And while you are feeling golden now, there will come times when the you will feel pelted with troubles and the binge or cravings will come back.
Well this is what I am worried about. I've addressed it as well that it's a day by day process so I just take things as they come. It's a stressful time for me right now since it is finals week and I have to get ready to move for the first time in 4 years (I accumulated A LOT of things in that time!) so I'm happy that food isn't calling to me the way it used to. Tonight I went through my closet to find things to consign/thrift, and at some points I thought of grabbing a snack but I hunger checked and chose not to. I was really busy all day, I don't even know what I ate hardly but it was between 1300-1600 calories for sure. Plus I was on my feet pretty much all day! Normally I think I'd be hitting up my favorite pizza joint to "unwind." As if food is necessary to do that
Number 5 and 6 are triggers for me too Pattience. Of course stress generally too but I struggle hard with being a procrastinator! Food has always been a good excuse not to do things I really need to!
My back is totally sore now, ouch. Tomorrow I need to settle down and really get cracking on studying more! I won't leave the house so at least I can avoid fast food as I did today (a big plus during finals). As I say, day by day.
One fun thing- today as I went through my wardrobe (I have way too much cute stuff I can't wait to fit into) I put together some really cute combinations with different accessories and shoes, and took pictures. Most I wouldn't wear now- things were super tight, etc. But a few more pounds down.. I can't wait! Last Saturday was the first time in over a year that I put on a rocking outfit that made me feel so good about myself. As I was out and about I didn't worry about what anyone thought, I felt confident and put-together. Today I picked out a few more and sort of started a "look book" for me to reference when I need a quick get up. Clothes are such a forgotten tool to self-confidence for me. For so long, all I wore were ever-tightening jeans with sweatshirts over tees. Stuff that really, I wore to hide myself and just made me feel worse. I love fashion and color and just couldn't enjoy it feeling like an elephant. Life shouldn't be about that! Everyone deserves to feel awesome and the right clothes, well not vital, can do a real number. I'm not even down anything significant (enough to feel, and maybe even notice) but I already feel the good vibes returning.
Last edited by nostoneunturned; 05-13-2014 at 12:11 AM.
Yay for the good vibes! I love that you have your own look book! That's really awesome!
Thanks!! It's really fun and super motivating. I don't wear 90% of the stuff I own at the moment but hopefully that changes soon!
This week has just been a killer. Finals suck so hard. I had one today that was a bloodbath but we'll see. Tomorrow is my final final, TG. I think the stress is contributing to my depression and also to headaches I've been having since Monday. Monday I was so motivated, I cleaned and sorted stuff for like ten hours. Yesterday I planned to study but a headache laid me up. And my motivation had somehow dissipated to nothing. I feel ornery and just want it to be Friday night already!
BUT! My bright light throughout all the suck is I have NOT had a single binge! And boy was I tempted. Maybe not even to binge, actually. But to eat more than I needed or was hungry for. However I stopped myself with a nice hot shower and by the time I got out the fudgcicle (however you spell it) ceased to call to me. Yesterday I think I ate around 1300 or so calories, today was roughly the same. I've been sticking fairly close to my plan although at home Monday/Tuesday I was a little more privy to grabbing a snack or two. Always reasonable things though.
As for how I feel size wise: I look smaller in the waist for sure. My face looks a bit thinner too, and maybe my thighs. My tight jeans are looser (although they are not the best to judge since they are very stretchy anyways). My belly seemed kind of bloated today for no good reason but I may be retaining stress water, LOL. I'm tempted to get on the darn scale but want to give it a little longer...
Yes! Finals are DONE. My life just got a lot happier. I feel really good: out of four classes I'm quite sure I got three A's. One class, though, may be a C+ or B-. It was tough, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it as I would in the past. Life isn't about perfection!
My eating hasn't been perfect either. I know I could make better choices, for sure. However I feel really calm and not at all controlled by it anymore which is amazing. This week in the past would have been a binge fest- first the weekend leading up to it, then, the week after, since I would "need" food to soothe my anxiety and get me through studying. I'm not entirely sure why, but it wasn't like that at all, I just focused and didn't even THINK about snacks or food. Have I let go enough that I'm no longer obsessing, perhaps.
NSV. Today was the first day I've worn those tight jeans I previously mentioned. They zipped up fine Now I'll admit they are a hair tight but I wasn't letting that rain on my parade! I hid the muffin top with one of those long flowy tanks that are (thankful) stylish. I glanced at my thighs when I was driving (so vain, LOL) and thinking how they looked much slimmer then a month ago. Yay!
I haven't weighed yet. But I took my measurements this morning and here's the changes (since 4/22; I always do these kinds of things in the morning before eating/drinking):
Bust from 42" to 41"
Waist from 33" to 30.5"
Hips from 43.5" to 42"
Mid-thigh from 24.5" to 23"
Kickin'! I am thrilled with these changes. Also since 4/24 I've not binged once. It's related I'm sure :P !
