surfer girl, that makes sense because YES your body is derailing your dieting attempts at ALL times. The body does not understand dieting. So yes you naturally CRAVE MAINTENANCE calories. We have to outsmart our hunger cues/insulin responses in order to break through this.

When I was doing intermittent fasting, my meal was always so LARGE. I was trying to fit all the days calories into the one big meal, which isn't going to happen, hence the weightloss.

well, I had to deal with the blood sugar shakes, with the low carbing, felt a little scary, BUT.

I had 3 eggs and 1 small cucumber, I also had 1 1/2 slices of peaches, and 10 sm pcs dark chocolate. the shakes abated. it didn't take much.

So, I'm pretty sure I am going to add coconut oil to my low carb days. Coconut oil is EASILY used by the brain and does not need insulin to be converted into energy. So in order to avoid the discomfort the blood sugar shakes bring, I will start with 1 tsp in each of my cups of tea.

My blood sugar was 88 when I started to feel the fog and shakiness. Which is actually 10 pts lower then it normally is during the day. Maybe a good sign my insulin resistance is responding to the low carb menu.

whoa, the low blood sugar episodes were very frequent today, but you know what, I know they pass, and they don't worry me. they are just very uncomfortable, I hate being grouchy and feeling like part of my brain is missing.

well, I ate about 64g carbs, less NET, but i'm not doing the net thing. My goal was 50g carbs. So I didn't make it, but I'm learning.

That cup of cantolope was so refreshing, I don't think I could have skipped it. I really don't see anywhere I could have cut back, I ate the lower carb veggies, the cantalope was 13 g carbs, the dark chocolate pcs I had were 6g, I made the salmon patties a lower carb version. blah.

we'll see if 60g is ok to shoot for. I have to stop being an all or nothing person!

I'm going to drink a glass of tea and take my sleepy time meds, and hopefully I will get a good's night rest.

well, the hunger hit again, and I made myself an egg, mozzarella, baby spinach, and mushroom mini omelet. Hunger is severe when you are breastfeeding. I get so mad at my body. Listen, you got more than ENOUGH "stores" to work with, use that to make breastmilk!

I really think there is a huge insulin connection with my binges. I have read the carbohydrate's addict book several times because it JUST MAKES SENSE. That is totally me in those pages. I know it is insulin hunger. This is a maddening hunger that accompanies a sugar crash. It is very common if you are insulin resistant, which that is the way I got gestational diabetes, I had a problem to begin with.

I have done the CAD several times, and I usually see results, but this last time, I did not.

The intermittent fasting works for me because there is no food, no insulin spike at all or at least just a tiny one. My blood sugar stays more stable (I don't get the shakes from not eating)

I'm trying this method, because i HAVE to keep my body guessing.

I woke up to a new low, and I actually woke up NOT wanting to scarf carbs. My b/s was 86, which normally I am very uncomfortable with, my morning sugar is usually 97-105.

today is day 2 of my "2 day diet" as described in the magazine. i didn't make 50, but I am going to try to make it today.

Hope everyone is enjoying a binge free lifestyle :)

no binging here, just did a zumba workout with yoga after, and I feel really great. Not hungry so much as thirsty.

finished today with 1699 cs and 56 carbs which is really good since I usually go into some kind of shock under 100 grams carbs.

Well, tomorrow is my day of "normal" eating. I am going to plan out my menu to stay at 1800 cs before I go to bed, and then I am going to stick to it. I just hope I don't go nuts because I am on a regular carb day. What is that anyway?

Still, I know eating low carb every day is a pipe dream. I don't believe in radical changes, that is how I landed myself with tons of disordered thinking about food. If others want to live on rabbit food alone, that's them. It's not me--at least not anymore.

