So for the past 3 weeks at least I've basically been on a constant binge and the most ridiculous thing is that weight loss actually triggered it for me. I stood on the scales one day and saw that I'd lost 9lbs in about 8 weeks and was incredibly happy, so decided to celebrate with food. I'm sure my subconscious knew exactly what I was doing (binging) but my conscious mind was just like 'hey, this is allowed, we're celebrating!'
And since then it's been one massive binge Every morning I wake up thinking that today I'm going to be good, but then it's like I'm a ghost in my own body and I have no control over what I'm reaching for in the kitchen. I've put back on those 9lbs in an incredibly short space of time, possibly plus some but am too scared to stand on the scales to find out. Everyone still thinks that I'm dieting and when I'm at work or with anyone else I eat healthy foods, but am constantly planning what my dinner-binge will be. I've never told my boyfriend about my food issues and so that's making it harder still, because I feel like I'm hiding some huuuge secret from him
I managed to almost get through one day of getting back on the wagon but got hungry and snaffled chocolate that I'd actually bought someone for a birthday present. I'm appalled at myself!!!!!
Does anyone have any tips or just any advice that I can put into practice, because I'm getting to my wits end here. I really hate how I look in the mirror and hate how I'm acting but can't seem to do anything about it because I'm so weak!!!
okays this helps with me...when i think about doing the wrong thing...i go and do something...mostly a cleaning activity or something creative like digi scrapping designing to take my mind off food...boredom is my worst enemy and i try to keep my mind active and not on food..yeah but i do know what you mean..i sometimes feel possessed and out of control too...but i have learnt that it takes baby steps to get anywheres...in my case being diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic got me going in cutting carbs and sugar..i did this one step at a time..one week it was no pasta or rice..the next week i swapped white bread for a low carb bread..etc etc..now i am fine to work on a proper diet with very little carbs and i am proud to say i have gotten through the first week unscathed...i plan to stick at this and get into a position where unhealthy foods make me feel sick!!..i am practising no all the time too...hang in there hun and start thinking differently about food..your health is very important..once you lose that it is very hard to get it back!!...cheers liz
What I do is set a timer for 20 minutes or so and say "stop eating until this timer goes off. Then reassess." It doesn't matter what you do during that 20 minutes, I usually tidy the house. Then at the end of 20 minutes if I still want to eat, I reset the timer. If I don't, then I'm ok. Reset the timer as often as you need to. Set it in smaller increments. Anything to get you out of the automatic eating frenzy.
If you're anything like me, you take comfort in feeling depressed after you've binged. What helps me is confronting that feeling: "Yeah, you binged, and now you feel like crap. Now what? Are you going to keep eating until you feel sick, or are you ready to feel better?" This is usually the conversation I have with myself.
I've been trying to focus on my awareness regarding hunger: am I mentally or physically hungry? When I'm binging, I don't see the difference, and the depression is it's own comfort. Then, like you, it's another self-defeating struggle back to your weight loss goals.
At this point in your process, I wouldn't worry about stepping on any scales because you already know you've put on weight from your binge. Mentally, I would be proud of yourself for two things: 1. that you have accepted that you binged and 2. that you blogged on a support forum about it. Don't see these behaviors as weaknesses; you already binged and you're fighting like crazy to stop.
However, binging is such a cycle that it's tough to know what advice will work at which point in the cycle. Here is what has helped me at various points in my binge cycle:
My weakest point:
-I accept that I'm binging and eating way more than my body needs.
-I accept that I am stressed for some reason (all i care about at the time is eating to take care of it, I'll figure out the problem later).
-I confront the consequences of my binge (tummy aches, more trips to the bathroom, wanting to throw up, wanting more bad-for-me-food, etc) and remind myself that I made a conscious decision to feel this way.
-I don't beat myself up for the binge. *It's taken a lot for me to get to this point, but even at my weakest point in the binge, I've trained myself to see this as an isolated incident. I tell myself that I will forgive myself for this binge and it will be over soon. As soon as I want it to end.
My "I can feel a binge coming on" point, but I'm still strong enough to make a better choice:
-I ask myself: Are you physically or mentally hungry? Usually it's mentally hungry, which means I'm bored or stressed. If I'm bored, I find something else to do (cleaning, reading, surfing the internet, texting, even brushing my teeth). If I'm stressed, I try to tackle the problem by talking to friends about it.
-If I'm craving bad-for-me-food, I limit myself to 1 of those things: 1 candy bar, 1 small cupcake (then I take the rest to work). Depending on where I am in my cycle, 1 isn't enough, so I try to bypass this option.
-I keep healthy food around me (cucumbers, carrot sticks, apples, grapefruits, chips and hummus) and snack on those, even if I've already had a candy bar and I'm still feeling hungry.
It took me a while, but I finally came to terms with the fact that I binge. I don't throw up, but I overeat way past my body's needs. When I do this, there are consequences, and as I get old, it will just lead to greater health problems. If I don't get a grasp on this cycle now, it will only lead to my health's decline. I hold myself accountable for my actions, but I no longer beat myself up over it. Instead, I forgive myself for losing control and commit to a healthier choice the next day. I've gone so far as to throw away sweets that I've bought specifically for a binge because I was ready to stop that instant.
