???? Have FUN AT THE BEACH!
Jenelle-How you doin?
Kat- right back at ya!
Chris

Christy - I'm going for (drum roll please!) my National Board certification in Early/Middle Childhood Literacy! I must be insane, but I've been waffling for a year now and hubby finally said (in a nutshell), "You just need to poop or get off the potty!" And no, the librarian position didn't pan out, but that's okay. I figure God has another plan for me.

Chris - I'm good. Have fun at the big OA to-do this weekend, and check your mailbox when you get back.

Today I am going to a friend's baby shower and then this evening is a different friend's birthday party.

I'm doing OK. DH is having a tough time, so I am being there for him as much as possible.

Have a good weekend.

Jennelle -- Woo-Hoo! Congrats on going for your National Certification! I was recruited to try for it the year before last, but decided against it for now. I may reconsider it when I finish with my Master's... we'll see!

Chris -- Hope you had fun at the dance. I enjoyed reading your post in the "Our Stories" thread. I hope to post mine soon; I'm just in an odd place inside myself right now. Sounds bizarre, I know. Maybe I'll get into it later.

Kat -- Have fun at your friends' gatherings! It's tough "being there" for someone who's grieving. Hugs coming your way!

Tracey -- Take a long walk on the beach for me! That's what I love most about going. Hope you're having a great time.

Later,
Christy

I sent this to Jack-150, and I want to write more about OA conference, if you ever can go!

The few words that could sum up this weekend are emotional, powerful, and exhausting. Friday night I stood in front of a room and said, "Hi, I am Chris and I am a bullemic" and using the "B" word is very powerful to me. It throws what it is in my face. That night I recieved a tiara for being the "dancing queen" and I have the blisters on my toes to prove it Saturday I did okay till a session on body image unhinged me. Too close to those bad tapes that talk to me and tell me what the monster I am. my perception is that I look like Quasi Modo. The truth is I am a daughter of God getting more beautiful by His love and grace everyday. I spoke this morning about how the truth can unsanitize my ED. Powerful indeed.

Love to all,
Chris

Powerful, indeed! Thank you for sharing.

I am doing OK. Getting back to my step work which I've ignored for about a month. It feels good to get back to it.