I am so relaxed this weekend. God I had no idea how much school was weighing me down, even when I didn't have homework or much studying it was always in the back of my mind. I keep thinking, I need to be doing...something, and then I remember there's nothing really! Just fabulous.
My weekends seem to repeat themselves. I had another out and about weekend, very busy, and spent most of this afternoon at my mom's. This time though, I ate lunch right prior so I wasn't tempted by the junk. I did enjoy a gooey 2"x3" brownie that I would say was 200-300 calories ( I like to estimate high). And I grabbed literally 5 chips here and there as I did other things. My mom is a talented sewist (as I say, opposed to "sewer" which always looks bad) and she is looking to sell her beautifully handcrafted doll clothes. They are AMAZING. So we gabbed about that and started photographing them for possible Internet sales. I felt super energetic and was on my feet much of the time, and was most of Saturday too. So anyways, in contrast with past weekends where I felt tempted and easily swayed by unhealthy foods, this time I was focused on other things besides that.
I have a Dr. appointment on Tuesday morning. So...I'm wondering how to approach it since I know they will weigh me. I think I will weigh myself either tomorrow or Tuesday morning (even though I really wanted to wait until it's been a month or more since I started) so I can be better prepared.
What if it's over 180...I don't like the thought even though as I wrote I am losing definite inches. And I can SEE it! Yet that number has been such a hurdle for me. It's like if I even see it, as ridic as it sounds, it may throw me completely off and straight into a wild binge. BUT. Now I know I have control over that. I just need to not let the mental tricks take hold of me. Hard for a binger to learn, that it's primarily habit and not some evil demon inside. No, I have got this, I can't let one little eensy thing like a number ruin what I've started!!
Last edited by nostoneunturned; 05-18-2014 at 08:23 PM.
Well tomorrow's the day for my weigh in. I am nervous (you'd think it was some super huge deal, instead of some number on a scale)..but it's got to happen sometime. If it's over 180 (I can't imagine it would be much, since I'm visibly not the same as when I was upper 180's) I just have to remind myself that it's the big picture, It'll take time but I must be patient. After all this is about quitting binging - which I have not done since 4/23 last! That's a great accomplishment. Honestly my anxiety reminds me why I hate weighing too much during weight loss- I get obsessive and the whole deal. How do some people weigh daily, or multiple times a day, I do not know. I go crazy. If the numbers don't come up how I like, I literally say "eff this" and am off to throw back some cookies, pizza, and chips. I guess this will be a good way to test my reserves and my commitment. There's my positive spin for the day, hehe.
Instead of sticking with the way you've always through about the scales, why don't you try to be more rational and think about it in a different way. I mean you don't have to think about it the way you've always done. You can recognise that the way you thought about it before was not only pointless but could undermine you and was basically an unhelpful way to think about the scales.
YOu can quite easily retrain yourself to think about it differently.
I have noticed time and time again in my life in recent years how an attitude change can make huge differences to your experience of the same things.
And a change of attitude is easy really easy. All you have to do is recognise that the old way of thinking was misguided and you find a new more helpful perspective. Which once you''ve got it, is so darn easy to accept you will never want to go back.
Finally! As of this morning I weigh 177.0. I feel relieved at pleased, that's a great loss for 4 weeks. The first week I know is usually water weight so I wouldn't expect to lose that much every month but still a great way to start things off!
The changes to the way I think about food are awesome too. I can count on one hand the number of times I thought, might as well go order a pizza and grab a bag of gummis. It may have been only once even. Astounding considering that previously that was my thought pattern several times a week.
And this doesn't feel hard, at all. I don't feel restricted or strained for willpower. When I did WW I almost always lost fast (15 pounds the first month, 10 each the next few) but the counting and tracking didn't work for me emotionally; food and what to eat next was always in my top three topics in my mind. It makes me obsessive. And WW never worked, since I always ended up gaining it back soon after I stopped the meticulous tracking.
Well I could go on and on and on, but I have to get ready for my dr. appointment. Hard to believe two more pounds will put me a quarter of the way to my goal..Yay! My day is off to a great start!
AND I'm super glad I decided to weigh myself this morning because at the Dr's office I weighed 181. Which, with clothes + breakfast + soda is going to be a bit higher anyway but there was the dread 180 number. But it didn't bother me a bit since I'd already seen the beautiful 1-7-7, LOL.
Here's my second major challenge after finals - daughters birthday, with three celebrations! Tonight we had cupcakes. I ate two. Obviously my calories were a lot higher (maybe 2400? I didn't really plan on it, but I had lunch out today too. Typically eat around 1200 -1500, depending on hunger level). My week was great though overall as far as maintaining my plan. On Saturday we have two parties but I plan to eat very mindfully.
This morning I couldn't help but step on the scale again. Still 177
