Anyone else find that their expectation and imagination of binging is better than the actual experience itself?
I just realized this today. I'll spend many hours enjoying thinking about my next binge, then I buy so much food and am feeling so excited to eat it all, to spend like hours and hours eating in blissful binge-state ....but, especially if it's been several days since I last binged and my stomach has gotten used to moderate portions, I find I can't eat near as much as I expected! It starts being not fun and not tasting good rather quickly, actually. And in the past I haven't really paid attention to that, just pushed on eating while I wasn't enjoying it so much or just waited a bit before I could continue eating.
For me, this has a lot to do with one reason that I binge, which is to re-live my past a bit, when I first started binge eating (which is a long story) and was doing it every other day. That's the experience I'm anticipating to recreate when I binge now. But since I've been working on cutting back on binging, trying to lose weight and thus not doing it nearly as often, I simply can't do it like I used to. It's just, I seem to forget that every time.
The planning and waiting and thinking about the awesome binge gives me as much, maybe more, pleasure than the binge itself.
Anyone else feel like this? I really wanted to ask this, write and think about it and hopefully record it to my memory, as I feel like this could be a step forward to resisting binges in the future...
That's totally true! I tried once to actually slow down and enjoy what I was bingeing on, and I COULDN'T. The second I slowed down I realized I wasn't enjoying it at all, but I kept pushing more food in because I was in "numb-out-the-world-and-my-feelings" mode. However- I agree- it is always better in your mind than it ever is in your mouth. Plus feeling sick afterwards makes it totally NOT worth it.
Hmmmm, seems to be common, then. Now to think of how I can use this information!
If I were more rational, I could look back and think, OK, last time it wasn't so great, so now I'm going to just get a minimal amount of food, or just avoid binging all together. But unfortunately, when the urge hits, I get totally crazy and un-rational and end up disregarding all that past experience!
Just curious: your starting weight and current weight are quite low. Have you ever actually been overweight? If not, how have you managed to keep your weight under control while binging regularly?
No, I've never been truly overweight. Rather I've always been quite thin. Since I stopped growing, checking my weight on occasion, I maintained in the 100-110 range.
To give a quick rundown of my life-- starting already thin, after a period of illness I lost too much weight that I stopped getting my monthly. It was during trying to gain back some weight, with difficulty, that I picked up binge eating. Still I gained slowly at that time, even binging regularly. Later, during college, the binging got out of control as I panicked and realized it had become a very addicting habit and couldn't stop, and I did end up gaining too much, about 30 pounds, which again I don't think put me too overweight, but for me, it was a huge change from normal. Eventually I started looking jnto the psychology of binge eating and got some therapy even, and started working on that. From that point on, during the times I've gotten by with less to no binging, whether by emotional work or simply by circumstances, my weight has been going back down, just by less binges and regular exercise.
I suppose I'm lucky, as it seems I've got a fast metabolism and was also raised to naturally prefer eating healthily. Plus, binge eating is very much about the habit itself for me, rather than just the food, so while I've always been the "little girl with a big appetite," I don't tend to overeat compulsively on junk food or anything. It's only during the ritualized binges that I consistently eat more than my body needs.
That's about the gist of it. Does that help? Any advice?
I agree with the OP. When I start craving something, it becomes uncontrollable, and the initial three or four bites are like a drug. But at the end, when I'm stuffed to the point of nausea, I feel miserable. I always say that I'll remind myself the next time how bad it feels after a binge, but it doesn't work. It's truly an addiction.
I completely agree. Sometimes I'll plan my binge foods for days and will imagine myself eating them and savouring them. I'll even get a certain food stuck in my mind sometimes and the simple idea of eating it will make me nearly euphoric. Buying the food seems to be part of the amazing part of binging for me as well - I almost enjoy it more than the actual binging, because I love walking round the supermarket, looking at all the different foods and selecting which I want to eat, it makes me feel in complete control - even though I'm actually losing control at that point.
When I'm actually binge eating though, I'm like a mad woman. I don't taste the food, I just want to eat as much as possible in as short a time, and even when I'm fit to burst if there's still some left on the plate I simply have to eat it. It's not enjoyable and I feel so uncomfortable and horrible afterwards! But the build up is so good ...
I did that today! I've been under a lot of stress from work and school lately, and tonight was my only night off where i don't have an early start tomorrow. I got loads of junk food, like mac and cheese, chips, soda... could barely eat it. I am happy but so much wasted money :/ I need to get back on track anyhow, I was doing well when I joined this site but haven't been on as much lately (or exercising or healthy eating).
This is oh so true for me. I get all giddy when I think of what I'm going to eat. If I wake up early, I can't even get back to sleep because I'm so full of anticipation!
The food tastes really, really good, but I get full quickly. I still keep eating, but once I'm full it just doesn't taste as good and the experience isn't what I thought it would be. I imagine eating all of my favorite things, but I get so full that I end up not even enjoying the experience.
I think that the frustrating thing about bingeing is that when I'm in control, I secretly want to give in to the bingeing and just eat and eat all the yummy food I see. I always imagine it to be enjoyable and freeing. When I give in I enjoy choosing to binge foods and the first few bites, but then I feel awful. My stomach hurts and I'm past the point of full, but I can't stop. Then I really want to be back on track because I know I feel so much better when I'm eating healthy.
I think that the frustrating thing about bingeing is that when I'm in control, I secretly want to give in to the bingeing and just eat and eat all the yummy food I see. I always imagine it to be enjoyable and freeing. When I give in I enjoy choosing to binge foods and the first few bites, but then I feel awful. My stomach hurts and I'm past the point of full, but I can't stop. Then I really want to be back on track because I know I feel so much better when I'm eating healthy.
I feel exactly the same way, Amy.
Also, I always try to remind myself that I can't enjoy life when I'm bingeing. It takes up time when I could be doing something else that would truly make me happy, instead of just giving myself a dose of artificial comfort with food. When I don't binge, I am free to enjoy the other things that life has to offer.
What I find helps me is to watch food programmes such as 'Man vs Food' and cookery programmes so that I can fantasize about delicious food and get all that pleasure but afterwards there is no guilt because I have not eaten anything.
Anticipation is better than the actual binge