I'm going for a happy medium here--something I have more than struggled with. I have to get As in my classes or I have a meltdown, I have to do it perfectly the first time--or I am my worst critic, I tend to hide from projects, because I can't bear turning them in and them not ending up perfect--meaning I will work on it until the last possible minute.

overachiever? yes. And it's so easy to fall into an overachiever lifestyle. I just pooh at people that are like "you did that and you do this at the same time???" "yeah. so what?". I have it alot easier than others. I am thankful for my blessings.

so NO no more crazy life altering fad diets where I will never once enjoy the grease laden potato chip disintegrating and leaving a pool of mouth watering fat on my tongue. I will have the rabbit food, with a small bag of chips on the side. I will have the baked salmon with kale greens, and steamed veggies, but don't forget the 1/2 scoop of icecream afterwards, sil vou plait.

oh yah. I am well aware of all the non-professional grammar and writing. I did it on purpose. I write APA formatted papers every week for my BSN, and this is a writing "break" for me.

An old "demon" is sitting on my shoulder today. I have always struggled with balance when it comes to eating. It is either a free for all, ( I have been gnoshing upwards of 3000 calories daily lately) or SEVERE restrictions.

Because I saw a 2lb loss since starting this new WOE. the severe dieter in me is trying to overwhelm my thoughts.

My mind turns back to the 2 year success I had with being a vegan and eating organic whole foods, yeah that was great. It was a severe way of living though. I snapped. I couldn't find balance and after 2 years undid all my hard work. I'm not going there again.

So my goal for today is 1800 cs. I will ignore carbs for the time being. The article said the dieters did not restrict in any way on the other days of the week. we'll see.

Jen, I'm enjoying reading your journey. Just so you know that people are reading, so keep up the good work!

Thank you clownfish. I do appreciate the feedback.

so, I am feeling stress mounting. I am stressed about dieting and losing weight and of dieting and failing. I am stressed about having to leave my baby to go to work, and I am stressed about not having a job yet.

remarkably, I am not "stress" eating. I am actually hungry, but afraid of going into the fridge. I love cycling, and shifting things, but frankly, if you look at my items in my fridge and freezer, you would think they have a split personality. That's my all or nothing mentation showing up.

Well, I am going to eat a meal. It will be chicken nuggets, sugar snap peas, kidney beans, and some cantalope and chai tea for dessert. The word of today is B-A-L-A-N-C-E.

Good, Jendiet! I see you are doing great!

Thanks ingles.

So, here's another thing. I was eating lunch, and I was making a cream cheese dip for my cantalope. And where did my mind go? I started to think about one of the guys that proposed to me a long time ago, I didn't know him long, but he was a sexy beast of a man, he was also a muslim. He bought me some yummy food that was spicy and creamy--I forget what it was called. His name also sounded like the word "Music".
I was still hopelessly in love with my ex, and like I said I didn't know him for very long, but he sure did smell good. We dated a few times, and he was just sure because of my upbringing and my lifestyle, that he loved me.

why would you think about that while eating? I guess my thought was that I recently found out that muslims believe the devil is in the nose? When we smell something we are tempted by it, and interestingly enough smell is the only thing that will not wake you up. Why we need smoke alarms. Maybe it was the smell of food, and how it sets off hunger in you that made me think of my muslim suiter? If I dig a little deeper maybe I was pondering why it was so easy for "Music" to propose to me, and not for my SO of 7 years, who I have known for almost 14 years. Is it because I'm not thin and pretty now? Aha there is the relation to food.

hmm....maybe I need some adderall just to eat lunch.

OK, stress is mounting 12 month old is teething, I didn't get much sleep last night, I just found out a project is due sooner than I thought and not much is done yet, and I'm in charge of proofreading. The teenager is being a TEENAGER, and trying to drive me crazy. I pulled the plug (literally) on his xbox and am forcing him to clean his room. I am getting alot of drama in return.

narrowly avoided a binge. I was standing in the kitchen waiting on dinner to cook, and I started nibbling, but I was stressed because this project was due sooner than i thought--tomorrow, instead of next week!