There's a delicate balance between loving yourself, accepting yourself, and being stern with yourself in terms of your binge cycle. I hope this post is helpful and provides some insight as to how I take control back (and attempt to not lose control) and how you can regain control of your eating too.
Which do you hate the most ? The way you look in the mirror or the uncontrolled bingeing ?
Probably the uncontrollable binging. When I'm actually binging I feel incredibly in control, which I think is why I do it, but then when I finish I realised how out of control I was and that makes me so upset If I could stop the binging I could change how I look in the mirror, so they're really part of each other.
Thank you all for your replies <3 I felt like I was at my lowest low last night, haven't beaten myself up about binging like that for a long time. Just reading your replies make me realise that I'm not alone and that others have conquered (or are in the process of conquering) their binge-demons.
And, coffeeshopgirl you're right - I need to stop killing myself for binging and just accept that it's happened and move on. Thank you so much all of you!
On a side note, last night when I was feeling like utter crap I rooted out a copy of a book called Overcoming Overeating by Jane Hirschmann and Carol Munter that I bought ages ago but never even opened. Am three chapters in and it's all making so much sense. I would definitely recommend it, if only as a way to keep busy - lol!
I like that you said about feeling in control when you binge, when in fact, it's an uncontrolled behavior. I've felt the same way - it's like I allow myself the gratification of food.
Now, changing thought patterns, we are allowing ourselves the gratification of feeling good and healthy.
What does your book suggest for dealing with binges?
well, I'm not all the way through yet, but it advises to stop criticising yourself for binging. It says that the binge is a natural reaction for people that have self-hatred, so it's like they have 2 sides to their personality. One side says 'I'm ugly and fat, I have to diet' and when you diet the other side says 'this is how I am, I'm not going to change' and reaches for food. It says that you have to relearn how to eat when you're hungry and that coming to terms with who you are will help you to tackle the issues surrounding food for you.
I really do recommend it - I got it just for just a few pounds off Amazon.
So, yesterday I was incredibly determined not to binge, but ended up failing slightly (had a plate of chips (fries for you Americans :P) and a couple of spoonfuls of Betty Crocker frosting (chocolate desperation), but managed to stop myself there. Maybe it sounds like I'm making excuses, but I was pleased with myself for stopping there because I could have just kept going. Baby steps!
Baby steps indeed! And good for you for having just a little bit of feel-good-badness and being able to stop.
I was a little bad myself: I had turkey soup for lunch and I needed some salt so i reached for a handful of tortilla chips. I wouldn't call it a binge, but maybe just me being aware of the "extras" I have when I'm counting calories.
I can't really remember the day I beat bingeing but I did. I beat it about 2 years ago and when I think about it now I'm truly amazed at the things I used to do and the pain I used to put myself through.. I almost can forget it ever happened to me. So even though it looks like its dark right now there will be a day when you can look back and know youve beaten it.
You can beat it but it does involve hard work, which you are already doing. I don't have any sage advice other than, figure out why you do it. When you are planning it write it down. Write down why you don't want to do it and acknowledge the pain it is causing you. If you do it anyway, then write about that too. Write about how you felt during and after. When you've done this for a while you can try and read it and see if you can come across any specific trigger feeling. You can see what caused you to obsess over it in the first place.
Take some control back. Stop half way through if you can. Say nice things to yourself and repeat them. Follow healthy eating practices. Try and eat your main meals in front of people. Eat chocolate and cake in front of people rather than by yourself behind closed doors.
For me, I never ate unhealthy things in front of people, they were my guilty little secret. I took some power back by refusing to hide anymore. If I eat a chocolate bar now I tell someone.. I may say to someone I just gave in and ate a chocolate and it was yum but probably should've had an apple, oh well. This takes some of the judgement out of eating junk food. Own up to it. Don't allow it to be something you do by yourself thereby nurturing the detrimental relationship between yourself and food, whereby you use the food as your secret way of controlling your feelings or anxiety or hunger from not eating enough earlier in the day.
I went off on a tangent there. I guess my main point is, you have the capacity to beat it.. Just keep trying and if you fall off the wagon then try again and keep educating yourself. See a counsellor if necessary. You can Beat it!!
Last edited by Desert Dweller; 12-03-2012 at 02:31 AM.
Binge disaster
Every morning I wake up thinking that today I'm going to be good, but then it's like I'm a ghost in my own body and I have no control over what I'm reaching for in the kitchen. I've put back on those 9lbs in an incredibly short space of time, possibly plus some but am too scared to stand on the scales to find out. Everyone still thinks that I'm dieting and when I'm at work or with anyone else I eat healthy foods, but am constantly planning what my dinner-binge will be. I've never told my boyfriend about my food issues and so that's making it harder still, because I feel like I'm hiding some huuuge secret from him 
