I have been sitting here trying to figure out what happened. About an hour before lunch I started craving candy from the candy drawer here at work.
The craving just kept going. I was able to ignore it for a while but eventually it just got too strong.
I managed to get away with only eating about 8 pieces of candy, which isn't too bad considering there's endless amounts in that drawer. I wouldn't call it a binge because I stopped myself pretty quickly and I haven't gone back for more, but I would consider it compulsive overeating since I had initially told myself I wasn't going to have any of it. It's going to hinder any weight loss I might've achieved today and I am pretty sad about it. I also know that it was probably 700+ calories.
What I'm more upset about it that I felt like I couldn't stop it. It just came so strongly and for no reason. I tried to employ some of the BOB tips but I think I fought it too much, rather than really let it pass. I also think I was afraid of it.
I have been trying to view my urges with less fear. I don't want to be afraid of them. They're there but I am ultimately in control. I was the one who consciously went and got candy out of the drawer and ate it. I could've not done that. I was immediately concerned when I noticed I was having those cravings. I got nervous, anxious...ultimately I was scared and I think even though I tried to let the urge pass I ended up really just fighting with it until I believed I couldn't beat it.
/sigh
I am not losing hope. I have been having issues with binge eating and compulsive overeating for a long time. I think it might take a try or two(or a thousand) to really settle my qualms. I think I'm just tired of being the same weight and I'd like to see a significant loss over the next few months. During my time working through some of my BED issues I had kind of set weight loss to the side, but I think a big part of my recovery will be some weight loss. Even 10-15lbs would be a giant mental win and a positive push in the right direction.
I keep telling myself that I'm definitely going to lose the weight and reach a normal weight for my height but sometimes, after losing to an urge or craving, I just sit here and wonder if I'm destined to keep getting bigger until I'm dead.
Sorry if this post is depressing. I'm not giving up, but I am a little blue today.
I know you're not going to like me saying this, but I truly believe that as long as you keep holding on to the desire to lose this and that much weight and keep actively trying for it, you will not lose the urge to binge and will keep bingeing. You will effectively do the opposite of what you crave: the desire to lose weight, stop bingeing and get smaller. Instead, you will move in the opposite direction: keep trying to lose weight, binge, and get bigger.
When I recommend stop trying to lose weight, I am not saying, "give up" I am saying, chill out. Eat to nourish your body, move to nourish your body and mind, to keep good health, not achieve a certain weight. You keep trying to force a weight loss and your mind to adapt to what you want, and you keep losing. Why? Well, the body and brain are smarter than we give them credit for. They sense deprivation on the horizon so you keep triggering the binge pathways in your brain. You even said, you told yourself not to have such and such and it make it MORE tempting, and kept in more in your thoughts, not less. You are teaching your brain to focus on these things.
It took me a long time to give up trying to lose weight, but I noticed that the more I tried to lose, the bigger I was getting, the more I was bingeing, the more miserable I was becoming. I quit dieting some time ago and although I don't know if I've lost anything, I couldn't care less. My MIND and LIFE is FREE again. I don't beat myself up anymore. I accept myself for who I am now, and it's soo much better than the crap I was putting myself through before. Never again!
p.s. More than likely if you give up trying to lose weight, and just live your life, eat healthy and move for the sheer fun of it, the bingeing will stop, and as a natural result, you will lose weight without doing anything except for having stopped binge eating.
I don't know if anyone will care or take my advice, but honestly, it's not worth the mental torture. I'd rather weigh more and be mentally happy and free than weigh less and be in neurological ****.
Last edited by bingefree2013; 01-12-2013 at 07:54 PM.
I'm afraid I'll have to respectfully disagree with you.
I'm clearly overweight. My body isn't meant to carry so much extra weight. I think wanting to lose 10 or 15 lbs isn't a ridiculous goal and I, in fact, would ultimately like to lose 100 lbs. That's not really the point though. The point is that my craving for those chocolates would've happened either way. I tried to fight it but gave in. I got a little down but now I'm feeling better. If I hadn't been actively trying to lose I would've just said 'screw it' and eaten the same amount of candy, perhaps more.