I realized what I was getting into and poured a cup of tea and drank it while I was cooking.

turns out, the project is NOT due tomorrow, it is due next week. God is merciful!

finished with 1986 calories, and logged 8456 steps so far. A little over on the calories, but I have some banked from the previous days.

ugh, why didn't i just go to bed! I am still up and grabbed a glass of tea, and a serving of coconut thins. Come on jen. Still, I could have done alot worse. I was going to get some cantalope, but I probably couldn't resist the whole container. So better off with the thins.

Still it is not a binge, but I am over on calories. I have calories banked, but I would like to stay as close to 1800 regardless. Scale may not be kind tomorrow.

another binging factor--being tired. I will binge half asleep. Well my melatonin/ashwagandha is kicking in. goodnight folks.

not to bad. woke up to 197.4. I know that weight loss from the carb cycling is going to stick. If it weren't, I would have been back up to at least 199.

Very itchy today. I don't know why. It's making me irritable, which causes me to stress about little things.

I got alot of chores to do, house is a disaster, so I can keep my mind off it.

I haven't eaten breakfast yet, so I need to figure out a plan, yesterday I didn't have a plan, and I went a little over, today I am going to do better.

I'm actually seething MAD right now. I am glad I am not turning to food but turning to this outlet. My teenager is aggravating the pee out of me. For any mom that has heard their teenager making fun of them in any way, IT HURTS. It is disrespectful, and I am not used to being treated like that.

Our stupid dog Jeb ran away, and he has a problem with not coming back for hours and we are surrounded by pastures. all it takes is one crazy farmer with a gun, also one of the neighbors shot our neighbor's dog not too long ago. I can't stand for the dog to run away, I have actually thought about getting rid of him because of this, plus he chases the little mexican kids.

Well, we were riding around trying to find him and I saw some kids and tried to motion for them to come to the car, I have kids, I didn't think I looked that scary...but they just stood there, my window doesn't roll down, so I had to roll down the back window, and SHOUT. They hadn't seen him.

My teenager pops up, "mom you look like a creep, " instead of helping me find the dog and asking the neighbors he tries to act like he doesn't know me".

Then we get home and he gets on his xbox and before I am even in the house I hear him telling his so called "friends" how his mom just looked like a creep.

************************************************** *************************************

so i blew up at him and he ran out the door, and he came back and I talked to him and was in tears, and he apologized and I apologized.--that was so much better than what little debbie could do.

At some point in their lives many teenagers start looking down on their parents. He is asserting his identity by doing that, but he has to learn not to use hurtful language. Teach him by never resorting to hurtful words yourself, by not calling people names, etc. One day you will see he has become a sweet young man... I have three DS myself (25, 20, 18) and the two eldest ones went through their "hostile" phases; the youngest one is going through it now. But once it is over, I know they change: today my 20 year-old accepted an invitation to take breakfast together at a very nice place, in public and all! Just be patient!
What about the dog? Is it back yet?

Thanks ingles. You are right, no tit for tat. He IS a sweet young man. I am glad your 20 year old doesn't mind being in public with you.

well, I did my zumba workout, it was frustrating because I get right and left mixed up and I guess that makes me have 2 left feet, I love to dance though. poor me.

I finished 45 min of zumba, and 18 minutes of yoga, my body was hurting after and I was hungry and thirsty and craving salt. The baked lays were on the counter and I couldn't resist.

so I had 1 1/2 servings.

I finished my calories 322 over 1800, so that is a bit high. I was losing with about that many calories before I started binging on icecream and cookies ALOT.

I have to total up my steps which are at 12, 242 right now.. to put that in perspective that is 5.80 miles.

Well, here's to hoping the overage doesn't hurt and the steps compensated.

so, it's late, i'm still not asleep, and I'm a little peeved with my SO for staying out so late. It is supposed to be a guy's night out, but I hate how flippant he is about taking risks.--I'll just leave it at that.

I'm sitting in the kitchen, and my face isn't buried in food. ACCOMPLISHMENT. I am feeling hunger pangs though. It's amazing how much I can eat. I have always been a big eater, it's a wonder I'm not 300 lbs. Though getting to 222 is getting close, pregnancy or no pregnancy.

