[Sunflower2010]

I'm new to this group. I have been reading a book about a very obese woman that overcame her binge eating by connecting emotionally with people online. I need some validation and support. I need to lose about 40 pounds...and although that is a small amount compared to other people, I'm getting scared because I keep gaining more and more weight. Much like the woman in the book, my mom also has BPD. If you don't know what that is, look it up. I was the child who could never do anything right, was always shamed about my weight, the food I ate, the clothes I wore, and wasn't allowed to speak my opinions. It was hard growing up in an emotionally invalidating household. So I turned to food as a comfort and lighthouse. I felt it was the one thing I had control over. Anyways, I also deal with depression and have immense guilt over almost everything. I have a lot of guilt over my body and also about my house not being spotlessly clean all the time. If anyone could talk about their issues that are similar to mine, it would be greatly appreciated.

[wendybirdx]

Hi there, nice to meet you!
Yeah, I can get you on that. Both my parents are overweight but my mother and grandmother (and, before she passed away, my great grandmother) all lecture others in the family quite often on health and food choices. It took me awhile to realize they were being fairly hypocritical considering their diabetes/diabetes risk and how often they eat junk food. I pretty much grew up with little to no veggies and fruit around the house, so I thought having spaghetti over 4 times a week for lunch and dinner was a regular thing or that having McDonalds just as often was normal. But I still received constant commentary, like "you're getting a bit chubbier, you should watch it" or "see how good your cousin looks? she doesn't drink soda so she's much skinnier than you" - often from the very people that put the meals I ate on my plate.

What has helped me a lot was to find my own interests and share them online. There's tons of different communities, so you're bound to find one that fits your interests with nice people you can talk to, even if it takes awhile. For example, I joined Tumblr because of a movie I liked, and since I'm into graphic design, I could mess around on Photoshop and post gifs or talk about certain episodes (I kind of love character analysis because of an awesome English teacher I had). People were very welcoming, and even when I sought new interests, there were people to keep in touch with or new people to talk to.

Yeah, I get you on the guilt thing, too. It's not something I've "fixed" 100% or anything, but I always look at others' before and after pics and go "these things were done in a year or two, and you started last month, so have patience". I'm also trying to get more and more into a mentality of doing this to look and feel healthy, not to look "pretty". Lastly, I tend to put myself down for my downfalls, but once I start valuing my victories and ignoring my binges, I have greater ease in keeping up a good pace.

If you want more specific advice (this is just me rambling about things I did haha), you could check the Depression and Weight Issues forum or the Chicks In Control one (for issues with overeating - I can't help you too much there). But good luck on your loss, and I hope to see you around more!