Trying to get back on track. Yesterday I binged pretty bad. At the moment I'm struggling...but I'm back here, and I haven't given in yet.

Good luck everyone!

Hard day today, but I made it through unscathed! First day since my last binge episode (which wasn't too bad, thankfully) on 24 November that I have had that urge. I just acknowledged it, waited it out, and stuck to my plan.

Easier said than done sometimes, right?

Atmos - Good luck to you today! That first day is always the hardest isn't it? I know I always feel like, "Well, the damage is done, I might as well 'finish' it and have everything I want". I'm trying to get out of that mindset because I know how stupid it is!

missunshine - Great suggestions!

Danzingurl - I sincerely hope that one day you do find the right combination... I hope we all do! I have to admit that I have my bad periods but most of the time I don't have an issue with binging and I'm lucky in that regard I suppose. I feel like right now I'm coming out of a bad period and I'll be okay again for a while but regardless I will never give up. Thats one thing I definitely admire about you; you are relentless! Never once have I seen you really get down on yourself or say you don't think you can fight it... you always come back again. I hope you realize you are an inspiration to a lot of folks.


How is everyone else doing?

Thanks Joss! You are a great inspiration for me- I loved reading your success stories on bodybuilding.com- so thanks for that also!

Atoms- I hope you are doing better and able to eat back on the wagon!

I haven't been able to get "brain over binge" yet, but have been researching it and I really like the way she approaches bingeing- so I'm hoping that those strategies help.

As far as how I'm doing I'm feeling a lot better today. Moving forward

Hi there,

I am sorry danzingurl and can totally hear you. I have been bingeing over the weekend, so now it is Dec. 5th and I have already binged twice!!!

I will be going on a long vacation over December/New Year. I have bought "brain over binge" and the book "you are not your brain", which I have read worked even better for a lot of binge eater (Kathryn referenced this book in her own book).

I think the main problem is, that I am restricting calories like crazy to make up for the binge - and then binge again...vicious cycle...

Jossfit - OMG I just checked out your links!!! Amazing!!!

Freebie- well lets get through the rest of December together! ;-) hope you get feeling better soon.

Still binge free and feeling pretty good- I have been trying to apply the "brain over binge" concepts- I think it's a great start but I'll trust myself with it more once I have been successful for a longer time period.

December 5 and still binge free. 10 consecutive days.

I would feel better about it if I hadn't gone to the doctor today. I needed to have an evaluation to verify that I can participate in the eating disorder clinic's exercise program (which is silly since my daily exercise routine is 10x as strenuous as the one at the clinic).

I asked the nurse assistant not to tell me my weight, and she didn't, but after asking me some questions, the doctor was commenting on how it might be my thyroid that is causing weight gain. So I'm assuming a gain, which is depressing.

But what was really depressing is when she was feeling my neck and said really loud, "OHH!" And felt a big lump in my neck. She even used the dreaded word "goiter" . She told me I need to have an ultrasound...all I need is cancer

So now I'm depressed that I have an eating disorder, I have a growth on my thyroid that could be cancer and/or require surgery, I have to do a mammogram on Friday since I have a family history of breast cancer; and I have to go to a dermatologist the following week to check on some unusual moles on my face (doctor not worried about it but I am).

And I haven't even gone to the gynecologist, which I need to do because of unusual symptoms, so I'm worried about cancer, hysterectomies, etc. oh, and I still have a day job that requires tons of hours but is worse because of the 12 hours/week I do eating disorder therapy.

Sorry for throwing everything out there; just feeling worried and very alone. I'm so isolated that I don't even know if I have someone I could ask to drop me off/pick me up if I need biopsies or surgery. I thought 2013 would be a good year, but I fear that it will start out being pretty rotten.

Just a quick note;

I posted this elsewhere yesterday, but it was a mini 'ah-ha' moment for me and I thought I'd share;

"OK Feathers - serious moment here so please pardon me if this comes off super melodramatic; I had a realization a bit earlier that just might save my sanity right now!

I posted about having some cravings yesterday, but nothing super intense or unmanageable. I finished out the day on plan as I had intended... no big deal. Well today that afternoon urge hit me again, and this time it was a lot more intense than yesterday but I still did not give in and stuff my face with crap. I refuse! I did find it necessary to kill some time by getting my nails done... I find that it's a bit of a treat, and more importantly I physically CAN'T eat when I'm getting my nails done! haha

Anyway, when I got home I was fine having a cup of tea and going about my routine of preparing dinner and my meals for tomorrow. I went to log my dinner in my food diary and that's when I started to look back at it and noticed something; I have been struggling since the beginning of September with my eating, and as I looked back over the time from then until now it dawned on me that the longest I have gone since 1 September without a binge/refeed/treat night/etc. was 10 days. In August I went a good 3 weeks or so, but 10 days was the longest since then, which I did a few times. Yesterday was my 10th day 'on plan' and today was of course the 11th.