I just got done overdosing on lifetime movies, there are always very trim very pretty women on that channel, and especially the older ones that are way sexier than me--they inspire me to get thin so I can look in the mirror and think "hot mamma".

well enough half asleep babble--I'm going to go try to lay down.

I slept in. I got lots of sleep, so I decided since I woke up late, why not use that to my advantage and do the "fast 5". This is intermittent fasting, which I used to have great success with, then all of a sudden it stopped. I didn't try to find the reason. I just stopped doing it.

Recently, I saw that the hormone leptin has everything to do with it. Seems I became leptin resistant. For whatever reason. If it works again, I might have fixed that issue, by NOT dieting.

I have also been feeling much much better. I am doing alot of research for my BSN about thyroid issues. This is actually tied to my family.

I know we shouldn't think if my mom is sick, I will be so. I was raised by my mother feeding me health food left and right, at the same time, there was alot of junk food in the house due to my dad, my mom didn't know how to limit us so she just hoped feeding us health food in addition to junk would benefit somehow.

Many people in my family have suffered from an unknown illness that has caused tremendous weight gain, painful joints, colon issues, lower extremity weakness, muscle spasms, stroke, and unexplained weight loss. In addition, there has been some abnormal metabolism in the brain. My grandfather had some sort of alzheimer's (but he really wasn't all there to begin with). My grandmother suffered some pituitary anomaly, that will never be known because she DISAPPEARED. Part of her illness is that she would have "attacks" and go from being super brilliant to barely able to communicate. She left to go get cigarrettes one day and never came back. No one looked for her. I don't know why. People ask me this all the time. I think it was because she was A) Polish B) an immigrant, C) had the psychiatric issues. She disappeared in 1964. So it is not like there were protocols to follow back then either. I think the nation was still used to people just dying en route to different cities and such.

Anyways, I had 2 uncles on my mother's side. They were pretty out there if you spoke to them. They both died relatively young. They both had some unknown illness that caused them to be wheel chair bound. One uncle had always been extremely overweight. Conversations with him could be downright scary. I always felt sorry for him. All of a sudden he dropped a tremendous amount of weight. His heart went into arrythmias, he had a heartrate in the 40s and he had a stroke and died. The other uncle also died of a stroke.

My Aunt on my mother's side has always had alot of pain in her joints, she has weight gain, spasms in her colon and muscles, terrible constipation, irritability (always), and other unexplained things going on. Finally ONE rheumatoligist said it was some kind of autoimmune even though NOTHING showed up on any tests. Talk about frustrating. She is walking with a cane and she is in her 60s.

Then there is my mama. She is already walking with a cane and she is in her 50s. I feel so bad for her to be in pain. It is the most awful thing in the world to see her hobbling around. She TRIED to stay healthy. She went to areobics like 5x week, she ate health food, she tried to get us to eat health food, she always tried to take care of others, and to see her like this is so UNFAIR. I know if she lost some weight, her joints would feel better. I hate to hear her talk about how she feels her muscles have deteriorated. it scares me, not only because it's her, but what if it happens to me??? My Aunt's daughters started to have knee trouble in their 30s.

I have been doing alot of research. I know my doctor is probably sick of me, but he has to understand, there is something going on in my family, and I don't want to be a PART of it at all.

We have been trying to find a link for everything--the one's of us that know about medical stuff. We don't have alot of money, my mom has no insurance, my Aunt has been through every doctor in the books.

My testing showed I had mild hypothyroidism , and my test for hashimotos was positive. That is a start. I have been on thyroid meds, but have not felt 100% better. I know I'm getting older, but the biggest area I have noticed, is my ONCE very powerful legs are weaker. My mom also had powerful legs and she would frequently be seen in her 30s doing power squats with barbells. I'm talking 100-250 lbs.