"Chilling out" doesn't really work for me. I don't usually recognize fullness signals until they're off the charts and I've consumed tons of calories. I'm trying everyday to become more in tune with my body, but the fact remains that I have to measure my food and count my calories. I'm at peace with this fact.
What I have trouble dealing with are cravings and urges, but like I said these will come either way. I personally deal with them 1,000 times better when I'm actively working on weight loss and fitness.
I am not trying to 'force' anything. I have had terribly disordered eating since childhood and it's now something I'm struggling to make right. I don't blame anyone or anything, it's just the way it is. And the cravings for sugar or junk food are completely detatched from my regular eating habits. They are a completely different monster.
I do move for the fun of it and eat to nourish my body and I live most of my life not worrying about food...I personally feel like this approach worked for you and now you assume it will work for everyone. I had a long period of my life, in the past year, where I took up hula hoop dancing, became a college freshman and stopped weighing and counting calories and decided to just eat when I was hungry. I got damn good at hula hoop dancing but guess what? I gained 30 pounds and am now the biggest I've ever been.
So thank you for the advice but I will definitely continue to focus on weight loss and to learn about BED and compulsive overeating. I simply have to for my own health and because not putting attention on it has resulted in putting more weight on. Our issues with food might simply be different.
Also, I don't mind weighing more but I definitely don't want to continue on at 260 lbs.
I wasn't assuming, just trying to help because for me focusing so much on weight did cause so much pain. You're right though, we have different issues. I won't say another word.
Thank you for accepting my disagreement gracefully.
We all know how quickly these sorts of conversations can turn ugly on the internet, though I've always appreciated 3FC for being different in that regard.
Why on earth is there a candy drawer in work, that is tough, this is only one slip up. You have resisted before and you will again. I work in a fast food place and I have to look at junk all day and I can have it for free so I know I could slip up one of these days I think if its on a plate every day and food is an issue it takes time to over come that.
I have done what you did a million times so I know what you are going through. Only I probably couldn't have stopped til I hit 7000 calories so congratulations on stopping.
One novel idea I have been learning about - not saying it would work for you but it is a suggestion - is there a way you can just give in to your craving and eat a piece or two until you are satisfied? I know, easier said than done, but sometimes your body is telling you that it needs something, and a sweet (A sweet, not 20) can satisfy the craving.
It is risky, but maybe it would work? Either way, good luck.
Question for you - are you carb sensitive? If you eat carbs, do you crave more carbs? This can lead to binge eating too.
I find for myself that if I have SOME simple carbs, I just want more... and more... and more... Then only way I have found to break that craving cycle is to find that balance of carbs for my body that relieves the cravings.
Study up on carb sensitivity. It might explain a lot of what you are experiencing.
Oh yea, we are all familiar with this, especially in the beginning I our journeys.
What worked for me: look at your hand, concentrate...order your body to bend a finger...bend it. You are on charge of your body...concentrate on your hand, repeat.
As soon as you notice craving tell yourself "I do not want it!", say it out loud if you need to! Have a glass of water and a piece of fruit. If you still crave just think about how gross chockolate is. Google worms in chocolate and look at some pics! Google something generally gross to kill the appetite!
I have been checking up on carb sensitivity and lower carb diets. I have wanted to try but I have been so busy and I've just been trying to maintain some semblence of health in my diet. I haven't even been tracking calories lately. I am thinking about joining WW again, because I enjoyed it when I was doing it, but the first time I tried it I wasn't really aware of how disordered my eating was. I was just struggling to stay on track but I wasn't doing any real research as to why I couldn't. I just thought it was my willpower!
Of course, a lot of it is willpower but you also have to really view cravings from a different angle. I used to see them as something to worry about, something to fight with and something that would never go away! I think of them differently now and I have been having a better time fighting them off.
Which is why I think WW would be a good thing for me now, to get me back to tracking everything.
Anyways, I have been doing better, though yesterday somebody brought chocolates to work and I ate about 6 of them, equalling roughly 400 calories. But I wasn't too upset about that because I did alright the rest of the day.
Saw the craving coming a mile away...
I'm not giving up, but I am a little blue today.