Um, pattern much?? NO WONDER I started getting cravings yesterday! I've conditioned my body over the past several months to have a huge food fest at a maximum of 10 days on plan. Holy crap! I know it's not some huge revelation but it helps me to see that I'm not just going bat-$hit crazy, but that there is indeed some sort of physiological aspect taking place.

Just that bit of knowledge really helped me and I think it will continue to help me battle cravings and get over this hump. It's a small thing, but it's actually quite significant to me."

Kittykatfan- my heart goes out to you, what a stressful situation. I don't really have any fantastic words of advice but you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that everything works out and things start to turn around. If nothing else, I know you have a lot of cheerleaders here on 3fc. Please keep us posted.

Jossfit- it's just a bad habit, isn't it? I don't know why reading that a few days ago was such an epiphany.. But you're exactly right! It's just a pattern of behavior that we have gotten comfortable with.

I'm feeling pretty great today- hopeful and ready to kick this in the butt. :P plus, talking to DH reminded me that I have already taken a huge step in no longer purging... It's been almost a year. If I can conquer that, I can conquer this too. Thanks to everyone for all of the support- it's more helpful to me than you can imagine!!

Danzingurl and Freebie - Thank you for the compliments!

Danzingurl, I honestly think that little realization that for ME, and perhaps for some others too, it really IS just a habit has kept me on track the past few days. It's been nice to have a little extra 'something' to fall back on when the afternoon craving hits. I simply tell myself (over and over and over again if I need to) that I conditioned myself over the past couple of months to expect a binge right about now so I just have to hang tight and condition myself OUT of it.

It's hard going at times but eventually the urge passes and I am glad that I stuck it out and put another day behind me.

KittyKatFan - I can understand where you are right now with all the medical issues; I too am experiencing my fair share, but am happy to report that I'm now on the tail end of most of it. I know that the extra stress of it contributed to my lax attitude about my diet over the past couple of months but in retrospect binging only added more stress.

I had a brush with skin cancer (in remission now), extremely bad plantar faciitis (treatment for that is going well), a metatarsil cuneform extotosis of my left foot (treatment is also going well and I may not have to have surgery as originally planned) and my gastritis is under control as long as I continue to eat well, workout, and get plenty of rest.

My point is that even if things get worse before they get better, they WILL get better. It can be so hard to stay on plan with a diet and/or workout program when your health seems to be in limbo, but doing so only helps whereas binging only hurts. Good luck!

danzingurl - Glad you're feeling well the past couple days, and keep it up!

JossFit - Thank you for your encouragement and all you post. You're a huge inspiration for initial and continued success as well as being supportive to us all.

kittykatfan - I can't say anything more than has already been said, except that I feel for you and best of luck. We can't be there for you physically, but we're surely here for you emotionally.

I'm better than I was a month ago in terms of my eating and binging. The last couple days have been a bit tough. Wednesday was just a general overeating I WANT FOOD day, it didn't have the emotional background and toll of my general binging. I also did exercise that day so I was generally pleased. Yesterday was a full on binge though. Not as bad as in the past, since I can't physically fit it all in now, but I've been talking to family this week and basically got confirmation last night that my grandpa won't make it through the winter. I keep trying to tell myself that he's 89, we knew it was coming as he's been slowing down, blah blah blah, but the stress/saddness of it got to me last night and I just wanted to escape for a bit. I'm going to try to deal with it in a more positive way tonight...I'm not going out with any of my friends so I'll be home alone. Maybe it's a kickboxing day...

Hi, mind if I join the thread?

I've been doing really well for not bingeing. So proud of myself! I honestly cannot tell you how long I've ever gone without a binge because my eating habits were just awful for many years. However, I'm tracking my progress, and I'm sticking to my eating plan. I've had a few extras here and there, but they were calculated (and approx 100-200 cals) and not what I would consider a binge.

I'm almost done with my 2nd week of being binge free and on an eating plan. My main goal was to stop eating so much in the evening. And while I've accomplished that, I don't feel the need to binge - which is a weird feeling. I used to eat for comfort, and now the comfort is in my eating plan.

It shows me that this is a manageable lifestyle change rather than a tough-through-it-for-a-few-months kinda thing.

Wishing everyone luck with their fitness plans

i binged today. i was feeling sick, my throat felt sore and my period is missing again. next week i'm going home and i wanted to lose a few pounds before leaving but instead i gained 0.o it's like my mind and body don't want me to lose any weight. after holidays i'm gonna sign up for a new gym and start working out more. but i feel so embarassed cause girls here are so skinny. :/

Joss- that brain over binge book has been wonderful- everything she talks about rings so true for me.

missunshine- I hope you start to feel better soon! are there any at-home workouts you might be more comfortable with? My gym is really intimidating over in the weight room so I am a lot better off doing that at home and then just running at the gym when I cant go outside-- I hope you find something that works for you!

Coffeeshopgirl- welcome! I hope your eating plan continues to work for you

I'm definitely doing this. I usually make tons and tons of christmas cookies and cake (I'm a pastry chef) but this year I have decided to forego that. I am sure there will come a time when I have the will power to bake and not binge, but I'm not tempting myself right now.