I noticed stairs make them ache, and my hip feels a little more disjointed since having my baby. Plus, when I started having problems my feet absolutely hurt so badly. The burn and the ache and having to walk on them. The doctor was easy to say "plantar fasciitis". the thing was i didn't do anything to them to get like that. After i started the thyroid meds, this went away.

Anyways, down to my last little bit for this entry. I did fast 5 today, and instead of eating breakfast I decided to do a little research for my paper. I found that insulin resistance is a factor with thyroid hormone at the cellular level. You can have thryoid hormone and your tests be normal, but if your cells in your tissues can't uptake the hormone, then you will suffer from thyroid symptoms despite "normal" tests.

Maybe this is why I feel better while doing fast 5 or low carbing?

The scale wants to beat me down. I only ate 1321 cs yesterday and woke up 2 lbs higher. I did eat 167 carbs, but that is just about normal for me. I don't think my body liked dropping that low.

Stressed about the nurse recruiter calling. I hope it is good news. I have been waiting a month to hear from the hospital.

I probably threw my readers with all that research stuff, but it's part of my life and my daily struggle.

well, I am doing my low carb day today and tomorrow. So binging is not even on my mind. I just jogged 3 miles on my rebounder and added some resistance workout with tubing, I feel MIGHTY GOOD.!

I hope all are having a binge free day!

So, I jogged 3 miles, and then 2 hours of weed pulling and mulch laying--I had dinner and I did binge on something. whipped cream.

This one was simple--I'm STARVING. I only ended the day with 1383 cs, and 51.5 carbs, but it took the 6 servings of whipped cream, that is 6 tbsp of whipped cream, the cream actually fluffed in my stomach and made me feel super full. Still, almond milk and whipped cream is way better than an ice cream binge. I'm actually full now!

I could eat a can of whipped cream, no problem. That stuff is crack! You had a super active day, sounds like you needed a refeed!

Jen, it is just normal that you should feel tired. You work a lot, look after a baby, are stressed out and are on a diet! I do far less than you, and once in a while I feel sleepy, tired and even feel that all my body aches --though I do not exercise much! Those days I try to do everything, but more slowly. I prioritize and leave the least important tasks for the next day. I catch up with my sleep, eat slowly, walk slowly. Catch my breath.
Relax a little, understand that raising kids is really demanding, and have mercy of yourself: allow yourself to eat something out of your plan without so much guilt, and you will see you don't lose control. If you are constantly blaming yourself for any bite you did not intend to have, you will go crazy! Relax and enjoy everything your eat, your baby, your DS, your life!

Thanks krampus, yeah I know whipped cream is addictive. I try to work it into the plan because it is actually low carb?

ingles, thanks for the reminder! I need to slow down, I haven't felt like doing much of anything except eat low carb stuff. I am enjoying the Law & Order and other stuff I like on tv. I already did the chores. I just got to get some laundry done.

Well, as far as binging. I DO NOT want to eat another piece of meat/fish/egg. i THINK I will seriously ralph. So I have some pecans and a few slices of fruit for my next snack. I think that will break the monotony. I AM NOT doing atkins and I AM allowed 50 g carbs during the "ON" days.

One of the benefits of the "2 day diet" is that it is supposed to cleanse your palate. I think it is doing that. Instead of wanting cake, icecream or other junk. I want some fruit. I haven't actually "craved" fruit in a while.

well had bbq chicken and spinach for dinner. Didn't really have that nagging feeling for a sweet after but since my calories have been so low the last few days, I think I will have a cup of raspberry leaf tea and some dark cherries.

had a HORRIBLE morning with the teenager. I didn't sleep much last night because the baby was restless, and I had to drive the teenager who "magically" missed the bus to the school.

Got home, and the baby was still screaming and I took him so SO could sleep and went out into the living room, I gave him some food, and I ate 2 cups of cinnamon chex, and had a cup of tea with 6 coconut thins. I don't consider the cereal a binge, although it was more than 1 serving, I usually have 2 cups of a cereal.

finally the baby wanted to nap so we did. I feel better but have a little bit of a headache. The stress from arguing

well, I treated myself to a piece of carrot cake and a cup of tea. ONE was enough for me.

