[Miral Paris]

After a childhood of emotional abuse, I coped by eating disorders. I had anorexia at age 12 and got down to 84 pounds. At age 13 I went the other direction and weighed 175. I binged in high school and college instead of cutting and had one suicide attempt because I felt I was so inferior I didn't deserve to live.

When I binge I only eat sweets and carbs. I do it alone and ashamed. I have taken cookies out of a garbage can. I have taken food from people's houses ansd gotten caught. When I was in college (I'm now 51) I stole food from a convenience store for no reason because I could afford it and almost got caught. As I write this, I am realizing how serious it is/was/may be again.

The binging went into remission from high school until two years ago. Some losses in my life happened that made me feel the same way. Binging came back. Went from 140 to 192 (I'm 5.5). Again the shame and special pain seeing people who last saw me when I was normal weight. I had to go to my brother's wedding and was so ashamed. I wish I had anorexia again. The fat changes my body with thighs rubbing together and such that it makes me uncomfortable.

I went into a binge eating program. The thought was is that I eat normally and don't binge. I gained 10 extra pounds.

I don't know why really, but things have gotten better. For me, the enemy is hunger. The way I stop binging is that I think of all the times I didn't eat when I was hungry and lost 3 pounds this past two months. What helps is thinking about the price that has taken and refusing to screw myself over again in some kind of punishment for being an inferior person without a family. My mother is a holy terror with raging, my father ignored me in favor of his second family and my brother is a pill addict and has stole my pain meds 3 or 4 times (I have fibromyalgia).

I am getting better not feeling so ashamed and inferior. I am very happily married (though we have had very tough times). We don't have children. I lead a lonely life in that I desperately want friends and such, but am really terrified of other people.

I joined because I really want support from people who really understand. I would love one or two buddies I can check with on a day to day basis. I am just eating healthy and trying to have a calorie deficit to lose weight. I have some presentations to do in another state in Oct. and would love to lose some weight before then; maybe do it in another size. Is there anyone out there with whom I can check with each day, or is it good to do here?

It was three nights a week
So after a lifetime of bingeing that started in high school, went into remission for a number of years, then came back again three years ago, I went into a treatment program recommended by my therapist.

[inglesita64]

Hi Miral Paris! Sorry to read your bingeing is back, but please don't wish for anorexia to come back... You deserve to be healthy and eat right and feel comfortable and proud in your body.
I binged since I was around 8 --that is my first memory of stealing food and sneak eating-- till December 31 2011. I have not done it again since then, though I never thought I would be able to stop that behaviour. I hope this shows you that it is possible to get free from the cycle of binge eating and dieting to a life in which you eat to live and lose the extra pounds.
I am 5 feet high (or short) and I have lost 22 pounds in five months. But the most important achievement has been not bingeing. I think I could do that by trying to probe into my soul to see what was the reason for wanting food when I was not hungry. I came to realize I overate out of boredom and I binged out of frustration or jealousy. So, whenever I felt frustrated I tried to solve the reason for the frustration, and when I was jealous I tried to understand myself and acknowledge the fact that I wanted to have certain qualities/objects/friends I did not have. That kept me away from food, because food could not make things easier for me or give me that which I wanted and somebody else had.
Working on my feelings has helped me a lot.
I hope you also find the way to improve your life, to incorporate good habits and to eat right. We all can do it if we really want to.
Good luck!

[freelancemomma]

Originally Posted by Miral Paris

I stole food from a convenience store for no reason because I could afford it and almost got caught.

I also shoplifted food in my early 20s. At the time I was living with a guy (later my husband, and now thankfully my ex) who tried to control what I could and couldn't spend my money on. On one occasion he actually ripped up a five-dollar bill in front of me to express his disapproval of the chocolate-covered raisins I had bought. My response was to shoplift food. (Not trying to justify, just explain.)

This is a great place to hang out, with a lot of supportive people who fully understand the struggle. Welcome.

Freelance