I also did my workout, and had a high fiber juice smoothie with greek yogurt. Hopefully that will keep me from wanting to munch later as I continue to experience afterburn and get hungry.

well, I did get snacky. I finished at 2500 today. I'm pretty sure that is maintenance, but I did work my butt off the past couple of days, so maybe I will still see a loss.

I don't think a high calorie day once in a while is a bad thing. I am glad I didn't say "aw screw it" and binge.

//

what does that mean stim?

well, today I had the munchies after doing alot of work with the pool. Good thing I had cantaloupe cut up in the fridge. I snacked on it, and my head hurt so I ate some dark chocolate with shredded coconut. I think I will still make it through today with 1800 cs.

I had a chance to overeat because SO bought me an arby's sandwhich.

well, since I woke up at 3 am and had nothing better to do. . . I BINGED. right?

no. I woke up at 3 am, SO had injured himself, and he was drunk. Baby was sleeping and woke up. SO's friend is the husband of my friend who IS SUPPOSED to watch baby while I go to an important pre-interview meeting. This friend told me she would talk to her husband about watching the baby while their grandson was there too. She told me this at 5 pm. I was going to call her at 10 pm but fell asleep with the baby.

So I asked her husband, and he said "she NEVER spoke to him about it!" OH GOD really???

Drunk SO falls asleep and is SNORING. Baby wakes up again. I nurse him and get out of bed, and then come into kitchen---BIG MISTAKE.

I notice my throat is scratchy like it usually gets before I get an AWFUL sore throat, SO was complaining about his throat and NOT FEELING GOOD. OH THIS IS FRIGGING WONDERFUL! So I eat some frozen fruit thinking it would help...no. Still scratchy. I make some tea, not helping, feels worse. I am thinking about how AWFUL it would be to have to cancel my interview because

A) My friend is a FLAKE.
B) My so got my sick.
C) nobody to watch the baby.

C) is probably the worse. You realize how miserable it is to have NO-ONE to count on in your time of WORST need.

On top of that, teenager was a REAL PILL today and I took away his xbox. I was outside working on that damn pool that is so hard for one person to try to open, and I'm doing it alone, because ds1 usually helps me but now I need someone to watch the baby to do it, and SO is out doing guy things with friends.

on top of that, one of my classmates is dropping out of a group project at the LAST MINUTE, and does not have her part done.

so now I am facing being sick, not having someone to watch the baby, a disastrous week with teenager without his xbox. A project due this weekend, with only part of our team. One of the most lifechanging weeks EVER next week.

NOT TO MENTION. I have a lot of fear about going to work and leaving the baby, and I have a HUGE 20 page project to do that will be due when I first start a new job--that's how EVERYTHING is going to fall into place.

Out of sorts--you betchya. God give me strength.

I had frozen banana slices, frozen cherries, 1 glass of tea, 12 coconut thins
and 1/4 c whipped cream.

I thought while I was eating it, how I had tried so hard to lose weight, but it just won't happen so might as well give up, life is too hard, I'm too stressed, I'm going to get sick, and go right back to not doing so well with it, and I just gave up in my mind.

I did resist the urge to purge. So that is still a huge accomplishment. I need to lick my wounds, say a prayer and go back to bed.

Dear Jen, you are going through really stressful times! But let's look into it, from one single, working mom who raised three teenage boys and left a husband: who will enjoy the pool once it is ready? SO and son? So ask them to do that task --which is not urgent, by the way, so you may postpone-- or else there is no pool.
Concentrate on the urgent: baby and project. You cannot do anything for the interview before it happens, so the project and the baby are the most important things right now. Concentrate on that, and make SO grow up with a nice, firm talk (injured? drunk? doing guy stuff?). Over the weekend he should look after baby so you finish your project. Or else...! lol
Come on, pull yourself together, put down the fork and do one thing at a time. When all this is over, you need to talk to the person who abandoned the project and tell him/her you are never going to work with him/her again. What an irresponsible person!
Jen, plan the next three days carefully and follow your plan. DS could become a good team player if he understands you are not his enemy but just his mom. Give him some responsibility to see how he manages: he can very well cook or do the dishes, or work on the pool tasks is he wants his wbox back. And reward him for his achievements, so a reward system gets to replace the punishment system. Come on, you can do this! Take a deep breath and start! Just the baby and the project, no extra food and make you DS your ally!

Ingles, I KNOW you know what you are talking about. You are right.

My friend still is not answering her phone. She has completely flaked out on me on this, but GOD IS GOOD.

I said SO didn't feel well, well he woke up and went to work despite my telling him not to go in, he couldn't call in because he slept too late, so he had to go.

I finally got some sleep and woke up and called "friend" and just got done saying the words "I have no one else to count on and this point". And I heard SO'S truck pull up. He was home! His boss made him come home.

So now he will be able to watch the baby while I go to the meeting today. I am hurt by my friend, whom I have tried to call several times, but she won't answer. So, I just figure she has her own problems to deal with her husband was drunk also when he brought my injured drunkhead home and her husband lost his job yesterday.

You are right. DS can help me with the pool, he can do alot more with it then I can. SO doesn't really get in the pool, but he helps open it a little. I just don't want to wait on everyone, I want to get it done.

At least NOW i know what is bugging DS1, he wants to date. NO. I won't have it. I told him he can have a friend that is a girl, but not a girlfriend. 13 year olds don't need to be "dating".

Neither, SO or Ds1 can cook. they just don't have the ability. I have them help with the cooking on occasion, but leave the cooking up to me.

Thanks for helping me put it in perspective ingles. I know how GOOD God is to me, because he made a way where there is no way.

Wow, DS is in love! Come on, Romeo and Juliet were 13... He will think of that girl all the same, whether you want it or not! lol But be happy, because he is growing up and at least now you know the problem is a healthy one! You need to celebrate that.
I truly respect your devotion to your family and to your projects, and I admire your strength. You are doing a great job, so keep going!

in Romeo and Juliet's time, it was not uncommon to be married by 18.

he actually says he doesn't have a girlfriend now. I think he is interested in someone.

I had fun at the festival. We ate, sat, sweated, and walked. Still it was a nice change from the norm.

ate a lot of cereal for breakfast. I let my hunger get away from me. I just ate dinner, and I am stressed about tomorrow's interview. I think I want to eat more. But I got my 1800 calories and I DON'T need any more today.

snacking will do nothing but make me heavier at this point.

I'm disgusted with myself.

let's just be honest. I started off the day trying to eat somewhat normal. I had a bowl of cereal and 2 cups of coffee. Then later I had two small fried chicken legs and 1/4 c potato salad.

I went to my interview and came back. I had such a good interview, and the house was trashed. I didn't sleep very well last night, so I did not do a good job picking up today.

Then I had to go find an outfit for tomorrow's peer interview. My teenager is sitting in the living room, my baby is running around in the kitchen (teenager is supposedly watching him), and SO is outside drinking beer and watching the race.

I'm like WTF!!!!

I throw something together for dinner, and SO is like "the baby jumped out of my arms and face planted on the ground." I'm thinking "damn, I can't leave for a couple of hours, HOW THE **** am I going to spend 12 hours away from them!

I start to rag SO out for drinking every day. he gets mad and says he doesn't drink that much, my teenager butts in, and SO starts cracking jokes. I get frustrated and start to binge on cake.

then I go wash the baby, but I am still mad, then I break down and cry. I finally tell SO I'm sorry for yelling at him, but I'm SCARED to leave the baby at night, and I don't think I should HAVE TO FEEL that way.

he tells me it will be alright, and I don't have to worry. It doesn't help, so I go back to the cake. :(.

I hope I don't gain a pound. I need to total up my calories, but probably going to be around 3000.